First Kisses and Second Chances
by gemjam
Summary: Prequel to the 'Ever After' series showing the beginning of Jack and Boone's relationship. Starts out at the crash.
1. Chapter 28

Boone stared out at the horizon. The sun was starting to set again and Jack still wasn't back. He'd been gone all day and Boone was starting to worry. He was also starting to get pretty pissed off. Shannon had told him that Kate had come running out of the jungle and taken Sayid back to the hatch with her so he guessed something was going on there. He hoped it was nothing serious, he hoped they were all okay. He also hoped that Jack had a good reason for leaving him here on his own. 

He watched as some people started to build a fire nearby and wished that he could get up and do something, just to occupy his mind if nothing else. He wasn't sure how much longer he could take just sitting here. He was bored out of his mind and he had nothing to do but worry.

He looked up and saw Jack enter the camp. He looked tired and worn and in a pretty bad mood. He threw down his pack and headed over to splash some water on his face. Boone knew that this was the point where he should get up and go talk to him but obviously that was out of the question so he had to settle for just staring at Jack's back.

Jack turned around and looked at Boone. He seemed to consider smiling but then thought better of it so he just kind of stared at him for a minute. He then moved over to him but didn't sit down. "Hey," he offered.

Boone just looked at him. "Where the hell have you been?"

Jack refocused on him. "The hatch," he replied, sounding a little lost.

"You've been gone all day," Boone pointed out. "You said you'd be right back."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't that simple, Boone," Jack replied, looking around the camp. "Where is everyone?"

"Bunch of people went back to the beach," Boone explained, wondering why he was allowing himself to be so easily distracted. "Those others never showed so I guess they figured it was safe."

Jack nodded a little. "They're probably right."

"So what did you find?" Boone asked.

Jack looked down at him again. He seemed to consider the question for a long time. "Short answer - we should have left well enough alone."

Boone looked at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. "Did something bad happen."

Jack glanced around again. "Not yet."

"Not yet?" Boone asked, but he could tell he'd lost Jack's concentration. "Hey, so, give me the long answer," he requested.

Jack glanced down at him again. "Another time," he said, turning and taking a few steps away.

"Jack, come on, that's not fair, I can hardly go after you," Boone called.

Jack stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around. Boone could see him breathing heavily.

"What happened?" Boone asked, his tone softer.

"I think I need some sleep," Jack replied, still not turning around.

"Please just come here a minute," Boone requested.

Jack turned around and Boone could see that he was upset about something. He closed the gap between them again and sat down next to Boone. Boone waited for him to say something but he didn't.

"Are you okay?" Boone asked finally.

"Long night," Jack said in way of explanation.

"Pretty long night for me too," Boone commented.

Jack looked at him. "I'm sorry but I couldn't leave," he said.

"So what happened?" Boone pressed.

"When I got there, Kate and Locke had already gone down," Jack explained. "So I followed them and I find Locke held at gun point and Kate tied up in a cupboard."

Boone looked at him. "What?" he asked, failing to comprehend what Jack had just said. "By who? The others?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't think so, no," he said. "It was just one guy and he doesn't leave the hatch, he's not in contact with anyone, he's on his own."

"So there's this guy that lives down the hatch?" Boone asked. "On his own?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah."

"So what's down there?" Boone asked.

"Living quarters, running water, food supply, lots of guns..." he paused. "And a computer."

"Computer?" Boone asked, wondering why that was so important. Jack had seemed to emphasise the fact. "What does it do?"

Jack looked him in the eye. "Saves the world."

Boone looked at him. "What?"

"Exactly," Jack replied, looking slightly amused.

"Wait, no, seriously, what?" Boone repeated.

"There's a computer and it's linked up to a timer. Every 108 minutes you have to enter a code into the computer and press a button to reset the timer. If the timer gets to zero, the world ends," Jack explained, really not looking convinced by his own story. "So I hear," he added.

Boone stared at him again. "Do you believe that?"

Jack shrugged. "Not really," he replied. "I don't really think anything happens if the counter gets to zero." He stopped and shook his head, seeming conflicted. "But I don't _know_ that, and until I do, we have to keep pressing the stupid goddam button."

"So who's pressing the button now?" Boone asked.

"Locke's taken it on as his new role in life," Jack said, sounding a little bitter.

"So do you trust him now?" Boone asked.

"No," Jack replied simply.

"But you trust him not to end the world?" Boone asked, wondering exactly where Jack was coming from.

"Locke thinks it's his destiny," Jack explained. "He's a man who takes his destiny very seriously."

Boone nodded. He couldn't argue with that. Locke always used to talk about destiny and what was meant to be and Boone had a feeling that whatever was down that hatch, Locke would adopt it as his new belief system, because that's just the kind of man he was.

"Boone, you can't tell anyone about any of this," Jack said. "This is not to become public knowledge, okay?"

Boone was kind of getting sick of keeping people's secrets, every time he did something he seemed to get himself caught in another web. He didn't understand why people couldn't just pool their information, he had a feeling things would go a lot more smoothly around here if they did. And maybe a plane wouldn't have fallen on him. But he also knew that he wasn't about to argue, especially with Jack.

"Okay," he said.

Jack gave him a little nod.

"So who's this guy?" Boone asked.

Jack looked away and seemed upset. "Just a guy."

Boone looked at him and tried to place his expression. He wasn't happy, he could tell that much. "He have a name?" Boone asked.

Jack looked uncomfortable. "Desmond," he said finally.

"Is he crazy like the French chick?" Boone asked. "How long's he been down there?"

"He's... not completely with it," Jack admitted. "He's been down there for three years, give or take."

"God, three years down a hole, that's..." Boone trailed off and sighed. "We should count ourselves lucky, we're neither alone nor down a hole."

"Oh, we're down a hole now," Jack said, sounding unimpressed. Boone looked at him. "Desmond did an escape act, we're running the hatch now."

"So you're gonna go back there?" Boone asked.

Jack nodded. "I have to," he said. "There's still a lot we don't know. We need to find out exactly what pushing the button does. And there's something else, a magnetic wall, hastily put up."

Boone raised his eyebrows. "A magnetic wall?"

"Well, I'm guessing it's what's behind it that's magnetic," Jack explained. "And we need to find out what that is."

"So you're going back," Boone said again, though not as a question.

Jack nodded. "I'm going back."

"Now?" Boone asked.

"Well, not this exact second," Jack said.

"You should wait until morning," Boone told him.

"I think I wanna get back tonight," Jack said, shaking his head a little.

"You'll find your way back easier in the light," Boone continued.

"I found it fine last night," Jack pointed out.

"Jesus, Jack, take a hint," Boone exclaimed, getting annoyed.

Jack just gazed at him, looking rather clueless. "What?"

Boone rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. "Make me spell everything out, why don't you? Like it's not difficult enough, have to make me beg..." he muttered. He looked back up at Jack who looked vaguely amused, which Boone guessed was an improvement, even if it was at his expense. "I want you to stay," Boone said, somewhat grudgingly. "I don't want you to go."

Jack smiled at him. "Sorry," he said. "I'm being an idiot, I know I am. Like I said, long night. Long, stressful night."

"So what exactly happened?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him and then shook his head. "Nothing, no big deal," he told him. "I'm just beat. Drained."

Boone nodded his head a little. "So maybe you should sleep before you go back for more," he suggested.

"Hint taken, I'm staying, calm down," Jack told him, looking a little amused. "Come on, let's get you up," he said, getting to his feet and handing Boone his crutches. "I hope you got someone to help you last night when I was gone."

"Shannon made Sayid give me a hand," Boone replied.

"Good," Jack said, positioning himself behind Boone. "Ready?"

"Uh-huh," Boone replied.

Jack supported his weight from behind as Boone managed to push himself up using his crutches. So he wasn't exactly perfect at this standing up thing yet but he was definitely getting better at it. Jack helped him back to the tent and sat him down, taking the crutches off him. He laid back and looked up at Jack.

"You're gonna be here when I wake up, right?" he asked. "Your not going to go running off at first light?"

Jack smiled at him. "Relax," he said, sitting by Boone's side. "I'm here now, okay? And I'll tell you before I head back there tomorrow."

Boone nodded a little. "Okay."

Jack gave him another smile and laid down beside him. He took Boone's hand in his and ran the fingers of his other hand up and down Boone's forearm, sending tingles through his body. He smiled contentedly and closed his eyes.

"Night," Boone mumbled.

He felt Jack lean over and leave a kiss on his cheek. "Good night, Boone."


	2. Chapter 5

Okay, apparently Jack was now officially King of the Island. When the hell did that happen? When he was sleeping? No, he hadn't slept. He knew he was a doctor and so taking care of the medical side of things made sense but why did he have to make decisions about things like memorial services? That was so not up Jack's street that if anyone there actually knew him they wouldn't even think about suggesting something like that to him. But none of them did know Jack. Not at all.

And then it was Boone's turn to point out some stupid job that needed doing and suggest that Jack be the one to do it. Jack kind of regretted going to talk to him last night now, maybe he thought they were bestest friends or something. He wasn't even really sure why he did it. He was going over to sit with Kate and saw that Boone was lacking his sister, she was only his sister, and decided that an introduction was in order. Nothing more to it than that really.

So Boone pointed out that Rose had become somewhat withdrawn and Jack wondered why he should care. Did no one understand that he was injured too, fixed up with a complimentary sewing kit you get in hotels, and he was having a pretty bad experience himself, he was, after all, on the same island that they were, and he had some emotional baggage of his own to deal with. Coffin shaped baggage. God, his mom must be pulling her hair out right now, losing her husband and her son within 24 hours. He wished he could call and tell her he was okay. Was he okay?

Boone was looking at him with those stupid eyes and telling him that he was the reason Rose was still alive. Jack wanted to argue the toss and say that Boone had gotten there first and given enough time he would have been the one to save Rose. But he didn't bother. Anyway, he wasn't so sure it was true.

But sitting with Rose wasn't so bad. It actually got him out of the way for most of the day. Just resting, staring out over the ocean, not having to say too much, letting his thoughts drift. And no one was interrupting him. People were kind of walking on eggshells around Rose so they just left it up to Jack to help her. Right, like he knew what he was doing. But it did give Jack the idea of acting unhinged himself so that maybe people would start walking on eggshells around him and then no one would talk to him, they'd all just talk about him. That would be kind of nice.

That wasn't the reason he didn't attend the memorial though. It was just a little too religious for him, a little too spiritual. Jack didn't go in for all that stuff. He was a doctor, a man of science. You had a body and you had a heart that pumped around your blood and you had a consciousness that was little more than electrical signals in your brain. When you died the electricity went out. There was no heaven and no hell and no afterlife. Just flesh and blood and bones. Jack didn't see the point of saying goodbye to flesh and blood and bones. He would have attended his own father's funeral should he have made it back to LA but it wouldn't have been to say goodbye, it would have been to keep up appearances. And Jack felt very, very, bad about that.

So he sat there, on his own, staring at the black ocean, the light from the burning fuselage behind him. And then Boone came down and sat next to him. So apparently the eggshell thing didn't work with him. Jack didn't say anything, didn't move, didn't look at him. Maybe he'd get the message.

"Not your scene?"

Then again, maybe not. "I don't know anybody in there," Jack replied, not looking away from the ocean.

"No, me either," Boone said, following Jack's lead and staring out into the blackness ahead of them. "Still, they were people."

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "They were the lucky ones."

That made Boone turn and face him. He just looked at him for a couple of seconds. "You don't think anyone's coming, do you?" he asked eventually.

Jack didn't bother to say anything, just carried on staring into oblivion, listening to the waves gently lapping the beach.

Boone sighed and looked back out too. "We have food now at least," he pointed out. "Fresh food. Boar. I've never had boar before."

Jack couldn't help but smile a little. He hoped Boone didn't notice. If he thought he was getting a response he'd probably never leave him alone.

"I'm guessing it'll taste kind of like pork," Boone continued. "I was never a huge fan of pork really. I mean, I'll eat it, but I prefer beef. Or chicken's my favourite I guess. I don't know if they have any chickens here. I guess not. There could be anything out there though. You heard about the polar bear, right?"

Jack turned to face him. He wanted to say something about how kind it was of Boone to try and make conversation or how his rambling was actually quite endearing but all he managed was "Yeah."

Boone nodded and smiled a little. Actually it was more like a smirk. Actually it was rather attractive. If you were into that kind of thing.

"Polar bear in the South Pacific, what's up with that, huh?" Boone persisted. "Pretty out there. And then there's that whole Godzilla vibe going on. If we could catch that thing we could probably all live off it for weeks. I don't really fancy our chances much though. I'm guessing it's big."

"And violent," Jack nodded.

"Yeah," Boone agreed.

"The pilot was pretty..." Jack trailed off. The mental image was enough, he didn't want to have to try and describe it. And there was something in him that made him want to protect Boone, shield him from what was out there, from what was happening to them all. It was probably that little boy lost thing that he exuded. Sure, he acted like he knew what he was doing but Jack saw through the bad CPR in a second and he wondered what else Boone was pretending to be competent at that he really should be guarded from. "What do you do?" Jack asked. "Back in the real world. Other than the lifeguard thing."

Boone looked a little surprised at the question. "Oh, well, the lifeguard thing was in college, I don't really do that anymore," he replied.

"So what do you do?" Jack pressed.

"I run a company," Boone replied. "I'm the CEO. Of a company. Bridal company. Weddings and stuff."

Well, not quite what Jack was expecting. CEO? Boone barely looked out of college and he was head of a company? And he didn't screw up on a daily basis? Okay, that last part was a little unfair but saying Boone was clueless would be putting it lightly. But Jack didn't really know Boone just like Jack didn't really know anyone here, just like no one here really knew Jack. So maybe Boone was a little rusty on the CPR, didn't mean he couldn't run a company. Still, it didn't seem likely.

And then Jack realised that he hadn't said anything for quite a while and Boone was looking at him. "Well, that's erm..." he struggled, trying to find something supportive to say.

Boone did that little smirk again and turned back to the ocean. "Right," he said.

Jack looked at him. "Right? What does that mean?"

Boone shrugged. "It doesn't mean anything, Jack," he replied lazily. "It means right."

Jack nodded a little, still none the wiser, and turned his attention back to staring and trying to clear his mind. But he couldn't clear his mind, not when Boone was a foot away from him and Jack could smell him on the wind. A smell he couldn't quite place. It was somewhere in between clean and dirty. It wasn't exactly fresh but it wasn't unpleasant either.

Jack lay back on the sand and stared up at the stars. Boone looked down at him for a second and then glanced around the beach, apparently looking for something. He then turned his attention back to Jack.

"I better go," he said, but made no move to actually leave.

"Okay," Jack replied, trying to recognise constellations. Then he remembered he didn't actually know any constellations.

He saw Boone nod a little and then stand up. He looked down at Jack, blocking his view of the stars. "You should close your eyes," he suggested. "It'll help you sleep."

Jack was just about to say something but then Boone was gone. Jack closed his eyes. 


	3. Chapter 1

Jack opened his eyes and saw the canopy of the jungle. Which was strange because he didn't remember falling asleep in any jungles. He also didn't remember finding it this hard to breathe. 

A noise to the side startled him. He turned his head and saw a golden Labrador padding along, looking rather relaxed all in all. Jack considered that a golden Labrador was slightly out of place in the jungle but the thought was fleeting as the dog ran around him and carried along it's way.

Jack sucked up his strength and climbed to his feet, looking at his surroundings.

Yep, definitely a jungle.

He reached into his pocket and found a miniature bottle of vodka. The kind of bottles that you get on a... Oh God.

Jack started making his way through the jungle, finding himself breaking into a run a few paces in. After what felt like an eternity he found himself on a beach. An empty, secluded beach. Which didn't seem right. He took a few steps forward, moving away from the tree line, and then he saw it. And he switched instantly into doctor mode.

But there was so much noise that he couldn't focus. The scene was of complete devastation, bodies and wreckage as far as he could see. Triage, he told himself. The situation needs assessing. His attention was immediately grabbed by a man stuck under a rather large piece of wreckage. Once he sorted that out he heard more cries for help and noticed an extremely pregnant girl crying out and grasping her stomach. He was just gauging her condition when he was distracted by some other people nearby.

The woman he was sat next to on the plane. The woman he promised to stay with until her husband returned from the bathroom. She was unconscious and currently receiving some rather bad CPR from a man who, well, looked like some kind of male model. He was dressed nicely and he certainly had the looks for it, great bone structure and his eyes...

Jack shook his head a little to clear his rather rambling thoughts and sought out help for the pregnant girl. Once she was on her way to safety he headed over to stop the model-looking-guy from doing too much damage to the woman he made a promise to.

"Stop," he instructed. "Her head's not tilted far back enough. You're blowing air into her stomach."

The guy looked at him. "You sure?"

Jack ignored him and started doing correct CPR on the woman, hoping there wasn't too much time wasted by people _trying_ to help.

"That's exactly what I was doing," the guy insisted, watching Jack carefully. Jack kind of wished he'd leave so he could concentrate but he reasoned it was probably better that he stay here so he didn't try and _help_ anyone else. "I'm a lifeguard. I'm licensed," the guy continued.

Oh great, Jack thought, a wannabe hero without the conviction to actually bother seeing something through and learning how to do something properly. There was nothing more dangerous than someone who cared more about glory than the simple act of helping others.

"Yeah, well, you need to seriously consider giving that license back," Jack told him offhandedly, trying not to look at him so he didn't get distracted in a powerful eye-contact. He concentrated on trying to save the woman.

"Maybe we should do one of those hole things," the guy suggested. "You know, stick the pen in the throat."

Okay, where did this guy train to be a lifeguard, a film institute? But, hey, better him think he was useful and be out the way. "Yeah, good idea, you go get me a pen," Jack instructed and the guy ran off without a second thought.

Once Jack had a bit of peace he managed to bring the woman around but his relief was short lived as he saw the wing was about to collapse onto the pregnant girl he was helping earlier. Fantastic, he thought, more running. So he raced full pelt down the beach and managed to get the pregnant girl and her appointed guardian out of the way just in time.

He walked through the wreckage having another quick scan around but found that the crisis seemed to be winding down. He found himself stood staring into the fuselage, all mangled bodies and strewn luggage, and for some reason he just couldn't look away.

As he was entranced with the scene in front of him he was vaguely aware of someone coming to stand beside him. He looked to his side to see the pretty-boy-wannabe-hero-lifeguard holding out a handful of pens.

"I didn't know which one would work best," he declared.

Jack gazed at him and saw a hopeful look in his eyes. Maybe he didn't want to be a hero, maybe he really did want to help. "They're all good," he replied, taking the pens. And as he did so their hands brushed and Jack thought that he maybe almost felt something. "Thanks."

The lifeguard gave him a small nod and Jack had to step away before he got lost in those eyes again. Right now he just wanted to be alone to check out his wounds and see if he needed medical attention as much as it felt like he did. Anyway, maybe there would be time for proper introductions before rescue came.


	4. Chapter 2

Boone moved his fingers and found them digging into warm sand. Weird. He didn't think heaven would have sand. Or hell, or wherever the hell it was he was heading. He wasn't so sure anymore. Especially after last night. And what the hell was that noise? Like turbines or heavy machinery or something. Not that Boone knew a lot about heavy machinery. Not that he knew a lot about anything.

He opened his eyes and sat up, feeling groggy. As his eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight he suddenly registered what was going on. Plane crash. He was in a plane crash.

He looked down at himself and was surprised that he couldn't find anything wrong. No cuts or bruises or missing limbs. Well, that was something. He got to his feet and looked around, trying to work out what he should do. He should help. Of course he should help.

He noticed Shannon standing in the middle of the wreckage, all miniskirt and lip gloss and screaming her head off. Boone had done first aid classes when he was training to be a lifeguard in college and one of the first things they told you was that if someone was screaming it was safe to ignore them. It was the ones that couldn't scream that needed immediate attention. So Boone left Shannon to it and went to find someone quiet he could save.

He came across a woman lying on her back, unconscious. He ran up to her and knelt by her side listening for breath sounds. Nothing. Okay, this is something he could handle, CPR, just like from his course. Admittedly he'd never gotten a chance to do it on a real person before, just the resuscitation doll, but surely it couldn't be all that different.

So there he was, minding his own business, giving this woman CPR, waiting for her to miraculously wake up like they always did on TV, when a man in a suit started yelling at him.

"Stop," the man ordered. Boone looked at him. "Her head's not tilted far back enough. You're blowing air into her stomach."

"You sure?" Boone asked, suddenly worrying if he'd been doing it wrong all this time. The man didn't bother to answer and just took over performing CPR on the woman. Boone watched him but couldn't tell what change in technique he'd made. "That's exactly what I was doing," he insisted. "I'm a lifeguard. I'm licensed," he added in his defence.

"Yeah, well, you need to seriously think about giving that license back," the man told him in a rather condescending and so not sugar-coated way. Which, hey, Boone should be used to by now.

So he watched this man try to resuscitate the woman and admired him for the hero type he clearly was. Boone wished he was strong and self-assured and capable like that. And rugged, and handsome and slightly rough around the edges but not too much and those hands were also pretty amazing. Okay, Boone, crisis and you start thinking about sex. Hang up from last night, he told himself. He was just deliberately looking for something that was the complete opposite of Shannon. Still he could find a better time to look for such a thing.

But the woman wasn't doing that miraculous wake-up thing that always happened on TV and Boone was starting to get worried. Maybe it was time for heroic measures, something a little out of the ordinary, going out on a limb so to speak. He thought back to disaster shows he'd seen and bad action movies his ex-boyfriend Harry had made him watch.

"Maybe we should do one of those hole things," he suggested. "You know, stick the pen in the throat."

The man glanced at him. "Yeah, good idea, you go get me a pen."

Okay, see, Boone knew he could be useful. Find a pen, that's a task he was up for. He ran to the nearest people that were wandering past and asked them for a pen. No luck. The next person he asked handed him one and he was just about the run back to the hero man when he looked down at it. It looked like a cheap pen, maybe he could do better. And so he kept asking and collecting pens until he had a whole handful. One of these had to work, right?

He looked back to where he left the man but he couldn't see him. He scanned the beach and saw him stood gazing into the heart of the wreckage, the fuselage. He walked up to him and held out the pens.

"I didn't know which one would work best," he said, hoping he didn't look or sound too pathetic.

The man looked at him and Boone thought he saw his expression soften a little. Was he being sympathetic? "They're all good," the man assured him. He reached out and took the pens and Boone tried not to inhale sharply as their hands touched and he felt a spark. As he held his breath he thought he heard the man thank him and then he was gone.

Well, if Boone was a real hero, he wouldn't want to be stuck with someone like him either. 


	5. Chapter 3

When evening came, Jack found himself sitting at a campfire with the quiet, slightly nervous girl that had stitched him up. They talked about what they remembered about the plane crash. Not much in his case but she filled in what happened after he rather un-heroically blacked out. 

But throughout their conversation Jack found himself gazing at the lifeguard down the beach, romantically lit by the fires dotted around. He tried to look away, concentrate of what the brunette was saying to him, but there was definitely something about that guy. He went over and sat down with a girl about his age and offered her something. Judging by the look he got in return it wasn't something she wanted. Jack wondered if she was his girlfriend. And then he wondered why he cared.

He turned his attention back to the brunette. "I don't know your name."

"I'm Kate," she replied.

He gave her a small nod. "Jack."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The next morning, he and Kate were heading out to the cockpit to find the transceiver but Jack knew that he needed to brief someone on the situation. He went over to a group of people who were talking tactics, the lifeguard being one of them.

"We're going to go out and look for the cockpit," Jack explained. "See if we can find a transceiver to send a distress signal to help the rescue team." He turned to face the lifeguard who he was crouched next to. He seemed to have some first aid training so he could probably be left in charge. So long as no one actually needed any medical treatment that was. "You're going to need to keep an eye on the wounded," Jack told him. "If the guy in the suit wakes up, try to keep him calm, but don't let him remove that piece of shrapnel, you understand?"

"Yeah, got it," the guy replied, nodding a little and seeming slightly distant. "What about the guy with the leg, the tourniquet?" he asked.

"I stopped the bleeding. I took it off last night. He should be all right," Jack replied.

"Yeah, cool," the lifeguard replied vaguely. "Good job," he added but Jack noticed that he was avoiding eye contact. He hoped he didn't tear him up too badly yesterday and come off like a complete jerk but there were really other things on his mind at the time.

He was just thinking about saying something when the British guy spoke up and offered his assistance. Actually Jack wasn't sure if it was an offer so much as a statement. Either way, he kind of wished people would just stop trying to help him and leave him alone. Not that he had all the answers but he was kind of going through some stuff right now and the last thing he wanted to do was make small talk. He hated small talk at the best of times but right now it seemed so absolutely ridiculous to discuss what you did in college or if you were still close to your best friend growing up. Medicine and no in Jack's case. But Jack relented and the British guy looked rather happy to be in the gang.

So Jack, Kate and the British guy, who was apparently in a band once, Charlie, went out in search of the cockpit. And they had what Jack could only describe as a misadventure. Actually, he was fairly sure there was a stronger word for what happened to them out there with all the torrential rain and running and screaming and mangled pilot. So things weren't going entirely to plan. And now Jack was in possession of a piece of information that he could really have lived without. No one was going to find them unless they managed to notify someone of exactly where they were. So, in short, no one was going to find them.

Jack went back to see the man with the shrapnel wound. If they weren't getting out of here anytime soon then he had to do something. This guy wasn't going to last much longer in these conditions, he was going to have to perform surgery. Which was kind of amusing - beach front surgery, a lot of doctors would kill for that. Okay, Jack really had to focus.

He looked over to watch Kate leave on her trek to try and get a signal on the transceiver that Sayid had fixed, and saw she had quite a band of followers. Along with her and Sayid he saw that Charlie had decided to go along again as had the lifeguard and that blond girl he kept hanging around with. Good, Jack thought, no distractions. No brand new best friend trying to talk to him and enquire how some guy she was sitting next to but doesn't actually know was doing, and no incompetent lifeguard trying to help out. Or, more accurately, Jack had to admit, distracting him from a distance just by being in his eye line. What was that about? And just as they were leaving he saw that patronising southern idiot follow after them.

So he turned his attention to rounding up supplies and an assistant, deciding on the guy who helped him with the pregnant girl yesterday, he seemed trustworthy. Boy could Jack nod read a person. Well, no, Hurley probably was trustworthy, he just wasn't particularly conscious. Jack was used to having slightly more professional people assist him during complex procedures and this just really wasn't going to cut it.

Kate didn't come back that night. None of her team did. Jack hoped nothing terrible had happened to them. Like that monster. Or that they'd just killed each other. Which, with the amount of bickering going on with the group Kate had chosen, or gotten lumbered with, probably wasn't such an out there possibility. Either that or they just made camp for the night. Hopefully out of the tree line, Jack thought.

So Jack settled down and tried to get some sleep. Except that he was rather uncomfortable and he had sand _everywhere_ and it was too damn hot, even after sundown, and he was fairly sure there was something crawling up his leg. He hoped they'd been successful with the transceiver and were having a celebration party, causing their return to be delayed. He wasn't sure if he could take it if Kate came back with a different tale.


	6. Chapter 4

Boone hated Shannon, she was such an idiot. Well, no, okay, he didn't really hate her but he so wasn't her biggest fan right now. Seriously, what was her problem? She gives herself a pedicure in the middle of the wreckage and then, by the light of day, plays the traumatised victim. Contradiction, Shan? And now, to prove her worth, she had decided to go on this stupid hike. This stupid hike that Boone obviously had to go on with her, there was no way he was letting her go walking around the jungle on her own. And he knew she wouldn't really be on her own but if he wasn't there then she may as well be. These people didn't know her and they didn't know how to look after her. Boone did.

But, God, he really wished he hadn't slept with her. That was pretty much the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life ever. And Boone had done some pretty stupid things. Coming all the way to Sydney to save her from an 'abusive' relationship was pretty far up there too. Along with every other time she'd conned him. And there was really no need, if she'd have just asked for the money he would have gladly handed it over, no questions asked. But Shannon was too proud to admit that she needed anything so Boone guessed she had to do it in this backhanded, sneaky way.

But the sex, that was just so wrong. And so ultimately unfulfilling. He thought he was getting what he wanted, what he was longing for all those years, but turns out Shannon won again. He just felt more broken and empty than when he started this whole stupid thing. Shannon held all the power and Shannon always would. He was climbing this stupid hill because of her wasn't he?

But Boone was wrong, Shannon was needed. She spoke French. Even though she was claiming that she couldn't. Why the hell did she do that? Why did she have to be so difficult? She supposedly came up here to help others and be useful and now she was gonna play dumb like she did her whole life and hope that she'd just be let off the hook. So not happening, Boone was calling her card. He, for one, would actually quite like to help them all get off this island.

Shannon relented and Boone realised he could actually have lived quite happily without knowing what that French woman was saying over and over for sixteen years. 'It killed them all.' Great, Boone thought, we're as good as dead. But Sayid made them all promise that the other survivors never found that out. Which Boone so wasn't on board with, he didn't lie to people. But when it was laid out, he wished he didn't know either so he really shouldn't inflict it on others. Some secrets are necessary, Boone learnt that lesson fairly early on in life.

They didn't make it back to the beach that night. Boone didn't find it any easier to sleep though. He wasn't usually one to miss out on slumber, he usually found he could fall asleep anywhere, but right now he was having a serious problem. Of course they were stuck on an island somewhere after a plane wreck and the rescue crews were looking in the wrong place and they couldn't correct them due to the small matter of a French woman's own SOS informing whoever cared to listen, and Boone guessed it was no one until they picked up the signal themselves earlier, that 'it' had killed them all. 'It' more than likely being whatever killed the pilot and was wreaking havoc in the jungle every now and then. In short, there were circumstances.

So he didn't get any sleep and he got shown up by Shannon, big surprise there, when he tried to do something constructive with his awake time i.e. stand guard. Everything in Boone's life seemed to be a lose/lose situation at the moment. Right, like this should come as news to him.

The next evening, back at the beach, he sat by a fire with Shannon and stared into the flames, hoping to feel sleepy. But he really, really didn't. Boone didn't remember ever having insomnia, not even during midterms, not even when he felt like he was gonna miss a deadline at work and Sabrina was undoubtedly gonna cause him bodily harm. Of course Boone never had missed a deadline in his life but he'd gotten close a couple of times. And Sabrina was probably pissed off that he didn't show up to work yesterday. She was probably cursing his name right now.

"I have to pee," Shannon announced, standing up.

"Careful you don't get eaten," Boone replied sarcastically. Which so wasn't funny but this was how they communicated.

Shannon threw him a sarcastic look and headed for the tree line. Boone found himself relaxing a little once she'd gone. Which was strange because he didn't remember being uptight. But he was only alone for a second before Jack, the hero doctor, came and sat down, a little away from him.

"Hey," Jack offered with a small nod.

"Hey," Boone replied, unsure why Jack had picked this fire to sit by. He so had no objection to the fact but he could see Kate down the beach and he was sure Jack must have seen her too.

"I'm Jack, by the way," he said. "I never got a chance to introduce myself to you."

"Yeah, I know who you are," Boone replied. "I think everyone knows your name."

Jack nodded a little. "Right." He looked at Boone. "So what's your name?"

"Oh, sorry," Boone said, shaking his head a little. "Boone. Boone Carlyle." He put out his hand and gave Jack a business like handshake.

"Thanks for helping out earlier," Jack said. "With the marshal. Before."

"Marshal?" Boone asked.

"The shrapnel guy," Jack clarified.

"Oh, well, I didn't even do anything, I just kind of kept an eye on him, he didn't even wake up," Boone rambled. "He was a marshal?" Jack nodded. "Was he on duty?"

Jack seemed to consider the question for a fraction longer than was necessary. "I don't know," he finally replied. Boone nodded and looked back to the fire. "Kate told me about what happened," Jack said. Boone looked back to him. "The French distress call."

Hmm, Boone thought they'd agreed not to tell anyone. But this was Jack and he was their leader so he guessed it was only fair that he be in the loop. "Right," he said vaguely.

"That girl you're with," Jack began, somewhat out of nowhere. "She your girlfriend?"

"God no," Boone replied, giving Jack an amused look. "She's my sister. Shannon."

"Oh, right, sister," Jack nodded. "Yeah, I figured you guys were closer than friends."

"Closer than friends?" Boone asked, trying not to sound like a panicked idiot. Was their true relationship that obvious? "We're not closer than friends. We're not even friends. We don't even like each other really."

"I just mean that you seem to know each other really well," Jack explained. "Like you have a past together."

"Right, cos we're siblings," Boone stated, hoping they really didn't look like anything else. Which they so weren't. Sydney was a one time only deal and they were so never going there again. The emotional place they ended up that night, that was, not Sydney itself. Boone was open to going back to Sydney. Not that he had a great deal of love for that place right now. Not that they were ever getting off this island the way things were going.

Jack looked behind Boone and started to stand up. "Well, I'll leave you to it," he said.

Boone looked behind himself and saw Shannon returning. Jack was a smart man for not wanting to stick around. If Boone thought he could leave without her following he so would. No, that was probably a lie.

"Right, later," Boone said.

Jack gave him a nod and headed in the direction where Kate was sitting. So he had seen her. Boone wondered why he stopped off at Boone's fire along the way. Maybe he only saw Kate after he sat down, he reasoned.

Shannon sat down next to him and gave him a look. "What did the doctor want?" she asked.

"Nothing," Boone replied.

"He want you to be his boy toy?"

"You know what, Shannon, I really doubt it," Boone replied, getting irritated.

"Aw, has Booney got a crush?" she asked in hideous baby talk, tickling him under the chin.

He jerked away. "Can you not touch me please?" he requested.

"That's not what you were saying the other night," she pointed out, giving him a wicked grin.

"Actually, I did say that the other night, you just didn't listen to me," Boone stated.

Shannon laugh obnoxiously and rolled her eyes. "Right, okay, Boone, put it all on me, whatever makes you feel better."

He turned to look her in the eyes. "You were the one that said things should go back to normal that we shouldn't mention this again," he pointed out. He then turned back to look at the fire. "Can't have it both ways, Shan."

She didn't reply so Boone guessed she got the message. His eyes wondered to where Jack was sitting with Kate and he considered exactly why he did come over here. To thank him? He didn't even do anything. To ask if he was dating Shannon? Maybe it was Shannon he was after, that would make sense. Or maybe he really did like Boone. No, he was straight, he was so totally straight. 


	7. Chapter 6

Boone sucked at everything. He didn't even know why he bothered to learn new skills, all he ever did was screw them up. But he did have the skills, he had the skills to do things differently. And yet he kept having to be bailed out. By Jack. Which was possibly the worst part of the whole saga.

Boone could do CPR. He could, he'd done the training, he knew the ABC of resuscitation and he'd past that stupid test. And yet, when it came down to it, he couldn't save Rose. He couldn't do it right. He couldn't put off his losing streak for the sake of someone else. And if Jack hadn't happened along when he did then Rose probably wouldn't have made it.

Boone was a lifeguard. He had a license. But when Joanna, her name was Joanna, was out there drowning, he couldn't save her. He couldn't even save himself. Jack had to do it. Again. And then, because Jack was busy saving him, Joanna had died. And it was all Boone's fault.

The night before things were going well. Actually, they were still stuck on this godforsaken island so things weren't great, but they were better. Boone had a conversation with Jack. Well, if you could call it that. Strong, satisfied, born to be a hero Jack. Everything that Boone wanted to be. And everything that Boone wanted if he was honest. Not that he stood a cat's chance in hell, but a boy could dream couldn't he?

And Boone thought it actually went pretty well. He was reasonably confident, didn't say anything too stupid, held himself together. And, okay, Jack thought he was pretty lame for working at a bridal company but that could be gotten over. He'd even given Jack some advice. He'd told him to get some sleep. And he had. He was sleeping when Joanna got swept out. He was sleeping when Boone went to save her. He was sleeping until it was too late to save them both. So Joanna's death was doubly Boone's fault. Well, good to know.

"Wow, you must be the worst lifeguard ever."

Shannon. Of course it was Shannon. Come to gloat. At least Boone tried to save someone, which more than she'd done her entire life. But he didn't bother saying anything to her. Not that that put her off.

"Or was it just a ploy?" she asked. "Did you just want to get saved by the doctor?"

Boone gave her a cold look. "You're screwed up, you know that?"

Shannon raised her eyebrows. "Don't even pretend like you don't like him."

"Not at the expense of someone else's life," Boone replied, disgusted by how cold she was being.

She gave him a satisfied smile. Oh, right, she was playing him again. He really should see these things coming by now.

"But you do like him," she nodded.

Boone rolled his eyes, exasperated. "What are you gonna do, Shannon? Blackmail me? Sabrina's not here," he pointed out. "And while we're on the subject, I am so sick of your shit. You've been holding this over my head since I was fifteen and you caught me making out with Mac Roderick. Maybe I'll just tell Sabrina myself."

Shannon laughed. "Right, yeah, you're gonna tell Sabrina you're gay, I'd love to see that conversation."

"I'm not gay, I'm bi," he said defensively.

"Oh what's the difference?" Shannon replied offhandedly, clearly not caring.

"The difference is I still have sex with girls," Boone pointed out.

"So, you have sex with boys too, that sounds pretty gay to me," she shrugged.

Boone rolled his eyes. This was prime candidate for conversation that was never going to go anywhere. He hated how Shannon knew all this stuff about him. Seriously, what were the chances of her going around the back of the local dinner at the exact time that he was engaging in some of that experimenting that you hear about. And, yeah, usually people did it in college but Boone always considered himself ahead of his years. So the first time he ever made out with a boy, Shannon just happened to see them. Typical. He'd considered over the years that she'd followed him, that she wanted to find something, but that thought made him uncomfortable so he pushed it away.

And now she was making it very difficult for him to innocently think about Jack's sure and expert hands doing something they'd never really do. It was just something to occupy his mind, a little sexual fantasy to make the day go by faster. There was nothing wrong with that. It's not like Jack was ever going to find out. Except now Shannon was making him think that she just might accidentally let slip at some inopportune moment. Not that there would be a particularly opportune moment for that bit of information to come into the open but Shannon had always known that timing was everything.

And Jack would be pissed. He wouldn't let Boone talk to him anymore. He wouldn't save him anymore. He'd let him fail. He'd let him die. And then he'd laugh because Boone should know better. And Boone really should.

"So do you want something?" Boone asked, aware that that question could mean a million things.

Shannon took her time considering her answer. "Not right now," she said, getting to her feet. "I'm gonna go change."

"Right, you've been wearing the same outfit for like ten minutes now," Boone quipped.

"Nothing wrong with looking your best, Boone," she replied. "It's not like there's a whole let else to do."

No, there wasn't a whole lot else to do at all. And Boone thought that even if there was something else to do he probably shouldn't attempt to do it. Maybe it was best to let people like Jack do things and he should just sit there quietly, keep himself to himself. He looked around the beach but he couldn't see Jack anymore. Which was a shame, he could use some more inspiration if he was gonna be sat with his thoughts all day. 


	8. Chapter 7

So Jack was going insane. Well, that certainly explained a lot. He wasn't seeing his father, he was just going mad. There was nothing else for it, no other explanation. He was hallucinating. He was exhausted and under stress and losing more water through his sweat glands that he could possibly drink, especially considering they had no water, so his mind wasn't exactly running at the level that it should be. Which actually made him feel better.

There was a reason behind all this, a sound medical reason. He was being grumpy for a reason. He was feeling sick for a reason. He was having mild panic attacks for a reason. He wanted to beat everyone up for a reason. He had a dream about that lifeguard for a reason.

Okay, he wasn't so sure that last one cut it. But there was no other explanation. It must be this special brand of crazy he seemed to have picked up lately after waking up in the jungle that time. Part of him wishes he'd never bothered to make his way to the beach, things would have been simpler that way. But he did and now everyone wanted him to look after them. But Jack didn't want to look after them, Jack wanted to look after himself. Jack wanted to stop being crazy and go back to being Jack. But life was never that simple.

He looked around from where he sat, dejected, on the ground but he couldn't see his father. He couldn't see a whole lot of anything. He had a brief panic that he wouldn't be able to find the beach again but then he realised that he didn't really care. He was bound to stumble across it sooner or later. Knowing his luck they'd send out a search team. And guess who would lead it, incompetent lifeguard.

Well, if Boone were to lead a search party at least they wouldn't actually find him, Jack figured. And then he felt bad. He did try, he tried really hard. Some people just aren't born with the leader gene, Jack reasoned. He should know, he was lacking it himself. But Boone was on another level all together. Boone was in a league of his own.

But Jack wasn't attracted to Boone because Boone was a man and Jack wasn't attracted to men. No, it was just the crazy, it was the dehydration, it was the hallucination. It really wasn't something he should worry about. His mind got skewed, the electrical impulses flickered off balance. Boone was fairly girly so his brain probably just got confused. It was Kate, Kate was hot. She was very pretty and she had a good body and her confidence seemed to have shot up since that first night. But Jack wasn't sure he could trust Kate, she seemed to have a tendency to run. Plus, there was that whole fugitive thing.

Boone was probably trustworthy. He was like a puppy. A loyal, obedient, tries-too-hard puppy. But he wasn't especially good at anything as far as Jack could discern. Unless you counted effort as a skill, because Boone could try harder than anyone he'd ever met. Still, he wasn't so sure that was a good quality to have. Maybe he knew a lot about wedding dresses.

But he was only thinking about Boone because he was losing his mind so there was really no reason trying to find logic in it. It didn't mean anything. But his sister was fairly good looking. Jack thought she came across as an airhead though. Not that he'd actually spoken to her but all she seemed to do was glam herself up and then bicker with Boone in an array of outfits. And Boone gave it back but not quite as good as he got. Shannon always seemed to win their arguments. Not that he'd been watching.

And anyway, he happened to think Claire was rather attractive. She was pretty and petite and also rather pregnant so maybe is was a little inappropriate to be attracted to her. Not that Jack was attracted to her but that wasn't really the point. He wondered where the father of her baby was. If he died in the wreckage. If he was waiting for her somewhere. If he even cared about her or the baby. Jack couldn't understand how someone could not care about their baby. But then Jack's experiences were different to most. Or not. A lot of people probably went through that.

Jack heard a noise that brought him out of his thoughts and went to investigate. He walked for a little while and tried to find something to prove that he wasn't insane, or maybe to prove that he was. Instead he came across some caves and a fresh water supply. Water. Fresh, clean, cool water. He'd found water. Maybe he could be a leader. No one else had found water. Admittedly no one else had been wondering around the jungle following their dead father around but that only dampened his victory a little tiny bit.

And then he saw the coffin. It was empty. He didn't know if that meant he was crazy or sane. 


	9. Chapter 8

As Boone's face hit the sand he thought about telling Charlie that there was really no point in beating him up, he was already constantly beating himself up anyway. He had been doing ever since they crashed in this place. Actually, he'd been doing it since before they crashed. He'd been doing it most of his life. But he probably deserved this anyway so he didn't tell Charlie not to hit him. 

He did try to explain himself though. Not that it was doing him much good. But what was the point? He was wrong and he knew it. He shouldn't have taken the water, he shouldn't have gotten involved. But he felt involved. If he hadn't of yelled at Jack for no good reason then maybe Jack wouldn't have taken off into the jungle and he would have been around to sort the water out himself. But Jack wasn't around so someone had to take charge. Still, Boone was stupid for thinking he could do it.

And he was fairly sure that he was just about to receive a sound beating when Jack stepped in. Again. And Boone kind of wished that he hadn't because this was getting kind of embarrassing. But Jack was sticking up for him so maybe Jack didn't think he was such a bad guy after all. Or maybe he just didn't want to have to stitch him up.

So Boone went back to sitting and staring and thinking and not getting involved. He kept thinking that Shannon was going to come up any second and start gloating again, pointing out what a failure he was, like he didn't know that already. But thankfully she left him alone. In fact he didn't even know where she was. Not that he cared.

Then, just as dusk was falling, Jack came and sat next to him, not saying a word. Boone looked at him out of the corner of his eye, careful not to move his head, but Jack was just staring out to sea. Boone looked down.

"You okay?" Jack asked eventually, not looking at him.

"Yeah," Boone replied.

Jack seemed to sigh a little and then turned to face Boone. "Don't take it too much to heart," he said. "You were trying to help, you just got it a little wrong."

Boone found his lips curling in an ironic smile. "Got it a little wrong," he echoed. "Story of my life."

"At least you tried," Jack offered.

Boone nodded a little but he wasn't quite sure why. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," he said after a pause.

"That's okay," Jack replied. "My fault, I was out of it, I should have stayed and talked to you." He turned to face Boone. "You want to talk about it now?"

Boone shook his head and looked back to the ocean. He kind of wished Jack wasn't so nice to him, he didn't know what he'd done to deserve it. In fact he was fairly sure that he didn't deserve it. He didn't like the feeling that he got whenever Jack was sat next to him because it felt good and nothing good ever seemed to last very long in Boone's life. He always felt scared whenever he started to let himself be happy because it was always much harder to lose things you actually felt something for. So he concentrated on not feeling anything for Jack. Fantasies were okay, daydreams were cool, they put Jack on the same level as Johnny Depp and that was okay because Johnny Depp was never going to leave him because Johnny Depp wasn't real, but if he let Jack be real and let himself feel something that was more than some stupid visual then he was gonna get very disappointed when Jack made it clear it was never going to happen.

"Do you want me to leave?" Jack asked.

Boone didn't say anything. He didn't really want Jack to leave, he'd quite like him sitting right there for the rest of the evening, but he wasn't going to beg and he wasn't going to make Jack stay against his will.

"Look, just remember, you're not a bad guy," Jack told him. "What you did might have been wrong but you did it with the best intentions. Unfortunately you don't get a lot of points for effort in life."

Boone turned to look at him in the fading light. He looked serious. He also looked so grown-up and together, so the opposite of Boone. "Where did you go all day?" Boone found himself asking, and then cursed himself for undoubtedly trying Jack's patience.

Jack looked a little amused. "Not quite sure how to answer that," he said, looking a little conflicted. "The short answer: I was wandering around the jungle."

Boone wanted to ask him what the long answer was but he didn't want to push his luck. "You didn't get eaten by anything," he pointed out, but he was fairly sure Jack already knew that.

"No, not yet," Jack agreed.

"And you found water," Boone said, wondering why he was making stupid statements that Jack was well aware of. Jack didn't seem to mind though.

"Yeah, a waterfall, little pool, some caves, luggage strewn around too, might be able to find some useful stuff," Jack explained. Boone nodded. "We're gonna go check it out tomorrow when it's light." Boone nodded again. "If you wanted to come," Jack added.

Boone looked at him. He wanted Boone to go with him? Why? So he could feed him to the monster and save the useful people? What the hell would Jack want Boone's help for? But Jack was looking at him like he wouldn't mind the company. That didn't mean it was a good idea though.

"I think it's probably best if I stay here and don't talk to anybody or touch anything," Boone pointed out. Jack looked as if he was going to say something but then didn't bother. "Thanks for the offer though."

Jack nodded and looked down at the sand. He then looked back at Boone. "Well, if you change your mind we'll be leaving at first light."

"Okay," Boone said.

Jack nodded again and stood up. "Get some rest, you'll feel better, trust me."

Boone wanted to say something, anything really, to let Jack know that he appreciated his help, that he liked talking to him, that he thought he was a great guy and a pretty awesome leader, but that was all the stuff Boone was being careful not to feel so he didn't say anything at all.

Jack gave him a half smile and then walked away. Boone watched him leave and then dared to look out over the rest of the beach. No one seemed to be giving him dirty looks. No one seemed to be looking at him at all in fact. Back to normal then, he figured. Invisible Boone. He looked around more carefully but couldn't spot Shannon anywhere. He wondered if he should worry about her. Then he wondered why he was wondering that because he knew he was going to worry about her anyway, it was what he spent fifty percent of his waking hours doing anyway, even when they weren't stuck on stupid islands. Not that this happened often.

He looked back out to the ocean and tried not to think about Shannon. But then he found himself thinking about Jack instead. Jack looking at him, Jack smiling at him, Jack wanting him to go into the jungle with him, alone, his breath hot against Boone's, their lips meeting, Jack's expert hands working his fly. Boone shook his head. Worrying about Shannon was probably more productive than this. He got up and went to look for her.


	10. Chapter 9

It'd been a long time since Jack had had a girlfriend. He hadn't started dating again since the divorce and even before the divorce he still considered it a while since he was in a relationship, a real relationship, where you do all those things that people in relationships do. So Jack was a little rusty.

Still, he was fairly sure he could tell that Kate was flirting with him. This was flirting, right? Asking about his tattoos, the gentle teasing, suggesting that he was checking her out. Which he wasn't but he might start, she didn't seem like she'd particularly mind. But Kate was a complex girl and she turned it on and off like a light switch, so Jack was having a bit of a hard time reading her signals.

He tried to flirt with her a little, tried to show some interest, tried to have some interest, but he found that it wasn't really in him. He wasn't in the mood. He wasn't looking for a girlfriend, he was okay with this dry spell. But if they were going to be stuck on this island until the end of time then he was aware that he needed to keep his options open because there were only so many people here and he didn't want to cut them all out because the day might come that he'd rather like some company of that variety. But that sounded cold and manipulative and it made him feel more than a little harsh. Now just wasn't a good time for him to get into anything, especially with someone he wasn't absolutely sure it would work out with. The being stuck together thing worked both ways, he wanted to keep his options open, not blow them and risk his only chance.

This was all so stupid, why was he even thinking about this, none of it really mattered. It was just that he didn't really believe that they were going to be getting off this island anytime soon and if that were true then he had to be careful with the relationships he formed because if he entered into some half-hearted thing now with Kate and then it didn't work out, like it clearly wouldn't with Jack in the mind set he was in, then he'd have an ex-girlfriend on the island and that would just be awkward.

But it seemed like all the worrying was for nothing because Kate's flirting was apparently just that. She wasn't looking for anything more than a bit of banter and some inside jokes. She had issues just like Jack and she didn't want a relationship either. Which worked out well for both of them, Jack guessed. Except that now the option had been taken away, Jack started to wonder if it was such a bad idea.

But Jack moved to the caves and Kate stayed on the beach and they were still talking but there was nothing more to it than that. And once he'd been away a little while he found that he didn't really miss her. Which was both relieving and disappointing at the same time. God, why weren't relationships simple? Jack wasn't cut out for all this matters of the heart crap.

And then there was the cave-in and Jack found himself with more time than he'd like to sit and think. He wondered if he and Kate could have made it work. He didn't really feel a whole lot for her but that had never stopped him in the past. Jack had never really been an overly passionate guy and he didn't remember ever meeting someone and just feeling that thing that people talk about. He'd never looked at someone and just known, he'd never had that clarity. He'd also never taken the lead, it wasn't his style. He guessed being alone didn't bother him as much as it seemed to other people. He was used to being alone, he could handle. He didn't object to being in relationships but he'd never really gone out looking for them either.

He wondered what was going on outside the caves. He could hear muffled voices and he was vaguely aware that people were trying to dig him out. He wondered who'd come. He wondered if Kate had come. But Kate was helping Sayid with finding that French distress call so she was probably otherwise engaged. He tried to work out if he cared.

He wondered what Boone was doing. He was undoubtedly trying to help someone but Jack wondered if it was him or Sayid. He kind of hoped it was him, then when, well, if, he got out he could thank him and maybe he wouldn't think he was quite so worthless. Jack felt bad for Boone, he'd had a pretty hard deal since they'd crashed. If he was honest, he wasn't quite sure how someone could have such a run of bad luck. That's what it had to be, right? Bad luck. No way could someone really be that bad at such an array of activities. It wasn't even possible.

But he had a good heart and that was more than most people. He seemed to put others before himself and that was such a good trait to have. Well, actually, it could be quite a damaging trait, especially if you put others so far before yourself that you don't even look after your own being. Everyone needed to learn to look after themselves before they could help others. Boone didn't really seem like he could look after himself all that well. Or he didn't want to look after himself.

And, anyway, Jack should really learn to take a bit of his own advice. He hadn't been looking after himself all that well since he got here either. Those first few days he didn't eat or drink as much as he should have, not that there was all that much to eat and drink, he didn't exactly get a healthy quota of sleep, but that wasn't really on purpose, and then, with those things under his belt, he went wandering off into the jungle alone. But he found this place so he guessed it worked out okay in the end. Except that now he was stuck in a cave and his oxygen was probably running out and his shoulder was dislocated and he was stuck under a boulder. But, y'know, apart from that...

He wondered what it was about Boone that made him keep popping up in Jack's thoughts. Jack thought that maybe, in another life, he could have been like Boone, or Boone could have been like him. They had similar qualities. They wanted to help, they wanted to look after people, they wanted to problem solve. The only difference was that Boone seemed to have some kind of blockage between what he wanted to do and what he actually managed to achieve. Jack knew that he didn't have a malicious bone in his body and yet he so rarely seemed to succeed. And Jack could kind of see a younger, and way more insecure, version of himself in there. That was probably why he was drawn to Boone. That was why he couldn't get him out of his head. There was no other explanation that he could come up with, nothing else that made any kind of sense. Boone wasn't really the kind of person he'd normally find himself spending time with though. But then, nothing about this situation was normal. 


	11. Chapter 10

Boone really had to stop helping people, it was getting him nowhere fast. Because Shannon was such a flake he had to take care of her asthma medicine but his bag had gone missing while hers had been found in tact so maybe he should have just left her to it. And then, when he tried to find it in Sawyer's stash, he got beaten up for his troubles. 

Shannon dragged him to the caves so that Jack could take a look at him which was so unnecessary and just one more embarrassment to add to the list. But he was kind of glad to be there just so that Jack could keep an eye on Shannon. She wasn't too bad now but she was starting to wheeze and she wouldn't last much longer without the inhaler. Jack was a hero type, maybe he'd be able to get it for her.

So Boone spent the day sat with Shannon in the caves and she acted like she actually needed him. Once she could breathe again she'd undoubtedly deny all knowledge of this but for now it was actually kind of nice. She actually got worried when he stepped away to talk to Sayid and asked him not to leave her. That must mean that she was really sick though, Boone figured, and he was starting to worry that she wasn't going to make it.

But for once it wasn't Jack that bailed him out of a tight spot, it was the Korean woman, Sun. Boone had no idea what she was saying to him but she put some stuff on Shannon's chest and it seemed to clear her right up. Boone wished he had random useful knowledge like that. He had plenty of random knowledge, like what a three bedroom, two storey house went for in Malibu or where to import Italian wedding dresses from, but none of that was particularly useful.

He stayed with Shannon until she fell asleep and he then watched her chest going up and down rhythmically, feeling better every time it rose and fell. Jack came over and crouched next to Boone.

"She doing okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, I think so, she seems to be breathing a lot clearer," Boone replied.

Jack nodded and leaned into her a little, listening. "She seems fine," he said, turning his attention to Boone. "You want me to take another look at you?"

"Jack, it's fine, really, I'm fine," Boone insisted.

Jack looked at him for a second. "Will you _let me_ take another look at you?" he rephrased.

Boone smiled a little and gave him a look. He then shook his head a little. "Fine," he shrugged.

"Move over here where I can see better," Jack instructed, getting up and going over to the fire.

Boone got up and followed him over. Jack grabbed a bottle of water and a cloth and positioned himself in front of Boone. He wet the cloth and wiped the worst cut on Boone's head, an expression of concentration and care and his face. Boone tried not to think about how close Jack's face was to his or how that actually felt kind of nice against his skin. He tried to breath evenly and hide the fact that his heart was racing.

"You okay?" Jack asked. "Does it hurt?"

Boone managed to shake his head a little. "I'm okay."

Jack wet the cloth again and wiped at a different part of Boone's face.

"Aren't you just wiping off that stuff you put on there earlier?" Boone asked, remembering the stupid, stinging peroxide.

"No, it's okay," Jack said, finishing up. "I just want to make sure all the blood's off?" He leaned back a little.

"So, am I good now?" Boone asked.

"I don't know. Did he hit you anywhere else?" Jack asked.

"He hit me just about everywhere, Jack," Boone stated.

"Does it hurt anywhere else?" Jack persisted.

"I'm fine," Boone insisted.

"Lift up your shirt," Jack instructed.

Boone looked at him. "Why?" Jack looked down at his stomach and then back up to his face. "There's nothing wrong with me," Boone maintained.

"You make a very bad patient," Jack said.

Boone smiled a little. "I never said I wanted to be a patient."

"Just let me take a look at you and I'll leave you alone," Jack told him.

Boone rolled his eyes and reluctantly lifted up his shirt. Jack got closer again and ran a hand lightly over his stomach, almost teasingly. But that was a stupid thought because Jack was just being a doctor, he was being professional, so Boone really had to keep his mind clean here. He attempted some small talk to try and stop himself from thinking about sex.

"Don't they say doctor's make the worst patients?" Boone asked.

"I guess," Jack replied, concentrating on Boone's abdomen. He pressed firmly along his stomach. "Luckily I've never really been on that side of the knife, so to speak."

"No, me either," Boone said. "I had my tonsils taken out when I was eleven. Shannon was so jealous that I got to stay off school, she asked the doctors if they'd take hers out too."

"Yeah?" Jack asked, looking amused. Boone flinched as he pressed a spot on his left side. "That hurt?"

"It's kinda tender," Boone admitted.

Jack nodded and took a closer look. "Doesn't look like anything serious but you'll probably have a pretty impressive bruise tomorrow."

"Bruises aren't as cool as scars but I guess they're less permanent," Boone jested.

Jack smiled up at him and Boone tried not to think about the fact that his hand will still on his side. He tried really, really hard not to think about it because his body was about to start doing things on it's own any second now.

"So we done?" Boone asked.

Jack removed his hand and sat back. "Yeah, we're done," he replied. "I think you'll live."

"Thanks," Boone said and then wondered what he was supposed to do now. Did he stay and chat to Jack, did he go back over and sit with Shannon, was he supposed to be going to bed?

"Well, you ever need me for anything, you know where I am," Jack told him. "It's not that far a walk so you beach residents shouldn't be strangers."

Boone wasn't so sure how to take that. He was talking in fairly general terms but Boone wondered if there was a personal invitation hidden in there. No, probably not, why would Jack do that? He did invite him on the scouting mission though.

Jack looked at him for what seemed like the longest time and Boone was trying to think if he was supposed to be talking when Jack spoke up, suddenly seeming a little awkward. "Look, it's been a long day, I think I'm gonna go get some rest," he declared, standing up a little too quick.

"Okay," Boone replied.

"Yeah, so, I, erm..." Jack stuttered. He shook his head a little. "Night."

Boone watched as he walked swiftly but a little unevenly away. Oh good, I freaked him out, Boone thought. But then he couldn't think what he'd actually done that would of had that effect. Maybe he was just altogether too obvious. Maybe Jack had seen through everything. Maybe during that pause when Jack was just looking at him he'd put everything together and realised Boone's true feelings. That would suck. It's not like Boone was ever planning on acting on said feelings, he was good at hiding stuff, he was really good. But Shannon had said that she'd always known that Boone had been in love with her, always. So maybe Boone was clumsy and obvious. Maybe Boone was destined to be alone.

There were a lot of maybes there but Boone figured one of them had to be right. What other explanation was there?


	12. Chapter 11

Jack had come to a realisation. Well, actually, he wasn't quite there yet because 'realisation' suggested acceptance but he couldn't really claim to have a whole lot of that right now. Maybe it was just the insanity coming back. He hadn't seen any dead people leading him around the jungle lately but these things took different forms. 

Last night he'd been checking on Boone's injuries and things got a little, well, in focus all of a sudden. Boone liked him. Boone was flirting with him. Well, almost. But that wasn't the weird part. Jack was fairly sure that he was flirting back, he just didn't know why. And as for the whole 'lift up your shirt' thing, Jack cringed just thinking about it. Sure, he liked to be thorough but that was pretty unnecessary and if he'd done it to Kate or Claire or Shannon it would have been considered indecent.

So why was he trying to touch Boone up? Why was he flirting with him? It didn't really make a whole lot of sense. Jack liked girls. He did. He never faked it or even had to try, it came naturally. Sure, none of his relationships had worked out particularly well but that didn't mean he was gay. Did it? Of course not, that was stupid. And being with another man? So not Jack. It's not like he'd dismissed it or had some kind of denial going on, it had literally never occurred to him, it just wasn't his thing. He'd never looked at a guy and wanted anything from him, not like that. He'd never felt it. Until last night.

But Jack couldn't really trust his feelings right now because things were ever so slightly up in the air. Well, more accurately, things had somewhat crash landed but the general effect was the same. Jack really needed to not do something stupid here. So all he had to do was evade Boone for a while and work out what the hell was going on inside his head. Yeah, real mature, Jack.

He got up early and saw that Boone was still sleeping, lying close to Shannon. Jack bet that Boone was a good big brother when the pair were growing up. He also bet that Shannon appreciated it but was very careful to never let him know. He looked over at Boone and tried to see if he felt anything. But when you're trying to feel something you just scare it away so this was really a useless exercise. He decided to go for a walk to the beach, Sawyer needed checking on anyway.

But Sawyer was trying his patience more than usual and he really wasn't in the mood so that distraction didn't last very long. He stayed at the beach until midmorning, chatting to Kate and wondering if he felt anything for her, when he figured he may as well head back to the caves, no use in hiding. Jack was an adult, there was no need to start acting like a high schooler now.

Boone wasn't there when he got back, he and Shannon had already headed back to the beach, they must have crossed paths somewhere along the way. Jack was equally relieved and disappointed. He tried to relax and not think about things too much but everyone seemed to be trying his patience today. Sullivan was really the last straw and it took all Jack had to not deck the idiot hypochondriac.

And then Hurley built a golf course. Lifesaver or what? That certainly lightened things up a bit and Jack felt almost in a good mood. It was nice to do something normal for once, something that he would have done back home, it added a bit of perspective to his life. Sure, he did the whole doctor thing at home too but he did that in a hospital and medical practice on the island was quite different. Plus, lately, he felt like he was on call twenty-four hours a day and that was really doing nothing for his blood pressure.

But this was nice. Out on the plateau, fantastic views of the island, which if nothing else was undeniably beautiful, and a breeze blowing through which felt pretty good right now. And something to concentrate on. Something that wasn't life or death, something that wasn't intrinsically tied into all their fates, something that wouldn't decide whether they ever got off this island or not. Just golf. A simple game of golf. No strings attached.

Afterwards Jack actually felt kind of relaxed and refreshed. In fact everyone seemed to be a lot better off. They had quite an audience after a while and there was a real sense of community amongst people. And it was nice for people to bond over something positive for a change. It was healthier.

And things got a little easier after that. Mainly because Boone had moved back to the beach with Shannon and Jack only ever really saw him in passing. He knew he was being an idiot, he knew he was avoiding things, but this was a pretty weird situation to be in and he didn't want to just roll over and accept that he was suddenly and inexplicably gay. He'd been through a lot of stress, his whole life had been turned completely on it's head, he was grabbing at anything he could. But he couldn't ignore the fact that he had to try to feel something for Kate and he had to try to_ not_ feel something for Boone. But until he worked out where these feelings were coming from there was no reason to believe they were real.

He was feeling restless and the caves were getting a little claustrophobic so he decided to take a walk to the beach. As he walked through the jungle he cursed his timing as the light was fading fast and he kept stumbling over rocks and tree roots. He managed to make it there in one piece and the first thing he saw was the one thing he was trying not to think about - Boone. He was sitting by a fire with Shannon and they were, surprise surprise, bickering about something. Jack couldn't hear what they were saying from here and he didn't really want to get any closer.

Instead he headed over to Kate who was sat gazing over the beach. Jack knew what she was doing before he even got there, she was waiting for Sayid. It had been days now and Jack had to admit he was getting a little worried himself but he was sure that if anyone was capable of taking care of themselves on this island it was Sayid.

"Hey," he said, taking a seat.

Kate looked away from the fading horizon and gave him a smile. "Hi. Haven't seen you around here for a while."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, I've been a little caught up I guess."

"Well, good to know you still think of us beachies occasionally," she said, giving him what could have been a flirtatious look but he really wasn't sure. Why didn't they teach you this kind of thing at college, that would come in handy.

"I do," Jack assured her.

"So, anyone in particular you've been avoiding?" Kate asked.

Jack looked up at her. "What?"

"I'm guessing it's not me seeing as you came right over here," she considered. "Could be Sawyer, I'd buy that. And I'd totally understand it."

"Kate, what are you talking about?" he asked.

Kate rolled her eyes a little. "You haven't been around because there's someone at the beach you're avoiding," she explained patiently.

Jack just looked at her. He wanted to tell her she was wrong but it was a lie and she'd know it. Jack wasn't sure how'd she'd know it but she just would. Woman's intuition or something like that. Sarah could always read him like an open book and it used to drive him mad.

"So, who is it?" Kate pressed.

"Do you do anything but look at the horizon all day, waiting for Sayid to come back?" Jack asked, thinking a swift change of subject might put her off.

"Do you do anything but think about how you're gonna avoid 'mystery person' all day?" Kate countered, looking a little mischievous.

"I have a lot of things to think about Kate," Jack told her.

"That's not answering my question," Kate pointed out.

Jack gave her a look and shook his head. She shrugged and looked back to what you could only just make out as the horizon, squinting a little. Jack gazed behind her at Boone who was now sitting alone. That was usually when Jack would go and talk to him, except that he so wasn't going to do that right now. But maybe he should, maybe that would be the healthier option. Kate looked behind herself and then turned back to Jack.

"Boone?" she asked. "Why have you been avoiding Boone?"

"I haven't been avoiding Boone," Jack dismissed.

Kate smiled a little. "What did he do? Has he been following you around?"

"Following me around?" Jack asked. Did Boone do that?

Kate rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, he's like your understudy or something," she stated. "He wants to be just like you when he grows up, Jack."

Jack looked back over at Boone who was picking at something on his sleeve. Boone didn't follow him around, Jack would have noticed that. Boone was following the jobs around, not Jack, he was trying to be useful. It just so happened that Jack was thinking the same thing so they wound up together a fair bit, both doing the same chore or attempting to solve the same problem. That was just luck though, Boone wasn't doing it on purpose. Was he? No, that wasn't Boone's style. Boone wasn't smart enough for that. Well, no, 'smart' was the wrong word. Boone wasn't Shannon-like enough for that. He didn't even seem to want what he wanted. Which Jack was aware made no real sense but that was Boone.

He turned his attention back to Kate. "I really don't think that's true," he told her.

She gave a small shrug, apparently losing interest. Which was a shame because Jack was just thinking that he might like to talk about it. But he knew he wouldn't really, he didn't do that. According to Sarah his lack of communication skills caused the breakdown of their marriage. Right, like that was the main factor between them. Jack could think of a whole lot of other things wrong with their relationship other than the fact that Jack didn't want to talk about them. Their marriage was nothing more than a formality at the end anyway so what was the point in talking about anything?

He gazed over at Boone again and the urge to talk to him was so strong that he had to look away. Which was so stupid but he wasn't ready to start dealing with this stuff yet. He wasn't sure it was real. There was no way he was embarrassing himself over this if it was going to go away in a week anyway. He needed something a little more solid to go on before he started to believe in it all. Of course he could go over there and talk to him and see what happened but he was a little scared of the outcome. He wasn't sure which possible outcome he was scared of if he was honest but that only made it worse.

"So, you gonna stay the night?" Kate asked him. "Shall I get the guest sheets out?"

"I'm not sure," Jack replied.

"Well I don't think it's such a hot idea to go walking through the jungle on your own at night," Kate told him.

Jack shrugged. "Last time I did that I found us water and shelter," he pointed out. "Maybe this time I'll find a beach resort."

"That'd be nice," Kate smiled. "I could kill for a beer right now."

"Yeah, an ice cold beer would be heaven," Jack agreed.

"And some fries," Kate added. "With mayonnaise."

Jack shook his head. "Gotta be ketchup."

"No way," Kate dismissed.

"And maybe some shots or something," Jack added. "Just to help the oblivion along."

"See, I knew you were hard core," she smiled.

Jack was fairly sure this was flirting but it didn't feel like flirting. And yet with Boone it did.


	13. Chapter 12

Boone picked at his sleeve. There was something gross looking on it which on this island could be anything. He sighed and left it alone, looking out over the beach. Well, it was true, you could get sick of anything if it was forced down your neck. This place was pretty and all but the whole sea and sand thing was getting old. It was getting dark anyway and he couldn't see a whole lot so maybe he'd feel differently in the morning. He really doubted it but maybe.

Shannon came back and sat down next to him. "Still alone?"

Boone looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Normally when I leave you alone for two seconds, Jack jumps into my place," she replied.

Boone gave her a puzzled look which was a lot more genuine than it probably appeared. Not that Shannon was bothering to look at him anyway.

"He always disappears whenever I come back though," Shannon continued. "Which is more than a little suspect."

"Can't say I blame him," Boone replied, turning his attention elsewhere.

Shannon looked at him. "Are you a total idiot?"

Boone sighed and looked back at her. "You tell me."

"You're a total idiot," she said.

Boone rolled his eyes. "Should have seen that one coming."

"Seriously though, the Jack thing," she said, giving him a meaningful look. Boone wasn't sure exactly what the meaning was but he knew it was meaningful.

"What Jack thing?" he asked.

Shannon looked annoyed. "The thing where Jack always comes over here a talks to you," she said. "Don't say you hadn't noticed."

"I hadn't noticed," Boone insisted. "And I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's like you're best buds or something. You're always going off and chatting, just the two of you," she explained.

"What? No we're not," Boone shook his head. He hardly ever spoke to Jack. If he spoke to Jack every time he wanted to then the two would never be apart. But they were apart. They were apart right now. Jack was talking to Kate who he spoke to a hell of a lot more than he spoke to Boone.

"So you're blind and an idiot?" Shannon asked, not that it was particularly a question.

"Shannon, Jack's straight," Boone pointed out.

Shannon glanced over to him. "Yeah, I would have thought so too," she admitted. "But, hey, maybe you turned him."

"Right, yeah, okay, Shan," Boone replied, looking away in an attempt to exit the conversation.

"Are you playing dumb?" Shannon asked. "That is so not your style."

"I'm not playing dumb, Shan, I'm just..." he trailed off.

"Dumb?" Shannon suggested.

Boone shrugged. "Sure, whatever."

"I think he likes you," Shannon said, sounding rather earnest. Not that Boone would really know what earnest Shannon would sound like.

"Is this one of those things where you set me up for a fall and laugh in my face when it all goes wrong?" Boone asked. "I'm so not falling for it."

Shannon rolled her eyes, seeming impatient. "You know what, I was actually trying to give you a hint, but hey, if you wanna think I'm some manipulative bitch then go ahead."

Boone gave her a look. "You do remember Sydney, right?"

"Shut up, bonehead," she retorted. "I know he's talking to Kate now but that's only because she's there. He sets time aside to talk to you. At night, when you're on your own."

"He didn't talk to me tonight," Boone pointed out.

"No, he didn't," Shannon admitted. "Maybe you blew it."

Maybe Boone did.

In fact, when he thought about it, Jack hadn't spoken to him since that whole shirt thing. Boone cursed himself, how could he be so stupid, Jack must have known what he was thinking of when he touched his skin. And he'd been offended, because who wouldn't be? Shannon was good at reading people, Boone would give her that, but she was wrong about Jack, she was so wrong, she had to be. Or she was playing him like she always did. There wasn't a whole lot else to do around here for fun. Yeah, that was it, she was using him as a puppet. But now, thanks to her, there was this stupid doubt in his mind. What if he did stand a chance? No, that kind of thinking was dangerous.

So he didn't try and talk to Jack or push him or anything but that didn't stop him from worrying about Jack. And when Claire and Charlie were taken by Ethan and Jack was wandering around the jungle on his own, Boone worried about him. Sure, he should have been worried about Claire and Charlie, and he was, but he was worried about Jack too. Jack could be stubborn and he'd probably rather get himself killed than come back with finding the missing members of their clan. And Boone didn't want that, so he offered to help.

Jack, apparently, didn't make much of a one-man search party and wound up walking around in circles. Which Boone was pretty glad about because they found him fairly quickly. Locke, on the other hand, was a demon of a tracker and Boone was fairly confident that he could find a needle in a haystack if such a thing was required. Actually, this guy probably did that kind of thing for fun.

But the trail split off and Jack left with Kate. Boone wondered if they'd kiss. He wondered if they already had. Then he tried not to think about Jack and focus on the job in hand. Jack was safe, it was okay, Claire and Charlie were the ones that needed help.

But searching for someone who was an hour in front of you was a boring job and Boone found his mind wondering despite himself. He made small talk with Locke for a while but he was being rather cagey and Boone wasn't sure he could trust a word he said. Seriously, box company? No way did this guy do something so mundane. Must be something confidential, Boone figured, something important and sneaky. Then there was that whole predicting the weather thing, now that was weird. Locke was definitely up to something.

Boone followed him into the night because he seemed confident he knew where he was going but he had admitted the trail was cold so maybe Boone should question him. Then he started talking about feeling things and Boone was so out. This guy could tell when it was gonna rain so maybe he should cut him some slack but there was still something wrong with progressing through the night jungle on nothing more than some gut feeling.

Locke threw him the flashlight to help him find his way back but Boone being Boone he fumbled the catch and dropped it on the floor. Only whatever it hit didn't sound like the jungle floor. It sounded like metal.

"Steel," Locke told him.

They uncovered it a little more and saw that it looked like some kind of door, like a hatch. Okay, Boone's curiosity was certainly pricked up. He looked to Locke who was staring down at the hatch looking, excited? The guy didn't seem to have a whole lot emotions but Boone was fairly sure he was excited.

So they came back. They came back every day and they tried to work out what the hatch was and where it would lead and, more importantly, how the hell they were supposed to get it open. This meant that Boone's days were pretty full and, while that was a nice distraction, it didn't leave much time for anything else. Like worrying about Shannon for example. Or Shannon and Sayid more importantly. Sayid so wasn't her type. She didn't go for guys like that. Well, Sayid gave her stuff and made her feel good about herself and treated her kind of like she was some kind of princess so Boone guessed that he really was her type. As much as a type as Shannon had. Her main thoughts when entering a relationship were 'What can I get out of this?'

But why should Boone care anyway? He was so over her. He thought he was. But surely if he really was then he wouldn't care about Sayid so much. After Sydney he so never wanted to be involved with Shannon again though. Not like that. He was still going to be her big brother of course and he was still going to look after her but there was no way he was going to be one of her conquests again. Not that she seemed like she wanted him to be. And maybe that's what was bothering him.

But he couldn't get that little talk out of his head from the other night. The talk about Jack. The talk about Jack liking him back. Which so wasn't true. There was no way that was true. She was wrong. Or playing him. But Jack was straight and he liked Kate. Surely if he liked Boone he would have gone off with him instead of Kate when they were trying to find Claire and Charlie. But Kate was a tracker and Boone had no outback skills whatsoever so obviously he was gonna go with Kate, Boone shouldn't read too much into stuff. But he kept thinking of the two of them together while he was off with Locke and prayed that they were just tracking and not flirting or making out or anything. That would suck. 


	14. Chapter 13

Jack sat in the caves sorting through his supplies and trying to take inventory. Organising things wasn't really making him feel any more prepared though, it was just highlighting how little he had to work with. If someone got seriously injured then Jack wasn't sure he'd be able to save them.

He looked up and saw Boone enter the camp with Locke. The two of them had been spending a lot of time together since they'd gone off to find Claire and Charlie when the group had split up. But they hadn't found Claire, no one had, and Jack was still worrying about her. He'd wanted to go out and look again but there was no more trail, the rain had taken care of that. But Locke still looked for a while, taking Boone with him. Nothing had come of that except for the fact that Boone now followed Locke around instead of Jack. Well, that's what Kate had said anyway.

Jack didn't think that Boone followed him around but he found that he missed his presence anyway. He missed talking to him. But it was his own fault really because he'd stopped talking to Boone long before the option was taken away. It was true that once you lost something you wanted it so much more though.

Jack sighed and watched as Boone went over to the pool and filled up his water bottle. He was so done with this hiding from his feelings crap, he needed to know if there was something behind it all. He got up and walked over to Boone.

"Hey," he said, sitting down by where Boone was stood, leaning into the pool.

Boone looked at him, a little surprised. "Hey." He took a drink of water and replaced the cap.

Jack waited to see if he was going to leave but when he didn't seem to be going anywhere he said "You seem to be a busy man nowadays."

"Oh, I guess," Boone replied, seeming a little evasive. Jack thought he was waiting for a polite moment to leave so he didn't bother saying anything else. "Locke's teaching me to hunt," Boone said after a long pause.

"Yeah?" Jack asked.

Boone sat down beside him. "Yeah."

"How's that going?" Jack asked.

"Okay," Boone replied. "I think I kinda suck. We haven't got anything yet, right?"

"Locke said the boar had left our valley," Jack pointed out.

"Right, yeah, Locke said that," Boone nodded as if remembering something. "We've been going out further, looking for them, trying to follow tracks and stuff but, erm..." he trailed off.

Jack nodded his head a little. "We've got fish and fruit. I think we're doing okay."

"Right, yeah," Boone said, fidgeting with the bottle in his hands.

"You guys are dedicated at least," Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, well, Locke's a pretty dedicated guy," Boone shrugged.

"You too," Jack told him. "I mean, you don't have to go out there everyday with him."

Boone shrugged again. "Just trying to be useful."

"Boone, you're useful," Jack assured him.

Boone looked up at him and they made eye-contact for the first time in the conversation. Jack's breath hitched a little. Yep, this feeling was definitely real. He looked at Boone and wanted to say something to that effect but what the hell was he supposed to say?

Boone looked back down. "I should probably get back to Shannon before it gets dark," he said. He held up the bottle. "She'll be wanting this by now, I doubt she's bothered to come out here and get her own."

"No, I haven't seen her," Jack agreed. "You guys thought about moving to the caves?" he asked, for rather selfish reasons he had to admit. Having Boone there every night sounded pretty perfect.

"We were gonna," Boone told him. "But then Claire got attacked and Shannon flat out refused. Which I kind of get." Jack nodded. Boone stood up. "I guess I'll catch you later."

"Yeah, don't be a stranger," Jack told him.

Boone gave him a little smile and headed towards the jungle. Jack so had to do something about this.

The next morning Kate and Sayid came to the caves to fetch water for those living on the beach. Jack could do with getting out of there for a while so he offered to go with them. As he was preparing to leave he saw Boone and Locke discussing something. They were probably working out a plan of action for the day - the two of them seemed like pretty organised people. Jack managed to make eye-contact with Boone before he headed out and he gave him a little smile. Boone reciprocated and then headed off after Locke. That smile was all Jack needed. He was so gonna make his move.

He was back at the caves again by midday and he wasn't moving until Boone came back. Which, admittedly, probably wouldn't be until after sundown but it's not like he had anything better to do with his time. He was vacantly watching Hurley and Walt playing backgammon when Boone and Locke entered the camp, rather ahead of schedule. Jack watched as the two of them walked over to the pool and got some water, discussing something between themselves. Boone then nodded and Locke collected his stuff and headed back out. Boone looked into the pool for a moment before going back over to his own stuff. He lifted up his bag and Jack quickly got to his feet, not wanting to miss his chance.

"No luck today then?" Jack asked as he approached him.

Boone looked up at him, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "No, not really," he replied.

"So you're heading back to the beach?" Jack asked.

Boone nodded. "Guess so."

"Mind if I tag along? I was gonna make a water run anyway," Jack told him. Boone looked slightly puzzled and Jack suddenly remembered that he'd seen him doing a water run that morning. Oh well, if he started backtracking now it was just gonna make things worse.

"Sure, if you want," Boone shrugged.

"Great," Jack said. "Just let me get my stuff."

Jack filled up some water bottles and put them in his pack, knowing the extra weight was so not going to be fun to carry around but he'd committed himself now. He hoisted the bag up onto his shoulders and headed back to Boone.

"Okay, let's go," he said.

The two of them left the camp and Jack tried to think of some way to say what he wanted to say. He was seriously drawing a blank though. How the hell did you do something like this? Jack was bad enough when it came to women but how were you supposed to come onto a man? Jack wasn't even sure Boone liked him. Last night he was fairly confident but now, by the light of day, he couldn't be sure. But then Jack guessed you could never be sure about anything, especially stuff like this. So Jack was just gonna have to suck it up and take a chance.

He reached out and put a hand in front of Boone, stopping him in his tracks. Boone looked at him questioningly, clearly unsure what was happening.

"I wanted to tell you something," Jack said. But then he couldn't actually think of anything to say. Well, in actual fact he could think of a million things to say but none of them seemed to be coming out of his mouth. He was just looking somewhat vacantly at Boone who was looking somewhat vacantly back.

So Jack leaned forward and he kissed him. Nothing fancy, nothing too special, just a nice and rather intense kiss on the lips. And Boone kissed him back so Jack guessed he felt it too. Jack wanted to push him down to the floor or at least open his mouth for a real kiss but his mind was telling him 'baby steps' and he had to listen. He pulled away and looked at Boone who took a second to open his eyes.

"You're bi, right?" Jack found himself asking.

Boone gave a small smile, still looking rather dazed. "Yeah," he replied.

Jack nodded a little. "Good." He turned and headed back down the path. "Come on, we better keep going."

"Hey, Jack," Boone called after him.

Jack turned back around to face him. "Yeah?"

"Are you bi?" Boone asked him.

Jack just looked at him. He wished he knew the answer to that one, he really did. If someone had asked him before the crash he would have said 'no' and he would never have doubted it but now...?

"I'm starting to wonder," Jack admitted.

Boone looked at him, apparently considering the answer. He then smiled at Jack. "Okay," he said, going to catch up to him. 


	15. Chapter 14

Boone wasn't entirely sure where he stood with Jack if he was honest, but he couldn't get the stupid smile off his face anyway. He got a kiss. Jack had kissed him. Which was so much more than he'd ever really let himself hope for. So that was something, right? Jack might not be out or anything but he was showing willing.

"What's with you?" Shannon asked, giving him a weird look.

"Nothing," Boone replied.

"Right, yeah, whatever," Shannon replied, returning to filing her nails and pretending like she didn't care. Boone could tell that she did though, which actually made him smile a bit more.

Needless to say he so didn't sleep that night. He kept thinking about all the possibilities. And then he tried to stop himself because he should know better than to get carried away with these things. But Jack was everything he wanted and he just prayed that he could have him. Jack wasn't so cruel that he'd get his hopes up like that and then just drop him. Jack was kind and considerate and he looked after people so Boone guessed he'd be okay.

The next day he managed to evade Locke, which he thought was very brave of him. But if he was honest he and Locke weren't really doing a whole lot of anything anyway. All they did was sit at that stupid hatch that didn't open and stare at it, Locke telling stories that Boone guessed were supposed to be inspirational. Boone had convinced him that maybe they should do some actual hunting seeing as everyone was waiting on their boar delivery but it turned out Locke's lie might have been correct because the boar weren't lending themselves to being found very easily.

But this was nice, a different type of boredom. Locke was cool and all but he could be a tad overbearing and sometimes he made Boone nervous. He stared out over the ocean and listened to the waves crashing against the shore. He closed his eyes and pretended he was at some exclusive beach resort, waiters with chilled cocktails a finger click away.

A shadow fell over him and Boone opened his eyes and saw Jack standing over him. "Hi," he managed.

"You wanna go for a walk?" Jack asked.

"Okay," Boone replied, getting to his feet before Jack changed his mind. The two of them headed towards the jungle. "Where are we going?" Boone asked.

"Somewhere where no one can see us," Jack replied.

"Right, yeah, of course," Boone replied, shaking his head a little. Jack wanted Boone to be his secret. Boone could play that role.

Jack stopped and looked at him. "Boone, I didn't mean it like that," he said. "I just mean... Kisses are private, I'm not one of those guys that flaunts that stuff about."

Boone swore his heart skipped a beat. Kisses. Jack said kisses. So he was gonna kiss him again. The stupid smile came back on Boone's face and he tried to hide it but Jack saw and gave him a smile in return so Boone let himself go with it.

"Okay?" Jack asked.

Boone nodded in response and the two of them headed off the path and found a nice secluded opening. Jack sat down against a tree trunk and Boone followed suit. Jack turned to face him.

"So you're okay with this?" he asked. "I mean, I know yesterday you said that you were bi but I just thought... You're interested?"

Boone nodded. "Yeah," he replied, trying not to look too love struck. "You know, if you wanted something to maybe happen."

Jack nodded. "I think I'd be okay with that."

"You don't have to do this, Jack," Boone told him. "I mean, just because you kissed me yesterday. We can put it down to temporary insanity if you like."

"No, that's okay," Jack replied. "I think I wanna use my temporary insanity card for when I kill Sawyer."

Boone smiled at him. "Good choice."

Jack looked away and stared down at the ground, seeming to consider something. "So, I guess this is the part where we kiss again," he said, not looking up.

"Jack, we don't have to," Boone told him. "We can just sit here and talk or whatever."

Jack looked back up at him. "I want to kiss you," Jack insisted. "I'm just not sure how to go about it."

Boone gave him a look. "You managed okay yesterday," he pointed out.

"Yeah, that should have been the scary one, shouldn't it?" Jack nodded. "See that one just kind of happened and now I'm starting to over analyse things so..."

Boone leaned forward and cut him off with a kiss. There was a terrifying moment where Jack didn't kiss back and Boone was about to pull back and start apologising profusely when Jack grabbed the side of his face and pulled him in closer. The kiss remained fairly chaste at first and Boone was willing to go with it, not wanting to scare Jack off, but he was starting to get impatient. He adjusted the angle of his head slightly for better access and ran his tongue over Jack's lips. He prepared himself for Jack to pull away but was instead greeted by Jack tongue gliding along his own and he thought he might pass out.

Boone was just getting used to the new rhythm when suddenly he was on his back and Jack was on top of him, kissing him more urgently. Boone was willing his body not to react in the way he knew it would but then he felt Jack hard against him so he guessed that was okay. Suddenly Jack pulled away and looked down at him, panting. He smiled.

"Sorry, I think I got a little carried away there," he said.

Boone smiled back at him. "You've never done this before, have you?"

"I've done this lots of times," Jack insisted. "Just not with a man."

"Right," Boone nodded. "So?"

"It's different," Jack said. "I think I just got a little ahead of myself. My body kind of took over from my mind."

"Yeah, I do that a lot," Boone admitted.

Jack gave him what could only have been a flirtatious smile. "Good," he said.

Boone smiled at him. Jack climbed off Boone and sat back up against the tree. Boone sat next to him and looked at him as he closed his eyes and took deep breaths, clearly trying to compose himself. Boone looked down to Jack's crotch.

"If you want I could..." he stopped and averted his gaze before Jack caught him. No, Jack didn't want him to do that yet, Jack just wanted to kiss him. And Boone was really counting his blessings that he was getting to do that much so he really wasn't going to rock the boat.

Jack opened his eyes and looked at him. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing," Boone dismissed, shaking his head.

Jack leaned his head back against the tree but kept his eyes open this time. He then turned to Boone. "You wanna go again?"

Boone looked at him, amused. "I thought you said you got carried away with yourself."

"I did," Jack agreed. "But how about this time we be less horizontal?"

Boone smiled. "Okay."

Jack leaned back in and Boone met him half way. They started out with tender kisses but things soon got more heated again and they wound up on the floor once again. Boone pulled away slightly.

"You're on top of me again," he pointed out.

Jack smiled at him. "Yeah, sorry about that," he replied.

Boone shook his head. "I don't mind."

"Yeah, I don't seem to mind that much either," Jack said, breathing hard, his eyes a little unfocused.

"So we could stay horizontal," Boone suggested. "If you wanted to. I mean, if you didn't..."

Jack cut him off with another kiss so Boone guessed he was okay with being horizontal. 


	16. Chapter 15

Jack was fairly sure that he was acting like an excited little schoolboy but he didn't really care. Kate seemed to think he'd gone mad and kept looking at him like he was crazy but he was okay with that.

"What's with the smile?" she asked him as they sat down and enjoyed some of the fruit they'd been picked.

Jack shrugged. "I'm happy."

"Yeah, so I see," she said, looking a little sceptical. "I just can't work out what about."

"Something so strange about me being contented?" Jack asked.

"I think you're a little passed contented," Kate replied. "And you are stuck on the same island I am, right?"

"You have to admit it's kind of beautiful," Jack stated.

Kate looked at him. "You're up to something."

Jack gave her another little smile and then looked down. "Maybe."

"Well I'm guessing it's something good so I guess I shouldn't worry about it," Kate said.

"Nothing for you to worry about, Kate," he assured her. "Come on, let's get these seeds to the garden."

Boone was still spending most days out hunting with Locke and Jack had his own chores to take care of so they usually just met up in the evenings when Boone returned to the caves with Locke. Jack and Boone would then go out for a walk after supper but they'd usually just end up making out, which Jack was really okay with. Then Jack would walk Boone back to the beach and then he'd head back to the caves where he'd go to bed and try not to think about sex too much.

One night they were out for their walk, moving close together, their hands swinging and occasionally catching each other. Jack wished he had the guts to hold Boone's hand, he actually really liked holding hands, but he didn't want to make things awkward. The 'accidental' touches were doing enough for him right now anyway.

"Maybe we should take a rest," Jack suggested, even though both of them were more that fit enough to make the walk and then some, but they both knew what 'take a rest' translated to.

Boone stopped and looked at him with this expression of longing that he was undoubtedly unaware that he had. But Jack was happy he wasn't aware of it because then he'd probably try and hide it because that's what Boone did but Jack didn't ever want him to hide that look, he wanted it right there on display for him.

"Okay," Boone said. "I was getting kind of out of breath," he smiled, raising his eyebrows.

Jack smiled at him. "What I had in mind probably won't help with that."

He closed the short distance between them and kissed Boone deeply, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him as tight as he could. Boone kissed him back in that fantastic way that he always did and Jack could feel himself going over the edge again. Boone's shirt rode up a little and Jack found his hand on flesh which was rather nice. He and Boone might make out everyday but they were taking things slow, for Jack's sake more than anything, and every new thing that happened made Jack a little restless to get to the next stage. But he wasn't really there yet and Boone was ridiculously understanding about that fact.

Jack pushed Boone back against a tree, which he always seemed to end up doing, but Boone didn't really seem to mind. In fact Boone made a little noise that led Jack to believe that he quite liked being pushed up against a tree. So Jack carried on with the kissing and the touching and let his body take over, his mind apparently gone on vacation someplace. Boone's hands on his hips were so amazing and Jack could tell that Boone was dying to move those hands south but also knew that Jack wasn't really up for that yet. Well, Jack was up, but hands stayed above the waist. They hadn't come together yet but Jack had gone back to his little cave and finished himself after one of these encounters more than once and he guessed Boone had done the same thing.

But right now this, this was enough to send Jack into a crazy frenzy and he wasn't sure if he could take anymore. Jack was an idiot for ever putting this off, he thought. He could have been doing this weeks ago. So Boone was a man, big deal. He was so perfect for Jack and Jack knew that but he just closed the door on the whole possibility because of a slight gender issue. But being with a man had it's upsides too. Boone was just as strong as he was even though he seemed to try and hide the fact but it always shone through. And Boone's stubble actually felt pretty nice against his neck and Jack imagined it would feel pretty nice in other places too. And Boone knew all about a man's body, which made Jack even more impatient to get to the below the waist stuff. But he wasn't going to rush himself because he'd end up freaking out again and Boone being as skittish as he was, he'd probably never come back. He just had to pace himself. Which was getting harder by the second when Boone did that thing he was doing with his tongue right now.

Jack pulled away and put a hand up against the tree Boone was leaning on, trying to steady himself and catch his breath a little.

"Bedtime?" Boone asked, probably unaware of the images that single word was conjuring up in Jack's mind. Then again, maybe not.

Jack nodded a little. "Yeah."

He looked at Boone with his big eyes and pouty, freshly kissed and slightly wet and parted lips and he found himself leaning in again, claiming that beautiful mouth. It took Boone a second to catch up but it was only a second and then they were right back in it like they never stopped. It took a while before Jack mustered up the willpower to pull away again and when he did he kind of wondered why he bothered, kissing Boone for the next few hours seemed like quite a nice plan.

"I think this is the point where I'm supposed to walk away so you don't do something you're gonna regret but you have me pinned to a tree," Boone said.

Jack nodded a little, his brain still running mainly on basic sex instincts. "Yeah, I do," he agreed.

Boone looked at him, waiting for something. Jack just looked back, concentrating on breathing in and out because he felt like he might forget to do it.

"So you gonna move or you gonna kiss me?" Boone asked.

Jack knew what he wanted to do but he also knew what he should do. He leaned in and kissed Boone tenderly but briefly and then took a step back, his legs feeling a little shaky. "Free to go, Mr. Carlyle."

Boone smiled at him. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Jack nodded. "Definitely."

Boone nodded a little and then looked at Jack like he wanted to jump him but then he turned around and headed towards the beach. "Night," he called back.

Jack watched him go and then leaned heavily against the tree until he regained the full use of his legs.

The next night he was sat on the beach with Kate and Sayid and they were talking about some stupid problem that Jack could care less about. Actually, if he was honest, he wasn't even really listening to them, he was just waiting for them to finish so he could go off and be with Boone.

And then Shannon came striding up to them and stood there, staring expectantly down at Jack. "Hi, Jack," she said.

Jack looked up at her, a little puzzled. "Hi, Shannon."

Boone was a few steps behind her and came to stand by her side, giving her a rather distasteful look. "Shannon," he hissed.

Shannon pretended like he wasn't even there. "You wanna know something, Jack?"

"Shannon, shut the hell up," Boone told her, his tone harsher than Jack had ever heard before. In fact he couldn't even imagine Boone being harsh.

"Boone has a crush on you," Shannon said, looking rather triumphant.

Oh, right, Jack thought, she doesn't know. But she was looking far too smug for his liking and she was upsetting Boone which was like a cardinal sin or something. Or maybe Jack was just smitten, one of the two.

"Yeah, I already worked that out, thanks," Jack said calmly, trying to make eye-contact with Boone who was just staring daggers at Shannon.

"Don't you care?" Shannon asked, clearly trying to get a rise out of him.

"Why would I care?" Jack asked. "He's a really good kisser."

Well, that took the self-satisfied look off Shannon's face. And actually Kate looked like she really wanted to say something but just kind of sat there and stared at Jack. Boone looked briefly at Jack, not looking too happy, and then turned his attention back to Shannon.

"You are such a bitch," he spat out before storming off towards the jungle.

Jack sighed. "I'm guessing I wasn't supposed to say that," he said to no one in particular. He stood up and went after Boone, preparing to play damage control.

He thought that maybe Boone would be crying when he found him but he was way too mad to cry, he was just kind of ineffectually kicking things. Jack stayed a few paces away so he didn't get caught in the crossfire.

"You okay?" Jack asked.

"Shannon is such a bitch," Boone stated, clearly still mad.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "But are you okay?"

Boone turned to face him. "Yeah, Jack, never better," he replied sarcastically. He then started thrashed about like a toddler having a tantrum again. "God, why does she have to do stuff like that?"

Jack took a few steps forward and grabbed Boone gently but firmly, pinning his arms to his side. "Boone, just tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong?" Boone asked incredulously. "What's wrong? Were you not just there?"

"Yeah, I was there," Jack replied calmly. "Boone, I don't care if people know about us, I'm not ashamed of you."

Boone's expression softened and he stopped trying to get out of Jack's grip. "Thank you," he said. "But that's still not really the point. The point is that Shannon told you that because she wanted to embarrass me and she wanted to make my life hell. She did it cos she wanted to get back at me."

"For what?" Jack asked.

"Cos I warned Sayid off her and she said that I ruined her shot at a relationship so she was gonna ruin my shot even though I didn't even have a shot," Boone rambled.

"You do have a shot," Jack told him. "I'm here with you aren't I?"

"Still not the point, Jack," Boone said, seeming a little impatient.

"So what is the point?" Jack asked.

"The point is that she didn't know all that. The point is that she was trying to ruin my life. And the point is that even though we're kind of together you still might have freaked out about people knowing."

"I'm not freaking out," Jack pointed out calmly. "You're freaking out a little. But I'm not freaking out." That earned him a smile that he was more than happy to see. "And did you see Kate's face?" Boone shook his head. "Priceless." Boone smiled and rested his head on Jack's shoulder. "So what's the deal with warning off Sayid?" Jack asked, letting go of Boone's arms so that he could wrap them around Jack's back.

"I was just looking out for her," Boone stated.

"Sayid's a good guy," Jack said. "I think she'll be okay with him. What's wrong with them being together?"

Boone pulled away and looked Jack in the eye. "Jack, I have to tell you something about Shannon," he said seriously.

"What?" Jack asked.

Boone just looked at him for a really long time. So long that Jack thought he'd forgotten what he was going to say or changed his mind completely.

"Shannon's a bitch," he finally repeated.

"Yeah, you said that already," Jack stated.

"She's not a nice person," Boone reiterated.

"Okay, fine, whatever you say," Jack replied. "So, seeing as I was already at the beach we didn't get to have our walk today. You wanna go now or you wanna just sit and chill? Cos you look kind of beat."

"I'm okay," Boone said. "I could walk."

"Okay," Jack replied. "But seeing as you're looking tired maybe we should take a rest now," he suggested.

Boone smiled at him and nodded his head as Jack ran a hand through his hair and then pulled him in for a kiss. 


	17. Chapter 16

"I hear you're getting close to the doctor," Locke said casually. He wasn't looking at Boone but was instead concentrating on the hatch, just like he always was.

"What are you talking about?" Boone asked defensively, not really wanting to get into this conversation.

"Just something I heard," Locke shrugged.

"So, maybe I am," Boone replied. "What's the problem?"

"No problem," Locke insisted, shaking his a little. "I just want you to know that it doesn't change anything."

Boone looked at him. "What do you mean 'it doesn't change anything'?" he asked, wondering exactly where Locke was going with this.

"About what we're doing out here," Locke explained, finally looking up at him. "You can't tell Jack just like you can't tell Shannon."

Boone gave him a wary look. "You're not gonna start making up some of that crazy paste again are you?"

Locke smiled a little. "No, nothing like that," he replied in a friendly tone.

"You know, Jack's the leader, kind of, maybe he'd be able to help if we..."

"No," Locke said firmly, cutting him off.

"Look, John, I'm not gonna argue with a guy who, well, pretty much everything you do is terrifying, but telling Jack isn't the same as telling Shannon," Boone explained.

"No, it's not," Locke agreed. "Telling Jack has it's own set of dangers."

"Like what?" Boone asked.

Locke looked at him levelly. "What would you tell Jack, Boone?" he asked. "What would you say to him?"

"I'd tell him we found a hatch," Boone replied.

"Huh," Locke said, nodding. "And what do you think he'd do with that bit of information?"

Boone shrugged. "I don't know."

"He'd tell us this was a fruitless exercise and that we should be out hunting," Boone explained.

"Well, you know, maybe we should..."

"This is important, Boone," Locke cut him off. "The people back at the camps have enough to eat. We need to put our energy into opening this hatch and we can't let anybody put us off our focus here." He looked squarely at Boone. "Not anything."

"What do you think's down there?" Boone asked, looking over at the hatch.

"Something that needs to be found," Locke replied, his gaze also going over to the metal structure they'd uncovered.

Boone nodded a little, even though he knew Locke wasn't looking at him anymore. "Hey, John. Do you think that everything happens for a reason?" he asked.

Locke looked back over at him. "Yes I do, Boone."

The two of them had the timing pretty much perfect by now and always reached the caves just as it was getting dark. Boone headed over to get some water and Jack came over to meet him which was just the best thing to be greeted with.

"Hey," Jack smiled at him. "Good day?"

Boone finished his drink and nodded. "Yeah, I guess. You?"

"As far as island days go, can't really complain," Jack replied.

Boone nodded again and sat down. "I'm so beat," he said. "You might have to give me a minute before we go on our walk."

"We don't have to go anywhere," Jack stated.

"Well, no, we don't have to," Boone agreed. "I mean, if you're not in the mood it's totally not a problem."

Jack looked amused. "Do you always expect the worst?"

Boone shrugged. "Bad stuff happens to me."

"Okay, well, read between the lines," Jack told him. He then motioned over to the opening. "I have a cave."

Boone looked towards the cave and then back at Jack. "Yeah, you do," he agreed. "But if we go in there I think everyone's gonna know what we're doing, especially after Shannon's little outburst last night."

"So?" Jack asked. "You think they're not gonna know what we're doing if we go out to the jungle."

"That's not the same," Boone said. "We're not a couple of metres away from them then."

Jack nodded. "It's no one's business," he said. "We can do what we want wherever we want."

"Yeah, we can," Boone agreed. "Doesn't mean we have to. I mean, seriously, what's with you?"

Jack looked at him. "What's with me?"

"Well, it's just, yesterday you were straight and today you're all 'come back to my cave'," Boone stated.

Jack smiled. "Boone, I don't really think I was all that straight yesterday. I don't think I've been all that straight for a while."

"Okay, so, you're adjusting. And that's cool. And I'm also very happy about it by the way. But what happened to all that stuff about pacing yourself?" Boone asked.

"I'm still pacing myself," Jack told him. "It's not like I'm gonna jump you when we get in there."

"Well, no, I know," Boone replied. "But you skipped a bunch of steps. You just totally came out."

"Actually, I think Shannon outted me, I didn't really get a whole lot of say in the matter," Jack pointed out.

"But you don't have to be so okay with it," Boone told him.

Jack looked at him, clearly confused. "Boone, I don't really understand what you're saying."

Boone sighed. "I don't know," he admitted. "I feel like everyone's in our relationship all of a sudden."

Jack shook his head. "Just you and me, I promise."

Boone couldn't really explain how he was feeling to Jack. He couldn't really explain it to himself. He was just scared that Jack was getting ahead of himself and he was suddenly going to want to take it all back. Now that their relationship was somewhat public then Jack would start to see it through other people's eyes and it would all be too real for him.

"You want me to walk you back to the beach?" Jack offered. Boone looked up at him. "We don't have to do anything else, just walk."

Boone found himself smiling. "What if I wanna do something else?"

Jack smiled back at him. "Then I get to go to bed happy again," he replied. He stood up. "Come on."

Boone stood up and the two of them walked towards the path. Boone tried not to notice how many people watched them leave.

When he got back to the beach he headed towards Shannon. He thought she was asleep but as he got closer he saw that her eyes were open and she was staring up at the stars. His heart sank a little. He so didn't want to deal with her right now.

He went over without a word sat down a little away from her, placing a water bottle between them. Shannon looked at him, seeming almost sheepish, which he'd never seen on her before. She sat up and grabbed the bottle.

"Thanks," she said, before taking a swig. Boone shrugged and laid down, hoping to get some sleep. She looked over at him. "Did you catch anything today?" she asked.

"No," Boone replied.

She nodded a little. "You never told me about you and Jack," she suddenly said.

"It's none of your business, Shan," he replied. "I don't have to tell you everything."

She took another drink from the bottle. "I'm kind of sorry," she said, which was about the closest Shannon had ever come to an apology. "I shouldn't have told Jack."

"That was a really shitty thing to do, Shan," Boone told her.

"You were kind of shitty to Sayid yourself," Shannon replied.

Boone didn't bother to say anything. He wasn't going to sit there and justify things to her, he was protecting her, he was looking out for her. She was just being a bitch like she always was.

"Do you like him?" Shannon asked.

"Sayid?" Boone asked, confused.

Shannon rolled her eyes. "No, not Sayid," she said, sounding irritated. "I mean Jack, you idiot."

"Oh, Jack," Boone repeated. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Okay, so, even though I might have been wrong, you still did a shitty thing to me," Shannon said.

Boone turned to face her, getting annoyed. "What, Shannon? What did I do?"

"You scared Sayid off," she told him. "You have to fix it."

Boone turned away again. "Fix it yourself."

"No, you broke it, you have to fix it," she insisted.

"You outted Jack," Boone stated. "You gonna fix that?"

"Jack doesn't care," Shannon dismissed. "Sayid cares. You have to fix it."

"You know what, Shannon?" Boone began. "Last night you proved me right. I don't think he really paid that much attention to what I said until you threw your little tantrum."

"I did not throw a tantrum," Shannon said with a wave of her hand.

"You threw a tantrum," Boone insisted. "And you just proved everything I said to him."

"What did you say?" Shannon asked.

"I said that you were a spoilt little brat and you liked to use people," Boone replied.

Shannon gave him a disgusted look. "No wonder he wouldn't talk to me," she frowned. "God, why would you do that?"

"I was looking out for you," Boone stated and kind of wished he hadn't.

"You looking out for me now?" she asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"I think you maybe need to look out for yourself for a while," Boone told her.

She was silent for a while and Boone thought that maybe she'd accepted his suggestion and moved on. "So is that it?" she asked. "You just don't love me anymore? You just stopped loving me?"

Boone looked at her. "Shan, I love you," he told her. "I'm just not in love with you."

"Are you in love with Jack?" she asked.

Boone laid back down and looked at the night sky. "No," he replied. "I don't think so. Why do you even care?"

Shannon shrugged. "You were kind of the constant in my life," she told him. "It's probably better this way though."

Boone nodded a little. He really couldn't agree more. Things were so much better this way.

Shannon looked out over the beach. "I think I'm gonna go talk to Sayid."

"I think that's a good idea," Boone told her. 


	18. Chapter 17

Jack laid in his cave, staring at the ceiling, sleep evading him. Actually, he didn't even feel like he was trying to sleep anymore, he wasn't in the mood. He was wide awake and a little restless but he wasn't quite sure why.

He saw a shadow at the entrance of the cave and leant up on his elbows, trying to get a closer look. As he did so, the shadow moved closer and Jack saw that it was Boone, looking a little awkward.

"Hey," Boone said with a little smile.

"Hey," Jack replied. "You okay?"

Boone nodded. "Yeah. You said you didn't mind me being in your cave."

Jack shook his head, a little confused as to what was actually going on if he was honest. "I don't," he said.

Boone sat down on the floor, keeping a fair distance from Jack. Jack looked at him and then sat up fully.

"Did you walk here on your own?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Boone replied.

"It's the middle of the night, Boone, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Jack told him.

Boone gave him a look. "I'm not a little kid, Jack, I can take care of myself."

"The pilot wasn't a kid either," Jack pointed out. "Neither was Scott."

"Wasn't that Steve?" Boone asked.

Jack thought about it. "I'm not sure," he admitted. He shook his head a little. "That's not the point, no one should be out there on their own, I don't care if you're a master hunter."

Boone looked down. "Okay, I'm sorry."

Jack felt bad. He didn't want to be an authority figure with Boone. In fact, given the age difference, it was a little freaky if Jack was acting as an authority figure to him.

"So what is it that made you brave the night jungle to come all the way here?" Jack asked.

Boone shrugged. "Shannon went to talk to Sayid," he said. "Fix things up or something. I didn't really want to be around when she got through cos I'd end up in some girly gossip session. It's happened before."

Jack couldn't help but smile. "Kind of glad I'm an only child in that case."

"I wish I was an only child," Boone said.

"I don't think you really mean that, Boone," Jack stated.

"I think I do," Boone asserted.

"So that's the only reason you came here?" Jack asked. Boone shrugged. "It's really okay if it's not," Jack told him. "I just wondered. Because if it's just the Shannon thing then it seems a little extreme."

"You clearly don't know Shannon," Boone stated.

"No, I guess I don't," Jack admitted. He looked over at Boone. "So you just gonna sit all the way over there?"

Boone smiled at him and got up, moving to sit next to Jack. "I don't think anyone saw me come in here," he told him.

"Boone, we've been through this, I don't care if they did," Jack stressed.

"Yeah, okay, you did say that," Boone admitted.

"So, you wanna talk about something?" Jack asked.

Boone looked at Jack a little cloudily. "Not really," he replied.

Jack smiled at him. "So you wanna make out instead?" he asked.

Boone pretended to consider it for a moment. "Yeah, okay, I guess I got some time," he replied.

Jack leaned forward and kissed Boone on the lips, getting instant reciprocation. They started out with tender little kisses but it didn't take them long to get heated up and soon hands came into the mix, pulling each other closer, wanting to eradicate any space between them.

Jack leaned Boone back and fell on top of him, finding himself between Boone's thighs which wasn't what he was planning on doing but it just kind of happened and Jack found himself rather comfortable so he was happy to go with it. He pulled away slightly to check Boone's reaction but Boone didn't open his eyes, just pulled Jack back down towards him, so Jack guessed he was pretty comfortable too. But he knew comfortable wasn't really the word, it was a need and a want that felt kind of raw but Jack didn't like that word because it made it feel less special and less loving and it was both of those things, but it was want and need just the same.

So Jack gave an experimental little thrust, just to see what it would feel like. And he found it felt pretty amazing so he did it again but this time Boone met his thrust with one of his own and Jack swore he saw stars.

They found themselves getting into a rhythm and Jack found that he had to stop kissing Boone to concentrate on what he was doing and also so that he remembered to breath because that was seriously becoming a problem right now. So he moved against Boone and he leaned in close and he kissed him whenever he had enough focus, and not always on the mouth, just whatever flesh was near his lips of that time, but he couldn't really see a whole lot, and not because of the dark.

Jack tried to stay quiet but the friction and the closeness and those little sighs and almost-moans that Boone was making were so amazing that he couldn't even put his mind into gear enough to tell his body anything. In his own ears he was being loud but he figured he couldn't possibly be making that much noise. He hoped he wasn't, everyone in the camp would be able to hear him if that were true. Which would be rather embarrassing. But right now Jack didn't care if they all came in here and watched him, he so wasn't stopping.

Boone slid his arms to Jack's hips and pulled him closer, willing him to go faster. Jack was more than happy to oblige and as Boone licked a trail across his jaw and sucked his earlobe into his mouth he felt himself going over the edge and he couldn't stop it if he'd tried. But he didn't try, he just went with it, and he hoped that Boone was there with him. Judging by the noises and movements that Boone made beneath him, Jack guessed that he was.

Jack turned to jelly and let his head fall onto Boone's shoulder, letting out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. He felt Boone smile against his ear and wrap his arms around him, tracing little circles on the small of his back, which was just too nice for words.

When some of the muscle use returned to Jack's body he rolled off Boone and laid on his side, pulling Boone with him so they were facing each other. They both smiled and then Jack leaned in for a kiss, sloppy and sweet. He pulled away and looked at Boone.

"You're okay with that, right?" he asked.

Boone just smiled at him. "I am so okay with that, Jack."

Jack smiled at him. "Okay, good," he said. "I just didn't want to cross a line."

"I don't think you could cross a line," Boone said. "I don't think there are any lines."

"I didn't think you could have that much fun with your clothes on," Jack stated. "Beats hanging out with Shannon, right?" Boone looked troubled and dodged eye-contact with him. "What? Are you worried about Shannon? I'm sure she's fine. Sayid's probably with her."

"I'm not worried about Shannon," Boone told him.

"So what's wrong?" Jack asked.

Boone looked back at Jack but the eye-contact seemed a little uncomfortable. "Okay, I have to tell you something."

Jack looked at him more seriously, concern creeping up on him. "What?"

"About me and Shannon," Boone said.

"What about you and Shannon?"

"Well, it's just, in Sydney..." Boone trailed off and looked down again.

Jack put a hand under his chin and angled his face back upwards. He gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "What happened in Sydney?"

"Shannon and I had sex," Boone rushed out, looking anxious.

Jack, well, didn't do anything. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't even form a facial expression. "Shannon? You had sex with Shannon? Your sister?"

"Oh, well, she's not my sister, not really, she's my stepsister," Boone explained.

Okay, Jack suddenly felt like he could breath again. "Stepsister," he repeated blindly, and all of a sudden things started to fit into place and he realised that that actually made a lot of sense.

"Yeah, sorry, I probably should have said that bit first," Boone said.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, would have saved me the coronary," he said, finding himself laughing a little at Boone's typically heavy handed conversation stylings.

Boone smiled at him. "I guess I'm just used to it, I figure people know."

"Well, I might need a little back story every once in a while so bear that in mind," Jack told him.

Boone nodded. "It was a one time thing," he said. "It's not gonna happen again. It was a mistake. It was circumstances. It was a lot of stuff that doesn't even matter now. I just wanted you to know and I wanted you to hear it from me."

"Thank you," Jack said. "I appreciate that, Boone. But you never have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me."

"I know that," Boone replied. "But if I'm weird with her, that's why. I guess our relationship's kind of messed up with it all. I thought I was in love with her for a really long time."

"You don't think so anymore?" Jack asked.

Boone shook his head. "I'm not in love with her, I know I'm not. I think I just wanted to be. I thought it would solve all my problems."

"What problems do you have to solve?" Jack asked. Boone looked at him for a while, seeming to think. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that," Jack said.

Boone sighed. "They're not like psycho problems or anything. You don't have to worry."

"I'm not worried," Jack told him.

Boone looked at him and seemed to accept this, giving him a grateful little smile.

"So, do you like my cave?" Jack asked.

Boone glanced around from where he was. "It's nice," he said. "Maybe better than the beach."

"Well, think of tonight as a trial run then, see if you like the place," Jack suggested.

Boone looked at him. "You mean I can stay tonight?"

Jack smiled. "Well I'm hardly gonna throw you out," he stated. "And I want you to stay," he added for the sake of clarity, something Boone tended to lack on occasion.

"I'd like to stay too," Boone said.

Jack smiled at him and they shifted into a comfortable position, leaning against each other and closing their eyes. 


	19. Chapter 18

Theresa. Boone hadn't thought about her for a long time. Well, no, that was a lie, he found himself thinking about her all the time, he just didn't let himself resonate on it. He pushed the thoughts away because after years of torturing himself over it he never came to any kind of peace and the thoughts just felt kind of futile. 

But now he couldn't get her out of his head, thanks to Locke and his stupid dream. And the thoughts seemed more complete somehow, more real. And they were seriously killing his buzz from last night and what happened between him and Jack which was just the best thing he could ever of hoped for in this situation. But feeling happy when he was thinking about Theresa just felt wrong in so many ways. The little kid who did that didn't deserve happiness.

And now, because Boone had admitted that Theresa was real, Locke had him on this stupid wild goose chase and Boone found that he was tiring of the man's unshakeable faith rapidly. It was just a dream. And, yeah, okay, the whole 'Theresa falls up the stairs, Theresa falls down the stairs' thing was scarily accurate to pretty much the worst thing that ever happened to Boone, pre-Shannon anyway, but that didn't mean that there was any reason they should be hiking through the jungle looking for some Beechcraft that probably didn't exist. They were gonna get lost, that was all they were going to achieve. Locke was good at finding his way around but Boone wasn't confident that getting back to camp was going to be all that easy.

Boone had never told the story of Theresa out loud, not to anyone, he barely explained it to his mother when she came home. So he started to wonder if maybe it would help if he said it out loud, if he confessed. That's what religious people did when they needed closure, right? They confessed. And Boone was in dire need of some closure. There was only so long you could carry something around with you. So he told Locke. But he didn't have time to feel better because Locke started laughing. But he wasn't laughing at Boone, he was laughing at the Beechcraft, he was laughing because he was right. So maybe faith did pay off, Boone thought.

Locke apparently having lost the basic motor functions in his legs, Boone had to climb up himself. He used the vines to climb up and managed to get inside the plane. He looked around for this 'answer' that Locke kept talking about, for something that was supposed to open the hatch, but there was nothing here that was any good to anyone. Well, unless you wanted to travel Nigeria or do some heroin. But then he saw the radio. A radio could be useful in a situation like this. Not that there was really a cat's chance in hell of it working but it was worth a shot, right?

He flicked the switch and the radio came to life. Boone's heart skipped a beat, he had a chance to get out of here. He had to make this count.

"Hello? Hello? Anybody out there? Mayday. Mayday."

The plane creaked around him and Boone knew that he didn't have much time.

"Is someone there?"

A voice. Through the radio. A voice. Someone was on the other side, someone was listening, someone was responding. Boone could hardly contain himself. If this was true then he could really get them out of here. He could be a hero.

"Hello! Hello!" he cried, trying not to move too much, the plane starting to feel really unsafe. "Can you hear me?"

"Repeat your transmission, please," the voice requested.

Boone could hardly believe it. He was really going to do this. The plane seesawed again and he knew he really had to cut to the chase. "Hello. We're the survivors of the crash of Oceanic flight 815." Nothing. Boone hadn't lost the signal, he couldn't lose it, his bad luck had to be up by now. "Please copy."

"We're the survivors of Oceanic flight 815."

Boone stopped. Had he really just heard that? How was that possible? Who was he talking to? It didn't make any sense. Boone tried to think of something to say to clear this up, to work things out, but the next thing he knew he was falling against the dashboard. And he kept falling. But it wasn't him falling. The Beechcraft was falling. The ground was rushing up towards him and Boone was disappointed that his life didn't flash before his eyes like people had always said that it would. But maybe that was a good thing, there weren't too many things from his life that he really wanted to dwell on.

So he felt himself fall. And then he felt pain. And then he felt himself being lifted up. And then he felt nothing.

He could still think though, his thoughts were still going, so he guessed he wasn't dead. But he couldn't feel his body, he couldn't sense his surroundings, he didn't feel like he had a physical form. He was actually kind of glad because the pain before the nothingness was too much to bear. But if he couldn't feel the pain then that meant he was slipping away. If he couldn't feel his body then maybe he wasn't in it.

_What happens after you die?_

After he fell someone lifted him up. Locke. It had to be Locke. Unless it was angels. Boone didn't remember. He didn't remember seeing anything. He just remembered he wasn't left there. But what if his physical self was left there, maybe it was something else that was lifted up, maybe it was his soul. Boone prayed it was his body but then he remembered that he didn't pray.

Locke would pray. But probably not to a god. Locke would pray to the island, like this island was some kind of deity, like it held power. Boone didn't believe that but he found that every time Locke told another story he found himself with just a tiny bit more faith in things, in life. It was only a tiny bit but it was mounting up so maybe Boone could allow himself to believe he was going to be okay. But Boone didn't believe that he was going to be okay. Boone didn't really believe in anything right now.

If Locke was the one that picked him up then he must be taking him back to Jack. Boone wanted to see Jack again. If he was going to die he had to be allowed to say goodbye to Jack, he had to make sure he knew everything, that there were no secrets left between them. Boone had been keeping secrets from Jack and he'd been keeping them for Locke and he didn't know why he did that. Not that Boone even cared about the hatch all that much anymore so the secrets kind of faded because he'd lost interest in telling anyone anything about what they were doing out there.

He did want to tell Jack that he wasn't really a hunter though, that he couldn't really protect himself, that he wasn't smart enough to open a hatch but he also wasn't smart enough to walk away. He wanted to tell Jack that he was important, and not just to Boone but to the world. He wanted to tell Jack that he was a hero, that he was his hero, that he saved him in so many ways. And he wanted to tell Jack that he loved him, because he really thought that he did. And he tried not to but it didn't make a difference. This was different from Shannon. He didn't know he was doing it but he was lying to himself with Shannon. He told himself he was in love with Shannon and he wanted it to be true so much that he really did believe. Mind over heart. But with Jack it was different. He felt it that first day on the beach when they tried to save Rose. He felt it when Jack took the pens off him and their hands touched. He felt it when he watched Jack walk away but he told himself not to. You weren't supposed to love people who were walking away from you. Mind over heart.

But then, suddenly, he felt something. He felt his body. He wasn't dead.

It started in his leg, his right leg. And it hurt like hell which kind of made him crave the nothingness again. But this was good. He was alive. For now.

He managed to open his eyes and he saw Jack barking orders at people. And he loved him. This was real. This was heart over mind. He wanted to say something but he couldn't breathe, he just couldn't get the air in. He heard Jack telling him he was going to be okay and he tried really hard to believe him.


	20. Chapter 19

"Hey."

Jack looked up to see Kate standing over him. "I was wondering when you were gonna stop avoiding me."

"I wasn't avoiding you," Kate told him, but Jack noticed she wasn't meeting his eyes.

"You were avoiding me," Jack teased.

Kate looked at him. "Maybe a little," she admitted with a smile. She sat down next to him. "I just, I didn't know you were gay or anything."

"I'm not gay," Jack told her.

"Okay, bi, whatever," Kate said.

"I'm not bi," Jack said.

Kate raised her eyebrows at him. "But you're making out with, Boone right?" she asked.

"It's more than making out, Kate," Jack replied.

"Okay, don't want details," Kate told him.

"I mean that there's something behind the making out, Kate," Jack stated.

"Right, yeah," Kate said, seeming a little flustered. "Well, that's, that's cool for you guys."

Jack smiled at her. "Thanks," he said. "It is."

Kate nodded. "It must be nice to not be alone."

"Kate, none of us are alone, we're all in this together," Jack told her.

"Yeah but it's not quite the same thing, is it?" she stated. "Having someone, really having them, that's something else."

Jack nodded. And then he heard someone calling his name. Locke. He looked over and saw Locke coming towards him, blood staining his T-shirt. And he was carrying someone. He was carrying Boone. Jack tried not to fall apart.

Locke put Boone down and Jack got a proper look. It was bad. It was really bad. He didn't know where to start. Everyone was crowding around him and asking him things. This was worse than the crash, worse than trying to work triage, worse than trying to stop Boone from performing bad CPR. Jack willed himself not to cry, he couldn't afford to get teary now. He had to be able to see straight, he had to be able to think straight. He had to be a doctor.

So he switched it off, he shut it out, he let the medical knowledge take over. What he wouldn't give for a qualified ER assistant right now. He started giving orders to the people around him, handing out jobs, assigning roles. He prioritised, he dealt with things as they came. Punctured lung? Put in a chest tube. Check. Now he needed to stop the bleeding. There was a lot of bleeding. And Boone was looking pale underneath it all, he'd lost a lot of blood, he'd probably need a transfusion.

Jack wanted to count to five but he didn't dare, there wasn't time. This was Boone and there was no way he was taking so much as five seconds out from trying to save him, those five seconds could be crucial. He just had to do this, he had to deal with the fear and do it because there was no other option. Boone was not going to die.

He worked on stitching up Boone's chest and he could hear Boone muttering 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry' over and over. Jack leaned in to him.

"Why are you sorry, Boone?" he asked.

Boone didn't even acknowledge him, just kept repeating his apology under his breath. What little breath he had, the breathing didn't sound good. Jack looked into his eyes and he could tell he wasn't really there, he was barely conscious and Jack wasn't even sure if he knew he was there with him, talking to him, fixing him.

"Boone, don't be sorry," Jack said, fighting back his emotions more every second. "Boone, can you hear me? You have nothing to be sorry about."

There was no response from Boone. Jack reached out and held onto his hand, giving it a squeeze, hoping that Boone could feel it.

"I mean it," Jack told him. "I mean what I said. I'm not letting you die. I am going to save you. Can you hear me, Boone? You're going to be all right. You're not leaving me. You are not going to leave me, Boone."

Jack felt the tears coming and he fought to push them back. He couldn't do this right now, he couldn't afford to break down, he needed to stay strong, he needed to get Boone stabilised. He took deep breaths and focused his mind. He had to finish the stitches. He had to let go of Boone's hand and close up that chest wound.

"Hang in there, Boone. Everything's gonna be all right."

He gave Boone's hand one last squeeze and went back to sewing him up.

That was the easy part. Next on the list was Boone's leg. It was broken and it needed to be set. And it was going to hurt like hell. Jack had to do it quick and he had to do it right, he wasn't putting Boone through more than he had to. Sun gave Boone something to bite down on which seemed like such a futile thing to do in light of what Jack was about to do. But it was the best either one of them had to offer so it was going to have to do. Jack just hoped Boone could take it.

He did it fast but that didn't make it any easier for anyone. 'Hurt like hell' was an understatement and Jack could barely stand to watch. This was wrong, it was all wrong. Boone needed to be in a hospital, he needed to be anaesthetised, he deserved better than this. Jack tried to ignore Boone's agonised cries and concentrate on setting the leg which wasn't an easy task. But he did it, he did it because he had to, because there was no other option, he wasn't going to lose Boone.

Now it was time for the big one. Blood transfusion. Time to put those problem solving skills to work. How do you give someone a blood transfusion when you're stuck on and island in the middle of nowhere and you don't even have a needle? Jack was starting to think that he couldn't do this. But he also knew that he didn't have a choice so that made it slightly easier. He just needed a needle. And a blood donor. A blood donor would help too.

Sun helped with the needle situation, sea urchin being Jack's new favourite thing in the world. Now all he needed was some blood. Jack had blood and it was a likely match so really it was the least he could do. He set it all up and got it flowing. He held onto Boone's hand and watched as his blood became Boone's blood, his life became Boone's life. And it seemed to be working. Almost. The colour started to return a little but something wasn't right. The leg. Something wasn't right with the leg. Jack stood and stared at it, trying to work it out. He put out a hand to touch it but before he made contact he heard a voice.

"Messed myself up pretty bad, huh?"

Jack looked up to see Boone looking down at him. He smiled. "Hey."

"My leg hurts," Boone stated.

Jack nodded, moving up to Boone's head. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry."

"It fell on me," Boone mumbled, gazing at Jack, seemingly unable to fully focus.

Jack looked at him, confused. "What fell on you?"

"The plane," Boone stated. "The plane fell on me."

Jack closed his eyes and shook his head. "That was weeks ago, Boone," he stated, trying not to get upset. Boone didn't even know what was happening to him, his brain wasn't linking up right. That was a bad sign.

"The Beechcraft," Boone managed, sounding irritated.

Jack opened his eyes and looked at him. "What?"

"The Beechcraft fell on me," Boone told him.

"Boone, what are you talking about?" Jack asked, getting desperate. "What Beechcraft?"

"John wanted to open the hatch," Boone said, closing his eyes a little. Jack could tell that he was starting to fade again already.

"Hatch?" Jack asked. "What about the Beechcraft? What happened with the Beechcraft?"

"I was using the radio," Boone replied.

"Boone, listen to me, you need to tell me what happened," Jack stated. "I can't help you unless I know what I'm dealing with. What happened to your leg?"

"It all fell," Boone stated, staring blankly. "It all fell on me. My leg."

"It crushed your leg," Jack realised, looking down Boone's body. "It's broken because it's crushed."

This was not good. This was very, very bad. Jack had to do something fast. He had to stop the transfusion, if he kept pumping blood into Boone it was all just going to pool in his leg. He needed to fix the leg, then he could continue the transfusion. He just hoped Boone's body could last that long. He pulled the needle out of his arm and turned his attention back to Boone.

"Boone, can you still hear me?"

"Everything hurts," Boone mumbled.

"I know, I know it does, I'm going to make it better," Jack promised. "You have to hang in there, it's going to get better, okay?"

"I'm lucky my boyfriend's a doctor," Boone said wistfully, his eyes closing.

Jack couldn't help but smile. He nodded at Boone. "I'm going to have to work on your leg, I need to perform surgery."

Boone opened his eyes a little and looked at him. "You can't do that here," he slurred.

"I can, I can do it. I'm a doctor, I can do it," Jack insisted. "I'll get Sun back in here, she'll give me a hand, we're going to sort you out."

Boone's eyes opened and closed and his mouth moved as he tried to speak but nothing came out.

"Boone. Boone, come on, stay with, please, you have to stay with me, don't do this to me," Jack pleaded. Boone looked at him but it was unfocused and Jack doubted he could really see or hear him. "This is gonna be bad, okay? You're gonna have to stay still while I work though, okay? Boone, can you hear me? Tell me it's okay."

"Okay," Boone mumbled, but Jack doubted that he knew what he was saying.

"There's nothing I can give you, I don't have anything strong enough so you have to be tough," Jack told him. "You're gonna have to be really brave but I know that you can do it."

"I want to see Shannon before I die," Boone said.

Jack closed his eyes and fought back the tears again. None of it was going in, he didn't even know if Boone knew he was talking to him. He opened his eyes and refocused on Boone, blinking away the threat of tears. "You are not going to die," he told him. "You're not dying here. I'm not letting you. Just please try to be brave for me. You're doing really, really good but it's going to get worse before I can make it better and you have to be brave."

"I'm not brave," Boone said.

"Yes you are," Jack told him. "You're my hero."

Boone looked at him and Jack thought that he felt a connection for a second, he felt like he'd gotten through. But it was only for a second and then Boone closed his eyes and Jack knew he was going to be out for a while. He just pleaded with a god that he didn't believe in that Boone would stay out for the worst part of the surgery, but he knew that if anything brought people round fast it was pain, and Boone was about to have a whole lot of that. He squeezed Boone's hand and placed a kiss on his forehead. He allowed himself one more second to look at him but no longer. Time was precious. He needed to round up supplies. He needed to find Sun.

He turned off the emotions and got back to work. 


	21. Chapter 20

Boone's eyes flickered open and he saw that he still in the medical tent. The pain was still surrounding him, focused mainly in his right leg but he could feel it everywhere else too, he could feel it in his chest, in his back, in his stomach, in his head. It was bad but he also felt like he was becoming almost numb to it, like it didn't even matter that much anymore, it was losing it's effectiveness. He was probably becoming accustomed to it, he figured.

He tried to look around but he was still feeling incredibly weak and his neck was stiff. He couldn't see Jack though so he figured he was alone. He wondered if the surgery had worked, if he was really going to be okay. He couldn't remember much of it. He couldn't remember much of anything after using the radio in the Beechcraft, but he figured that was a good thing. He had some hazy images in his mind but none of them were pleasant, it was all blinding pain and dizziness and disorientation that he still hadn't managed to shift. And now he felt kind of sick too. He found keeping his eyes open quite a chore but he hated the feeling of slipping away that he kept getting so he tried to fight it.

And then he heard something and managed to move his head to the far left to find out it's source. It was Kate. She was working something with a makeshift pestle, apparently unaware that anyone could see her.

"What are you doing?" Boone asked.

Kate jumped at the sound but a smile of relief came over her face when she saw Boone. "Hi," she said. "I was, erm, crushing up sleeping pills to put in Jack's juice," she explained, checking Boone for a reaction. She then added "He hasn't slept and he gave you a lot of blood and I think he needs to rest."

"I think that's a good idea," Boone replied. "Thanks."

Kate gave a little shrug and carried on with what she was doing. She fixed the drink for Jack and then glanced at entrance before moving over to Boone.

"Where's Jack?" Boone asked.

"He's just getting cleaned up, he'll be back in a second," Kate assured him. "He's talking to Shannon by the pool," she added, glancing towards the door again.

"Shannon's here?" Boone asked.

Kate nodded. "She's been sat in here most of the day," she told him. "She was getting a little impatient with you."

"Impatient?" Boone asked.

"Cos you were sleeping," Kate explained.

Boone nodded a little but it hurt like hell so he made a mental note not to do it again. He sighed in pain, trying to breath without his lungs hurting. He remembered something about his lungs. A collapsed lung. Jack stabbed him in the chest to help him breathe.

Then Jack came in and saw Boone awake, a smile coming over his face. "About time," he said tenderly, moving and sitting by Boone. "How are you feeling?" he asked, gingerly touching the side of Boone's face.

"Like a plane fell on me," Boone replied.

Jack gave him a look. Obviously they weren't seeing the funny side of this yet. "Are you in a lot of pain?" he asked.

"Yeah," Boone replied regretfully.

Jack nodded. "I've got a couple of things I can give you but I don't know if they're strong enough to have any effect so we might want to save them. You need morphine really, I don't have anything that can match that."

Boone found his eyes closing again. "I dunno," he slurred.

"Boone," Jack said and Boone could tell he was leaning over him, he could feel his breath on his cheek. "Boone, can you open your eyes?"

Boone opened his eyes and looked at Jack. Things were a little blurry but he could see. Jack took a pen and started moving it in front of Boone's eyes.

"I need you to follow this for me, okay?" Jack requested. "Just follow it with your eyes."

Boone followed the pen and found the focus actually helped keep his eyes open.

"Okay, good," Jack told him, putting the pen away. "You feeling dizzy? Disorientated? Nauseous? Light headed? Giddy?" Jack reeled off. "Do you know who you are? Where you are?"

"Yes, unfortunately," Boone replied.

That earned him a smile from Jack.

"Jack, you should drink something," Kate cut in, holding the juice out to him.

"I just had some water," Jack dismissed, keeping his focus on Boone.

"This has vitamins in it, it'll do you good, you haven't eaten," Kate continued.

"I'm fine, Kate," Jack insisted.

"I think you should drink the juice, Jack," Boone managed, looking at him.

Jack sighed and took the juice. "Fine," he mumbled, taking a swig. "I'm only the doctor, what do I know?" He drank down the juice and then turned his attention back to Boone. Kate gave a little smile and excused herself, confident her job was done. "How's the leg?" Jack asked.

Boone remembered the leg. The leg was crushed. Jack told him he was going to perform surgery. Boone remembered that the pain was sharp at first and it was so sharp that he barely felt it, it didn't quite register. And then he remembered something warm trickling down his calf and knowing that it must be his blood. Then he remembers a different pain, a worse pain. It wasn't the clean pain of before, it was like being pushed and pulled under the surface. He could feel tugs and he could feel pressure and he could hear urgent voices but he didn't know what they were saying. And he wanted to leave, he wanted it to stop, but he couldn't move and it took him a while to realise that it wasn't that his body was failing him, someone was holding him down.

"Hurts," Boone mumbled, feeling exhausted. "Feels tight."

Jack looked it over and nodded. "It's swollen again," he agreed. "I'm gonna elevate it, should relieve some of the pressure and feel a little better," he said.

He moved a few things around and then gently lifted Boone's leg but the first touch was agony and it didn't get any better. Boone took a sharp intake of breath and held it, trying to relax and let it happen, trying to ignore the pain.

"I know, I'm sorry," Jack said gently as he placed Boone's leg on something. "You need to tell me if your toes start to tingle or if you can't feel them anymore."

"Is that bad?" Boone asked.

"It means I'm cutting off the circulation to your leg and we need to put it back down," Jack told him. "Just pins and needles."

Boone wasn't sure if he believed Jack. He knew that the leg was bad, he could remember snippets of conversation about it. There was something about pooling blood and open surgery and, he swore, amputation.

Shannon came in and looked at Boone rushing over. "You're awake," she stated. "Are you okay? How do you feel? Can you breathe?"

Boone nodded and then remembered the mental note a little too late. He moaned a little and closed his eyes against the dizzy spell.

"Hey, it's okay, just don't try to move," Jack told him. "Shannon, he just needs to rest right now, okay?"

"You throwing me out?" she asked, sounding all brat-ish. "I'm his sister, I'm family, you're just the guy he's screwing. Why I have to leave and you get to stay?"

Boone didn't want to open his eyes but he had to look at Jack's reaction. He looked kind of pissed off.

"I get to stay because I'm his doctor," Jack stated. "And I never said you had to leave, you can stay as long as you like, but you have to let him rest."

Shannon looked annoyed but shrugged a little. "I don't care," she said. "I had something I wanted to do anyway." She turned to Boone and looked at him and he could tell that she'd been crying. In fact she kind of looked like crap. "I'm glad you didn't die," she said, which was probably Shannon's version of a heart-to-heart. "That would have sucked," she added. She leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Feel better." She looked at him somewhat awkwardly and Boone couldn't help but appreciate the effort. If he was honest he didn't really think she'd come.

She got up and walked around Boone to Jack. "Thanks," she said. "For all the doctor stuff."

Jack nodded. "Least I could do," he replied.

"No," Shannon said. "I wasn't here but apparently you were pretty amazing. So thanks."

Jack gave her a smile and suddenly Shannon moved forward and put her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug, which so wasn't Shannon. Shannon didn't hug, she wasn't an affectionate person at all, Boone sometimes thought she took lessons from Sabrina. Jack seemed a little shocked too but put his hands on her waist and held her as she fidgeted a little. She then pulled away and stood up, her hands behind her back, looking a little like a schoolgirl, Boone thought.

"I'll come back and see you later," she told Boone.

"Okay," he said and gave her a smile. She didn't return it, in fact she was looking rather serious. She lingered for a second and then made a quick exit.

Jack turned back to face Boone. "Is there anything else I can do to make you more comfortable?" he asked.

"Not unless you have an ice pack," Boone replied, the jungle heat really getting to him right now.

Jack put the back of his hand to Boone's forehead and nodded a little. "Yeah, you're running a fever," he told him. "I gave you some antibiotics earlier so it shouldn't get too serious. I can get you a damp cloth."

"I don't want you to leave me," Boone replied.

"I'm coming right back," Jack assured him.

"You look like shit," Boone pointed out.

Jack smiled at him. "Yeah, I probably do," he conceded.

"You should lay down," Boone told him, knowing those sleeping pills Kate slipped him would be taking effect soon.

"I'm okay," Jack dismissed.

Boone could feel his eyes closing again. "Please," he said. "Lie down with me so I'm not alone. I wanna feel you there."

Jack looked at him and sighed. "I can't," he said. "I can't hold you, not without hurting you. You have stitches and bruising everywhere, I can't put my arm over you."

Boone lost the fight with his eyelids. "Figure it out."

He didn't feel anything and thought that Jack had given up, thinking Boone was asleep. Then he felt Jack's fingers intertwine with his and Jack shifted so he was laying down and curled up to Boone's side, his free hand wrapped around Boone's arm. Boone had never felt safer. With Jack looking after him he was definitely going to be all right. He heard Jack's breathing become deep and regular as sleep took him over. Boone then gave up his own battle, letting things slip away again for a while. 


	22. Chapter 21

Jack sat up with a start and found himself pulling Boone's arm with him, forgetting they were still attached. What the hell was he doing falling asleep? He looked down at Boone who had obviously woken up.

"Sorry," he mumbled, untangling his arms from Boone's and rubbing his eyes.

"What are you doing?" Boone asked, looking up at him hazily.

"Nothing," Jack replied. "Nothing. I'm sorry. Fell asleep."

"Good," Boone said.

Jack moved his hands to the back of his neck and rubbed the muscles trying to relieve some tension. It wasn't working. And something didn't feel right. He gave up and turned to Boone. "Any better?" he asked.

"Well it's not worse," Boone allowed. "But I don't know."

Jack nodded. He moved to check on his leg, he shouldn't have left it elevated that long without checking on it. He ran his finger along the sole of his foot and was glad when his toes curled in response. He examined the leg itself and saw that the swelling did seem to have gone down.

"Can you wiggle your toes for me?" Jack requested.

He watched as Boone did so and smiled. Things seemed to be looking up slightly.

"Do I pass?" Boone asked weakly.

Jack nodded at him. "You pass."

Sayid entered, standing just inside the area. Jack looked up at him.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, I was looking for Shannon," he explained.

"She said she had to do something," Jack replied. "I thought she might be with you."

"I haven't seen her," Sayid said, shaking his head a little.

Jack closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck again. "Sorry, she did say she was coming back." And then it hit him. The key. That's what was missing. It was the key to the gun case. He moved his hands around to the front of his neck and looked down.

"Something wrong?" Sayid asked.

"The key to the gun case is missing," Jack explained. He got up and walked past Sayid, seeing Kate sat by the pool. "Kate, who's been in here?" he asked, striding up to her.

She looked up at him, clearly lost. "What?"

"Who was in there while I was asleep?" Jack demanded.

"I don't know what you're..."

"Someone took the key, Kate," Jack stated, signalling his neckline.

Kate looked at him for a second. "Maybe it fell off," she offered.

Jack shook his head. "It didn't fall off, Kate, someone took it."

"Jack, no one went in there while you were asleep, I was sat here the whole time," Kate insisted.

"Then where the hell is it?" Jack yelled.

"Jack," Sayid called.

Jack turned around, losing his temper rapidly. "What?" he demanded.

Sayid signalled to Boone. Jack rushed back into the medical tent, dreading what he was about to see. He knelt down by Boone's side and checked his over quickly with his eyes before settling on his face.

"What's wrong? Are you in pain? Is something wrong?" Jack asked.

Boone shook his head a little. "Shannon."

Jack sighed. That was all? He was just asking for Shannon again? Surely this could have waited. "She's coming back, Boone," Jack told him, sitting back of his heals.

"Shannon has the key," Boone stated.

Jack leaned forward again. "What? You saw her take it?"

"She must have done," Boone replied. "Why else would she hug you?"

Jack remembered the hug. It came out of nowhere and it felt awkward the whole time and Shannon had her arms around Jack's neck, never keeping still. Never keeping still because she was undoing the thread, she was taking the key.

"She's gone after Locke," Sayid stated.

Jack stood up and faced Sayid. "What's she going to do?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer. He knew because it's not like it hadn't occurred to him too.

"She wants revenge," Sayid explained. "She asked me to help her."

"Did you?" Jack asked.

"I had Locke take me to the Beechcraft but I believe it was an accident," Sayid said. "I told her I wouldn't help her any further."

Jack glanced down at Boone and then turned back to Sayid. He weighed up his options. Jack wanted revenge too, he wanted Locke to suffer. But he couldn't let Shannon do this. It would feel good now but she'd have to live with it for the rest of her life. "We need to find her and stop her."

Sayid nodded.

Kate stepped fully into the area, having been hovering at the entrance for some time. "Jack, you need to stay here, Sayid and I will deal with it."

Jack shook his head. "I need to be there."

"Jack, you're being stupid. You need to be here," Kate told him. "You need to watch Boone. If anything happens you're the only one that can help him."

"Boone's stable, he's fine," Jack dismissed.

"What if he goes into shock? Or arrest? Or something else happens?" Kate asked. "Why do you want to come with us?"

"Because I have to confront him, Kate," Jack stated, getting angry that she clearly wasn't getting this. "He left. He just left Boone here. And he lied. If Boone hadn't come round enough to tell me what really happened he'd be dead right now, okay? No buts or maybes, just dead. I want him to explain that to me. I want him to explain why the hell he just ran off like that."

Kate looked at him. "They'll be time for all that later," she told him softly. "Right now you have other things to concentrate on."

Jack nodded reluctantly, he knew she was right. "Don't let her do anything stupid," he told them.

Kate nodded and the two of them headed out. Jack stood and watched them go, hoping they got there in time.

"Jack?"

Jack turned around to face Boone and tried not to look quite so stressed. "Yeah?" he replied, giving him a smile that he hoped was at least part genuine.

"Was I really close?" Boone asked. Jack looked at him and shook his head a little, not getting it. "To death," Boone clarified.

Jack didn't know what to say. He felt like crying again. But he couldn't, he had to stay strong, he wasn't about to let himself break down now. "It was kind of touch and go there for a while," he admitted.

"I was in the room when you were yelling at Kate," Boone pointed out. "You said if I didn't tell you about my leg I would have died."

Jack could feel tears in his eyes. He pushed them back. He sat back down by Boone's side. "Yeah, I think you would," he granted. "But you didn't, so it's okay."

"I don't feel so out of the woods yet," Boone said.

"It's a jungle," Jack pointed out, trying to lighten the mood.

Boone rolled his eyes and gave him a smile. "I mean that everything still feels really bad."

Jack nodded. It undoubtedly would. He didn't know how Boone was managing to hold a conversation right now quite frankly. But maybe that was taking his mind off the pain, maybe it was helping.

"Do you trust me?" he asked, looking Boone in the eyes. Boone stared back at him and Jack noted that it was the most focused he'd seen him since the accident. Things were definitely getting better, slowly but surely.

"Yes," Boone replied.

"Then you're gonna be okay," Jack told him.

Boone carried on gazing at him and Jack leant down, stroking the side of his face. He looked bad. He looked like a wreck. Jack had cleaned him off the best he could but he'd tried to keep the stitches dry so there was still some dried blood on the worst areas. But he was still there under it all. He was still Boone. He was still his Boone.

Jack leaned down and kissed him on the lips, instantly feeling like an idiot. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, pulling away.

Boone looked like he wanted to say something but did bother. He didn't look upset though so if he was going to complain then it was probably wasn't that Jack had kissed him but rather that Jack had stopped kissing him. Jack reached down and took Boone's hand in his as a substitute. Boone seemed fairly happy with that.

"Claire had the baby last night," Jack told him, trying to use the conversation to keep him alert and distracted from his injuries.

"She did?" Boone asked.

Jack nodded. "Yeah?"

"Did I get in the way of the delivery?" Boone asked.

Jack shook his head. "Kate did it, not me," he replied. "They got along just fine without me."

Boone smiled. "Kate?"

"Yeah."

"How's Claire?" Boone asked.

"Fine. And the baby's fine. I checked them both this morning, no problems at all," Jack told him. "She doesn't have a name yet but it's a boy," he added.

Boone nodded. "You've been busy," he stated.

"Yeah, I really have," Jack agreed.

"Did you cry?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him. "When?" he asked.

"Whenever," Boone replied vaguely. "Anytime."

"I haven't cried," Jack told him, wondering where this was going. Did Boone want him to cry? He'd been close. He'd been close too many times to count but he was stronger than that and he wasn't going to let that happen. Boone was okay, there was nothing to cry about. But Boone was looking up at him, clearly waiting for something. "I couldn't," he added. "I was looking after you. I can't be a doctor and your..." he trailed off, what the hell was he? Boone had said boyfriend last night but there was every chance he didn't know he'd said it.

"Jack," Boone said.

"Right, yeah," he replied. "I'm your Jack."

Boone looked amused. "No, I mean, Jack," he repeated. "As in getting your attention."

"Oh," Jack said blindly. 'Your Jack', what the hell was that about? He shook his head a little. "What's up?"

"It's okay to cry," Boone stated. "If you wanted to cry, that is. You'd feel better."

Jack probably would feel better, but he couldn't exactly turn it on and off. He didn't really want to do it in front of Boone anyway.

"I mean, not that I want you to cry over me or something," Boone added. "But I wouldn't mind it either," he said.

Jack nodded. Well, it was nice to have the option he supposed, but this time wasn't about him, this time was about Boone, making Boone feel better, making Boone forget the pain. He gripped Boone's hand a little tighter in his and put his other hand to Boone's face. There were a million things that Jack wanted to ask him. What was he doing at the Beechcraft? What was this hatch that was mentioned? What secrets was he keeping for Locke? He didn't feel like Boone was up for any of that yet though and the last thing he wanted to do was upset him. He just needed to be patient.

"Wanna play I-spy?" Jack asked.

Boone looked at him. "Pretty much all I can see is you and trees," he pointed out.

"Guess I'll win then," Jack shrugged. Boone smiled at him. Jack looked around the area. "Okay, I spy with my little eye..." 


	23. Chapter 22

Boone opened his eyes and saw Locke standing at the entrance to the medical tent. "John?"

"Hello, Boone," Locke replied. He glanced behind him and then stepped into the tent. "I didn't want to wake you."

"I don't think I sleep so much as pass out," Boone commented.

"Well, Jack must have done a pretty good job on you, you don't look as bad as I think you should," Locke stated.

Boone smiled a little. "Thanks," he said. "I think."

"I just thought I should check up on you, I am pretty responsible for what happened to you," Locke said, taking a seat by where Boone was lying.

"It's not your fault, John," Boone told him. "I should have got out when you told me to."

"Well your sister doesn't agree with you there," Locke stated, signalling a graze on his head. "She tried to shoot me in the head."

"Yeah, I thought she might," Boone admitted.

"You thought she might?" Locke asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Well, no, I mean, I didn't think that she'd..." Boone trailed off and tried to come up with the right answer. "I knew that she took the key to gun case so I guess I knew she was gonna do something. But I didn't think that she'd... I'm sorry, I don't know why she did that. I don't even think she likes me that much."

"Of course she likes you, Boone, she doesn't get a choice," Locke told him. "You're family, that kind of thing happens without you having control over it."

"We're not real family," Boone found himself saying, unsure why he felt the need to tell Locke that. "My mom married her dad."

Locke nodded. "I was raised in foster care," he said. "I had lots of brothers and sisters but none I was tied to by blood. I found the result was pretty much the same though. Family's family."

Well he had a point there, Boone had to admit. Family is family. Sure he and Shannon weren't linked by blood but he still felt like her big brother. Well, most of the time. There was that slight incident in Sydney but if he wiped that from his memory, along with those years of longing, they were pretty much a real brother and sister.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Jack yelled, marching up to Locke and yanking him to his feet. "Are you a complete idiot? You think you're welcome here?"

"Jack," Locke said, almost warning, his hands held up in a slight surrender as Jack held him by the collar, getting right in his face.

"I heard about what happened with Shannon," Jack stated. "I'm a better shot," he warned.

Locke just looked into his eyes, not giving anything away, which seemed to make Jack madder.

"Jack, stop it, it's not John's fault," Boone told him.

Jack didn't break his eye-contact with Locke. He shook his head a little and then thrust Locke towards the door. "Do not come back," he warned him.

Locke gave him one last look and exited. Jack stared at the door way, breathing a little ragged, clearly very wound up.

"Jack, it wasn't his fault, I told you it wasn't his fault," Boone repeated.

Jack turned around to face him and Boone could see a fire in his eyes. "Well excuse me if I don't believe you," he said, sounding a little bitter.

"Have I ever given you a reason not to believe me?" Boone asked.

"Well, let's see, there's the Beechcraft, there's a hatch..." Jack began.

Oh, right, yeah, Jack was right. Boone had been keeping secrets and he'd almost forgotten he'd been doing it. That was a bad sign.

"Well, I didn't know about the Beechcraft until..."

Jack looked away, clearly annoyed. He probably sensed an excuse coming up, and he'd probably be right.

"I'm sorry," Boone said. "Jack, I'm really sorry."

Jack looked back over at him. He was clearly still annoyed but now he seemed more disappointed than angry. "I know you are," he said softly, going to take a seat beside Boone. "You kept telling me when I was stitching you up. I didn't know why you were sorry though." He looked at Boone and sighed. "Why didn't you just tell me before this all got so out of hand?"

"John told me not to," Boone replied somewhat lamely, knowing he sounded just like a little kid who couldn't think for himself. Which is actually how he felt most days.

Jack was starting to look angry again. "If Locke told you to jump off a cliff would you do that too?" he asked. Boone just looked at him and Jack closed his eyes, realising the stupidity of the question. Boone had pretty much done just that. He opened his eyes again and gave Boone an apologetic look. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, we're both sorry," Boone pointed out.

Jack nodded a little. He sighed and looked at Boone. "So, you ready to talk to me now?"

Boone looked at him. He wasn't quite sure where to start. "We weren't hunting," he said. "We never really went hunting at all. A couple of times maybe but it was really half-hearted."

"Which is why you never came back with anything," Jack realised.

"Right," Boone agreed.

"So what were you doing?" Jack asked.

"We found a hatch," Boone told him. "It's this steel structure we excavated. It has a door in the top but it's sealed from the inside. We were trying to get it open."

Jack looked at him for a second. "Why?"

Boone snorted a small laugh at the stupidity of the question, which he regretted instantly because, like most things Boone tried to do lately, it came along with a great deal of pain. He tried not to show it, he didn't want to get Jack concerned again. He was doing a lot better all in all, he could feel it.

He got back to the question in hand but found himself drawing a blank. Why the hell were they trying to open the hatch? Sure at first Boone was curious, and he'd still quite like to know what was down there, but other than that there didn't really seem to be any possible reason to open the thing.

"John was obsessed with it," was all Boone could come up with.

Jack nodded. "So it was Locke's idea to go out there everyday." Boone thought it should have been a question but Jack didn't phrase it like one.

"Well, I guess," Boone said. "I didn't exactly put up a fight," he pointed out.

"So you found a hatch, you couldn't open it, then what?" Jack asked.

"John had a dream," Boone told him.

He saw Jack roll his eyes. "Are you kidding me?"

"Okay, it sounds crazy, but there was stuff in his dream that he couldn't have known," Boone defended.

Jack looked at him, clearly amused. "Like what?"

"Like he knew the name of my nanny when I was six," Boone said. "He knew that she fell down the stairs. How would he know that?"

"So what else was in the dream?" Jack asked. Boone noted that he completely glossed over his question.

"He saw the Beechcraft crash," Boone replied. "He thought that meant there was something in there that could help us open the hatch. He thought the island was giving us a sign."

"So you guys went to find it?" Jack prompted.

Boone nodded a little and then wished he could remember to not move. "We found a crucifix. In a tree."

"A crucifix?" Jack asked, looking puzzled.

"On a chain. And then we found a body. He looked like a priest but I think he was a drug smuggler," Boone continued. "And then, a little after that, John couldn't walk anymore. He said he used to be in a wheelchair and now the island was taking back what it'd given him because it'd lost faith in him or something like that."

"Wait, Locke was in a wheelchair?" Jack asked, looking confused.

Boone nodded again. He really had to write down this whole 'don't move' thing. "So we find the Beechcraft and John tells me that I have to climb up cos of his legs. So I get up there and it's just this drug runners plane, statues of the Virgin Mary filled with baggies of heroin. But then I see the radio. And it works."

"You found a working radio?" Jack asked, leaning in a little.

"In the dashboard of the plane, I doubt it's working now," Boone replied. "But I got through to someone."

Jack looked at him. "You contacted someone on the radio? What happened? What did you tell them?"

"I told them we were the survivors from Oceanic flight 815," Boone replied.

"And what did they say back?" Jack pressed.

"They said, 'We're the survivors of Oceanic flight 815'."

Jack just stared at him. "You got an echo," he said eventually.

"I didn't get an echo, Jack," Boone told him.

"You must have done," Jack said.

"Jack, it wasn't an echo," Boone insisted. "The phrasing was slightly different. I was talking to someone. The other stuff they said wasn't even similar to what I said."

Jack stared at him again, clearly not knowing what to make of this. "Boone, your memory of that event may not be entirely accurate," Jack told him.

"Jack, I know what I heard," Boone replied.

"Was this before or after the plane fell on you?" Jack asked.

Boone threw him a look. "Before."

Jack sighed. "It doesn't seem likely," he said. "I'm not saying I don't believe you but who the hell would you have been talking to that was on that flight?"

"Maybe we're not the only people that survived the crash," Boone suggested.

Jack looked at him. He shook his head. "No one else could have survived that crash."

"We couldn't have survived that crash," Boone said. "In theory. But here we are."

Jack looked down, seeming to consider this. He then looked back at Boone. "Have you had some water lately?"

Typical Jack, Boone thought. Can't explain something so he brushes it under the carpet.

"Not since I woke up," Boone replied.

"Stay here, I'll get you some," Jack told him, standing up.

"Where would I go?" Boone asked.

Jack smiled at him and headed out of the tent. 


	24. Chapter 23

Jack checked Boone's injuries while he slept. He'd been wanting to check them for a while actually but it hadn't been that long since he'd last looked and he didn't want to make Boone concerned by being overzealous or, on the flip side, just annoy the hell out of him, which was actually far more likely. 

But Boone was looking fine. Well, okay, he'd definitely looked better, but considering what he'd been through, he hadn't come out all that bad at all. The swelling in the leg had gone down but Jack was making sure he kept a very close eye on it, the jungle wasn't the best place for open surgery and he didn't know what kinds of infections could have gotten in there, just waiting to show themselves. The stitches in his chest were holding together, not that Boone had particularly moved much yet, which was starting to be another problem. The head wound was never that serious but it was healing up nicely now. Jack leant down and listened to his breathing, regular and clear. Nothing to worry about.

He gave Boone another once over with his eyes, checking for anything he'd missed. Once he was convinced that Boone really was doing okay, he headed out of the medical tent and over to the pool. He splashed some water on his face as Kate came over.

"Hey," she said. "How's he doing?"

"He's okay," Jack nodded. "I mean he's in pain all the time and he can't really move all that much but he's being really pretty great about it. I don't think I'd be holding up quite so well."

Kate nodded. "He's being a little trooper, isn't he?"

"That's Boone," Jack agreed.

He got himself a drink and sat down heavily by the side of the pool. Kate looked at him.

"And how are you?" she asked.

"Me?" he asked. He hadn't even thought about that if he was honest. He was fine, a plane didn't fall on him. But he guessed Kate was talking about mentally and emotionally but he didn't really like to think in those terms. "I'm fine, Kate," he said.

She looked at him. "You sure? You look kind of fried."

"So maybe I haven't exactly been sleeping great," he said. "I get insomnia quite a lot though, it's not a big deal to me. You should have seen me the first year of my residency, I don't think I slept through a single night, and not because I was on call."

She smiled at him. "Yeah, I can imagine that, you do seem to take a lot of responsibility onto yourself."

"I didn't take it, Kate, it was given to me," Jack explained. "My father worked at the hospital too and those weren't easy footsteps to follow in. He didn't leave a lot of room for failure in my life."

"Is that the only reason you went into medicine?" she asked.

Jack thought about it. "It's probably the reason I went into pre-med," he admitted. "But I don't think it's the reason I'm a doctor."

She nodded, seeming to understand the distinction. "You really love it, don't you?"

Jack shrugged. "It's what I do."

"And now you have to do it alone which must be kind of tough," Kate commented.

Jack shook his head a little. "That's not why I'm fried," he said. "I mean, it's not easy being the one everyone comes to but that's not what's going on right now. I'm just worrying about Boone. I just... Everything's kind of shifted since the accident."

"How do you mean?" Kate asked.

Jack sighed and wondered how to answer that question. "I guess I mean our relationship," he replied. "We were just getting started and now I'm his doctor."

"You're more than just his doctor, I think you both know that," Kate pointed out.

"It's tough though," Jack stated. "And because of all his injuries we have to put everything on hold which just makes it doubly hard for us to hold on to our old roles."

"I'm not really following, Jack," Kate said, shaking her head a little and looking at him with a questioning expression. "What's on hold? Surely you don't have to..."

"I can't touch him, Kate," Jack cut in. "There is no part of him that I can touch without hurting him. I can hold his hand but that's just about it. I can't even really kiss him, not comfortably. I can't lean down because I can't touch his chest. It's just really difficult to make it all work, I feel like we're at a stand still."

Kate looked amused. "Well, maybe you guys will have to actually talk instead of just groping," she suggested.

Jack looked down. "We don't grope, Kate," he dismissed.

Kate laughed a little. "Right, yeah, okay, Jack," she said. "I won't tell."

Jack looked at her, finding himself getting wound up. "Don't pretend you know a goddam thing about my relationship," he snapped, taking the smile off her face. "It's not like that, okay? We were taking it slow. We hadn't got to any of that stuff yet and now it feels like we never will." He sighed and looked down again, embarrassed by his outburst.

Kate looked at him. "He's the first guy you've ever been with, isn't he?"

That annoyed Jack for some reason and he didn't know why. He just didn't like that she could read him, he hated being read. "Yeah," he replied quietly, not taking his eyes off the ground.

He saw Kate nod a little out of the corner of his eye. "That must make him pretty special, huh?"

Jack couldn't help but smile. Yeah, Boone was his lifesaver. But then, that's what he always said when he was in the good part of a relationship. It didn't really seem like two minutes ago that he was telling Sarah at their wedding how she saved his life. It felt real every time though.

"Special's an understatement," he told Kate.

"Then you should count your blessings you still have him," she said. "Some people aren't so lucky."

Jack thought it sounded like she was talking from experience and remembered the little aeroplane that she carried around with her. The aeroplane that belonged to the man she loved who was also the man she killed. He wasn't sure she should be allowed to feel sore about losing someone that she herself had taken off the earth but he didn't know the circumstances and he wasn't about to ask.

"I know," he said. "I don't mean to bitch so much. It's kind of stressful is all. But I'd rather have him this way than not have him at all."

Kate nodded. "Good choice."

"There's so many unanswered questions though," he said. "I mean, he told me all about the accident but I'm still wondering about this hatch."

"Did he tell you what it was?" Kate asked.

"He said he doesn't know," Jack replied. "I think I'm gonna go check it out myself, see what I can make of it. I'll have to wait until he wakes up so I can try and get some directions out of him."

"That won't be necessary."

Jack and Kate both turned around to see Sayid stood by them.

"I already had Locke show me where it was," Sayid continued.

Jack stood up. "Can you take me there?" he asked.

"Of course," Sayid replied.

Jack nodded and turned back to Kate. "Can you keep an eye on Boone for me?"

"Sure," she replied.

"Okay, just let me grab my pack and we can go," Jack stated.

He went back into the medical tent and grabbed his stuff. He gave Boone one more check over before he left. Leg -still attached. Stitches -still holding. Breathing -still regular. No problems at all. He leant down and placed a kiss on Boone's forehead before standing up and heading back out.

"Okay, let's go," he said.

Sayid nodded and led the way out of camp.


	25. Chapter 24

Jack looked Boone over and then turned to face him. "I think you should sit up."

Boone looked at him. "I don't feel like I should sit up," he said. "I feel kind of like I should never move again."

"I'm sure you do," Jack agreed. "But that's not really helping anyone. We need to try and get you mobile again, the longer you wait the harder it's going to get. Don't you wanna get out of this tent?"

"Well, yeah," Boone admitted.

"Okay, so, the leg's still bad and you're not gonna be walking on it for a while but I'm working on sorting out some crutches for you so you can..."

"Hop?" Boone finished, looking unimpressed. Jack gave him a rather doctor-like look. "Jack, I don't think I can hop."

"No, you can't," he agreed. "Not yet. That's why we're gonna start with sitting up."

Okay, Boone wasn't really into this plan. He wanted to get up, sure, but he had a feeling it was gonna hurt like hell. He was feeling better but that didn't mean he was feeling good yet.

"Look, Boone, you're gonna be okay, just co-operate with me, we'll get along just fine," Jack said.

Boone wanted to tell him how totally condescending that sounded but he really didn't have the energy right now. But Jack was a doctor and he knew about this stuff so Boone really knew that he should listen to him but he also knew that you should listen to your body and his body was asking him to never move again.

"You gonna talk to me or you just gonna lay there until I get bored and go away?" Jack asked him. "Which isn't happening by the way so I suggest we just get this over with."

"Okay, fine, whatever," Boone said.

Jack gave him a look. "I'm glad you're so enthusiastic about your recovery," he stated sarcastically.

"Can we just do this?" Boone asked.

Jack nodded. He leant down and checked Boone's chest wound. "It looks like it's holding together okay, we just have to be careful not to pop the stitches," he said.

"That sounds painful," Boone said.

Jack shook his head a little. "More inconvenient than anything," he assured him.

Boone looked at him. "Okay."

Jack gave him a smile. "Okay."

"I might fall down again," Boone warned.

"That's okay, I'll catch you," Jack told him. Boone gave him a smile. "Now, here's the plan. I'm gonna help you sit up and then we're gonna try and move back to over there so you have something to lean against."

"I have to move?" Boone asked. "You didn't say that, you just said sit up."

"You can do this Boone, okay?" Jack told him. "It's a couple of metres and I'm going to help you."

Boone glanced over. "That's like three metres," he said. "Maybe four."

"It's not four," Jack said. "Look, do you wanna lay there the rest of your life? Just get up."

"Okay, all right, you win," Boone said. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath which didn't hurt nearly as much as it used to so he guessed that was a good sign. He opened his eyes again and looked at Jack. "Let's do it then."

Jack gave him a smile and a nod and moved around, positioning himself behind Boone. "All right, on three, one, two, three."

Boone tried to sit up but he noted that Jack was really doing most of the work as he pulled him up and then supported him, resting Boone's back against his chest. The pain wasn't as bad as Boone was expecting but he figured that his pain threshold had really shot up a lot lately. A stubbed toe used to be agony but he doubted it would even register anymore. Which actually made Boone feel almost manly. But his head still wasn't entirely together and he was hit with another dizzy spell, causing him to close his eyes.

"Okay?" Jack asked.

"I'll let you know when everything stops spinning," Boone replied.

Jack shifted slightly behind him and then reached up an arm and gently stroked Boone's hair. "Just relax a minute, okay?" he told him. "Just breathe."

Boone nodded slightly. The dizzy spell passed but he didn't want to say anything, he didn't want Jack to move, didn't want him to stop playing with his hair. He could feel Jack's chest going up and down, feel his breath against his neck, and he wondered how long he could keep up the pretence of feeling out of it.

He felt Jack smile against him. "You ready?"

"Yeah, okay," Boone said reluctantly.

Jack moved away slightly but kept Boone's weight supported. Once again, Boone found Jack doing most of the hard work but he did manage to move himself along a little with his good leg. Jack stopped and slowly leaned him against a tree so that he could support himself. He leaned down to him.

"Dizzy?" he asked.

"I'm okay," Boone told him and then kind of wished that he'd lied so Jack would stroke his hair again.

Jack gave him a smile and sat down beside him. "Good," he said. "You did good there."

Boone gave him a look. "I didn't do anything."

"Don't cut yourself short, Boone," Jack told him. "You did good."

Boone smiled. "Thanks," he said. "I guess."

Jack sat in silence for a minute, staring ahead. "Something was pointed out to me," he said, not looking at Boone.

"What?" Boone asked.

"Well, it wasn't really pointed out to me but someone said something to me that made me realise something," Jack corrected.

Boone looked at him. "What?" he asked again, getting a little impatient.

Jack turned to face him. "I don't know anything about you."

Boone looked at him like he was an idiot. "What are you talking about, Jack? You know me."

Jack shook his head. "No, I don't," he said. "Not really. I know that in college you were a lifeguard and now you run a bridal company. I know that you have a stepsister called Shannon who you had sex with in Sydney." Boone cringed a little at that one, not very delicately put, Jack. "How old were you? When your parents got married?"

"Erm, I was ten and Shannon was eight," Boone said. "My mom married her dad twelve years ago."

"Twelve years?" Jack asked. Boone nodded. "So you've been siblings longer than you haven't been siblings," he stated.

Oh God, Boone thought. When you put it like that it sounded really, really wrong. And, okay, it was really, really wrong but he didn't want Jack to realise that. Boone glanced at Jack though and Jack clearly realised.

"You know, it's not as bad as it sounds, it's really, it's just, erm..." Boone attempted but really there was nothing he could say to defend it. He sighed. "Okay, you think I'm disgusting."

Jack looked at him. "No I don't."

"You do. You think I'm disgusting. You're disgusted," Boone insisted.

"Boone, I'm not, just shut up a second," Jack told him.

"Oh God, you so are," Boone said.

"I'm not," Jack repeated. "I guess I just figured you guys were older when your parents got married, I didn't realise you were still kids."

"You have to tell me an embarrassing story," Boone found himself saying suddenly.

Jack looked at him. "What?"

"You have to tell me a story that makes you cringe then we'll be even," Boone said.

Jack laughed a little. "Boone, I don't think that's how it works," he said.

Boone looked down. He was such an idiot, he always screwed stuff up. He should have just been honest from the beginning, he should have told Jack the whole story. If anyone knew that secrets got you nowhere it was Boone.

"I'm responsible for my father's death," Jack offered.

Boone looked at him, not sure where he was going with that. "What?"

"My father," Jack said. "He was a surgeon too, we worked together. He liked to drink, he had a problem. Anyway, one day, they paged him after he'd been drinking and he went into surgery regardless. His hands were shaking and he made a mistake. I went in there to try and fix it but it was too late, the patient died. And he tried to sweep it under the carpet, tried to make it go away like he always did. But I called him on it. And he got fired. And then he went to Australia and he drank himself to death because I took away the only thing he ever loved, I took away the thing that made him him." Jack looked at Boone. "I don't think that story was embarrassing so much as..." he trailed off.

"I think you did the right thing, Jack," Boone told him. "For what it's worth."

Jack gave him a little smile. "Thanks," he said.

"Is that why you were in Sydney?" Boone asked.

Jack nodded his head. "My mother asked me to bring my father home," he said. "And I couldn't even get that right."

"Jack, it's hardly your fault that we crashed here," Boone told him.

"No," Jack agreed. "But now I never get to lay everything between us to rest and I just, I really needed to do that. I needed it all to be over between us and now I'm stuck in this limbo between hating and acceptance." He looked at Boone. "I found the coffin but it was empty. I don't know what that means."

"It doesn't have to mean anything," Boone told him.

Jack nodded. "Maybe not," he agreed. "I just wish I could bury him so he'd be gone and I didn't have to wonder."

Boone kind of wished the same thing with his father. Not that his father was dead. Well, he could be for all Boone knew. But he knew about that longing for closure. Having an open ending was hell. If he knew where his father was and what he was doing then he could put the whole thing to rest and he wouldn't ever have to think about it again. But in reality he knew things weren't that easy. Any little bit of information that he'd find out about his father would just open up a whole other set of questions and he didn't want to start wanting anything from that man, even if it was just information. Sometimes it's better to be in the dark about things.

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," Boone said.

Jack looked at him. "You do?"

Boone nodded but didn't elaborate. He wasn't going to waste anymore time thinking about someone that didn't want him.

"So, tell me about your first kiss," Boone requested.

Jack smiled at him. 


	26. Chapter 25

"You look stressed," Boone said as Jack entered the medical tent. 

Jack looked at him and gave him a weary smile. "Let's just say I'm glad I have the option to get off the beach," he said. "That raft has just been one long headache. And we're not even done yet."

"What's happened now?" Boone asked.

"Which story do you want first? The one where Michael got poisoned or the one where they're heading for Antarctica?" Jack asked, sitting down.

Boone looked at him. "What?"

"Sun doesn't want Jin to leave so she put something in his water bottle to make him sick," Jack explained. "Then he and Michael got their water bottles confused and he got sick instead."

"Is he okay?" Boone asked.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, he'll be fine," he replied. "But Sawyer jumped to the wrong conclusion about everything and felt the need to out Kate which is just one more problem we don't need around here."

"Out Kate?" Boone asked. "Out her as what?"

"Fugitive," Jack replied.

Boone looked at him. "Kate's a fugitive?" Jack nodded. "You never told me that."

"I didn't?" Jack shrugged.

"You know you didn't," Boone replied, looking annoyed.

"Maybe I didn't, why does it matter?" Jack asked.

"What did she do?" Boone asked.

"I don't know," Jack replied.

Boone gave him a look. "Please, as if you don't know, you guys are always off having secret little talks."

Jack looked at him. "Do you think that?"

"What did she do?" Boone repeated.

"Boone, I don't know," Jack insisted. "And quite frankly I am sick of people asking me that. I don't care what she did anymore, people wanna know they can ask her themselves."

"Right, I'll just get up and go find her shall I?" Boone said sarcastically.

"Whatever she did, it's not important," Jack said. "Everyone gets a new life here."

"But what if she's dangerous?" Boone asked.

Jack didn't really know how to answer that one, the thought had definitely crossed his mind. If he didn't know that she was a fugitive then he wouldn't think twice about trusting her, she'd helped out more than her fair share and she was always there for Jack when he needed her, but the fact was that he did know that she'd done something and he couldn't just forget about it. It was always nagging at the back of his mind and he was always second guessing himself when he was around her.

"I don't think she's a threat to us, Boone," Jack replied, hoping he sounded at least half convinced by his own words. And then he caught the double meaning of the conversation. Boone was jealous of his relationship with Kate and the reason he didn't trust her wasn't because she was a fugitive. He was about to say something when Boone spoke up.

"So what's this about Antarctica?" he asked.

Jack looked at him and smiled. "Arzt, he's a science teacher, he knows some stuff about the currents and the trade winds. Anyway, he said that the winds are shifting south and if they don't get that raft launched then that's where they're going."

"Are they anywhere near?" Boone asked.

"I don't know," Jack said. "Michael thinks they can do it but it's gonna be tight."

"I hope they do it," Boone said. "I wouldn't mind getting to a hospital right about now."

"Hey, you're doing good, the worst part is definitely over," Jack told him. "I mean look at you. I thought I was gonna lose you and now you're sitting up and you're totally with it. Tomorrow I think we should try and leave the tent."

Boone smiled at him. "I was just getting used to the sitting up part."

"Well, I am gonna make sure that your recovery is as fast as it can be so that means I'm going to push you," Jack told. "I have years of practice trying to free up beds."

"So you just want me to get better so you can get my bed," Boone stated light-heartedly.

"No, I want you better so I can get you into bed," Jack corrected.

Boone smiled at him. "I think I'd be okay with that."

Jack smiled back at him. "So, with that incentive in place, how about we try and leave the tent tomorrow?"

"Okay then," Boone accepted.

"Good," Jack said. "The leg is looking better," he told Boone, looking it over again.

"Yeah, it feels better," Boone admitted.

Boone was still going to need those crutches though. Jack was going to ask Michael if he could knock something up for him before he left but there was no way he was going to have time now. And Jack knew what that meant. He had to ask Locke.

"Jack," Locke said, looking up from whatever it was he was doing with those knifes. "What can I do for you."

"Okay, I just want to say one thing," Jack began. "I don't trust you. And I certainly don't forgive you. I still believe that you are at least somewhat responsible for what happened to Boone, no matter what he says."

"What does he say?" Locke asked, turning his attention back to his knifes.

"That's not important," Jack said. "I don't trust you," he repeated. "We're not making up here."

"Understood, Jack," Locke said. "Though not the best way to approach someone for a favour."

"How do you know I want a favour?" Jack asked.

"Why else would you be talking to me?" Locke shrugged.

Jack tried to resist the urge to throttle him. "Okay, so I need a favour."

"Ask away," Locke said, still not giving Jack his full attention which was just making Jack's fists clench more.

"It's for Boone," Jack began, hoping that would make Locke more willing.

"Uh-huh," Locke acknowledged.

Jack took a breath and really tried to forget how much he hated Locke right now. "He needs some crutches," he explained. "I was going to ask Michael but he's busy with the raft and he can't really take time out right now. And I know you're pretty handy, you did a great job with that crib for Claire's baby."

Locke nodded and finally looked up at Jack. "I can do that for you."

"Thank you," Jack said, attempting to make an exit.

"There's a condition," Locke said.

Jack spun around and gave Locke a distasteful look. But he knew that he was in no bargaining position right now so he had to go with it. "Name it."

"I get to give him them myself," Locke requested.

Jack stared at him. "Why?"

"I'd like to see the kid, check up on him," Locke explained. "I want to see how he's doing."

"He's doing fine," Jack told him.

"I'd like to see that for myself," Locke said.

Jack just looked at him again. He knew why Locke wanted to present Boone with the crutches. He wanted to show Boone that Jack had needed his help, he wanted to undermine him. And he wanted to make sure that he still had Boone under his control so that when he was better they could go off and do secret missions again. Jack could really, really swing for him right now. There was no way he was letting Boone go out alone with Locke again, it wasn't happening. Locke had almost got Boone killed and he wasn't about to let him do it again. But he knew if he wanted the crutches he had to give in to Locke's condition. Locke had him over a barrel and he damn well knew it.

"Fine," Jack said. "But I'm gonna be there too."

"Absolutely," Locke agreed.

Right, Jack thought, it was probably easier to undermine someone when they were actually there.

"Just let me know when you're done," Jack requested, turning on his heel again.

"I'll get right on it, Jack," Locke called after him.

Jack waved back half-heartedly and carried on along his way. He could really use a punching bag right about now.


	27. Chapter 26

Boone sat by the fire, watching people rush around him, and felt entirely useless. People were setting up camp and preparing for 'the others' to come, even though none of them actually knew if these others even existed. There was that whole Ethan thing of course but other than that no one else had been seen. Boone wished he could help, wished he could be useful. But then last time he tried to be useful in a situation like this he fell asleep on sentry duty and someone died. Maybe it was best if he stayed out of it.

Shannon came over and sat next to him, really not looking her best. She clearly hadn't been keeping up with her preening schedule. And she had that dog with her. "Hey," she said, fidgeting with her sleeve.

"Hey."

"Yeah, so, Sayid went off after the crazy French chick to get Claire's baby back," Shannon explained.

"Yeah, I heard," Boone replied. "Jack went to get that temperamental dynamite to blow open the hatch."

Shannon nodded. "I heard." She turned to face him. "I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Yeah," Boone agreed. "I'm sure Sayid'll be fine."

"Yeah, he can look after himself," Shannon said. "So what do you think about these others?"

"I think the French lady's mental state leaves a little to be desired," Boone replied. "Wouldn't surprise me if she made it all up as a distraction so she could take the baby."

"You have to be pretty sick to steal someone's baby," Shannon said.

"I think sixteen years alone probably erodes your morals a little, Shan," Boone replied.

"God, we better not be here that long," Shannon muttered.

"Yeah, your hair's seriously starting to take the toll already," Boone smirked.

"Shut up, loser," she said, giving him a shove.

"Ow!" Boone said. "Please try and remember that a plane fell on me."

"Oh, shit, Boone, I'm sorry," she said, actually looking guilty. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Boone grumbled.

"You're out of the tent at least," she pointed out.

"Yeah, I am," he agreed.

"Must be nice," Shannon stated.

Boone nodded. "It is, yeah," he admitted. "I was starting to go a little stir crazy in there. Now I can go stir crazy out here instead."

"Yeah but you got those nifty crutches," Shannon pointed out.

"That I can barely use," Boone commented. "I think Jack was supporting me more than they were."

Shannon shrugged. "At least he's kind of hot."

"Kind of?" Boone asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Whatever," Shannon said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, anyway, I think it was really nice of John to make them for me," Boone said. "Maybe you and Jack can be a little nicer to him now."

"Are you kidding me?" Shannon asked incredulously. "Don't tell me you've been taken in by him again."

"What are you talking about?" Boone asked.

"You are such a bonehead, Boone," Shannon stated. "He's using you because you're so eager to please you'll do anything for him."

"That's not true," Boone argued. "And what happened wasn't his fault, Shan. If it wasn't for him I'd still be laid out there."

"No, if it wasn't for him you wouldn't even have been out there in the first place, you would have been following Jack around camp like a lost little puppy dog," Shannon countered.

"Yeah, he gave me something to do, he made me useful," Boone replied.

"He almost got you killed," Shannon stated.

"God, Shannon, he didn't drag me out there, he didn't force me to climb up, he didn't make me stay up there playing with the radio," Boone explained.

"Look, whatever, like I care," she dismissed. She looked down and started playing with her sleeve again.

"You okay?" Boone asked.

"I'm fine," Shannon said simply.

"He'll be back," Boone told her.

"Yeah, I know," she replied.

"Did you guys patch things up?" Boone asked.

"Not really," Shannon admitted. She looked up at him. "He wouldn't help me, Boone. He didn't side with me. He sided with him."

"You're gonna realise you're wrong, Shan," Boone told her. "I know you all want someone to blame but why don't you blame me? I'm the idiot that sat in a plane as it fell off a cliff."

Shannon smiled at him. "You are an idiot," she agreed.

"Yeah, thanks, Shan," he said. "You pick now to finally agree with me?"

"I want to make up with Sayid," she stated. "Do you think that's the right thing to do? Because when you date someone you're supposed to be on the same side and I don't think he's on my side."

"Shan, I think he is your side," Boone stated. "I think he was protecting you more than John." Shannon looked at him. "I think you should go for it."

Shannon smiled at him. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I think I should too." She looked down again. "Now I just need him to come back in one piece."

"He'll be back," Boone told her. She nodded but didn't seem overly convinced. "So what's with the dog?" he asked.

Shannon looked at Vincent and then Boone. "Walt asked me to take care of him," she said, leaning down to pet the dog. "Just while he's gone."

"That's a really nice thing to do, Shan," he told her.

"Whatever," she shrugged. "The kid asked me, what was I supposed to say?"

Typical Shannon, Boone thought, she didn't want to be caught helping anyone else out.

"Well, we never did have any pets of our own," Boone said.

"Not with Sabrina around," Shannon snorted. "Pets are messy and useless. I don't know why children weren't classified in the same way in her eyes."

"Oh, they probably were," Boone said. "She was just too proper to say it out loud."

"I wanted a dog when I was a kid," Shannon told him. "But my dad always said that I had to wait until I was old enough to look after it on my own. He said that if I still wanted a dog when I was ten then he'd buy me one. But then he married Sabrina..."

"I didn't know that," Boone said. "Sorry."

Shannon shrugged. "I probably would have got bored of it in a week anyway."

There was a small commotion and Boone looked over to see Sayid and Charlie enter the camp, Charlie carrying Claire's baby. He handed the baby over to Claire who had never looked happier. Sayid moved away from the group and headed over to the pool. Boone turned back to Shannon and saw her staring at Sayid. He rolled his eyes.

"Go talk to him," he told her.

Shannon looked at him. "Do you think he'll talk to me?"

Boone gave him a look. "Just listen to me for once in your life."

She smiled at him. "Okay," she grumbled.

She got up and walked over to Sayid at the pool. He turned around and they looked at each other before falling into a hug. Boone couldn't help but smile. Shannon seemed happy, which didn't really happen all that often. In fact Shannon seemed to enjoy being miserable just so she had something to whine about. She liked playing hard done by. But Boone felt like things were shifting for all of them. He felt like Shannon was starting to grow up a bit. And he felt like he was too. He watched Shannon and Sayid hug and hoped that Jack wasn't going to be too much longer. 


	28. Chapter 27

Jack expected this from Locke but not from Kate. Kate was on his side, Kate had promised to be on his side, and then she goes swanning off after Locke to find out what's down that hatch when he specifically said that everyone should stay in the camp. And Locke just had to announce his plans when Jack was trying to calm the rest of the group. He had to do it publicly. He had to let everyone know that Jack wasn't the boss of him. And Jack knew he shouldn't let it get to him, he knew that if it got to him that Locke had won, but to hell with Locke he was really pissed off right now. 

"So what's down there?"

Jack brought himself out of his thoughts and looked at Boone. "What?"

"What's down the hatch?" Boone asked. "What did you see?"

"I didn't see anything, Boone," Jack replied, shaking his head. "I don't know what's down the hatch."

"But you blew it open, right?" Boone asked, looking puzzled.

Jack nodded. "Yeah."

"So then what's behind the door?" Boone pressed.

"It's just a shaft, a long, dark shaft," Jack replied. "There was a ladder but the rungs were broken off after a couple of feet. There's no safe way to get down there."

"But John and Kate are gonna, right?" Boone asked.

"I guess so," Jack replied, staring at the fire.

"Well, wasn't there anything you could tell by opening it?" Boone continued. "Any clues, any hints to what might be down there?"

"I don't know, Boone," Jack sighed. "Like what?"

"I don't know," Boone shrugged. "Hey, was there a handle on the inside?"

Jack looked at him. "What?"

"The inside of the door," Boone elaborated. "There was no handle on the outside, was there one on the inside? Could you open it from inside?"

Jack thought about the inside of the door, the 'quarantine' stamped across it, and he wondered if it really meant anything. He wondered whether he should mention it to Boone. Boone had a right to know, he was the one the dug the hatch up and toiled over it for weeks, he put a lot of his energy into it, he very nearly died for it. And yet Jack didn't really want to tell him. Not because he wanted to withhold anything from Boone, more that he wanted to protect him. They didn't know anything about what was down there yet and until they did it wasn't safe to make assumptions on the little information they had.

"Yeah, there was a handle," Jack replied.

"So you can get out but you can't get back in again," Boone mused. "Like a hotel room door."

Jack looked at him again. "Boone, what?"

Boone rolled his eyes a little. "When you're in a hotel room," he began. "When you close the door to your room you can open it from the inside by using the handle but from the outside you need a key," he explained. "You never got locked out of a hotel room?"

"No," Jack stated. "And I can't imagine you would either. Boone Carlyle forgetting anything? I doubt you leave the house without triple checking the whole keys, wallet, watch thing."

"I had a flighty girlfriend once," Boone explained simply.

"You dated a flighty girl?" Jack asked. He could imagine Boone having a meltdown if he had to be anywhere near a flighty girl.

"It didn't last very long," Boone said.

Jack smiled at him. "Hotel thing the last straw?"

Boone shook his head sadly. "She left the parking brake off my car," he explained. "It didn't end well. Last time I let a girl near my ride, though, believe me."

"I can't see you tolerating a girl like that," Jack stated.

"It was, erm..." he stopped and considered his words. "It was an experiment," he said. "It didn't work."

Jack nodded. "I guess we have to try these things while we're young," he said.

"What did you try when you were young?" Boone asked.

"Oh God," Jack moaned. "Nothing I really wanna rehash right now."

"No fair," Boone grumbled. He looked at the fire for a beat before turning back to Jack. "So what do you think John and Kate are gonna find down there?"

Jack looked down. He thought about coming up with some story about his misspent youth just so that he didn't have to talk about the hatch anymore. He really didn't want to think about it right now. He was trying very hard not to think about it. And especially not to think about Locke down there, undoubtedly claiming the place as his own. He hated the fact that Locke was getting ahead of him, getting one up on him. Which he knew was very immature but he couldn't help the way the man made him feel.

It wasn't just that though, it was also the fact that he didn't trust Locke as far as he could throw him and he guessed that wouldn't be very far. Locke could be doing anything down there. He could be doing anything to Kate down there. He couldn't trust Locke to be fair and honest. He wanted to see for himself what was going on down there.

"Jack?"

Jack looked back at Boone. "Huh?"

"Are you okay?" Boone asked him, looking concerned.

"Yeah," Jack nodded. "Yeah, sorry, spaced out a little."

"What were you thinking?" Boone pressed.

Jack shook his head. "Doesn't matter," he dismissed. "What were we talking about?"

"The hatch," Boone reminded him, looking at him like he was in the special class.

"Right, yeah," Jack said, realising too late that it came out sounding rather disinterested.

"Sorry," Boone said, looking away. "You're probably sick of all that."

"Me?" Jack asked. "You're the one that spent three weeks out there."

"Yeah, something like that," Boone agreed.

"You're not sick of it?" Jack asked.

"I was," Boone admitted. "I got kind of bored of it. Well, bored of sitting there everyday and never actually achieving anything. I'm used to getting results, I'm not used to a job where you do literally nothing. What's the point? Except John kept insisting that we were doing something. I guess I must have believed him because I kept going out there with him."

"Do you still believe him?" Jack asked carefully, not sure if he wanted an answer. If Boone was still on Locke's side then he wasn't sure he could take it right now.

"I don't know," Boone replied, thinking about it. "Whatever's down there, it's got to matter, right? I mean, it was buried, it was hidden. Doesn't that mean that it's valuable?"

"Or dangerous," Jack added.

Boone looked at him. "Someone hid it from us cos they wanted it kept for themselves or because they wanted to protect people from it."

"So which option are you going with?" Jack pressed.

Boone looked amused. "Is this where I'm supposed to pick sides?" he asked. "You or John? Optimist or pessimist?"

"Which one am I?" Jack asked.

"You tell me," Boone replied.

"I have no idea anymore," Jack admitted, shaking his head a little. "I wanted to open it, right? I wanted to get down there. I was looking for supplies or shelter or something. I was hoping for it. And John wanted to open it too. But that doesn't put us on the same side."

"Why not?" Boone asked, looking at the fire instead of at Jack. "Because you don't want to be? I don't think that's enough, Jack."

"We're not the same," Jack insisted.

"Would that be so bad?" Boone asked.

"Yes," Jack stated strongly.

Boone looked up at him, a slightly questioning look on his face. "I don't really get it," he said.

"There's nothing to get," Jack dismissed, looking away.

"Well I don't think that's true," Boone said, rolling his eyes. "Is the only reason you hate him because of what happened to me?" he asked. "Because if it is then you're wrong."

"It's complicated, Boone," Jack told him.

"Yeah, right, it's probably grown-up stuff that I'm too young to get," Boone said dryly.

Jack looked at him and he had a sarcastic smirk on his face. "You're not too young," Jack told him. "You're too naive. There's a difference."

Boone expression shifted into one of annoyance. "Don't tell me I'm naive, where the hell do you get that from?"

Jack sighed and looked away again. "You trust Locke don't you?"

"Maybe I just see the good in people," Boone said.

"You do," Jack stated. "But no one's all good, Boone, and you don't like to see the bad parts."

"Jesus, Jack, could you be anymore condescending?" Boone asked, clearly aggravated. "You sound like my life coach or something."

Jack stood up. He couldn't take the sitting around and waiting any longer. "I'm going to the hatch."

Boone looked up at him, clearly thrown for six. "What?"

"I'm going to check on them," Jack said. "I want to know what's happening."

"Okay, well, maybe you just stop being such a control freak and sit down," Boone suggested. Jack shook his head. "Jack, I'm sure they're fine. Have a little faith."

Jack looked down at him. "I don't have faith," he stated, shaking his head a little.

"Jack, don't go," Boone pleaded. "We have to watch the sunrise."

Jack couldn't help but think how he looked like a little kid asking to stay up for ten more minutes. And he didn't want to leave him, he really didn't. But he didn't trust Locke and this was too big a thing to leave in his hands.

"I'll be back soon," he promised.

He took a step away and then turned back and leant down, placing a kiss on Boone's mouth. Before Boone had a chance to react he pulled away again and stood up, heading to retrieve his pack and get back to the hatch.


	29. Chapter 29

Jack started putting things into his pack, preparing to go back to the hatch, and he couldn't get Sarah out of his mind. Which was really unfair because he'd trained himself not to think about her, her or the baby, and now all his hard work was coming unravelled. All because of Desmond and that stupid hatch and the goddam button of doom. Desmond who had told him to have faith and that miracles do happen. Okay, so he didn't actually say any of that stuff, but it was heavily implied and somehow that was worse. And Jack did save Sarah, which by his own admission would have been a miracle. But Jack didn't believe in miracles so he didn't know what to call it. 

"You promised you wouldn't leave while I was asleep."

Jack turned around to see Boone looking at him. "I'm not leaving," Jack told him. "I'm getting ready to leave."

"You were gonna go," Boone said.

"I wasn't" Jack insisted. "I was just getting my pack ready, I'm not going anywhere yet."

"Well I see you're in a sparkling mood again anyway," Boone quipped.

Jack considered saying something but thought better of it and instead turned his attention back to his pack.

"Oh good, you're being mature as well," Boone continued.

Jack turned around to face him. "What do you want, Boone?" he asked, sounding rather more irritated than he'd intended on.

Boone looked wounded. "To talk to you?" he replied, sounding unsure.

Jack sighed. "About what?"

Boone shrugged and looked down. Jack felt like a bad person. But then he was being a bad person so he guessed that was probably about right. But he so couldn't take Boone right now. Which sounded awful but he was thinking about Sarah right now and being with Boone, well, it didn't quite match up.

"I just have to get some stuff sorted out at the hatch, okay?" Jack explained. "I just have to sort some things out."

"It's cool," Boone said, not looking at him.

"I'll be back by nightfall," Jack told him.

Boone looked up. "How you gonna know when it's nightfall if you're down a hole?"

Jack thought about it. That was actually a good point. "I'll keep an eye on the time," he said. "I'll know."

"Okay, sure," Boone said, looking down again.

"Hey, you sat up on your own," Jack said, and then felt bad for only just realising.

"Yeah," Boone nodded. "I did yesterday too seeing as no one was here to help me."

Jack felt a twinge of guilt. Actually it was more than a twinge. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Be a lot more convincing if you could meet my eyes," Boone told him. Jack looked at him fully. "It doesn't matter," Boone dismissed, looking away.

Jack got up and moved over to him. "You know that if I could take you with me I would, right?" Jack asked. "I'm leaving the camp, not you. I have to do this."

"Yeah, leader duty, I get it," Boone said.

"When you're fully recovered we'll do this stuff together," Jack told him, which he really meant. Even if he was actually slightly glad to get away from Boone right now so that he could get his feelings for Sarah and Boone and everyone else in order, this second part was definitely true, when Boone was fully recovered he'd be Jack's definite second in command. Well, he'd be in the inner circle for sure.

"Okay," Boone said, sounding unconvinced.

Jack sighed. "What am I supposed to do?" he asked. "I tell you I'm leaving, you get pissed off. I tell you I want you to come, you get pissed off."

"Because you're supposed to do it in the other order, Jack," Boone told him, finally making eye contact again.

Jack nodded. "So I'm not great with the speeches, doesn't mean my intentions aren't there."

"You have been acting really weird since you came back from blowing the hatch open," Boone pointed out. "What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on," Jack insisted.

Boone looked at him for a second and then shook his head a little, looking away.

"Oh good, you don't believe me, that's fantastic," Jack said sarcastically.

"Well you're lying," Boone replied.

Jack looked at him. Okay, so maybe he was lying. But it wasn't really a lie, it was more a slight manipulation of the truth. He told Boone about Desmond and the computer and the timer. He just missed out the part where he met Desmond one time in LA three years ago. And that whole quarantine thing, but he guessed that was just a ruse anyway. Also he hadn't quite gotten around to telling Boone about the fact that he was married once but that wasn't a lie either, Boone had never asked him if he'd been married. Jack may have neglected to mention it but he never lied about it because he never claimed he wasn't married.

"I thought you trusted me," Jack said.

Boone looked at him. "I thought I did too."

Jack nodded in some kind of acceptance. He couldn't really argue with that and, even if he could, he really didn't have the energy. "You want me to help you outside before I go?" he asked. Boone shook his head. Jack reached over and grabbed a water bottle. "Here, you should drink something, you don't want to add dehydration to your list of conditions."

"Nope," Boone said, taking a drink from the bottle.

"So are you gonna be okay?" Jack asked.

"Would it really make a difference to your plans if I wasn't?" Boone asked, sounding bitter.

"Yes," Jack replied, hoping his conviction shone through.

He swore he saw Boone roll his eyes a little. "I'm fine, Jack, you can go now." Jack didn't move and Boone turned to face him. "I'm fine," he repeated.

"I promise I'll be back before nightfall," Jack told him.

"Don't make promises, Jack," Boone said. "You should never make a promise that you're not going to keep."

"Boone, I'm..."

"Jack, stop," Boone instructed. "It's fine. Some people aren't promise people."

Jack wondered how Boone knew that about him. But Jack was a promise person, he always made promises, but sometimes he couldn't keep them and he guessed that's what Boone meant. But he kept his promise to Sarah and he kept his promise to Boone. He fixed them both. But that didn't mean he fixed their lives and it didn't mean he was good for them. It didn't mean he was meant to be with them.

"I know you mean well but you need to know when to let things go," Boone continued.

Jack looked down as his father's words echoed in his mind. _Commitment is what makes you tick, Jack. The problem is you're just not good at letting go._ For all the times he thought that his father didn't know him or care about him he seemed to have him pretty pegged. And yet here he was, letting Boone slip away because he was thinking about Sarah. He didn't even know how that made sense. Actually, he was almost certain it didn't make any sense but he couldn't work out what sense it was supposed to make in his head that was making him feel this way. He was stuck on an island and his options were limited. Sarah was not an option. Even if Sarah was an option, would Jack really want her? No, he wouldn't, he knew he wouldn't, that's why he divorced her after all. Well, strictly speaking, she divorced him, but he really didn't fight it for a second. Not a single second and there was something almost wrong about that but Jack knew it was the right thing so he didn't question it.

But Jack couldn't get Sarah out of his head all the same and it was affecting the way he was looking at Boone. Well, he wasn't looking at Boone at all, he was looking at the sandy ground of the tent, but he had a feeling Boone was looking at him. He could almost feel his gaze. He wanted to be with Boone, he knew he did, but he felt like there was an obstacle in the way. Boone was the first person he'd dated since the divorce and he was also the first man he'd ever dated. There was something about those two things together that made Jack slightly uncomfortable.

He looked up and met Boone's eyes. "I was married," he said, hoping that some kind of clarity would come of saying that out loud.

Boone looked at him for a second. "You're married?"

"No," Jack said. "I _was_ married. I'm not married now."

"So you're divorced?" Boone asked.

"Yeah, I'm divorced," Jack agreed.

Boone nodded and looked at Jack, seeming to wait for him to say something but Jack didn't really have anything else to say. "How long ago?" Boone asked. "The divorce."

"It'll be eight months now," Jack replied, almost surprised that the gap had grown, he'd shut it out of his head for so long it didn't feel like time could affect it anymore.

"That's kind of recent," Boone said.

"I guess," Jack shrugged. It felt like a million years ago to him.

"How long were you married for?" Boone asked.

"Eighteen months," Jack replied. "Which really isn't very long for a marriage to last, is it? It's supposed to be forever. That's what the vows say."

"So what happened?" Boone asked.

Jack didn't know how to answer that. Well, he knew what the answer was, the answer was the miscarriage, but Jack wasn't sure he wanted to say that. The marriage was a big enough admission right now, he wasn't sure he was ready to bring the baby into the equation yet.

"I was a bad husband," Jack replied. "I wasn't there when I should have been there. Some stuff happened and we disconnected and we just stopped communicating. We stopped trying. I guess we weren't willing to put the work in after a certain point."

Boone nodded and Jack suddenly wondered if he'd just signed the death warrant to this relationship too, he didn't exactly make himself sound like the perfect mate there.

"How did you meet?" Boone asked.

"She was a patient," Jack explained and he could feel tears starting to sting his eyes as he thought about Sarah and meeting Desmond and everything else that he told himself that he'd never have to think about again. "She was in a car accident and her spine was crushed. She told me that she wanted to dance at her wedding and I told her that she would, even though I didn't believe it."

"Dance at her wedding?" Boone asked.

"She had a different fiancé at the time," Jack explained. "Because of the accident things didn't work out between them. I told him that she was pretty much going to be paralysed from the waist down for the rest of her life and, well, he didn't sign up for that."

"She was in a wheelchair?" Boone asked.

Jack shook his head. "I fixed her," he said. "I fixed her and I married her and then I broke her into a thousand pieces." He looked down. "I don't know what she's doing now. I hope she has someone else to fix her. To fix her broken heart. I don't know how to fix a broken heart."

"Do you have a broken heart?" Boone asked carefully.

"No," Jack replied. "But I kind of wish I did because I think it would make the whole thing a lot easier to bear."

"I don't think that's true," Boone told him. "Sometimes feeling empty is the best form of defence."

Jack looked at him. "I don't want to feel empty anymore."

Boone met his gaze. "You don't have to."

Jack knew what Boone was offering him and he couldn't help but smile despite himself. He wanted it, he wanted it all with Boone, and Boone was more than happy to let him have it, to let him take more than his fair share.

"Thank you," Jack said, still looking him in the eye.

Boone returned his smile and then looked down, almost shy. He looked back up again. "What was her name?" he asked.

"Sarah," Jack replied. "Her name was Sarah."

Boone nodded. "That's a pretty name."


	30. Chapter 30

"Hey, Peg-leg," Shannon said as she sat down next to Boone. 

"I still have my leg, actually," Boone pointed out, giving her an unimpressed look. Shannon looked disinterested. "Where's your boyfriend?" he asked.

"Hatch," she replied. "Yours?"

Boone nodded in agreement. "Hatch."

"Maybe I should go check it out, God knows what they've got in there," Shannon said.

"Sayid didn't tell you?" Boone asked.

"I never really asked," Shannon shrugged. "Why do I care?" She looked at Boone. "Did Jack tell you?"

Boone looked down. "Erm, no," he replied.

Shannon laughed a little. "You are such a bad liar, Boone," she stated.

Boone looked at her. "Jack told me not to tell," he whispered.

"Yeah, people seem to tell you that a lot," Shannon commented, looking away. "And yet you never seem to tell them where to shove it."

"I can't tell Jack that," Boone said.

Shannon turned her attention back to Boone, a wicked and rather suggestive smile on her lips. "Oh, please," she said with a leer. "I bet you love to tell Jack where to stick it." Boone just glared at her. Shannon rolled her eyes. "You're no fun anymore, you know that?"

Boone shook his head a little and looked away. "Hey, do you and Sayid talk?"

"No, we just sit there is silence," Shannon replied sarcastically. "What do you think, doofus?"

"No, I know you talk, but I mean do you really talk? Like about the important stuff?" Boone asked.

"What's important?" Shannon asked. "I don't think any of the normal stuff matters in this place."

"I think it does," Boone told her. "I mean, yeah, stuff's different and priorities and different and all that but I think the normal stuff still matters. I think it's important."

"Okay," Shannon replied, sounding uninterested.

"Like has he ever been married?" Boone asked.

"Sayid? I don't know," Shannon replied.

"Don't you care?" Boone asked. "He could be married now for all you know. He could have five kids."

Shannon gave him a look. "I think he might have mentioned it."

Well, yeah, she had a point. And Boone wasn't really sure where he was going with this to be honest. "Jack's been married," he said.

"He's divorced?" Shannon asked. Boone nodded and Shannon smiled. "Divorcee," she said. "Well he is old," she shrugged.

"He's not old," Boone defended.

"Boone, he's old," Shannon told him.

"He is not," Boone insisted.

"He's a damn sight older than you," Shannon pointed out.

Boone tried not to look like the lost puppy Shannon always told him he resembled. "Do you think that matters?"

Shannon rolled her eyes a little. "Do _you_ think it matters?" she questioned back.

"Oh come on, how does that help me?" Boone asked.

"Do you?" Shannon persisted.

"I dunno," Boone replied. "I mean, in the great scheme of things, I'm really young. I haven't done all that much stuff, I don't have a lot of life experience. Straight out of college I go work for my mom in a position that no one my age should have. And that's it, that's all I've done. And look at Jack. He's a doctor. He's a fricking spinal surgeon. And he's been married. And I'm sure he's done other stuff that's better than the stuff that I've done."

"Hmm," Shannon hummed, checking her nails. "So break up with him."

Boone looked at her. "What?"

"Well, you know, if you don't think you have anything in common then what's the point?" she asked.

"We have stuff in common," Boone insisted.

"Yeah?" Shannon asked. "Like what?"

"Well, we both like to help people," Boone began. "We want to save people. We both have overbearing parents. We both take failure far too personally. We both take our jobs really seriously."

"Okay, okay, all right," Shannon cut in with a wave of her hand. "So you have stuff in common," she said. "There's still the whole age difference thing."

"So, he's a little older," Boone said.

"It's more than a little," Shannon added.

Boone looked at her. "I care about Jack, I don't care how old he is," he stated, finding himself getting rather wound up. "I'm mature enough to make it work with someone who's a little older, or a lot older, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Sayid's older than you."

"Yeah, he is," Shannon agreed.

"So why are you starting on me?" Boone demanded.

"No one started on anyone, Boone," she pointed out calmly, still concentrating on her nails, which was infuriating the hell out of Boone.

"Jack's my boyfriend and I happen to love him and I don't care what you think about our ages," Boone stated.

Shannon finally looked up at him. And she smiled. And Boone should really hit himself around the head for being such an idiot.

"You played me," he sighed. "Again." She nodded and shrugged a little. "And I fall for it every time."

"You certainly do," Shannon agreed. "You really need to invest in a clue."

"But you did it to help me," he realised. "You weren't attacking me. You used your powers for good."

"Used my powers for good?" Shannon repeated. "I'm a lot of things, Boone, but I'm not a superhero."

"No, but you might just be a nice person under there somewhere," Boone replied.

"Whatever, bonehead," Shannon dismissed, looking away.

Boone smiled. It was actually pretty cute that Shannon found it so hard to admit that she was really a nice person. Boone knew that all along of course but sometimes the act fooled even him. But he knew it was just a wall she put up to protect herself and Boone knew all about walls. He had to work out a way to let Jack passed his because he really wanted to give him everything, he wanted to make this work in a proper grown-up way. Which Boone was so capable of. He just wasn't great at relationships. He loved being in relationships, loved having someone to lean on, someone to look after and someone who'd look after him. But they also kind of scared the hell out of him because they required you to give up a part of yourself and Boone wasn't so willing to let himself go like that. He might be able to run a company and wow clients and sweet talk suppliers and chat-up the odd girl in a bar when he had time to go to a bar, but he was really quite a private person at heart. He was guarded. He was interested in self-preservation a lot more than his demeanour might have people believe. He didn't like having his heart broken. It hurt like hell and it never really went away.

And then there was Jack. Part of Boone told him it was okay to get his heart broken by Jack so long as he actually got to be with Jack for a little while, got to experience things with him and through him. But Boone knew that that part of his brain was stupid and following it never led to good things. If Boone wanted to do this safely he had to do it on Jack's terms. Jack was straight and Boone had to remember that. He might be willing to participate in the relationship but Boone had to be careful not to push him. He also had to be careful not to whine because he'd been told that he did that.

"So you love him, huh?" Shannon asked.

"Don't tell him that," Boone rushed. "He doesn't know."

"Why not?" Shannon asked, looking at him like he was an idiot.

"Well, we haven't done that whole thing yet," Boone said. "I don't want to scare him off. He's new to all this."

"He's new to being in love?" Shannon asked.

"No," Boone replied. "But he's never, y'know..."

"Been gay before?" Shannon finished.

"Yeah, that," Boone replied quietly.

"You are such an idiot, you know that?" she stated.

"I don't think he'd say it back," Boone said. "I think he'd probably freak."

"You thought he'd freak when you guys went public, didn't you?" Shannon asked.

"Well, yeah," Boone replied.

"And did he?" she pressed.

"No," Boone admitted.

"Give the guy a little faith," Shannon told him. "He's mature, remember."

"You're alluding to him being old again, aren't you?" Boone asked.

Shannon rolled her eyes. "That's not the point."

"Shannon, I can't tell him," Boone said. "I mean, maybe it's not even true. How do you know when you're in love?"

"You know," Shannon told him.

"That is the stupidest answer," Boone complained. "'You know', what is that supposed to mean? People always say that, don't they? 'When it's love you just know.' Well I don't know. Does that mean it's not love?"

Shannon looked at him. "I think that means you're thinking about it too much," she told him. "When you were mad and you were yelling at me you told me you loved him. I think that's a more trustworthy conclusion that five hours of contemplation."

Yeah, she had a point there, Boone agreed. "How do you know so much about love?" he asked.

"I've been in love," Shannon said, sounded pretty offended. "I was married, remember?"

Boone shook his head a little. "I don't think that one was love, Shan."

"Love doesn't always last forever, Boone," she told him. "But when it's over it's no less real."

Boone looked at her. Maybe she did love the idiot French guy. Boone hated him personally. But Boone was in love with Shannon himself at the time. At least he thought he was. Those feelings seemed to fade away a little more everyday though now and they felt like some kind of distant memory and he felt like less of a pervert. And yet he still couldn't quite work out if they were real or not. And he couldn't work out if it mattered.

"I'll tell him when he tells me," Boone said.

"What if he's thinking the same thing?" Shannon questioned.

"What if he's not thinking about it at all?" Boone asked. "I don't want to be the idiot who brings it up."

"Okay, firstly, you'll always be the idiot," Shannon told him. "And secondly, you have to take a leap of faith sometimes."

"Sometimes when you take a leap of faith, you land wrong and it hurts like hell," Boone said.

"Yeah, and sometimes you end up in the arms of a spinal surgeon," Shannon added, standing up. "But if you don't take the leap then you're just stood there looking into the darkness for the rest of your life wondering 'what if?'" She sighed. "I don't know why I'm bothering to tell you all this, you'll probably screw it up in your own unique way anyway," she said.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Shan," he replied.

She shrugged and walked away. Boone watched her go and wondered why she couldn't have acted like this when they were growing up. Maybe if he'd had a real sister he wouldn't have had to pretend he was in love with her for all those years. Maybe he wouldn't be so screwed up now. But he knew that he was screwed up long before Shannon entered his family so he really couldn't blame it all on her. He just wished he knew the answers to all the stupid nagging questions his life threw at him.


	31. Chapter 31

Jack was sorting through the medical supplies in the hatch and he really wished he had access to all this stuff when he was working on Boone that night. Peroxide and liquor bottles only did so much. But Boone was okay so he really shouldn't worry about it.

"You look like a kid in a candy store," Kate said, coming up behind him.

He looked up and smiled at her. "Let's just hope I don't ever need to use any of this," he replied.

Kate nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I think we've really had enough blood spilt around here for a while."

Jack stood up. "Yeah, we could do with a little bit of calm around here."

"I don't like calm," Kate said. "There's something very suspect about it."

"Maybe that's because you spend your life waiting for the storm," Jack suggested.

"Maybe that's because I have to," Kate replied.

"The secret life of Kate Austin, huh?" Jack said, walking towards the sofa.

"You had your chance to..."

"Never mind, Kate," he dismissed. "I don't even care. It doesn't matter." He sat down on the sofa and she hovered over him, looking almost awkward. "What?"

Kate shook her head but still didn't move. "So did you ever work out what that stuff was?" she asked. "The stuff in the bottles, the injections."

Jack shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "I don't recognise anything on the bottle and there's really no way for me to tell without doing some tests that I can't perform here."

"Right," Kate said, nodding a little. She sighed and sat down next to him. "Do you really think there's a sickness?"

"No," Jack replied simply.

"That's it?" she asked.

"No one's gotten sick, Kate," Jack stated. "Not one person. There are no grounds whatsoever to believe that there is some kind of disease on this island."

"Except that it said quarantine on the inside of the door," Kate pointed out.

"Yeah, so that people like us would sit in here like lab rats and press a stupid button every 108 minutes," Jack replied.

"And the French woman, she said that her crew got sick, that they had to be put down," Kate continued.

"The French woman's crazy," Jack said. "And that's probably the reason she killed them."

"But she wasn't crazy then," Kate argued. "She's crazy because she's been alone for sixteen years."

"All due respect, Kate, but how do we know that?" Jack asked. "She could have been as crazy as that the day she got here. We don't know anything about her and personally I'm not going to be putting a whole lot of faith in anything she says. I don't see any illness, I don't see any others, she says that monsters don't exist but there's something out there. So far the only thing she's been right about is the dynamite and you have to be pretty crazy to carry that stuff around without the proper precautions."

Kate looked at him for a beat. "I wouldn't have pegged you for someone who believed in monsters either," she said.

Jack sighed. "Security system?" he asked. "You buy that?"

Kate smiled suddenly. "You saw that black smoke like I did, Jack," she said. "What do you think it is?"

Jack shook his head. "That could have been anything."

"Like what?" Kate pressed.

Jack shrugged. "Bugs."

Kate laughed. "Bugs?" she asked. "Jack, not even you buy that one."

"I don't know what it was, Kate," Jack admitted. "But I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for all this."

"Right," Kate nodded. "You just can't think of one."

The timer started beeping. Kate stood up.

"Isn't Locke in there?" Jack asked.

Kate shook her head. "He went for a walk."

"Where to?" Jack asked.

"Why are you looking so suspicious?" Kate asked. "He just went for a walk."

She headed into the other room. Jack got up and followed her.

"Did he take anything with him?" Jack asked.

Kate looked at him. "I don't know," she replied. "Just his pack." She typed in the code.

"What was in it?" Jack continued.

Kate pressed 'execute' and the timer reset. She straightened up and looked at Jack. "What do you think he's going to do?"

"I don't know," Jack replied. "But I wish there was one person around here that I didn't have to ask that question over every time they were out of sight." He turned and headed back to the living quarters. He heard Kate follow him.

"I got a feeling that was a dig at me," she said.

Jack turned around to face her. "It wasn't a dig at anyone," he replied. "It's just a general observation."

"Yeah, well, no one asked you to take on everything," she stated.

"Yes they did, Kate," he insisted. "Everyone did. They gave me this stupid responsibility that I never asked for and now I have to worry about everyone all the time. I have to make sure everyone's safe and everyone's intentions are good and no one's screwing anyone over. I have to make sure that everyone gets along in one big happy family, I have to make sure that they're all safe and that they can all sleep at night and you know what, Kate? I'm sick of it." Kate just stared at him, clearly a little taken back by his outburst. "I don't want to be here right now. I don't want to sit in this stupid hatch and work out what pressing that button does. I don't want to understand everything that's going on on this island. I just want to go spend some time with my boyfriend because he's pretty pissed off with me right now because all I do is leave him on his own." Jack took a breath and sighed. He shook his head a little and sat down on the sofa again.

Kate looked at him and then walked over and joined him, her movements careful and gentle. "So why don't you go be with him?" she asked. "I can be button pusher for a while."

Jack shook his head. "There are things that need sorting out here and I'm going to sort them out," he replied. "I might not like my post all the time but I'm not going to abandon it."

"You could take the afternoon off," she suggested.

"The sooner I get it over with the sooner I can go back to the caves full time," Jack said. He looked around. "It's so ironic, him sitting in all that dirt and I'm in this nice clean environment."

"So bring him here," Kate suggested.

Okay, why hadn't Jack thought of that one before. Sure, Boone was still very much on crutches but he could actually move around on them without Jack's help now. He still liked Jack to help him but Jack had a feeling that was more to do with getting him to touch him than it was about keeping steady. Jack and Boone were just getting to the hot and heavy part of their relationship and then they had to cut off physical contact pretty much altogether. But Boone was getting better everyday and things might have been starting up again had Jack actually managed to be around more lately.

"I could try," Jack said. "It's kind of a long way to come on crutches but I could see how he feels about it. It does make sense to have him here, it would make a better infirmary than that makeshift tent."

Kate smiled at him. "See, feeling better already," she said.

Jack gave her a weary smile back. "Yeah, sorry about that."

Kate shook her head. "Everyone needs to vent, even the leader guy," she said. "In fact, especially the leader guy."

"Things haven't been easy lately," he admitted. "Things haven't really been easy since a plane fell on my boyfriend."

"I've never heard you call him that before," Kate told him. "And you said it twice in the last conversation."

"Well, maybe that means I'm ready to be a grown-up and have a relationship then," he smiled.

"You seem pretty grown-up to me, Jack," she told him.

Jack shrugged. "I don't think I ever really felt like a grown-up my whole life," he said. "And yet I kind of feel like I never really had a childhood either."

Kate smiled almost wistfully. "Tell me about it."

Jack looked at her and wanted to ask her what happened. He wanted to know what her childhood was like, how she ended up the way she was, whatever way it was that she had ended up, Jack wasn't even sure he knew. He had a feeling they had some things in common but he also had a feeling that he'd never know what they were.

"I should finish sorting the supplies so that I can get back," he said.

"Okay," she replied.

He stood up and walked back over to the supply cupboard.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

When he finally got back to camp that night he found Boone sat by a fire, concentrating on some book in his hands. He walked over and sat down next to him.

"Hi," he said, placing a kiss on Boone's cheek.

"Hey," Boone smiled back.

"What you got there?" Jack asked.

"Puzzle book," Boone replied, holding it up.

"Where'd you get that?" Jack questioned.

"John brought me it, said he found it in the hatch," Boone replied. "Said maybe it would help with the boredom which, by the way, it so is," he said. "I just wish I was smarter so I could do more of these clues."

Jack looked at him. "Locke was here?"

"Yeah," Boone shrugged, concentrating on the puzzle.

"And he brought you that?" Jack continued.

"Yeah," Boone replied, sounding distracted.

"That bastard," Jack blurted.

Boone looked at him. "What?"

Jack looked him in the eye. "Boone, I don't want you to trust him, okay?"

Boone looked confused. "Jack, what are you..."

"Boone, please," he said. "I don't want you to trust him."

"But I do trust him," Boone said. "He's not a bad guy, Jack. I don't know what everyone seems to have against him."

"You mean apart from the fact that he almost got you killed?" Jack questioned.

"How many times do I have to tell you that wasn't his fault?" Boone asked.

"Boone, just..." Jack closed his eyes and sighed. He looked at Boone again. "He's trying to use you because you're very easy to use," he explained.

Boone looked offended. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Boone..."

"Are you using me?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him. "If I have to answer that then we don't have much a relationship going on here," he stated.

Boone looked away. "He's not a bad guy," he said quietly. "He does some things that are questionable, okay, but they're not bad things."

"Boone, I can't risk questionable right now," Jack told him. "And there is no way I am risking you with anyone or anything that's even slightly questionable."

Boone looked up at him with this hopeful look in his eyes and Jack couldn't help it, he leaned forward and kissed him. Boone put a hand up to Jack's face and pulled him closer and as they fell into a familiar kiss, Jack couldn't think of anything else he wanted but to be with Boone and explore every inch of him. But due to Boone's injuries that was kind of out right now so he'd have to settle for kisses and the feel of Boone's hand on the side of his face and then Boone's other hand landed on his thigh and he had to remember that they were still rather in public. He pulled away and gave Boone a smile that was mirrored right back at him.

"I want you to come to the hatch with me," Jack told him.

Boone looked at him. "Now?"

"In the morning," Jack replied.

"But I can't walk," Boone pointed out.

"No but I think you got the hopping down now," Jack said with a smile.

Boone smiled back but he was looking dubious. "I don't know that I can go that far. I haven't even left camp on them yet. All I do is sit here all day and move from the tent to here and stare into the fire. Which might be a little easier to bear if I had marshmallows to roast. I mean, really, what's a campfire without marshmallows?"

Jack smiled at him. "You can do it." Boone looked as if he was about to argue. "I'm your doctor and I'm telling you you can do it."

Boone rolled his eyes a little. "I'll try."

"Thank you," Jack said. He looked at the puzzle book in Boone's hand. "So, you need any help with that?" he asked.

Boone smiled and looked down. "Okay, let's see," he said, scanning the clues. "Five across, move without attracting notice, four letters." 


	32. Chapter 32

"Okay, let's stop for a minute," Jack said.

Boone looked at him. "But we just stopped."

"Yeah, and we're just stopping again," Jack told him.

"Jack, I'm fine," Boone said.

"Really? And where exactly did you earn your medical degree?" Jack asked, an expression of mock seriousness on his face. Boone glared at him. "That's what I thought, now sit down before I knock the crutches from under you."

"Fine, whatever," Boone muttered. Jack helped as he eased himself to the ground and then sat down next to him. Boone sighed. "You know I used to be able to do this in like twenty minutes."

Jack grabbed a bottle of water out of his pack and handed it to him. "Here, have a drink."

"I just had a drink," Boone said. "When we stopped like two seconds ago."

"Have I told you lately what a terrible patient you are?" Jack asked.

"Well we're hardly in a hospital, are we, Jack?" Boone pointed out, looking at the jungle surrounding them.

"No, we're not," he agreed. "Which is why I am taking no chances with you. Now have a drink and rest for a minute."

"I'm resting," Boone grumbled, taking a drink from the bottle. He handed it back to Jack. "You know I could have gone a little further."

"We're in no rush," Jack told him. "Let's just take our time."

Boone knew he should be happy that Jack wanted to take such good care of him but he really didn't want to be wrapped up in cotton wool. Which was kind of funny, actually, because he always thought he'd quite enjoy that. Maybe he just wasn't used to being on the receiving end of being spoilt. He couldn't really remember anyone lavishing attention on him before, not even any of his ex's.

"Do you know how amazing you've been since the accident?" Jack asked him, not looking at Boone but instead gazing ahead.

"Do you know how amazing you were when you fixed me up?" Boone asked back.

"Do you?" Jack countered, looking at him. "You were pretty out of it."

"I've heard stories," Boone told him.

Jack smiled and looked away again. "I mean it, Boone," he said. "Not a lot of people could put up with that with no real pain medication or anything."

"The physical pain was a nice break from the mental anguish," Boone told him. Jack looked at him, concern all over his face. "Relax, Jack, I'm mostly kidding."

"Well unless you're wholly kidding I'm not going to relax," Jack replied but he looked away again so Boone guessed he wasn't going to push the subject.

"Thank you for looking after me," Boone said.

Jack smiled. "I'm a doctor, it's what I do," he said.

"I don't just mean the doctor stuff, Jack," Boone told him.

Jack looked up at him. "The doctor stuff's the only stuff I'm good at," he said. "I don't know what else you'd be thanking me for."

"I got a lot of stuff to thank you for," Boone said. "I'll get round to it."

Jack smiled at him. "When you're better?" he asked.

"You did say you wanted to get me into bed," Boone reminded him.

Jack nodded and looked at him with something that resembled lust. "If you weren't injured I'd so be jumping you right now." He then laughed a little self-consciously and looked down again. "Yeah, I'm not even good at the doctor part anymore I don't think."

Boone smiled at him. "You're so cute." Jack looked up again and gave him a smile. "Or manly," Boone added. "Whatever you wanna go with."

"I can live with being cute," Jack replied. He shook his head a little. "Okay, I'm going back into professional mode now."

"You don't have to," Boone told.

"I do," Jack insisted. "Trust me, we're not getting anything done today unless I do."

"Okay then," Boone agreed.

"So, are you feeling okay?" Jack asked.

"I'm feeling surprisingly good to say what's happened to me lately," Boone told him.

"Good," Jack replied. "If you get tired or you're in pain or anything you have to tell me and we're stopping, okay?"

Boone rolled his eyes a little and nodded. "Yes, Jack," he droned.

"If you're gonna smart mouth me I might just leave you here," Jack said, giving him a look.

"I wasn't smart mouthing, I was agreeing," Boone pouted, giving Jack his best puppy dog eyes.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Just get up before I'm forced to kick your ass," he said. He stood up and then helped Boone to his feet. "Watch your step, okay?"

"Right, like that hadn't occurred to me," Boone said to Jack's back as he set off walking. "And it's not step, it's hop."

Jack spun around to face it again. "I thought you weren't smart mouthing me?"

"I wasn't," Boone defended. "At the time," he added.

Jack gave him a look. "Don't think I won't leave you out here for the jackals."

"There's jackals now?" Boone asked. It was probably just a manner of speech but you could never be too sure in this place.

"Not yet," Jack replied. "But I'm sure the polar bears would find you eventually."

"I'm being good," Boone said, giving him a butter-wouldn't-melt look.

"I bet you were a little heartbreaker as a kid, weren't you?" Jack commented.

Boone smiled and shook his head. "I doubt it."

"I think you might be wrong," Jack told him. "Come on, let's make some headway here."

In the time it took them to get to the hatch Boone had a feeling he could have walked all the way round the island, back in the days when he had the use of two legs like most people. Also, he had a feeling it would have taken him half as long if Jack didn't insist on taking constant breaks. But Boone was feeling exhausted enough even with the stops so he had a feeling Jack was right. Not that he was going to tell him that.

Jack took him round to the door and Boone wondered why neither he nor Locke thought of looking for a door in the first place, it would have saved them a lot of trouble. But they had no reason to believe that there was any other way in so he wasn't about to start beating himself up over it.

Inside was a lot more spacious than he expected and a lot more comfortable. In fact it was almost like being in civilisation. Almost. Jack led him straight through to the living quarters and ordered him into the bottom bunk.

"How do you feel?" Jack asked, checking on his leg.

"Tired," Boone replied. "And my leg hurts. And my chest. And my arms and back. I'm having some pain."

Jack smiled at him. "It's a little swollen but it looks okay," he told him. "Now, you need to get some rest. Just relax, get some sleep."

Boone fought to keep his eyes open. "You finally got me into bed," he said with a sleepy smile.

Jack smiled at him again and leant down, stroking his hair. "Half way there," he said. "Now we just need to get you healthy enough so I can join you."

"This place is kind of cool," Boone said, looking around from where he was. "You have to give me the tour some time."

Jack nodded. "Later," he said. "You have to stay in this bunk right now. I want you to get some rest, you shouldn't even have been going through the jungle like that."

"You made me," Boone commented.

"Yeah, I know," Jack replied. "And now I'm making you get some rest. Close your eyes, okay?"

"Okay," Boone agreed, letting his heavy eyelids close. He concentrated on Jack's fingers in his hair and couldn't help smiling. He heard a beeping sound and opened his eyes. "What's that?" he asked.

"Nothing, just the timer, close your eyes," Jack told him and Boone couldn't help but obey. "Kate?" he heard Jack call.

"Got it," she called back and Boone heard some typing before the beeping stopped.

He then felt Jack's hand leave his hair and he wanted to open his eyes but he couldn't find the energy. Then he felt Jack lean over him and arrange the sheets over him, adjusting them carefully to avoid his chest wound. Jack then placed a kiss on his forehead and whispered "Sleep tight." He heard Jack pull up a chair and then the hand was back in his hair as Boone finally drifted off to sleep. 


	33. Chapter 33

Jack sat by Boone's bedside and watched him sleep. He knew he should be getting some work done. He knew that this was the perfect time to get some work done, while Boone was sleeping and he didn't have to worry about him. But he just couldn't tear himself away. Suddenly things started to seem less urgent when he could sit here and watch the rise and fall of Boone's chest.

"How's he doing?" Kate asked, coming up behind him.

Jack nodded. "Good."

"He made it here in one piece," she pointed out.

"Yeah, he did really well," Jack agreed. "When he starts something he sees it through." He turned to face Kate. "Hey, did I hear Locke come back a while ago?"

Kate nodded. "Uh-huh."

"What's he doing?" Jack asked.

"Currently, I think he's polishing his sniper rifle," she replied.

Jack stared at her. "That better be a euphemism."

Kate smiled. "Don't worry, I don't think he's unhinged enough to shoot us all up yet."

"I wouldn't put it past him," Jack muttered, turning his attention back to Boone.

"You need to learn to relax, Jack," Kate told him.

He turned back to look at her. "You're on the same crazy island I'm on, right?" he asked. "With the same crazy people? I think relaxing would be a very bad move right now. I'll relax when we prove beyond any doubt that that button does nothing and there are no others." He turned back to Boone. "And when Locke stops handling firearms," he added. "I'm not about to trust a guy who's that handy with a knife, I'd hate to see what he'd do with an assault rifle."

"Look, Jack, I know where you're coming from," Kate said.

"Do you?" Jack asked, not turning around.

"But really, when you lay it out, we have no case against him," Kate continued.

"Well, excuse me if I'm not first on the list to join the John Locke Appreciation Society," Jack replied.

He could almost hear Kate roll her eyes before she headed back to the lab. Jack stared down at the floor and wondered if he could be justified in killing Locke and making it look like an accident. But he couldn't really justify it at all and that just put him in a worse mood.

"Do you get a pin?"

Jack looked up at Boone who still had his eyes closed. "What?" Jack asked.

"When you join the John Locke Appreciation Society," Boone explained, opening his eyes a little. "Do you get a pin?" He looked at Jack. "Cos if you do, I think I might join."

Jack gave him a look. "If you do you can date him, not me," he replied.

Boone smiled a little. "I don't think I'm his type."

Jack wanted to ask if Locke was Boone's type but then he was fairly sure he didn't really want to know the answer. "You're supposed to be asleep," he said instead.

"I was asleep," Boone replied. "I woke up."

"Yeah, well, go back to sleep," Jack told him. "You've only been out a couple of hours."

"I feel okay," Boone told him.

"You need to make sure you rest, Boone," Jack insisted.

"Are you feeling guilty?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him. "For what?" he asked.

"Cos you made me walk all the way out here," Boone said. "Or hop, I guess," he added.

"Will you shut up about the hopping already?" Jack requested.

Boone gave him a faint smile. "Do you feel guilty that you made me do too much?" he pressed.

"I don't feel guilty," Jack said, which was kind of a lie he supposed, but 'guilty' wasn't the right word. "I just want to take care of you," he said. "With your injuries you should be in a hospital. I just want to make sure you get the best treatment you can here and part of that is making sure that you take care of yourself."

"I'm taking care of myself," Boone told him in a tone of voice that made Jack expect him to start pouting at any second.

Jack nodded. "I know," he said. "But you have to be really careful, okay? Your body's going through a lot and you have to let it do everything it can. You need to keep your energy levels up which means you need to sleep."

"I do sleep," Boone said. "You're the one that doesn't sleep. You should take some of your own advice."

"I'm doing okay," Jack told him. "My body's not trying to heal itself after a trauma."

"You work too hard and you rest too little," Boone continued.

Jack smiled at him. "You'd make a great wife for someone, you know that?"

Boone didn't look particularly amused and Jack guessed he was sensitive about the roles involved in this kind of relationship. Jack had to admit that he still felt like the man in this relationship and he thought of Boone as the girl. Not that Boone was a girl in any respect but he was far more girly than Jack was. And Jack couldn't imagine Boone being anything but a submissive in any kind of relationship, even with a girl. Not in any sexual way, just in the way that Boone tended to let people walk all over him. The kid had some self-esteem issues and Jack had the feeling that he wouldn't know how to stand up for himself if he wanted to.

"You need to get some sleep" Jack tried again.

"I will," Boone told him. "Can I have a tour yet?"

Jack looked at him. "No," he replied. "Are you listening to a word I'm saying?"

"But I just woke up," Boone argued.

"You're not getting out of that bed for a while yet," Jack told him.

"I worry about you," Boone said. "I meant that stuff I said about you sleeping."

Jack shook his head. "Don't worry about me, Boone."

"I do," Boone said. "Can't help it."

"Well how about we worry about you for now and we can worry about me later," Jack suggested.

"I'm gonna worry about you anyway," Boone told him. "Just so you know."

Jack smiled. He couldn't help it. He tried not to because he really didn't want to encourage Boone but he was being the sweetest guy around so what was he supposed to do? Part of him thought that it was just a distraction technique, like when little kids ask you questions to put off bedtime, but he didn't really think that was Boone's style. Not that he really knew what Boone's style was exactly just yet, he admitted to himself, but from what he knew of Boone's childhood he would never have had reason to perfect such a technique, it wouldn't have gotten him very far.

"If you go to sleep, I'll get some work done and then I can get some rest tonight, deal?" Jack asked.

Boone looked at him. "How is that a deal, that's exactly what you were going to do anyway," he pointed out.

"It's all you're getting, take it or leave it," Jack replied. "I'm not above drugging you so how about you just close your eyes?" he suggested.

"I like talking to you," Boone said.

"I'll be here when you wake up," Jack assured him. "Close your eyes."

Boone closed his eyes and Jack stayed until he felt that Boone had drifted off and then quietly got up and went to keep up his end of the bargain. He walked down the hall and passed the armoury where Locke was, sure enough, checking out the weaponry. Jack stopped in the doorway but found he didn't really have anything to say. Locke looked up at him.

"Jack," he greeted. "What can I do you for?"

Jack shook his head, conveying 'nothing'. Or conveying that he was a vacant airhead, one of the two.

"How's Boone holding up?" Locke asked him.

"Fine," Jack replied. He looked at the rifle Locke currently had in his hands. "What are you planning on doing with that?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm just taking inventory, helping out the cause," he replied.

"Funny how you choose to take inventory in a room full of guns," Jack pointed out. "Kind of mirrors your choice to travel with a suitcase full of knives, wouldn't you say?"

"Last time I checked what I elect to take on vacation with me is none of your business, Jack," Locke replied calmly.

"Yeah, well, last time I checked only people who have something to hide have such a hard time giving a straight answer," Jack countered. "And as long as we've been on this island I don't remember you once giving me a straight answer to anything. Why is that, John?"

"You're asking the wrong questions, Jack," Locke replied.

"You know, standing in a room full of guns is not the best place to piss me off," Jack told him. "If you're going to start talking about fate and destiny and how everything happens for a reason then you can shut the hell up right now."

Locke gave a small, almost unnoticeable shrug and turned his attention back to the rifle in his hands. Jack watched him and wondered what kept compelling him to come back for more of this. He knew that he should just ignore Locke, just leave him to do whatever the hell it was he was doing and worry about his own business. But he also knew that he couldn't do that, he didn't trust Locke enough to leave him up to anything on his own.

Locke looked up at him again. "Something else you wanted, Jack?"

Jack glared at him and turned on his heel, exiting the room. He knew he needed to keep an eye on Locke but he really had to stop with these confrontations, all they were doing were giving Locke an opportunity to make him feel useless again, to make him feel like he couldn't take care of Boone, like he couldn't stop bad things happening to him. What was worse was that he could almost feel himself coming around to things. Locke pissed him off but he'd proved himself useful to the group as a whole more than once. He kept too many secrets though, big secrets, and he dragged people like Boone down with him, down to his level. Boone wasn't like Locke, Boone wasn't bad, he wasn't even questionable, he was simply good, he didn't know how to be anything else. And Jack wanted to protect that goodness, he wanted to make Boone believe his own potential, to help him grow. He wanted to take his own strength and give it to Boone, even if it meant he had none left for himself.

Jack smiled to himself. He couldn't help but think that Boone was exactly what he wasn't looking for and yet he seemed to fit so perfectly into the gap that Jack barely even noticed was there anymore. He used to try and fill it, the career, the wife, the baby, but it was all a slightly futile effort. Some days he convinced himself that it was the baby that was missing, the baby he never got to meet, and some days he convinced himself that the hole was just a part of him, a birth defect, just another thing to deal with and get over, and on some days he even managed to convince himself that there was no hole. But Jack knew there was a hole and he knew that Boone made it smaller so there was no way he was letting anything take that feeling away from him, especially John Locke. 


	34. Chapter 34

Boone looked around the room from where he was laid. No Jack. He guessed that meant that he could get out of bed. He hated not doing anything, hated being sat still with no task to occupy him. And it's not like he was going to get up and start dancing around, he was just going to take a leisurely look around the hatch and find something useful to do.

He slowly sat up and then swung his legs over the side of the bunk. No big deal, no major pain, nothing more than the usual dull hurt that he was more than used to by now. He looked for his crutches and noticed that Jack had placed them at the other side of the room, undoubtedly to stop him getting out of bed. Boone rolled his eyes.

Kate entered with a bag of fruit and placed it down on the side. She looked up and noticed Boone. "Oh, hey," she said. She looked behind her and then moved nearer to him. "Aren't you supposed to be resting?"

"I have rested," Boone told her. "I rested like half of yesterday and half of today so that's a full day altogether. I'm rested."

Kate smiled at him. "You shouldn't really complain, you know," she told him. "He'll put you to work in no time, believe me."

"Can you pass me my crutches?" Boone asked.

Kate looked behind her at the crutches and then back to Boone. "Did Jack put those over there?"

"Can you just pass me them?" Boone asked again.

"I don't..."

"Kate?" Jack called through from the other room.

"Erm, yeah?" Kate called back.

Jack walked through. "Have you seen Sayid on your travels? He's supposed to be here, he said he'd give me a hand with the..." he stopped as he noticed Boone. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Nothing," Boone replied, trying to look innocent but he couldn't help but think that looking innocent always made you look guilty as hell, especially on him.

Jack walked over to him. "Lay down."

"But, Jack, I was..."

"Lay down," Jack repeated. "Do I have to sit on you?"

"I really feel fine, I just wanted to look around," Boone told him.

"I don't care how you feel, I'm telling you to lay down," Jack replied.

"You know what, I'm just gonna..." Kate motioned towards the door and took a step towards it.

Jack turned to face her. "Kate, wait a minute," he said. "Have you seen Sayid?"

"Erm, yeah, down at the beach," Kate replied. "He was making some kind of shelter I think."

"A shelter?" Jack asked. "He has a shelter down there already doesn't he?"

Kate shrugged. "I guess."

Jack shook his head a little. "Okay, thanks," he said, turning back to Boone as Kate exited. "Lay down," he instructed again.

"Can you stop saying that, please?" Boone requested.

"I'll stop saying it when you're lying down," Jack told him.

"Did you put my crutches over there on purpose?" Boone asked.

Jack stared at him. "I'm trying to take care of you," he said. "You're making it very difficult. Were you like this when you were a kid?"

Boone was instantly reminded of the story of Theresa and felt bad all over again. He looked down.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked, suddenly concerned. Actually, he was probably always concerned, Boone realised, that's why he was acting like such an idiot lately.

"Nothing," Boone said with a shake of his head. He looked back up at Jack. "Can I get up and sit in a chair?"

"No," Jack replied.

Boone rolled his eyes. "You are being a nightmare, you know that?"

"You're not exactly being a cotton candy dream yourself," Jack replied. "Christ, what do I have to do to get you to stay in bed?"

Boone smiled at him. "I could think of some stuff," he said coyly.

Boone wondered if he'd crossed a line or if he should really be bringing up sex right now but Jack smiled back at him so he guessed he was okay with it. He looked away for a second and then looked into Boone's eyes again.

"Okay," he said. "You can't use the shower because of your stitches so that means sponge baths. Of course, I can only do that if you're in bed."

Boone looked at him. He said all that in a very professional manner but Boone had a feeling there was definitely another level to what he was saying. Jack had given him sponge baths before while he'd been injured but he'd been too out of it to enjoy it and once he got a little more mobile he took care of his own hygiene needs. So Jack knew he could take care of himself but was offering anyway. Yeah, definitely a double meaning.

Boone laid back down in the bunk and Jack smiled at him. "You're so easy, you know that?" he smiled before getting up and heading to the bathroom.

He returned with a bowl of water and a cloth. He placed them down by the side of the bed and pulled up a chair. He looked down at Boone. "Okay, well, these clothes are no good, they're gonna have to go," he said.

Boone smiled at him. "You're not even gonna use a line first?" he asked.

"That was a line," Jack told him. He leaned forward and took hold of the hem of Boone's T-shirt and gently pulled it over his head and discarded it on the floor. He ghosted his fingers over the chest wound, examining it. "It's healing up nicely," he said. "The stitches are going to have to stay for a while longer though." He looked down at Boone's pants and then seemed to consider his options. Boone knew that Jack taking off his T-shirt was a pretty big step for them really so he wasn't about to push his luck.

"I got it," Boone said, reaching for the button on his jeans. He slipped them off leaving him in just his boxers and he couldn't help but notice the way that Jack was looking at him while he did it. Or the way he thought Jack was looking at him.

"Okay," Jack said, looking away. "Right, let's get started."

He picked up the bowl and dampened the cloth, bringing it up to Boone's forehead. Boone closed his eyes and melted into the mattress, feeling like he never wanted to move again, which was Jack's plan so Boone guessed he'd lost in that respect but if this was losing then he could really live with it. Jack moved the cloth down to Boone's neck and leaned forward, placing a kiss on his forehead where the cloth had just vacated. Boone sighed and gave Jack a smile but didn't open his eyes.

Boone concentrated on Jack's gentle touches with the cloth and could almost feel himself drifting off to sleep again. He so wasn't going to though because this was really too good to miss, he wanted to feel all of it. And it wasn't just the physical touches it was Jack's presence, the sound of Jack's breathing, just a tiny bit too ragged to be natural. Boone wanted to open his eyes but he didn't want to break the spell. It felt like forever since he and Jack had been intimate and he figured that all Jack's previous inhibitions with being together would have returned. The night before the accident was amazing but there was a big build up and Boone wasn't going to allow himself to expect any like that again any time soon. This was not foreplay, he had to keep reminding himself.

But then suddenly Jack's hand stopped moving on his side and his lips collided with Boone's and it took Boone a couple of seconds to catch up, his brain still wondering what the hell was happening. But once he managed to get his lips moving against Jack's everything else melted away and it was just him and Jack and lips and tongues. Boone felt like he couldn't breathe, and he probably couldn't, but he didn't really care, he just wanted, needed Jack to keep kissing him.

"Jack!" someone shouted. Not Kate, a man. "Jack! Jack!" Charlie. It was Charlie.

Jack pulled away from him and Boone suddenly felt cold but Charlie's cries sounded pretty urgent.

"Jack!" Charlie shouted again, somewhat aimlessly.

"Charlie, in here," Jack called.

Charlie came through out of breath, looking wildly at Jack. "Jack," he said again but quieter this time.

Kate came through from the other room. "What's going on?"

Charlie gazed around the room. "This is the hatch then?"

"Charlie!" Jack called, giving him a questioning look. "What's wrong?"

"Erm, Sun," he managed. "Something happened to Sun."

"Something?" Jack asked. "What something?"

"Erm, I dunno," Charlie replied. "Me and Hurley found her. Near the garden. There's blood everywhere, I don't think she's okay."

Jack sprang from his seat and headed for his medical supplies. He piled things into his pack, muttering a checklist to himself.

"How did you find this place?" Kate asked him.

"Made Hurley show me," Charlie replied.

"But isn't Hurley with Sun?" Kate asked.

Charlie looked sheepish. "Erm, well, yeah, actually this was a while ago," he admitted. "He said I couldn't come in though. Said Jack would kick my arse or something."

Jack glanced at him and then stood up. "Okay, let's go," he said.

"Jack, you want me to come with you?" Kate asked.

Jack shook his head. "You need to stay here, press the button."

"I could press the button," Boone offered.

"No, you need to stay there," Jack replied. "Kate can press the button, I'm gonna go with Charlie. Let's go."

Charlie nodded and led Jack out of the hatch. Kate turned to Boone and they both looked at each other, unsure what to do.

"Can I have my crutches?" Boone asked.

Kate gave him a look. "Didn't you hear what Jack just said?" she asked.

"Please?" Boone persisted.

She looked at him and then sagged a little. "Yeah, okay," she said. She picked up his crutches and took them over to him as he sat up.

"Thanks," he said.

"Just don't rat me out," she said, turning and leaving the room.

Boone got himself some clean clothes and then took a look around the hatch. Kate showed him all the main features and let him sit at the computer and be button pusher for a while. Jack was gone a few hours and when he returned he was covered in blood and looking exhausted, not just physically but mentally. Boone looked up at him and couldn't think of a thing to say.

"You're out of bed," Jack said blankly and Boone wasn't sure if it was an observation or an accusation.

"Yeah," he replied blindly.

"You should be in bed," Jack told him, still not showing any emotion.

"What happened?" Boone asked. "With Sun. Is she..." Boone couldn't finish the question, he couldn't bring himself to ask, but Jack obviously knew where he was heading with it and simply shook his head sadly. Boone looked down. One more lost. "What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know," Jack replied, emotion starting to crack through in his voice. "Monster? Polar bear? Something ripped her up. She didn't stand a chance."

Boone nodded in understanding but couldn't think of anything to say. He'd nearly died himself but he hadn't been alone, Jack was there saying reassuring things and taking heroic measures. Sun was on her own and she just slowly ebbed away with no one to anchor her.

"I'm going to take a shower," Jack announced, glancing down at his clothes. "You should go to bed."

Boone nodded again and watched as Jack left the room. He grabbed his crutches and decided that he should probably follow Jack's instructions. He got into the bunk but didn't feel sleepy at all, how was he supposed to sleep now? It was a while before Jack came out of the shower, now wearing clean boxers and a T-shirt. He looked at Boone sadly from across the room and seemed unsure of coming any closer, he seemed unsure of doing anything.

"Come here," Boone said.

Jack didn't hesitate, he walked across the room and sat in the chair by Boone's bedside.

"I think you need to get some sleep," Boone told him.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "I think I do."

"You can share my bunk," Boone offered.

Jack looked at him. "I don't want to..."

"You won't hurt me," Boone cut in, guessing where he was going with that.

Jack gave him a sad little smile that almost broke Boone's heart. "I'm lucky Locke was there with you," he said, which kind of jarred Boone for a moment. "If he wasn't you would have died alone like Sun. I never would have gotten to save you." He paused and looked at Boone, tears in his eyes. "I don't know what I would have done if I didn't save you."

"You did save me," Boone reminded him. "You saved me so it doesn't matter."

Jack nodded a little and sighed. He got up and Boone shifted to the far side of the bed to make room for him. Jack climbed in next to him and laid an arm over his stomach. "Does that hurt?" he asked.

Boone shook his head. "Doesn't hurt," he replied. "It's nice."

"Nice," Jack repeated as he closed his eyes.

Boone watched him for a minute and felt like the luckiest person alive, which was really something considering his current situation. But at least he was alive which was apparently quite something on this island. He took one last look at Jack and closed his eyes. 


	35. Chapter 35

When Jack woke up he found himself nestled up to Boone, his head resting against his neck and his leg placed in-between Boone's which might be comfortable as hell but it wasn't really the best way to sleep with an injured person. He carefully lifted his leg away, wary of Boone's still swollen calf, and moved himself away slightly. Boone opened his eyes and looked at him, shifting a little.

"Sorry," Jack said. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Boone shook his head. "I wasn't asleep," he replied.

Jack gave him a smile. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm okay," Boone told him. "I think your day was worse than mine."

Jack nodded. "It wasn't great," he agreed. He looked down and tried to shake the mental images that were undoubtedly buried in his mind forever. He shook his head a little and tried to concentrate on something else. He propped himself up on one elbow and leaned over Boone. "Were you comfortable last night? Were your stitches okay?"

"Yes and yes," Boone replied.

Jack gave a small nod but then decided to check Boone anyway. It probably wasn't necessary but it made him feel better. He pulled the covers down and reached for the hem of Boone's T-shirt, tugging it gently up and inspecting the stitches.

"You keep doing that like ten times a day like you're expecting something terrible to happen," Boone said with a smile. He then suddenly turned serious. "Are you expecting something to terrible to happen?" he asked.

Jack looked up at him. "I'm not expecting anything terrible to happen," he told him. He turned his attention back to the wound. "I'm just dreading it. But you seem to be fine so I think we can relax for a little while." He carefully pulled the T-shirt back down and then sat up, moving the covers away from Boone's leg.

"What are you doing now?" Boone moaned.

"Just making sure it hasn't fallen off," Jack replied.

"It hasn't, believe me," Boone said.

Jack looked up at him. "It's painful?"

"Well, yeah, have you seen it?" Boone replied.

Jack looked back at the leg. "I'm sorry," he found himself saying.

Boone shrugged. "Not your fault," he said. "Did you mean what you said about Locke last night?" he suddenly asked.

Jack replaced the covers and looked at Boone, staring at him while he worked out the answer. "I don't know," he finally replied.

Boone looked as though he were going to say something but then changed his mind. Jack shifted in the bed so he were lying next to Boone again, propped beside him. Jack looked at him and wanted to kiss him, he couldn't help it. Not that he could think of a reason why he should try and help it. Well, except for all the stitches. He couldn't help but think that Boone was starting to resemble a rag doll of sorts. A really sexy rag doll. Okay, Jack had to seriously clean up his mind. And he had to stop staring at Boone too.

"You're moving your lips," Boone told him.

"I am?" Jack asked. He tried to glance down at his lips which was really a stupid idea because nobody could glance at their own lips and he was a doctor so he should really know that.

"Shannon used to do that," Boone said. "When she was a kid. When she was thinking really hard about something she'd kind of mouth her thoughts except that you couldn't read her lips cos she wasn't really forming words or anything, just this little movement," he explained. "Then I told her and she got really pissy about it and so I used to tease her when she was being a brat. She learned how to get out of the habit pretty quick when she realised it was a weakness." He looked at Jack. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," Jack replied.

"Were you thinking about me?" Boone asked. "Because you were looking at me."

Jack found a smile curling over his lips. "I was thinking how much I wanted to kiss you," he admitted but he wasn't sure why.

Boone got that hopeful look in his eye. "You can kiss me if you want," he said. "And, just so you know, that offer never expires."

Jack's smile got a little wider and he leaned forward, placing a single kiss on Boone's lips before moving away again, but not too far. "I can't wait until you're better," Jack told him.

Boone smiled. "Me either."

Jack leaned in again and kissed him more fully, pressing against him as much as he dared, which wasn't really much but it felt very nice all the same.

"Jack!" he heard Sayid yell. Sayid who was supposed to be here yesterday but never showed.

"Oh for God's sake," Jack muttered, pulling away from Boone. Why did this keep happening? He's doing boring jobs that he really wouldn't mind escaping from and no one says a word to him but the second he starts to do something fun he's suddenly the most popular guy on the island. He leaned away from Boone and started to turn around. "Sayid, what..."

He froze as he saw Sayid entering the room looking distraught carrying an unconscious Shannon, blood seeping through her shirt. Oh God, he couldn't do this again, he thought. It was all too much, he didn't want to be the doctor anymore. But he knew he didn't have a choice so he leapt out of bed and headed to Sayid.

"Shan?" he heard Boone ask quietly behind him.

"Put her down, let me take a look," Jack told Sayid. "What happened?" he asked as Sayid placed her down and he got a better look, lifting her shirt up.

"She was shot," Sayid replied.

"Shot?" Jack asked. "By who?"

Sayid didn't answer him, he concentrated on Shannon which Jack knew he should be doing right now.

"Oh God, not more," Kate said, standing in the doorway.

"Kate, I need you to grab me some towels and bring me the medical kit now," Jack ordered, finding himself slipping effortlessly into doctor mode once more.

Kate nodded and headed out of the room. Jack held his hands to the wound on Shannon's side. She didn't look like she'd lost a lot of blood and the hole was away from the centre of the abdomen so Jack guessed there was a good chance of this not being too serious. Kate returned with the towels and Jack grabbed one off her and pressed it to the wound. He lifted her slightly and took a look at her back.

"No exit wound," he said to no one in particular. "I need to get the bullet out."

"Sawyer," Kate said.

Jack looked up at her, confused. He then followed her gaze and saw a large black man place Sawyer down on the floor. He didn't look good. Jack's heart sank. Two patients? In these circumstances it was going to be tough saving one of them.

"What the hell happened to him?" Jack asked, looking at Sawyer from where he was. The diagnosis didn't look good.

Michael and Jin came into the room, followed by a man and a woman.

"He got shot," Michael replied.

"What the hell were you people doing out there? Duelling?" Jack asked.

The woman bent down to Sawyer's side and put a hand to his forehead. "He was shot a few days ago," she explained. "He's running a fever and he has an infection. I think it's gotten through to his bloodstream. Plus, he's dehydrated."

Jack felt a surge of hope. "You a doctor?" he asked.

She gave a small shrug. "Clinical psychologist."

"Were you in med school?" Jack asked.

"One year," she replied.

"Good enough," Jack said. He turned to Kate who was still staring at Sawyer. "Kate, I need you to show..." he looked at the woman questioningly.

"Libby," she filled in.

Jack gave a small nod. "Libby," he repeated. He turned back to Kate. "Kate, I need you to show Libby where the shower is." He turned back to Libby. "Get him under the cold water, get his fever down and get the wound cleaned. Kate will help you with anything you need."

Libby nodded her understanding and with Kate's help the two of them left the room with Sawyer. Jack turned back to Shannon. He lifted the towel up briefly and the blood started pouring out of her again. He pressed it back down and looked at the medical kit he'd put together. He grabbed a blade and a pair of tweezers.

"What are you doing?" Sayid asked.

"I need to get the bullet out," Jack explained.

"Jack, is she okay?" Boone asked from across the room.

"Just.." he sighed. "She's gonna be."

He felt Shannon shift slightly under his hand and looked up at her face. She was starting to stir. Great, that was all he needed. He turned to Sayid.

"Sayid, I need you to talk to her," Jack instructed. "Just calm, soothing things, we need to keep her calm, don't let her move."

Sayid nodded his agreement and started to whisper things to her, his voice almost relaxing Jack. He moved the towel and made a small incision, extending the wound for better access. He dug in with the tweezers and felt the bullet but he couldn't get it and she was going to lose too much blood if he didn't hurry up. He put the tweezers down in frustration and replaced the towel, applying pressure.

"I can't see a damn thing," he said. He turned around. "Michael, go through to the lab, there should be a small flashlight next to the console, grab it." Michael returned with the flashlight and kneeled down at the other side of Shannon. "Okay, I'm gonna take the towel off and I need you to shine that right into the wound okay, I need a good look."

Michael nodded and Jack tried again but he didn't have any better luck than the first time. He once again had to replace the towel without success. "God dammit," he exclaimed. "I still can't see anything, I need some suction in here, there's too much blood."

"Jack, is she gonna..." Boone began, sitting on the edge of the bunk.

"She's gonna be fine, Boone," he replied, irritated.

The timer started beeping and Jack could quite gladly start crying. He turned to Sayid.

"I'm not leaving her," he said simply.

Jack understood and he couldn't really argue, there was no way he would have left Boone after his accident, even if he could have done. And there was no way Jack could leave right now, he just had to hope Kate was less busy than they were.

"I'll get it," Boone announced, reaching for his crutches.

"No you won't," Jack told him, not taking his eyes off Shannon.

"Jack..."

Jack turned to face him. "Do not get out of that bed," he said sternly.

"You're the one that made me hike all the way out here and now you won't let me leave my bunk?" Boone asked incredulously. "If I can make it out here I think I can go to the next room."

Jack sighed and turned back to Shannon. "I'm gonna need the bunk anyway," he said. He was vaguely aware of Boone getting up behind him. He looked at Michael.

"Third time's the charm, right, man?" Michael said.

"I hope so," Jack replied.

He moved the towel again and opened the wound with his fingers finding the bullet with the tweezers and this time managing to grab hold. He pulled it out and quickly put the towel back on. He looked back to Michael and they shared what was almost a smile.

"So how do you check for damage?" Michael asked.

"I perform a laparotomy," Jack replied.

"How do you perform a..."

"In a hospital," Jack replied. "With lab equipment."

Michael looked at him in understanding. Kate and Libby came back through with Sawyer, now soaking wet and lacking his shirt. Jack turned back to Michael.

"Hold this," Jack told him, motioning the towel. "Press down hard," he instructed.

Michael nodded and took Jack's place as Jack moved over to help with Sawyer. "Get him into the bunk," he instructed. "Kate, you need to grab my medical kit, bring it here." Libby helped Jack ease Sawyer into the bunk. Jack bent down and went to look at the bullet wound but noticed Shannon's blood on his hands. He stopped and looked at Libby.

"Cross contamination," she nodded. "I'm not a doctor, I can't..."

Kate handed him his medical kit. He dug through and found the pills he was looking for. "Give him these," he instructed. He took out the sewing kit and moved back over to Shannon. He knelt by her side and took the towel from Michael. He stitched her up and applied a dressing. He moved her onto the mattress they'd moved from the top bunk and found himself slipping out of doctor mode again.

He looked at the three new faces and then at Shannon and Sawyer. He felt almost too exhausted to ask. "Someone gonna tell me what happened out there?" he asked. "Because after everything with Sun yesterday I want some answers on this one."

"What happened with Sun?" Michael asked, which was closely followed by a question from Jin in Korean.

Jack looked at the two of them sadly. They didn't know, of course they didn't.

"Sun died yesterday," Kate said softly.

Michael stared at her. Jin looked questioningly at each of them. He asked another question that none of them could understand.

"What happened to Shannon?" Jack asked.

"What happened to Sun?" Michael asked.

"What happened to Shannon?" Jack repeated, louder this time.

"Ana-Lucia made a mistake," the black man told him calmly.

Jack stared at him. He knew that name. The girl in the bar. She was called Ana-Lucia. She was on the flight. She was in the tail section. "What did you say?" he asked.

And then there she was. Ana-Lucia. She'd been stood in the doorway, hidden by the shadow and the other people. Jack stared at her and she stared right back. He nodded a little.

"Ana-Lucia," he said. "42F"

"42F," she agreed.

"Tequila tonic," he continued. "Never did get that drink. We don't have any tequila here. Or tonic. We have water." Ana-Lucia stared at him like she was wondering why he was still talking, and Jack was wondering the same thing if he was honest. "I thought you were dead."

"You thought about it?" she asked.

He had, only he wasn't sure why. Clinging onto civilisation?

She looked him up and down. "You always perform surgery in your underwear?" she asked.

Jack looked down at himself, suddenly realising he was indeed only wearing his boxers and T-shirt. He looked back at her and wanted to say that usually he was in a hospital but that was just making him more homesick for the place than he already was right now. "I need to take a shower," he said instead.

He left the room and tried to ignore the daggers Boone was probably staring at him. 


	36. Chapter 36

Boone felt like his head was spinning from the frenetic catch up session that had just gone on. There was a lot of information to take in. First of all there was everything that had happened to the raft people, Walt being taken that first night, the raft blown to shreds, finding the tail end survivors on the other side of the island. And then there was the misadventures of the tail end survivors themselves, they sounded like they'd had quite a time.

And then there was the whole thing about his sister being shot on top of all that. He wanted to be with Shannon right now but Sayid wasn't leaving her side and he felt kind of like he was intruding when he sat with them so he was sat through on the sofa, trying to get some peace and quiet.

Michael and Jin had taken the tail end survivors back to camp and Michael had taken on the task of attempting to explain to Jin what had happened to Sun. Not that any of them really knew but that only made it harder. How do you answer something that you don't have the answer to? And in another language. Boone didn't envy that job.

So Sayid was sat with Shannon and Kate was sat with Sawyer and Jack was still in the shower. Boone felt like he'd been in the shower forever and he had a feeling he was avoiding him. Which he so should be because what the hell was all that stuff with Ana-Lucia? She wasn't even pretty, not like Kate. She was all scowly and rugged. And what was with the warrior-on-a-budget getup?

Jack entered the room, now wearing clean clothes, and sat down next to him without a word. He looked exhausted but restless and he looked kind of sad which made Boone just want to wrap him up in his arms. Which kind of annoyed him because he was supposed to be mad at Jack.

"Have you checked Shannon?" he asked.

Jack nodded. "She looks okay," he replied. "I'll have to keep a close eye on her for a couple of days but I think she'll pull through fine."

"How do you know Ana-Lucia?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him. He seemed unsure if he wanted to get into it. "I met her in the airport bar before we boarded," he explained. "We were about to have a drink together when she got a phone call so we said we'd meet up on the plane. We never got around to it though I guess."

"So you liked her," Boone said. Jack just looked at him. "You were gonna have a drink with her you must have liked her."

"I guess," Jack replied vaguely.

"She shot my sister," Boone stated.

"Yeah, she did," Jack agreed.

"Do you still like her?" Boone asked.

"I don't know the full story," Jack replied.

"The full story is that she shot my sister," Boone said.

"I'm pretty sure it was an accident," Jack told him.

"Look at the way you are with Locke," Boone said. "You and Shannon. What happened to me wasn't his fault. But this was her fault, Jack, she shot my sister."

"Boone, you need to calm down," Jack warned.

"I'm not even yelling, Jack," Boone replied. "I'm calm."

"Maybe we should just drop the subject until we know more about what happened," Jack suggested.

"Fine," Boone said reluctantly. "I'm just worried about Shannon."

"She's gonna be okay, Boone," Jack assured him. "I'm gonna make sure she's okay."

Boone nodded and tried to think of something else that they could talk about. "The others are real," he offered.

Jack looked at him. "How do you know that?" he asked.

"The tail end people have seen them," Boone explained. "Apparently a bunch of them got taken by them. There were twenty-three of them originally, now there's four."

"The others took nineteen of them?" Jack asked.

"That's the story," Boone replied.

Jack looked down. "That's, erm..." He shook his head, unable to find the words. "That's a lot," he finally said. He looked back up at Boone. "They didn't take any of us. Don't you think that's odd?"

"They took Claire," Boone reminded him. "For a while."

"Ethan took Claire," Jack corrected. "We don't know that he was one of the others."

"They took Walt," Boone offered.

"Walt?" Jack asked.

"Oh, right, you missed story time," Boone said. "They were only actually on the raft for one day. That night some people came on a boat. They took Walt and blew up the raft."

Jack shook his head. "Do you think this is ever going to ease up?"

"What?" Boone asked.

"Everything," Jack replied. "People dying, people being taken, everything in this place is so dangerous." He looked at Boone. "Do you think it's ever gonna stop?"

"While we're on this stupid island?" Boone asked. "Probably not."

"We have to work out a way to get out of here," Jack said.

"Right, like that hadn't occurred to the rest of us, Jack," Boone replied.

"No, I mean it, we've all been distracted lately with finding out the secrets of this island, finding out the secrets of the hatch," Jack explained. "We don't need to understand this place we just need to get off it. That's where our energy needs to be."

"How are we supposed to do that, Jack?" Boone asked. "We don't have any way to communicate with the outside world and, even if we did, the chances of someone actually hearing it are practically zero judging by the French distress call and the whole raft idea was a bust so what do you suggest?"

"Thanks, Boone, way to put things in perspective," Jack replied dryly.

"Well, I'm just saying..." Boone replied.

"Yeah," Jack said. "But I have never wanted to get off this island more than I do right now."

Boone looked at him. "Why's that?"

"Because I am sick of playing doctor," Jack replied. "I just want to be a regular person. I want to be off duty."

"So what would you be doing right now if you weren't the doctor?" Boone asked.

"It's not right now that I don't want to be a doctor, Boone, it's when someone's dying," Jack told him.

"Well no one's dying now," Boone pointed out. "You can be regular guy."

"Boone, I have two patients in critical condition in the other room. Hell, you're a patient," Jack replied. "And any second now someone else could come through that door and I'd just have to switch it all back on again and save another person. God, do you know how much pressure that is?"

"You know that you don't have to do it on your own, right?" Boone told him.

"Yes, I do," Jack replied. "I do have to do it on my own because nobody else can do it. I mean, seriously, how are you going to help? You can barely move." He sighed. "And you should really have that leg elevated."

Boone was going to say something but he thought it was probably easier for both of them if he just went with it. Jack grabbed a cushion and put it on the coffee table before gently helping Boone move his leg onto it.

"That okay?" Jack asked.

Boone nodded a little. "Thanks," he said quietly.

Jack looked at him. "I know you're more than a patient, Boone," he told him. "It's just that you are a patient and it's kind of stressful. I worry about regular patients enough, worrying about you is exhausting."

"Don't worry about me, worry about Shannon and Sawyer," Boone replied.

Jack nodded. "Oh, I worry about them too, believe me," he said.

"Okay," Boone said. "But if you could, can you worry about Shannon a little more?"

Jack gave him a smile. "I'll see what I can do."

Boone smiled back. "See, you can smile."

"I can, yes," Jack agreed. "But only when someone gives me reason to and lately reasons have been sparse."

Boone nodded. "Okay, well, I'm gonna take it on as my job to make you smile," he told Jack.

Jack smiled again. "It's been a while since someone's cared if I smile or not."

"I care," Boone assured him.

Jack nodded but didn't say anything. He shifted closer to Boone on the sofa and put an arm around him.

"Was that a move?" Boone asked him.

"When it's a move, you'll know," Jack replied.

Boone snuggled into Jack's arm but found that he wasn't feeling quite as secure as he usually did. He couldn't stop thinking about Ana-Lucia, mainly because he thought Jack was thinking about Ana-Lucia. Okay, so, obviously Jack was allowed to talk to people before he met Boone, not even Boone was that possessive, but Jack had pretty much admitted that he'd thought about her since the crash too and Boone wondered if these thoughts came before or after they got together. He also wondered if Jack wishes he wasn't in a relationship now that he knew Ana-Lucia was alive. He wondered if Jack wanted to be with her instead of him.

"You know when you were married," Boone began.

"Yeah," Jack replied, somehow conveying a huge amount of suspicion in that one word.

"You said she divorced you, right?" Boone asked.

"Uh-huh," Jack agreed.

"Before that, were you happy?" Boone asked. "I mean, were you still in love with her and still wanted to be with her and still saw it going somewhere and all that?"

"No," Jack replied. "None of the above really."

Boone nodded. So Jack was the sort of person who would stay in an unhappy relationship rather than go after what he wanted. So Boone probably wouldn't lose Jack but he guessed losing him would be preferable to holding him against his will. He only wanted Jack to be with him as long as he actually wanted to be with him. He wanted to be wanted and he didn't want to stand in the way of Jack's happiness, even if it meant losing his own. That was the way he'd been his whole life and he wasn't sure if that made him a good person or an idiot. 


	37. Chapter 37

Jack figured Shannon was feeling better because he could hear her complaining before he even got into the room. Which was a good thing but he kind of liked it better when she was being quiet. He knew it was only a matter of time before Sawyer came around as well, the antibiotics seemed to be doing their job and his fever was going down, which meant he'd have too bitching patients on his hands. Boone could moan but he was fairly easy to reason with, well, most of the time, and he was also fairly restrained. Neither Shannon nor Sawyer seemed to hold either one of these qualities and Jack could feel himself getting weary already. 

"What's up?" he asked as he reached Shannon and Sayid.

"I have to pee," Shannon said, looking incredibly put upon. "Sayid won't let me get up."

"Okay, great," Jack said, reaching over and grabbing a container. "Pee in here."

Shannon gave him a distasteful look. "Is that your idea of a bedpan?" she asked. "Because first of all, I'm not using a bedpan, and second of all, if I were to use a bedpan..."

"You can go to the bathroom," Jack said, cutting her rant short. "But when you get there, pee in this."

She stared at him. "Why? Do you have a fetish?" she asked.

Jack gave her a look. "No," he replied, sounding unimpressed. "I need to check for internal bleeding. If anything was hit, chances are they'll be blood in your urine. It's the easiest way for me to test for it here, I don't really have a lot of options at my disposal."

"Are you gonna watch me?" Shannon asked.

"No, Shannon," Jack replied, wondering why he was even entertaining her anymore. "Just let me take a look at your stitches," he said.

He lifted up her shirt and gently eased away the edge of her dressing. He moved the skin around the stitches but was careful not to touch the wound itself. He could see Shannon studying his face while he did it and he couldn't help but think she looked kind of like a little girl.

"Looks okay," Jack told her, pressing the dressing carefully back down. "Just be careful with it, really I _should_ make you use a bedpan." Shannon gave him a grossed out look. "Just be careful not to bend your stomach and if you feel it pulling for God's sake stop."

"Okay, Dr. Jack," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Sayid, help support her and keep her straight, and make sure she goes slow," Jack instructed.

Sayid gave him a nod and then leaned down to Shannon. Jack moved over to the bunk where Sawyer was lying, Kate still holding vigil by his bedside.

"Hey," Jack said, leaning over her to get a look at Sawyer. "How you doing?"

"I'm fine, Jack, it's Sawyer that needs looking at," Kate replied.

"I'm looking," Jack told her, putting a hand up to Sawyer's forehead. Far hotter than it should be but not as bad as it was. "The fever seems a little better."

Kate nodded. "He's stopped shaking too," she said. "I keep talking to him but I can't get him to wake up."

"It might be a while, Kate," Jack nodded. "He'll come round. It's Sawyer, he'd come back from anything just so he could brag about it."

Kate smiled a little. "Yeah, you got a point there."

"Don't worry, he'll be fine," Jack assured her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Just try and keep him cool, make him comfortable, keep talking to him. You're doing everything right, just keep it up."

"He's gonna love all this when he wakes up, isn't he?" Kate said.

"Hell, he's probably awake now, he just doesn't want you to stop," Jack joked.

Kate smiled fully this time. "That'd be his style, all right," she agreed. Her expression then turned serious as she placed a wet cloth on Sawyer's forehead. "I never got to say goodbye to him," she said quietly.

"What?" Jack asked.

"I never got to say goodbye," she repeated. "When he went off on the raft, I never said goodbye to him."

"It's okay, Kate," Jack told her. "You don't need to say it now."

Kate nodded but didn't look at all convinced. Jack wanted to say something else to her but he wasn't sure what he could say. Sawyer was a fighter and he'd get through this come hell or high water but Jack guessed that Kate already knew all that so it seemed pointless to repeat it again.

Instead he found himself moving away from her and towards the bookcase, checking out the titles. He kind of wished that he was more of a reader but he never had the time for it. He'd probably only read about five novels in his entire life and they were all set texts in high school, stuff he needed to read for the midterms.

Now medical textbooks he'd read more than his fair share of. He was terrified of what his father would say if he wasn't top of the class all the way through medical school so he read all the assigned texts and anything else he could get his hands on, anything that could have been deemed even slightly relevant. He succeeded in his task but it was an empty victory. Once he was qualified his father just asked why he hadn't found a nice girl to settle down with yet. He dreaded what his dad would have to say about his current relationship if he was still around to say anything.

He scanned the titles of the bookshelf over once more but failed to have his interest sparked. Maybe it was for the best, he could pretty much guarantee that whenever he started to get interested in it, some big disaster would come about that would cause him to get interrupted.

Then he spotted a copy of Robinson Crusoe and couldn't help picking him up. Kind of apt for the situation. But Robinson Crusoe was lucky, he didn't have to look after forty odd people, he just had to look after himself. That must be nice. Lonely, but nice.

"I peed in that thing, you can look at it if you want," Shannon said, moving back into the room, Sayid by her side, helping her along.

"Thanks," Jack replied, intent on not getting into anything with her right now. He went to the bathroom and picked up the container, holding it to the light. No blood, thank God. Not even a trace. He went back through to where Shannon was laying back down.

"So, am I dying?" she asked. She was trying to sound sarcastic but Jack could tell that it was a serious question.

"No, not dying," he assured her. "Just make sure you let me keep a check on it, I need to be sure you're all clear."

"Yes, doctor," she said, deliberately trying to sound as obnoxious as possible.

Jack considered saying something but thought it was best to let it go. Shannon was just a scared kid under all the snarky comments but mentioning that to her really wasn't going to get him anywhere fast. He grabbed the copy of Robinson Crusoe again and decided to pass it onto Boone, he knew he liked to read.

He walked through to where Boone was sat on the sofa and held the book up to him. "Robinson Crusoe," he said, taking a seat. "I guess someone has a sense of humour." Boone smiled at him. "You ever read it?" Jack asked him.

Boone nodded. "My mom used to give me books to keep me quiet when I was a kid," he explained. "It's a good one." He took it off Jack and looked at the back of it.

"I don't know if it's any good to you if you've already read it but I thought it might give you something to do for a while," Jack shrugged.

Boone looked up at him. "Yeah, I haven't read this one for years, it could definitely do with another look," he replied. "Thank you, that's really sweet."

Jack found himself shrugging again. "There's a bunch more through there if you want to take a look later. You can pick your own out."

"I want to read this one," Boone told him.

Jack smiled at him. "Okay," he said, though he was fairly sure that it had as much, if not more, to do with the fact that Jack had given it to him than the fact that he actually wanted to read it. He looked at the smile on Boone's face and it made him want to give him more presents, just to see that look again. He got the impression that Boone hadn't really received a lot of gifts throughout his life, not ones that didn't come with conditions, that didn't expect something back in return. Then he suddenly panicked that Boone thought he wanted something in return and tried to think of a polite way of telling him he really didn't.

"Have you ever read it?" Boone asked him.

Jack shook his head. "Not much of reader, I'm afraid," he admitted.

"Don't you have a favourite book?" Boone asked.

Jack tried to bring a book to mind from his schooldays, just so that he had something to say, but he couldn't even come up with a title.

"That's just sad, Jack," Boone told him.

Jack smiled a little. "Yeah, kind of is, isn't it?" he replied. "What's yours?" he asked.

"Watership down," Boone replied. "Never travel without it. Except now I don't have it anymore cos that asshole Sawyer stole it and won't give it back."

"He's unconscious now, I bet I could get it back for you, it'll be in his stash at the beach" Jack offered.

"That's sweet," Boone said. "But you need to be here."

Jack sighed. "Yeah, I guess I do," he agreed. "Well, Robinson Crusoe can keep you company now, I'll work on Watership Down later," he promised.

Boone smiled at him. "Okay."


	38. Chapter 38

Boone was sat reading Robinson Crusoe when the mysterious Mr. Eko came and sat next to him, not saying a word, not even acknowledging him. Boone looked at him but he didn't look back. He kind of wondered if the guy was all there. 

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Boone attempted.

Eko slowly turned to face him. "You can ask," he replied.

"Right," Boone said, trying not to be put off. "Did you guys, your group, did you have a radio? Or ever have access to a radio?"

"We did, yes," Eko replied.

"Did you ever talk to anybody on it?" Boone asked. "Did you ever talk about being on flight 815?"

Eko looked at him curiously. "Once."

Boone sat back in his chair and sighed. He shook his head a little. "I was talking to you," he said.

"You were on the radio?" Eko asked.

Boone laughed a little. "If I knew it was just you guys I would have got out the damn plane."

"Plane?" Eko asked.

Boone looked at him again. "A plane fell on me," he said by way of explanation, signalling his leg.

Eko looked at his leg and then back up at Boone. "Sorry about that," he said. "We thought you were one of them."

Boone shrugged. "Hardly seems to matter now, does it?"

Locke came in, holding a projector and closely followed by Michael. Locke went about setting up the projector as Boone watched.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Hasn't Jack shown you the film yet?" Locke asked.

"There's a film?" Boone asked.

"The orientation film," Locke stated. Boone just looked at him. "Just watch, it's pretty self explanatory."

So Locke played him the film and Boone, quite honestly, felt none the wiser. Incident? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Wasn't the video supposed to be informative? Apart from a little back story about the company there wasn't a bit of information on it. Vague references to stuff, sure. But vague threats were probably the best way to keep people in line. You don't want to go into too much detail or the spell gets broken. But Boone still wasn't entirely sure that this whole button pressing thing was just the mind game that Jack kept insisting it was. He had this niggling fear at the back of his mind that it was all real. But then he guessed that was the point.

When it was over, Eko simply got up and walked away, not saying a word to anyone, even when Locke directly addressed him. Okay, there was weird and there was just plain rude. That guy seriously had more than a couple of screws loose.

"Robinson Crusoe," Locke stated, spying his book. Boone looked up at him. "About a guy who gets shipwrecked on a deserted island, right?"

"Yeah," Boone replied. "Only without the polar bears."

Locke nodded. "Yeah, you can't go putting things like that in a book, no one would believe it."

Boone smiled at him. "Right," he agreed. "I saw the damn thing and I'm not sure I believe it."

"Hey, I'm gonna go take a look at that computer if that's okay," Michael announced.

"Sure," Locke replied. "I'll come with you."

The two of them exited and Boone watched after them. Jack was so right, they didn't need to figure this place out, they needed to get off the island. But that was easier said than done, and the more time Boone was spending in the hatch, the more curious he was getting and the fact that he had nothing to do but sit around wasn't really helping.

He sighed and reached for his crutches, deciding to go talk to Shannon for a while. He hobbled through to the next room and found her on her own for once.

"Where's your beau?" he asked, sitting down beside her.

"He said he had to go get something from the beach," Shannon replied. "Did I tell you about our tent?"

"Tent?" Boone asked.

Shannon smiled widely. "Sayid made me a tent," she gushed. "It's gorgeous. It has four walls and everything. You can do whatever you want in there. I can't wait to get back to it."

Boone smiled at her. "That's great, Shan."

"Yeah and we're a real couple now," she continued. "You're not the only one getting any on this island."

Boone looked around to check no one was listening in. He turned back to Shannon. "I'm not getting any," he said quietly.

Shannon gave him a look. "Right, okay."

"Do you think I'd lie and pretend I _wasn't_ having sex?" he asked her.

"I guess not," Shannon conceded. "But you never did get the hang of lying so how should I know?" She looked at him. "Seriously though, you and Jack have been going out forever."

"It hasn't been that long," Boone defended. "And anyway, there was that whole thing where a plane fell on me."

Shannon rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you just keep bringing that up."

"Well a plane _did_ fall on me," he stated.

"Yeah, I know, you can quit whining about it now," Shannon replied. "I got shot, you know."

"Mine's worse," Boone told her.

"Shut up, you don't know that," Shannon retorted.

"Yeah I do," Boone replied. "I wasn't arguing with people this soon after a plane fell on me."

"Whatever," Shannon dismissed. "At least I'm getting laid."

"Yeah, rub that in, why don't you?" Boone replied.

"Plane falling on you aside, you guys have been pretty coupley for a while," Shannon said.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't work that way, does it?" Boone replied. "Jack's straight, remember?"

"I don't think Jack's straight, Boone," Shannon told him. "Straight guys generally don't make out with other guys."

Boone gave her a look. "You know what I mean."

"Okay, so you just gonna be one of those couples that never has sex?" Shannon asked.

"No," Boone replied. "We're gonna have sex. It just might be a while."

"And you're just gonna, what, sit there and be patient?" Shannon asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Okay, why is any of this your business?" Boone asked.

"Well, if you don't want my help..." she said, turning away and looking superior.

"I _don't_ want your help," Boone insisted. "I also don't _need_ your help."

"Fine," Shannon replied with a little shrug.

Boone glared at her. She knew damn well he was going to crack. As did Boone so he didn't really know why he was arguing with her, he was only drawing it out. But Boone didn't really need her help. Did he? It was going to happen with him and Jack. And the whole plane falling on him episode was a very valid reason for the relationship taking a back seat for a while. They'd started getting more into it lately. They'd probably have gotten further if they didn't keep getting interrupted all the time.

"Do you ever kiss him first?" Shannon asked.

Boone looked at her. "You're not playing right, you're supposed to make me beg."

"Yeah, well, I'm impatient," she replied. "Do you?"

"I don't know," Boone replied.

"Well then think, pea brain," Shannon replied, giving him a look.

"Yeah, you're supportive as hell, I'm lucky to have you," Boone stated sarcastically.

"I'm trying to be supportive but you're refusing to help me out," she replied. "Just answer the question."

Boone sighed. "I don't know," he said. "I don't think so. Probably not."

"Okay, well there's your first mistake," Shannon said.

"Look, even though he's not _straight_ straight he's still pretty straight and it's gonna take a while before he's comfortable and stuff," Boone defended.

"You ever think he might need a hand getting comfortable?" Shannon asked. "Like maybe he might want someone a little more experienced to show him how things work?"

Boone tried to think of a comeback but he didn't really have one. Not that he thought Shannon was right. Jack was all mature and self-assured and he always knew what he was doing. And, okay, maybe he hadn't done some of this stuff before but Boone was sure he could work it out when he was ready. Jack wouldn't need help from him. Except that when Boone started dating guys he liked to be with more experienced guys so they could do the leading. But that was just Boone, he was always more comfortable in the following role. Jack wasn't like that. Jack was a leader.

"You're gonna dismiss everything I say, aren't you?" Shannon asked. Or stated.

"I'm not dismissing it," Boone said. "You're just kind of wrong."

"Yeah, and you're just kind of an idiot," Shannon shot back.

"Okay, look, maybe me doing that would be okay with him, and even, possibly, slightly, might be what he actually wants, but what if it's not?" Boone asked. "What if I freak him out? What if I do something he doesn't like?"

"Of course he'll like it," Shannon said. "He's a man, men love sex. Trust me, I've been using that fact against them most of my life."

"Don't I know it," Boone replied. "Anyway, that's sex with girls. If I was a girl I'm sure he'd have no problem with it. The fact remains that I'm not."

"Yeah, and the fact remains that he picked you anyway," Shannon pointed out. "So really he can't have too big a problem with it."

Boone had to admit that Shannon had some pretty valid points. But he was terrified of pushing his luck. He'd rather have half a relationship with Jack than none at all.

"Okay, you're boring me now and I'm tired so you can leave," Shannon told him.

"Thanks," he said, reaching for his crutches.

"You should think about what I said," she advised. "But you're an idiot so you probably won't bother. Or if you do you'll do it wrong and just panic like you always do."

Boone used his crutches to stand up. "I don't panic," he said.

Shannon gave him a look. Boone rolled his eyes and headed out of the room. He could think about things logically without panicking. Okay, it didn't happen often, but he so could.


	39. Chapter 39

Jack was right, when Sawyer finally did wake up he was a huge pain in the ass. But he was asleep right now so Jack should count his blessings. Kate, who still wasn't leaving his side, had fallen asleep in the chair next to him and Jack absently wondered if the two of them would get together. Probably not, they were both far too proud for that.

He looked over to where Shannon and Sayid were lying, asleep, and couldn't help but think that the place seemed to be turning into a boarding house. He turned around and went to find Boone. He went through to the next room and saw him lying on the sofa, some covers over him. He wasn't asleep yet though.

"Comfy?" Jack asked him.

"No," Boone replied, shifting a little.

Jack smiled at him and went to sit on the edge of the coffee table. He gazed at Boone and tried to think of something to say, some kind of conversation starter, but he came up blank. It was the damn lighting, making Boone look all gorgeous and kissable. Not that Jack could ever really think of a time that Boone _wasn't_ looking all gorgeous and kissable lately. He bit his lip and looked away, trying to get his mind back into focus. Not that he particularly wanted to focus. And Boone probably wouldn't mind. He did say Jack could kiss him anytime he wanted.

"How's your leg?" he asked.

"It's okay," Boone replied.

"Chest?" Jack asked.

"Fine," Boone told him. "Doesn't even hurt anymore, I told you that."

"Yeah," Jack nodded. "Let me take a look."

Boone rolled his eyes but tried to hide the gesture. Jack moved off the coffee table and sat on the edge of the sofa. Boone shifted up to give him a little more room and pulled the covers down to his waist. Jack lifted up his shirt and ghosted his hands over the warm flesh, trying not to let his stupid hormones get the better of him. Judging by the way Boone was looking at him, he was having a similar problem.

Jack looked the stitches over and nodded. "They can probably come out in a couple of days."

"Told you," Boone said.

"Yeah, yeah," Jack said, pulling the shirt back down.

He looked at Boone and Boone looked right back at him. They became locked in a meaningful eye-contact and Jack found himself licking his lips, an involuntary reflex.

"I'm gonna kiss you now, okay?" Jack said, sounding rather more breathy than he'd intended.

"Okay," Boone said blindly.

Jack leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the lips, parting his mouth only slightly, just soft, delicate, loving kisses. He wasn't able to keep that up for long though and the second Boone's tongue came in the slightest contact with his lips he opened them far wider than he intended and pulled him close, pressing against him harder than was wise with an injured person, but Boone showed no discomfort so he guessed it was okay.

Jack felt himself getting totally lost in sensation but the sensible part of his brain kept shouting things at him. He ignored it and shifted positions, moving so he was lying on the sofa with Boone, or really half on top of Boone, the sofa wasn't all that big. He felt Boone pressing against his hip and he was sure that Boone could feel him back but he was mostly okay with that now, even though it had been a while since they'd gotten this far. In fact, it had been a hell of a long time and Jack was starting to realise why he was getting so carried away with it all.

He had to give the sensible part of his brain some dues though because it was quite right in the fact that they weren't exactly in a private place and anyone could walk in at any second. The hatch was pretty open plan, everything connected and there were no doors anywhere. He pulled away from Boone and looked at him breathing hard.

"Get up," he instructed.

Boone looked at him, a totally dazed and needy expression on his face. "What?"

Jack sucked up his willpower and climbed off Boone, standing up. He picked up Boone's crutches and held them out to him. "Get up," he repeated.

Boone just continued to stare at him. He shook his head a little, not getting it.

Jack looked around at the various entrances to the room. "Someone could come in."

Boone looked at him for another second and then a grin came over his face and he started laughing.

Jack couldn't help but laugh a little too. "Shhh," he said. "What's funny about that?"

Boone continued to chuckle quietly to himself and offered Jack a helpless shrug. Jack shook his head a little and offered the crutches more insistently towards Boone who finally took them and got to his feet. Jack gathered up the cushions from the sofa along with the covers and turned back to Boone.

"Where are we going?" Boone asked.

"I don't know," Jack admitted. Boone started to laugh again. "Will you knock it off, you're gonna wake everyone up," Jack said, but he couldn't help but smile himself. "Or you're gonna have Hurley and Rose coming in here asking what's so funny." Boone tried to look serious. "Come on, follow me."

"To where?" Boone asked, sounding amused.

Jack went into the hall and spotted what was formally the pantry, back when they had food. He headed towards it and opened the door, setting the cushions down on the floor while he waited for Boone to catch up.

"You do see the irony of the fact that we're in a closest, right?" Boone asked as he stood in the doorway.

Jack stood up and went over to him. "Shut up," he said, leaning forward and kissing him on the lips, being sure to pull away before they got too involved again.

Boone moved fully into what Jack admitted to himself pretty much was a closest and Jack closed the door. He helped Boone down onto the cushions and then sat down beside him. They looked at each other again and Jack was starting to feel all awkward and self-conscious again. He wasn't entirely sure where this was going to lead and even though he was looking forward to finding out, that stupid sensible part of his brain was at it again, telling him as was as inexperienced as a high school freshman when it came to this. But things had changed since he was a high school freshman and nowadays they were probably more experienced than he was.

He sighed and tried to focus on Boone instead of the logical things like the fact that he didn't know what the hell he was doing. But the first time he was with a girl he didn't know what the hell he was doing and he managed to get along okay. And surely this was easier because there wouldn't be any surprises. He knew what a man's body was like so he knew what to expect.

"Are you okay?" Boone asked him, looking concerned.

Jack snapped himself out of it and realised he'd been sat there staring at Boone for far too long than was polite in this kind of situation. "Sorry," he said. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He reached up a hand and touched the side of Boone's face, pulling him in for a kiss. They started out gentle again, soft, above the waist touches, until Jack felt like he was going to go insane if he didn't get some serious contact now. He laid Boone back and went down with him, once again laying half on him but being careful not to touch his bad leg. He pressed their bodies together, straddling Boone's good leg, pressing every inch of them he dared into contact, and kissed him roughly, caressing his hair and face and neck.

Boone raised his leg up a little, bending it at the knee, and bringing it into direct with Jack's groin, causing a moan to rise up in Jack's throat. Jack found his hand moving down to Boone's hip and he ground down with his own hips, trying to get Boone to feel what he was feeling. He then lifted his hips up slightly and moved his hand over, pressing the bulge in Boone's pants with the palm of his hand. Boone groaned and bucked up, biting lightly on Jack's lower lip.

Jack started to find it even harder to breathe, and not just because of what was going on with his own body. He was getting all nervous and wound up which was stupid because he could so do this. He knew how the equipment worked. Jack pressed down again and tried to simply enjoy the sensations instead of trying to analyse them.

Boone opened his eyes and looked at Jack's face and seemed to read something there that Jack would really rather he didn't. Boone just looked at him for a moment, seeming to consider something, and Jack wanted to say something to reassure him when Boone made a different movement with his hips and suddenly Jack was on his back and Boone was on top of him.

Jack gave him a questioning look which was cut off as Boone leaned down and kissed him. After a few moments Boone shifted off Jack but kept the kiss going and his hand went to Jack's pants, undoing the button of his jeans. He then stopped and pulled away, looking at Jack.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

Jack was pretty sure what he was asking but his brain wasn't quite computing it. "What?" he asked.

Boone looked at him. "Do you mind?" he asked.

Jack wanted to say 'no' because he was fairly sure that there wasn't a thing Boone could do to him right now that he'd object to but that sensible part of his brain wanted to know exactly what was going to happen and it wasn't going to shut up until it found out.

"Mind what?" Jack asked him, feeling like an idiot and a terrible tease to boot.

Boone rolled his eyes skyward and looked frustrated. "Aren't you supposed to be smart?" he asked. He leaned in closer and said quietly and rather awkwardly into Jack's ear "I want to give you a hand job."

Boone didn't make any move to look at Jack's face and Jack guessed that he was setting himself up for a rejection. A fact which probably wasn't helped by the way Jack had so blatantly avoided answering the question.

"Okay," Jack managed.

"Okay?" Boone asked, still not looking at him.

Jack grabbed the side of his face and pulled him so that he could look into his eyes. "Yes, please," Jack said.

Boone smiled with his eyes and put his hand back to Jack's fly, pulling the zipper down and yanking his pants off. He laid on his side, hooking his good leg over Jack's and took Jack in his hand, applying soft, gentle strokes that gave the impression of someone acting gingerly but Jack could tell that Boone was just getting him warmed up. And it was working, he was getting harder by the second and he was on the verge of begging when Boone read his mind and wrapped his hand fully around him, giving him strong, sure strokes from root to tip, leaning in and kissing Jack's neck as he did so.

Jack closed his eyes and pleaded and bargained with his body to not give in just yet, hang on just a little longer, but it had been too long and Boone was too good and everything just came crashing down around him. It was too short and it took all his energy out of him and he kind of felt like he'd let Boone down by not making it last longer which was stupid because now Boone got out of doing too much hard work. But Jack guessed that Boone must enjoy doing that or he wouldn't have offered in the first place. But this was Boone who put everyone before himself so who knew?

Jack laid back and took in deep breaths of air. He looked down at Boone who was nuzzled into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around him and shrugged his shoulder, getting Boone's attention. Boone looked up at him, his face kept, Jack thought, carefully neutral.

"Hey," Jack smiled.

Boone smiled back but looked slightly bemused. "Hey," he replied.

"You okay?" Jack asked. Boone nodded. "Your leg okay?" he asked.

Boone rolled his eyes. "I was using my hands, not my leg."

"I know that," Jack told him.

He pulled Boone closer again and felt, pressed against his thigh, a fairly obvious reminder that he had some unfinished business to do. He gave himself a few moments to get his heart rate down and his breathing back to normal before he shifted and moved Boone off him slightly so they were laying side by side. He moved his hands down to Boone's waistband but Boone grabbed hold of them, stopping him before he could make contact.

Jack looked at him. "What are you doing?"

"Jack, you don't have to do that," Boone told him.

"I know," Jack replied, again trying to move his hands forward but not getting very far.

"You don't owe me anything," Boone told him. "I'm okay. If you just give me a minute it'll... it'll sort it's self out."

Jack looked at him. "Boone, shut up," he said, but Boone wasn't giving in, he kept fighting with Jack's hands. Jack laughed. "Quit it, you idiot."

"I don't want you to do something you're gonna regret," Boone told him.

Jack shook his head. "I'm not gonna regret it."

He gave up on trying to get his hands to Boone's fly and instead placed them on his shoulders and rolled him onto his back. He then moved up and sat on his hips, straddling him. Boone looked up at him, apparently unsure whether he won or lost. Jack leaned forward and kissed him, reverting back to the sweet, gentle kisses from earlier, trying to relax him. It seemed to work as he felt Boone un-tense beneath him, his muscles relaxing as he pulled Jack into him for a deeper kiss. When Jack felt like Boone was really starting to melt he pulled away and ran his hand down Boone's chest and stomach, coming to rest at his waistband. He stopped and looked up at Boone, silently asking permission.

"Only if you want to," Boone said.

"I want to," Jack assured him.

He undid the pants and slid them down, reminding himself of how much he could do this. It was just like taking care of himself which he was pretty much an expert at. Only this was from the opposite angle and it wasn't quite the same because he didn't have any pointers because he could only feel with his hand unlike the usual two-way sensation that came with being on your own.

He took Boone in his hand and just held him firmly for a moment, feeling the heat radiating out and the consistency change under his skin. Boone's breathing became heavier and more audible and he shifted ever so slightly, obviously trying his hardest not to thrust up. Jack took the cue and started to move his hand, finding himself settling into a steady rhythm that Boone seemed to approve of.

Jack found that this really was surprisingly easy. Just like doing it to himself but even more fun. This was like giving something back, which Jack was always happy to do. But not in the way Boone was thinking, not like he felt Boone was owed something. Jack found himself wanting this just as much as Boone did and he ran his free hand up Boone's chest. Boone grabbed his hand and brought it up to his mouth, placing kisses along his fingers.

Jack picked up his pace, responding to the need that was coming off Boone, and as Boone started to go over the edge he licked and sucked at Jack's hand and Jack tried to not feel it because he was getting rather more aroused than he had the energy for right now.

He watched as Boone's breathing calmed again and then leaned forward and kissed him again, slow and lazy. He pulled away and smiled at him, gaining one back in response.

"No regrets," Jack told him and leaned in for one more kiss. "Now go to sleep."

"Okay," Boone muttered, closing his eyes.

Jack shifted off him and threw an arm over him before closing his own eyes and surrendering to sleep.


	40. Chapter 40

Boone woke up and all he could feel was warmth all around him. Warmth that he soon realised was actually Jack, his arms wrapped around Boone, his body pressed against him. Boone tried to stay still and pretend he was still asleep, not wanting Jack to pull away from him. He felt safe right now. He felt contented. And he wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with 'morning after' vibes. Jack was still holding him so he guessed that was a good sign but he was still a little worried that he'd regret what had happened between them, that Jack would think that Boone had pushed things too far and had guilted him into reciprocating. Not that Jack seemed to have a problem with the reciprocating. Or the initiation for that matter.

"I can tell you're awake," Jack said, so close that Boone could feel his breath.

"I wasn't pretending I wasn't," Boone replied, still not opening his eyes, still not quite ready.

"Yes you were," Jack teased.

Boone opened one eye to assess the situation and saw Jack smiling broadly at him. Boone opened his other eye and gave him a smile back.

"How you feeling?" Jack asked him.

"Okay," Boone replied. "Sticky," he added.

Jack smiled at him again. "Yeah," he agreed. "Let me take a look at your chest," he instructed, shifting slightly away from him.

Boone rolled his eyes. "Jesus, can you say obsessive? I'm fine," he insisted.

Jack gave him admonishing look. "If I can take those stitches out you can get in the shower," he said. "As long as you're careful with your leg, you still need to keep that dry."

"Oh," Boone said. "Sorry."

"Yeah," Jack replied. "So can I take a look?"

"Okay," Boone allowed.

"Very kind of you," Jack said. He pulled away more fully to get a good look. He nodded a little. "Looks okay," he muttered. He checked it out a little more thoroughly and then looked up at Boone. "Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. I'll take the stitches out for you and you can take a shower. Then I'm gonna put some surgical tape on it and you're gonna have to keep it dry for a few more days, just to make sure everything stays together. Sound okay?"

Boone nodded. "Yeah, thanks."

"Okay," Jack said. "But you still have to keep those stitches on your leg dry, they're not ready to come out yet."

"Understood," Boone said.

"All right," Jack said. "Just let me get some stuff and I'll get started on them."

He grabbed his clothes and pulled on his jeans and T-shirt, standing up and heading for the door.

"Jack," Boone called.

Jack turned back to face him. "Yeah?"

"What if someone sees you?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him. "Sees me what?"

"Leaving the room," Boone said.

"What do you suggest?" Jack asked. "I can't stay in here all day."

"Well, no," Boone admitted.

"I'll be right back, sit tight," Jack told him. He opened the door and exited it, closing it behind him.

Boone laid back and stared up at the ceiling. He listened carefully but he couldn't hear anyone talking outside. Maybe Jack had gotten away with it. But he still had to get back in there again. Not that it was such a big deal, Boone told himself. Jack didn't seem to think it was a big deal. And everyone knew they were a couple so they'd surely expect them to do coupley things. Shannon thought they were already having sex, Boone wondered if everyone thought like that. Then he wondered if they thought about it at all. He wondered if Ana-Lucia knew that they were a couple, that Jack was off the market. He wondered if Jack would tell her if she asked.

He sighed. He really needed to stop thinking about things so much. Maybe he should take a page out of Shannon's book. No, Shannon didn't think nearly enough. She went into the middle of the jungle following ghosts and wound up getting shot. There had to be a happy medium between the two. Some kind of relaxed pondering that he could do that wouldn't drive him to insanity like everything else in his life seemed to.

But Boone didn't really have any excuse to worry because Jack was really taking everything ridiculously well. But all that was actually managing to do was make Boone more suspicious. Surely Jack should have some issues with being with a man. Okay, so they were taking things slow, Boone would have had sex with anyone else weeks ago, but Jack didn't seem to care about people knowing which was kind of weird really and Jack fell pretty fully into the relationship the second they kissed in the jungle and Boone couldn't help but think that there really should have been a little more hesitation on his part.

Boone had never been with a virgin like this. Actually, Boone had never been with a virgin full stop, which he was actually kind of glad about because that must be a lot of pressure. Everyone remembers the first time they had sex and Boone didn't really want to be responsible for that memory not being great. But now he was with a virgin and not just a regular virgin. A proper grown-up who'd obviously had sex but not in this way, not with someone like Boone. And regardless of Boone's lack of experience in de-virginising he would expect Jack to be having more issues than he appeared to be having, especially considering that a month and a half ago he didn't even know he was attracted to men.

Boone sighed again and willed Jack to hurry back. He was probably getting interrogated by Shannon. God, Boone really hoped that wasn't true. Okay, so Shannon could be useful, and her advice had led to Boone getting a happy ending to his day. But she could also be a complete bitch if she wanted to be and she'd undoubtedly be able to wind Jack up right now if she felt so inclined.

The door opened and Boone looked up as Jack slipped into the room, medical supplies in hand. He closed the door behind and knelt down beside Boone.

"What took you so long?" Boone asked.

"I had to check on Shannon and Sawyer while I was out there," Jack explained, taking various items out of his medical kit.

"They okay?" Boone asked.

"Fine," Jack replied.

"Did Shannon ask you anything?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him. "Like what?"

"I don't know," Boone replied. "Anything?"

"No," Jack replied. "No, I don't think so." He finished sorting out what he needed and turned to Boone. "Okay, I don't have exactly what I need so I'm gonna have to improvise a little but I don't think it's going to pose any huge problems."

"Way to inspire confidence, Jack," Boone replied.

"You'll be fine," Jack told him. He picked up a bottle of peroxide and put some on a cloth, running it over the stitches. He then put it to one side and picked up a pair of nail scissors. "Okay, you might feel a little tugging but it shouldn't hurt. If it does, stop me."

"Okay," Boone replied.

Jack gave him a little nod and then leant down, a look a concentration of his face. He made a few snips and then reached for a pair of tweezers and began pulling at the thread a little. He continued working with both the scissors and the tweezers until he had all the stitches out. He grabbed the peroxide rag and ran it over the area again. He then sat back and admired his work. Boone looked carefully at his face. Jack noticed him looking and gave him a smile.

"You're fine, Boone," Jack told him.

"My heart isn't gonna fall out or anything?" Boone asked.

"Well, considering the wound isn't even over your heart and your ribcage is in the way to boot..." Jack considered. Boone just stared at him. "Nothing's gonna fall out."

"So I can take a shower now?" Boone asked.

"Go ahead," Jack said. "You just have to keep that leg dry."

"Yeah, you keep saying that," Boone commented, sitting up.

"Well it's important," Jack insisted. "I really don't want to be knocking your recovery back. You're doing really well, just don't push your luck."

"The leg feels better," Boone offered.

"Yeah, better than it was," Jack agreed. "Not all better though."

"No, not all better," Boone conceded.

Jack grabbed Boone's clothes and handed them to him. "Here you go, stud," he said. "I don't think everyone else will appreciate you like that as much as I do."

Boone smiled at him, taking the clothes. "Thanks."

Jack nodded and glanced down at his chest one more time before standing up. Boone pulled on his clothes as Jack grabbed his crutches and passed them down to him. He helped Boone to his feet.

"Give me a shout when you're done with that shower, okay?" Jack said. "I'm feeling a little sticky myself."

Boone smiled at him. "Okay."

Jack gave him a smile in return and leaned in to give him a kiss. He then turned around and headed for the door. Boone watched him leave before following after him. 


	41. Chapter 41

Jack threw on some clean clothes after his shower and headed out of the pantry, practically colliding with Kate.

"Hey," she greeted. "So, that your bedroom now?" she asked, peering behind him at the cushions on the floor.

Jack glanced behind him and then turned back to Kate. "Something like that."

Kate gave him a smile and nodded a little. "So, Sawyer wants to go back to the beach."

"Yeah? Well Sawyer can just go to hell," Jack told her.

"He's walking around on his own now and he seems stronger and he really wants to go back to the beach," Kate said.

"Why?" Jack asked. Okay, so the hatch was a tad overcrowded at the minute and he really wouldn't object to getting some air himself right now but surely this place was better than the beach. Jack was never a fan of the beach. He was never really a fan of any beach. You just got hot and sticky in the sun and ended up with sand absolutely everywhere which was really no fun at all.

"Best guess, he wants to protect what's his," Kate replied. "His stash is still there. And his shelter."

Jack nodded. "Well he's not going anywhere right now."

"You gonna be the one to tell him that?" Kate asked.

Jack looked at her and sighed at her expression. "Apparently so."

"Do you think he's strong enough to go back?" Kate questioned.

"If I thought he was strong enough I'd let him go and get the hell out of my way, Kate," Jack replied.

"So you're still worried about him," she acknowledged.

Jack looked at her. "Are you worried about him?"

Kate shrugged. "I just want to make sure he's okay," she replied. "He's not the kind of guy who knows a lot about taking care of himself, he needs someone to look out for him before he ends up dead."

"Sounds like someone else I know," Jack said, giving her a pointed look. "Maybe I should get them together and they can look out for each other."

Kate gave him a look. "Certain people are better off alone," she said. "Certain people really don't need the hassle."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, I used to think like that."

Kate gave him a smile. "So, you gonna do something about Sawyer before he realises we're both out of the way and bolts?"

"Sure," Jack replied wearily. He walked through to the living quarters, Kate close on his heels. He found Sawyer in his bunk but now on top of the covers and fully dressed.

"Ah, shucks, Freckles call you in here to talk some sense into me?" Sawyer asked as Jack approached. He then turned his attention to Kate. "Didn't know you were such a tattletale."

"Morning, Sawyer," Jack offered, taking a seat by the bed.

"Morning, Doc," Sawyer smiled back. "Now if you could just go ahead and sign my discharge slip I'll be out of your hair."

"You're not going anywhere, Sawyer," Jack told him shortly.

"You gonna stop me, Doc?" Sawyer dared.

"I will drug you and tie you to that bed if I have to," Jack stated.

"That right?" Sawyer asked, a glint in his eye. "The pretty boy might me into your kinks but I can tell ya, I sure ain't. Besides, don't want him comin' in here and bitch slappin' me in some jealous rage."

"That'll be the least of your problems if you keep this up, believe me," Jack said.

"You gonna tell me what I got I store or you just gonna continue bein' a little tease?" Sawyer asked, a suggestive edge in his voice that was really winding Jack up.

"Why you in such a rush to get out of here?" Jack asked him.

"Just want to get back home," Sawyer replied.

"Home?" Jack asked, shaking his head a little.

"Or the closest thing to it right about now," Sawyer replied, looking irritated. "The goddamn shelter you deficient idiot."

"Worried about your stash?" Jack asked. "Worried we might have raided it while you were gone or just taken it all together? What would you have to bargain with then? I don't think you'd have half as much leverage without those supplies. In fact I don't think you'd have any."

Jack took great pleasure in the way Sawyer's eyes narrowed. Sure, their bickering was stupid and immature but he was winning right now so he was quite enjoying it for once.

"You been in my stuff, Jackie Boy?" Sawyer asked, trying to sound cool.

"What's to say it's your stuff anymore?" Jack asked. "You just left it sitting on that beach. As far as we knew you were never coming back. The second you stepped onto that raft your stash was fair game."

Sawyer glared at him and tried to sit up. Jack put his hand on his good shoulder and pushed him back into the bunk.

"Jack, you're supposed to be getting him to stay there," Kate pointed out, coming up behind him.

"He's gonna stay," Jack told her, not taking his eyes off Sawyer's. "If he doesn't then he'll never get his things back."

Sawyer glared at him but laid back in the bunk, holding his hands up in mock surrender. Jack gave him a little nod and then got up, exiting the room. Kate followed.

"You don't have his stuff, do you?" Kate asked.

"No," Jack replied. "But he doesn't that."

Kate smiled at him and shook her head. "He's gonna be pissed when he finds out."

"He understands the game," Jack told her. "Remember Shannon's inhalers?"

Kate nodded, a far off look in her eyes. "Yeah," she replied distantly.

Jack looked at her. "Was it a good kiss?"

Kate looked at him. "What?" she asked, clearly not expecting the question.

"The kiss," Jack said. "Was it good?"

Kate just looked at him for so long that Jack thought she wasn't even going to bother answering him. "You the island matchmaker now?" she asked finally.

Jack shrugged. "You seen Boone?"

"He was in the lab earlier," Kate replied.

"Thanks," he said, heading in that direction. He walked up to the doorway but stopped when he saw Boone sat at the computer and Locke standing by his side, leaning against the desk.

"So have you seen the others?" Boone asked. "Cos other than Eko who seems to hide in the shadows and give you looks like he can see inside your skull, none of the other people seem to come here."

Locke nodded. "Well, there's Bernard," he said. "Rose's husband."

"Right," Boone agreed. "She kept saying he was alive."

"You see, Boone, sometimes faith pays off," Locke told him.

"Yeah, I guess it does," Boone replied, looking distant. Jack wondered what he was thinking about.

"Then there's Libby," Locke continued. "Quiet girl, seems nice enough. Had a bit of a raw deal out there. They all have by all accounts."

"Yeah," Boone said, refocusing. "I'm glad we ended up on this beach."

"And you know Ana-Lucia of course," Locke said pointedly. A little too pointedly, Jack thought.

"Yeah," Boone said again, his expression instantly darkening as his mind seemed to be going to less than happy places. This apparently had no effect on Locke - what did? - but for Jack it was too uncomfortable.

"Hey," he said, stepping into the room and trying to appear casual and not like the eavesdropper he clearly was.

Boone looked up at him and smiled. "Hey."

Locke straightened himself up and turned around. "Morning, Jack," he greeted. "I was just heading out for a while."

"No you weren't, you were just in the middle of a conversation," Jack corrected.

"So you were listening," Locke observed.

Dammit, Jack couldn't even go two sentences without giving the game away.

"Well, regardless, I have plenty of things I can be getting on with," Locke continued. He gave Boone a nod and then started out of the room.

"John," Jack said, stopping him in his tracks but he wasn't quite sure why.

"Yes, Jack?" Locke inquired, turning around to face him again.

Jack looked at him and wondered what the hell it was he wanted to say. His problem with Locke wasn't as big as it used to be, especially since losing Sun forced him to acknowledge how close he really was to losing Boone. And Locke did bring Boone back after the fall. He also lied and nearly let him die though so Jack was having a few mixed feelings. He didn't trust Locke as far as he could throw him but he also realised that he should cut the guy some slack. Maybe only a little though. He could keep a close eye on him without persecuting him at every turn.

"Did you want something, Jack?" Locke asked.

"Yeah," Jack replied, shaking himself out of it. "I just... Thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome," Locke said. "Now what is it you're thanking me for?"

Jack looked at him. He wasn't quite sure himself if he was honest. "I don't trust you," he began. "Not really, not entirely. But you have done some good things for the group and you have kept us fed. For the main part, when you weren't off on secret missions, that is. And you brought Boone back to me in one piece. More of less. After the Beechcraft thing."

Locke nodded. "Just doing my part to contribute, Jack."

"We're still not friends," Jack told him, feeling like a grade schooler. "We're not okay."

Locke nodded again. He looked at Jack for another moment and then left the room. Jack found himself sighing with relief. He walked over to Boone.

"I'm kind of proud of you," Boone told him, smiling a little.

Jack smiled back. "I'm still not really okay with you spending time with him," he said. "Not on your own." Boone looked as if he was about to object. "But you're a grown up and you can make your own decisions, I'm not going to stand here and forbid you or anything like that. Just watch your back, okay? Cos I can't always watch it for you."

Boone nodded at him. "Okay."

Jack sighed again and sat down on the desk beside Boone. "You're still upset with Ana-Lucia?" he asked.

Boone looked up at him. "Did you just forgive Locke to make me forgive Ana-Lucia?" he asked, looking pretty pissed off.

"I didn't forgive Locke," Jack replied. "And I'm not trying to get you to forgive Ana-Lucia."

"Then why did you bring her up?" Boone asked.

Jack shrugged. "I don't know," he replied. "Making conversation."

Boone looked down again. "If she was on the beach with us do you think you would have ended up with her?"

Shit, Jack thought, how the hell was he supposed to answer that? It was a possibility, of course it was, but so was him and Kate and that never spanned out. And at the end of the day it was just a drink. Jack never tried to get her number and he never tried to find her on the plane. He had other things on his mind, she was just a distraction, a bit of scenery in the airport bar. But if they'd have met again so soon afterwards then maybe they would have bonded over their link to civilisation.

"When I first met you, when you were giving CPR to Rose, I thought you must be an idiot," Jack began. Boone shot him a look to say he better seriously be going somewhere with this. "And then you offered to get pens and you kind of went off the scale," Jack continued while Boone continued to glare at him. "And you brought the pens to me when all I wanted to do was be alone but the look on your face was just... There was something there. I felt something. And I didn't know what it was. And then once I worked out what it was I pretended it wasn't real. And do you know what keeps me up at night?" Jack asked as he looked down at Boone who was gazing back at him, his expression completely softened now. "I think, what if we never met? What if none of this ever happened? Because as much as I hate this place I really..."

Jack stopped himself. He wasn't sure if he was ready to go there yet. Feeling it was one thing but saying it was something completely different. And he didn't really doubt that Boone felt it back, or that he'd return the sentiment in a heartbeat, but once you said those three little words then everything changed and it would never be able to go back to the way it was.

"Me too," Boone offered.

Jack smiled at him. See, less than a heartbeat. And it was all just a bunch of words anyway. They knew, that's what mattered. 


	42. Chapter 42

"The computer connects up to the timer here," Sayid announced, gesturing towards a thick wire. 

Jack looked up at him from where he sat with Boone at the computer and gave him an incredulous look. "Yeah, no kidding," he said, sounding rather bratish Boone thought. "What's the timer connected to?"

"The computer," Sayid replied, picking up on Jack's tone and choosing to play along.

Jack shot him a look. "What else, brain cell?" he asked, shifting in his chair and throwing another piece of fruit into his mouth.

"I believe there is something else here," Sayid said, gesturing to something Boone and Jack couldn't see from their vantage point. "But it goes into the wall," he explained.

"So follow it," Jack instructed, looking a little uninterested.

"Do you suggest I deconstruct the wall, Jack?" Sayid asked.

Jack shrugged. "Ask Michael about it, he knows about load bearing and stuff doesn't he?" he suggested. "Locke undoubtedly has some dangerous looking tools you could use somewhere."

"Yes, I'll get onto that," Sayid replied, not really sounding like he would. He then gave Jack a fleeting look and left the room.

Boone turned to face Jack who leaned back in his chair and screwed his eyes shut.

"What's with you?" Boone asked.

Jack opened his eyes and turned to face Boone. "What do mean 'what's with me?'"

"You're acting like Shannon," Boone pointed out.

Jack sighed and almost smiled. "Well, she does spend all day bitching at me, her influence must be rubbing off."

"Is she being a pain?" Boone asked, feeling embarrassed for her. Something he always ended up doing because she could never be bothered to feel embarrassed for herself.

"I think it's her and Sawyer together," Jack stated. "Either one of them I could probably handle but they're like a tag team of bitching and whining and questioning every little thing that I diagnose."

"You're getting stressed again," Boone told him. "I don't like it when you're stressed, it makes me stressed."

Jack smiled but it still wasn't a full smile. "Sorry," he said, sounding weary.

"No, don't apologise, I didn't mean it like that," Boone said. "I just don't like seeing you like that."

Jack nodded. "Sorry."

"Why do you keep saying sorry?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him and shrugged a little. "I don't know what else I'm supposed to say."

"Well sorry doesn't fit, say something else," Boone instructed.

"Okay," Jack said. "You don't have to get stressed out because I get stressed out. You don't have to worry about stuff like that, I'm a doctor, I'm used to stress."

"You're also used to being off duty," Boone pointed out. "You really need to learn when to share the burden."

"Boone, we've been through this..." Jack began.

"Okay, fine, not the medical stuff, I get it," Boone interrupted. "You have to be the doctor and there's not really anything anyone can do to help you with that. But there's other stuff. Like let Shannon bitch at me for a while, I don't mind, I'm used to it."

"But she doesn't want to bitch at you, Boone," Jack pointed out. "She wants to bitch at me. I'm the bad guy and she wants me to know it."

"You're not the bad guy," Boone said. "You saved her life. And mine. And Sawyer's. And Rose's too."

Jack looked at him. "I don't want you to look at me like that."

Boone furrowed his brow. "Look at you like what?"

"Like..." Jack trailed off and struggled for the words. "I just want you to look at me like I'm Jack. I just wanna be Jack. I don't want to be the guy that saved your life. Don't look at me like that. Sarah used to look at me like that."

"Oh," Boone said, looking down. He was reminding Jack of the ex-wife that he wasn't sad to lose. That wasn't good. Jack saved her life and then felt obligated to marry her. Not that Jack had ever spelt it out like that but Boone had read between the lines and knew that was what he meant. And he was worried that Jack felt obligated to him in the same way. But he knew he didn't have anything to base that on because he and Jack were together before the whole life saving thing but the feeling wasn't really going away either.

"Boone?" Jack said.

Boone looked up a little. "Yeah?"

"Don't ever listen to anything I say to you," Jack told him.

"Does that include that thing you said to me earlier about CPR and pens and keeping you up at night?" Boone asked.

Jack smiled at him and it was a real smile this time. "No, that I meant," he told him. "I really meant it."

Boone smiled back. "Good. I liked that."

"Sorry about going insane on you every so often," Jack said.

"That's okay," Boone replied. "At least you took it out on Sayid and not me."

"Well I don't want to upset you," Jack said. "You might not do that stuff you did last night ever again."

Boone looked at him. "You want me to do it again?"

Jack gave him a look. "What do you think?"

Boone smiled at him and then glanced around the room before settling his eyes on Jack again. "Like now?"

Jack laughed a little. "Boone, it's the middle of the day."

"Right," Boone said. "You're one of those guys who can only do it at night and only in the bedroom."

"No I'm not," Jack insisted.

"I bet you are," Boone continued, giving him a teasing look.

"I bet _you_ are," Jack countered.

Boone shook his head. "All you."

Jack rolled his eyes. "I can't do anything right now, I'm busy, okay?"

"No you're not," Boone said. "You've been sat there sulking for the best part of an hour."

"I wasn't sulking," Jack defended.

"You were sulking," Boone insisted.

"You try dealing with Shannon," Jack said.

"I've had to deal with her for the past twelve years," Boone pointed out.

"I bet you sulked about it," Jack said, pouting again slightly.

"You're acting like a little kid," Boone told him.

Jack stopped pouting and looked up at him. "Maybe I want someone to look after me," he said.

"I'll look after you," Boone offered.

Jack smiled at him. "I know you will," he replied. "You'd look after anyone given half a chance."

"Yeah," Boone agreed. "But mainly you."

Jack looked at Boone sideways, almost a sneaky look, and then shifted his chair a little closer. Boone looked at him but Jack refused to meet his eyes.

"What are you doing?" Boone asked.

"Nothing," Jack replied, his gaze wandering around the room. He then shifted his chair closer again and turned his whole body to face Boone.

"You're not doing anything?" Boone asked.

Jack gave him a smile. "Not yet," he replied, leaning in a little closer.

Jack was acting goofy and Boone couldn't quite get his head around it. Jack didn't do goofy. Jack was serious. He could do cute too but it was always serious cute, not goofy cute like this. But he seemed happy so Boone guessed he was happy too. And he was fairly sure Jack was going to kiss him so he was willing to go with anything right now.

But Jack didn't kiss him, he didn't do anything, he just stared at Boone and Boone just stared back, trying not to look hopeful or confused or disappointed. Then suddenly Jack smiled widely and shook his head a little.

"You were totally just gonna sit there all day, weren't you?" Jack asked.

"You were the one making a move," Boone retorted. "You can't just stop half way through."

Jack smiled again. "I wanted to see if you'd meet me half way."

"You're being insane today, you know that?" Boone told him.

Jack sighed. "You make me happy," he stated. "And last night made me very happy. But there's only so much general island crap I can take before I start turning into..."

"A grumpy old man?" Boone finished.

Jack gave him a look. "You want me to kiss you?"

Boone smiled at him. "Yes, please."

Jack smiled back and reached his arm around Boone's neck, pulling him in closer and making their lips meet. Boone closed his eyes and parted his lips and lost himself in the sensation. He put his hand up to the side of Jack's face to pull their mouths together and deepen the kiss, his other hand finding it's way onto Jack's thigh. Jack took hold of his hand and entwined their fingers, giving him a pull in an attempt to get their bodies closer together, apparently forgetting that Boone only had one good leg in the process. Boone stumbled slightly in his transition from chair to Jack and wound up putting far too much weight on his bad leg.

"Ow," he muttered.

Jack pulled away. "Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to do that, Boone."

Boone shook his head. "That's okay," he said quickly. He put the weight fully onto his good leg and pulled himself into Jack's lap. "See, all good."

Jack looked unsure. "Is your leg okay?" he asked, looking down at it.

"It's still attached, isn't it?" Boone shrugged.

Jack looked like he was going to say something so Boone leant in and kissed him again before he got the chance. Which Jack really didn't seem to mind as he kissed him back forcefully, moving his arm from his neck to his lower back, holding him steady, his other hand still entwined with Boone's.

"Jack!" Shannon yelled from the other room. Not like it was an emergency, just like she was impatient.

Jack pulled away and looked pissed off, trying to catch his breath. "How does she shout that loud?"

"Practice," Boone replied, knowing exactly what she was like as a kid.

"Jack!" Shannon shouted again. "Can you come here a sec?"

Jack sighed. "Would you say you guys are close or are you okay with me smothering her with a pillow?" he asked.

Boone smiled. "Good luck," he said. "She'll fight you to the end."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, probably wouldn't even shut her up would it?"

"Jack!"

"Yeah, I'm coming," Jack yelled back. He turned to Boone. "I better, y'know." Boone nodded and moved himself back to the chair. "See this is why I never have sex during the day," Jack said, standing up. "It's not for lack of trying."

Boone smiled at him. "Whatever you say."

"When I come back, you're gonna tell me your excuse," Jack said.

"Jack!" Shannon yelled again.

"You better be dying," Jack yelled back, heading out of the room.


	43. Chapter 43

"Jack!" 

"What Shannon?" Jack found himself half-yelling as he made his way into the room.

"I have to pee," Shannon announced, looking up at him from where she lay.

Jack looked at her with disbelief. "There aren't three other people in the room that could have helped you with that?"

"Well let me finish," Shannon said, rolling her eyes a little. Jack motioned for her to continue, attempting to look half patient but really doubting it was working. "I have to pee," she repeated. "So do I still have to pee in that stupid thing cos I'm so not bleeding internally."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you perform a laparotomy?" Jack asked.

Shannon gave him a look. "Quit using big words."

"Shannon, I am trying to keep you alive here, feel free to co-operate," Jack said, trying not to talk down to her too much.

"I'm just saying," Shannon began. "I feel way better, I think if I was dying you'd know by now."

"Well excuse me for treading on the side of caution," Jack replied.

"Talkin' of feelin' better, I got the spring back in my step over here, Doc," Sawyer cut in.

"You're not going anywhere," Jack told him shortly.

"If he goes I can have his bunk," Shannon said. "I'm sick of being on the floor."

"You've been sleeping on a beach for the better part of two months," Jack exclaimed.

"I have a tent," she said defensively.

Jack rolled his eyes. He really didn't have the energy for this right now.

"I'm just gonna pee in the toilet," Shannon announced, sitting up.

Jack looked at her. "Shannon, come on, it's not that much hassle, just give me one more day and you can pee wherever you want."

Shannon looked at him. "Ew."

"Y'know, Doc..." Sawyer began.

"Sawyer, I swear to God, shut the hell up," Jack warned.

"Or what, hero?" Sawyer asked.

"What's with the crazy, Jack?" Shannon asked, giving him a look.

"Are you serious?" Jack asked. "It's like being in charge of a bunch of pre-schoolers. Why can neither one of you just take in what I say to you and go 'Yes, Jack' and damn well do it, why does everything have to be such a fight? Why can't you see that I am the only person here that can help you and I'm trying my best to do it and all you do is question me at every single turn. I am goddam sick of it."

Everyone just kind of looked at him like he'd gone completely insane and Jack was starting to wonder if he really had.

"Jesus, Jack, calm down," Shannon said, sounding completely condescending.

Jack shot her a look. "Calm down? Do you not get this? Can you not just listen to me?"

Shannon looked at him for a moment. "I want to pee in the toilet," she said, attempting to get up.

"Do you know what I want, Shannon?" Jack asked. "I want to not have to look after inconsiderate brats that really don't deserve to be looked after. So how about we all get what we want? How about everyone gets what they want? You can pee in the toilet, Sawyer, go wherever you goddam want and I'm gonna get the hell out of here. You realise you'll probably both die but, hey, that's your prerogative. Maybe I'll catch up with you later."

And with that he turned around, headed down the hall and exited the hatch. And wondered what the hell he was doing. He should go back, he was being an idiot, he was the one acting like a pre-schooler. But maybe this was a good idea, taking himself out of the situation, letting himself cool off. So he started walking and he didn't look back.

"Hey, you."

Jack tensed and spun around, looking for the voice. He found Ana-Lucia stood a little away from him, a half-smile on her lips. He let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

"Please don't do that," he said.

Ana smiled fully. "Sorry," she said. "What are you doing out here?"

"Could ask you the same question," he countered.

"So go ahead and ask."

"What are you doing out here?"

"Taking a walk."

"Ditto."

She smiled at him again. "You were stomping," she said.

Jack shook his head. "I wasn't stomping."

"Okay."

Jack looked at her and considered his options. "You want a drink?" he asked. "I kind of owe you one."

"That's okay, I got some water," she replied.

Jack shook his head. "I'm not talking about water," he said.

Ana looked at him curiously. "Alcohol?" she asked.

Jack nodded. "Yeah. I could really use a drink. You?"

Ana nodded. "Wouldn't say no."

Jack nodded again and started walking. Ana fell in step beside him.

"I thought Sawyer still had it," Jack began. "The alcohol. Which is the main reason I figured I'd take it. I already told him I took his stash, I may as well get some use out that white lie. But then I remembered that he gave it to Kate when Boone was injured. I have it at the caves." He wasn't quite sure why he was telling this story. He wasn't quite sure it was even a story. "I might go steal something from him anyway. Just to spite him. He deserves it." He paused again, realising how immature he sounded. "Alcohol's less fun when you don't have to steal it. I should know. Loses a lot of it's edge. But the idea was planted and now I just want a drink."

"You sound like you've had a bad day," Ana observed.

"In the great scheme of things, I think it's probably one of the better days," Jack replied, smiling a little at the irony of it. There had definitely been worse days, but none that had driven him to drink. Jack tried to stay away from alcohol, he had a certain amount of issues with it. Growing up with an alcoholic father made you view the substance differently.

But it was his drug of choice, it was the first thing he reached for. He was straight and level and never touched a drop if he was at the hospital or on call but the times that he felt free of the place for a little while, if the situation suited, he'd reach straight for it. And he hated that about himself. It forced him to admit how like his father he really was. How he could slip so easily into those shoes.

Jack wasn't an alcoholic. He knew alcoholics, he'd seen alcoholism in just about every form at the hospital over the years. That wasn't what he had. That wasn't what this was. He knew the old line 'You don't have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic' but it really didn't apply to him. So sometimes he got a little wasted when he was down. Who didn't?

He reached the camp and noticed Ana stop short. He looked at her.

"I'll just wait here for you," she said.

"Are you hiding?" he asked.

"I don't really like the caves," she said. "Too closed in. Too cosy."

Jack nodded. "I'll be right back."

He grabbed the bottles and the two of them found a fallen tree in a clearing to use as a bench while they divvied up the miniature bottles which Jack found rather laughable in the situation. Good luck getting anywhere near drunk off them. If Jack kept all of them for himself he might have been able to get close but half wasn't going to do anything. But Jack thought that maybe a bit of company might be better than oblivion so he didn't mind as much as he thought.

"What were you stomping away from?" Ana asked after they each downed their first bottle.

"I wasn't stomping," Jack insisted.

"What were you walking calmly away from?" she asked.

"My patients," he replied.

"Your patience?" she asked.

Jack looked at her. "Patients," he corrected, stressing the word. "Shannon and Sawyer."

She nodded. "How are they?"

"Okay," Jack replied. "I think they're fine really. I just want to be careful, I don't want them backsliding. I need to make sure they get fully recovered before I send them back out into the jungle."

"So why did you leave them?" Ana asked.

"Because if I stayed I might have had to kill them," Jack replied, opening another bottle and downing it.

"Why's that?" she asked, following suit.

"Because they seem determined to test my patience to it's very limit," Jack replied. "And let's just say they found the limit."

"Must be tough being the only doctor," she noted.

Jack shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it," he said. "I'm sick of talking about it. I'm sick of thinking about it. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to think about anything." He downed another bottle. "You're behind," he observed.

Ana gave him a smile and opened another bottle, catching up. Jack turned to look at her.

"So you're living at the beach?" he asked.

Ana nodded. "Yeah."

"Have you integrated at all?" he asked. "Do you talk to anyone?"

"I don't think they want to talk to me," she replied.

"No, probably not," Jack replied, opening another bottle.

Ana looked at him. And kept looking at him, clearly trying to get Jack to start backtracking, which Jack actually found quite amusing. He downed the bottle.

"You kept them all alive, that right?" Jack asked.

"I looked out for them," Ana agreed.

"Then I guess you got nothing to worry about," he said. "People always need people to look out for them. Trust me, I know. They're feeling pretty sore about Shannon right now, they probably think you're a trigger-happy idiot, but if you're not then they'll find that out."

"Yeah," Ana said. "I guess they will." She opened another bottle and downed it.

Jack watched her and then downed his last bottle. Ana was one behind and he found himself eyeing the drink left in front of her. She saw him looking.

"You want it?" she offered. "They are yours, you didn't have to share."

Jack shrugged. "What can I say, I'm a giver."

"Everyone needs give and take," she said, offering the bottle out to him.

He took it off her and looked at it. "I'm starting to think this wasn't such a great idea," he said.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because this was all the alcohol we had left and I might need it if there's a medical emergency. I don't have that much peroxide left," he explained. "Also, I think I might be a little drunk." Ana smiled at him. "I haven't had a drink in a long time. And I've kind of been running on empty lately. So I think I'm a little drunk."

"You could save the last one for an emergency," Ana suggested.

"I could," Jack agreed. "But I think I'm a little drunk so I don't really want to." He looked at the bottle and then thought 'screw it' and downed it in one go. He sighed and gazed through the empty bottle. "I don't think I should have done that," he said. "I don't think I'm really drunk."

"I think you might be," Ana told him.

"Jack Shepherd does not get drunk on five miniatures," he insisted.

"Six," she corrected.

"I can count," he said. "I should get back."

"There really something to get back to?" she asked and Jack wondered if that meant 'please stay'.

"There's some_one_ to get back to," Jack replied. "I have to get back to someone."

"Shannon and Sawyer?" she asked.

Jack shook his head. "I hope they both got infections while I was gone," he said. "No, someone else." He stood up and slung his pack over his shoulder. "Your buddy comes by the hatch a lot," he said. "Eko. You could come with him if you want."

Ana gave him a look. "You really think that would be a good idea?"

"I don't know," Jack replied. "Apparently I'm drunk."

"A little," she said.

"A little drunk," he nodded. He sighed and shook his head. "I have to go now."

Ana nodded. "Thanks for the drinks."

Jack waved a hand back as he walked off. "Don't like open endings," he said. "I'm good now," he muttered, almost to himself.


	44. Chapter 44

Boone heard the outside door to the hatch opening and closing and reached for his crutches, heading out to the hall. He found Jack just kind of standing there. He looked up and saw Boone. 

"Hey," he said with a smile. "You okay?"

Boone nodded. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jack replied in a tone that meant 'Why wouldn't I be?' "You shouldn't be walking around," he said.

Boone gave him a look. "Don't start that again."

"I missed you," Jack said suddenly.

Boone looked at him. "When?"

Jack moved down the hall to Boone and placed a hand on his hip, looking at him sleepily. "When I was gone," he said. "I missed you."

"Okay," Boone said. Jack hadn't been gone that long. "Where'd you go?" he asked.

Jack shrugged. "I went for a walk."

Jack moved his arm around Boone's back and rested his head on his shoulder. Boone looked down at him and got a whiff of his breath.

"Have you been drinking?" Boone asked.

"No," Jack replied, closing his eyes.

"Jack, I can smell it on your breath," Boone said.

Jack opened his eyes and moved back to stand up, looking at Boone. "I might have had a little."

Boone rolled his eyes. Jack wasn't sleepy, he was drunk. Or well on his way. "Real responsible, Jack," he said. "Where'd you get alcohol from?"

"I had some at the caves. Sawyer gave Kate the last of his alcohol when you were injured but I never used it so I still had it and today I figured, what the hell?" Jack explained.

"Did you drink it all?" Boone asked.

"No," Jack replied.

"Good, you saved some, we might need it for..." Boone trailed off at the guilty look on Jack's face. "What?"

"_I_ didn't drink it all," Jack began. "But it's all gone."

"So what happened to it?" Boone asked.

"I shared it with someone," Jack admitted.

"Who?" Boone asked. He couldn't think of anyone on the island that Jack would consider a drinking buddy. Except Kate of course but she was here. Charlie maybe? Boone bet he liked a drink.

"Ana-Lucia," Jack replied. Boone just glared at him. Jack shrugged a little helplessly. "She's having a bit of a hard time, I figured she could use a drink. And I did kind of owe her one from the plane."

"_She's_ having hard time?" Boone asked, looking at him incredulously. "Well, I'm sorry that her nearly killing my sister upset her so much."

"She feels bad about it," Jack offered. "I think. She didn't really mention it."

"So what _did_ you talk about on your little date?" Boone asked.

Jack gave him a look. "Boone, it wasn't a date."

"What did you talk about?" Boone asked again.

Jack sighed. "I don't know. I asked how she was settling in."

"And?"

"She's not really," Jack replied.

"Good," Boone said.

Jack smiled at him. "I missed you."

"Shut up," Boone said even though his mind was going slightly mushy at the thought.

"I like you," Jack said. "I don't really like her. Well, I guess I do, as a friend. I don't really have a problem with her. Except that she might be a psychopath. But I don't know. She's all stalking around the jungle. What's with that?"

Boone just looked at him. Jack was a talkative drunk, total stream of consciousness. Which was actually kind of cute. "How much did you have to drink?" he asked.

Jack shook his head. "Not much," he replied. "Not enough to get drunk."

"That's debatable," Boone muttered.

"What did Shannon and Sawyer do while I was gone?" Jack asked.

"Not a lot," Boone replied. "They didn't go anywhere, they're both still here. I think they felt kind of bad that they made the only doctor have a breakdown."

"I didn't have a breakdown," Jack protested. "I should go check on them."

"Jack, I don't think that's such a good idea," Boone said.

"Why not?" Jack asked.

"Well, cos, I think you're a little tipsy," Boone replied.

"No I'm not," Jack said.

"You are a little," Boone stated. "And they really don't need to see that. They're fine, don't worry about them."

"I'm not drunk," Jack said.

"I said tipsy," Boone pointed out.

"I'm not that either," Jack insisted.

"Okay," Boone replied. "Why don't we just go sit down?"

"I'm tired, let's go to bed," Jack said.

"Okay," Boone replied.

They got to the pantry, which now seemed to have taken on the role of their bedroom, and Jack collapsed onto the cushions, staring up at the ceiling. He then turned his attention to Boone.

"I like you," Jack smiled.

"Yeah, you told me," Boone replied, easing himself onto the cushions and sitting next to Jack.

"I do though," Jack said.

"I like you too," Boone told him, trying his best not to look like he was humouring him.

"I like you the best," Jack said. "I don't like Ana-Lucia."

"For someone you don't like, you sure talk about her a lot," Boone pointed out.

"I can't help that she started flirting with me," Jack said.

Boone looked at him. "She flirted with you?"

"At the airport," Jack said. "In the bar. She was flirting with me. And I kind of figured 'what the hell' at the time. She seemed nice enough. And I hadn't had sex in a really long time. Like eight months. No, more that eight months. Maybe a year."

Boone raised his eyebrows. "You haven't had sex in a year?"

"Well I've been divorced for eight months," Jack pointed out. "And when I was married we weren't really together so it was a while before that." His face changed slightly as he remembered something. "I know when it was. The last time with me and Sarah. It's more than a year."

"You remember the last time?" Boone asked.

"Well something happened and then we didn't have sex anymore," Jack said.

Boone looked at him. "What happened?"

"I'm not drunk enough to tell you," Jack replied, closing his eyes.

"Why do you have to be drunk to tell me?" Boone asked.

"I don't," Jack replied. "But I'm still not gonna." His breathing started to become rhythmic and Boone thought he'd fallen asleep when he suddenly opened his eyes. "When was the last time you had sex?" Boone just gave him a pointed look. "Oh, right, you had sex with your sister in Sydney," Jack said.

Boone gave him a look. "Thanks for repeating that so bluntly at every opportunity you get."

"When was the last time before that?" Jack asked.

"I was kind of seeing this girl back in LA," Boone replied.

Jack looked at him. "You have a girlfriend?"

Boone shook his head. "She's not my girlfriend," he said. "She's just, y'know, someone I hung out with and stuff. We weren't dating or anything."

"You get around a bit," Jack observed. Boone gave him an amused smile. "Do you think she's sat in LA pining after you right now?"

"I really doubt it," Boone replied. "She's probably moved on to the next guy at the tennis club by now."

"I'd pine after you if you left me to go fetch your sister and then wound up having sex with her and then your plane crashed and you ended up on an island in the South Pacific with polar bears and stuff," Jack said. "South Pacific was a musical, wasn't it?" Boone just looked at him, not sure what to say. "Aren't you gonna lay down?" Jack asked.

"Jack, it's half past five in the afternoon," Boone pointed out.

"Is it?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Boone nodded.

"Then how come I'm so sleepy?" Jack asked.

"I think the alcohol might have something to do with that," Boone suggested.

"I'm not drunk," Jack repeated, closing his eyes.

"Okay then," Boone said.

"I'm not," Jack insisted. "I'm just gonna have a quick nap. Wake me up in an hour."

"Okay," Boone agreed.

"Then I'll check on Shannon and Sawyer," Jack continued. "Just one hour."

Boone smiled and watched as Jack muttered something under his breath and fell into sleep. He did make a cute drunk. And maybe Jack kind of needed this, just cut loose and relax for a while. There was no way Boone was waking him up unless there was some kind of emergency though. The guy didn't tend to rest as much as he should and Boone guessed it was sensible for him to get his sleep in when it was quiet like this. They seemed to be in-between catastrophes right now so Jack at least had good timing. And Boone actually felt surprisingly all right about the whole Ana-Lucia thing. Okay, so he kind of hated her, but Jack wasn't interested, Jack liked him as he kept pointing out, so Boone was just going to concentrate on liking Jack back and forget about everybody else. Jack had told him before that there were only two people in their relationship and right now Boone felt inclined to believe him.


	45. Chapter 45

Jack woke up and saw Boone sleeping beside him. Which was weird because Boone had said he wasn't tired. Maybe he changed his mind. Or maybe it wasn't the afternoon anymore. Jack rolled over and poked Boone in the arm.

"Hey, Boone, wake up," Jack said softly.

Boone grunted a little and reluctantly opened his eyes. "What?" he mumbled, squinting at Jack.

"What time is it?" Jack asked.

"How should I know, you just woke me up," Boone replied.

Jack had to admit he had a point there. He should have just left Boone alone and looked for his watch which had mysteriously disappeared from his arm. If he was even wearing it in the first place. Maybe Boone had taken it off him while he was asleep. Boone reached over and grabbed his own watch.

"Is it morning?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Boone replied. "Early," he added, abandoning the watch and collapsing back into the cushions, closing his eyes.

"Boone, you were supposed to wake me up in an hour," Jack pointed out.

"I'll wake you up in an hour," Boone mumbled.

"No, when I fell asleep before, you were only supposed to let me sleep for an hour," Jack stated. "I must have been asleep twelve hours if it's morning."

"More like fourteen," Boone admitted.

"Fourteen hours? Boone," Jack said, getting annoyed. "Why'd you let me sleep so long?"

"Because you needed it, Jack," Boone replied, opening his eyes. "Just relax, nothing terrible happened."

Jack laid back and threw his forearm over his eyes. "You should of woke me," he grumbled.

"You have a hangover?" Boone asked and Jack could practically hear the smirk.

"I wasn't drunk," Jack insisted, though he wasn't really sure why he was bothering anymore, he was fooling no one.

"Sure you weren't," Boone said.

Jack moved his arm and looked at Boone. "How long am I gonna have to hear about this?" he asked.

Boone shrugged. "Just until I get bored."

"I wasn't even drunk," Jack said again.

"You weren't exactly sober," Boone commented.

"I should check on Shannon and Sawyer," Jack said, sitting up.

"They'll be asleep," Boone said. "I told you, it's early."

"I think they're fine anyway," Jack admitted. "I'll give Sawyer a quick check-up later then I'll probably let him go. Shannon'll be a while longer but from what I can see it's just the wound itself, no internal damage. She's lucky. They both are."

"Is she gonna have a scar on her stomach?" Boone asked. "Cos she's from California and if she doesn't have a perfect midriff then she might as well be dead. So to speak."

"She'll have a scar," Jack said. "It shouldn't be too bad. But she could call it a badge of honour. A battle scar. Lived through this."

"Girl's like Shannon don't believe in battle scars," Boone said. "Or honour."

"She's like a little kid to look at but she's so desperate to be a grown-up," Jack observed.

Boone shook her head. "She doesn't want to be a grown-up. She just wanted out. After her dad died things got kind of... She was just out of school really and suddenly she had to fend for herself. It wasn't easy," he said. "Of course she doesn't have to act like a total bitch."

"Defence mechanism, right?" Jack noted.

Boone nodded. "I'm sorry she's been taking it out on you lately," he said. "That's kind of out of line."

Jack shook his head. "She just had some bad timing yesterday, that's all."

"Still, feel free to slap her whenever you want," Boone told him.

Jack smiled. "I'll bear that in mind," he said. "I'm gonna get a drink, you want one?"

Boone shook his head. "I'm going back to sleep," he said, closing his eyes.

"Okay," Jack said. "I'll probably be back in a bit."

"I'll be asleep," Boone mumbled.

Jack got up and left the room, closing the door behind him. He heard voices down the hall and saw Locke, Michael and Sayid gearing up in the armoury. He walked over to them.

"What the hell's going on?" Jack asked.

"We're going to find Walt," Michael said bluntly.

"What? Where?" Jack asked. "Do you think now is really the best time? We don't have anything to go on."

"We have something to go on," Michael told him. "He sent me a message."

"A message?" Jack asked. "How did he..."

"The computer," Michael explained.

"That computer?" Jack asked, pointing towards the lab.

"Yeah," Michael replied, grabbing some ammo.

"That computer doesn't do anything," Jack said. "You can enter the numbers when the timer beeps, that's it, we've tried."

Locke shook his head. "Actually, Jack, it's come to our attention that that may not be accurate."

Trust Locke to be one step ahead of him, Jack thought. He knew he was getting sucked into something here but he had to ask. "What do you mean?"

"The orientation tape, it had some jarring cuts in it," Locke began. "Well, Mr. Eko found another hatch like this on the other side of the island. It had been stripped but there was a chest. In it there was a bit of film strip that fit nicely into our orientation film."

Always leave your audience wanting more, that seemed to be Locke's motto. And judging by the look on his face he wasn't about to continue until Jack begged. "So what was on it?" Jack asked.

"A short piece of film telling us we shouldn't use the computer for contacting the outside world," Locke explained.

"But we can't contact the outside world," Jack stated. "We can't do anything with it."

"Well that's what we thought," Locke agreed.

Jack turned his attention to Michael again. "So you contacted Walt?"

"He contacted me," Michael said. "He must be in another hatch on the island, one with a console like that."

"Wait, did he actually give you any idea where he might be?" Jack asked.

"He didn't get that far, he must have got cut off," Michael replied.

"So how exactly are you expecting to find him?" Jack asked. "You don't even know how many hatches there are, there could be..."

"Six," Locke cut in. "There's six. Ours is station three."

"Okay, fine, six," Jack said. "But look how long it took us to find this one. And the next one we know of is on the other side of the island. They're not going to be near each other and they're not going to be easy to find. You're not going to just stumble across them, guys, you need a better plan."

"What do you suggest, Jack?" Michael asked. "They took my son, I am taking him back."

"Michael, I understand, but we don't know where he is," Jack stated. "What I suggest you do is wait by the computer and see if he contacts you again."

"I am sick of sitting around," Michael said. "And we have a plan. They had that boat so they can't have taken him too far inland. We start at the beach and we work our way around."

"That's going to take days, it's not practical," Jack argued. "What we really don't need right now is to do something foolhardy that could put all of our lives in danger. We do not need to lose any more people here."

"I know what you're saying, Jack," Michael replied. "But I am going to get my son back. I'm taking a tracker and a soldier, I'll be fine."

Jack sighed. "Are all those guns really necessary?"

"They're armed," Michael stated. "Guns and explosives."

"Explosives?" Jack asked. "Like dynamite? From the Black Rock?"

"No, man, home-made," Michael replied.

Jack shook his head a little. He looked at Michael. "I want you back here by nightfall."

"It's okay, we'll camp out," Michael replied. "Keep one man on watch..."

"Nightfall," Jack repeated, putting on his best leader voice. "They have the advantage out there. I don't want you wandering around their territory after dark."

Michael sighed. "If we come back here it's just gonna set us back, we're gonna have to start all over tomorrow."

"If you're not back here I'm writing you off as dead," Jack told him. "I'm not sending search teams out, I'm not risking more lives. Be back by nightfall."

Michael stared at Jack who just stared back at him, not prepared to give an inch.

"We'll be back," Sayid said. Michael turned to look at him. "I was already forced to make Shannon the same promise and she is not someone you want to cross."

Michael sighed. "Can we just go?"

Michael and Locke started down the hall as Sayid hung back. "Don't worry, Jack, we'll be fine, I won't let them go too far."

"Just get them back here tonight," Jack requested.

Sayid nodded and went to catch up with the others. Jack shook his head in quiet dismay and headed to get a drink. Locke and Michael must have been on duty as there was no one in the lab now so Jack made a mental note to listen out for the timer as he headed back to the pantry.

Boone was fast asleep, as promised, and Jack sat down beside him and looked down at him, feeling slightly stalker-ish but mainly okay with it. He spent a lot of time watching Boone sleep when he was recovering but he could never enjoy it then, he was always worried that every time he closed his eyes he wouldn't open them again. But this was different. This felt nicer. He could just admire Boone for the fantastically good-looking man that he was and Jack was starting to wonder how he got so lucky. Not that a good-looking man was exactly top of his wish list but sometimes the unexpected could be pretty amazing too.

Boone, with his long eyelashes and rosy cheeks and pouty, slightly parted lips that were just begging to be kissed. But Boone seemed tired so Jack should let him sleep for now. Jack figured he was probably being a pain last night and he remembered Boone looking after him. He knew he wasn't that drunk but the walk back after leaving Ana-Lucia and the subsequent hatch happenings were a little blurry, blurrier than they should have been. But he remembered Boone putting him to bed and he remembered a conversation about sex in which he had a feeling he didn't come off well, not if he'd been honest.

But Jack's dry spot was coming to an end now. Depending on your definition of 'sex', maybe it already had. Did sex acts count as sex? Jack had never needed to know any of this stuff before. Jack had never really cared before. But he found that defining things was slightly harder than usual these days, especially when everything was so new to him. But he was sure that Boone could steer him round the curves if Jack would just let him. But Jack had never been very good at handing over control. He was coming around to the idea that he could try though.

The timer sounded and Jack got to his feet, heading back to work. 


	46. Chapter 46

Boone sat behind the computer and watched Charlie, Claire and Aaron at the other side of the lab. Charlie was strumming his guitar and singing a lullaby to Aaron but Boone got the impression that he was serenading Claire more than anything and judging by the smile on Claire's face, she really didn't mind. Boone smiled himself and turned his attention back to his book.

"Do you really have sex in the middle of the day?"

The words were whispered into his ear and Boone turned to face Jack who was leaning down to him.

"What?" he asked.

"Do you?" Jack repeated, sitting down in the chair next to Boone.

"Erm, well..." Boone looked over to Charlie and Claire who were far too wrapped up in each other to even notice that Jack had entered the room. Boone turned back to Jack. "Yeah, sometimes."

"So you really do?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Boone nodded, giving him a questioning look. "You don't believe me?"

Jack shrugged. "I just figured you wouldn't," he replied. "You seem pretty straight laced. And you like things in order. You like timetables."

"Jack, no one has a timetable for sex, that's just sad," Boone replied.

"Right," Jack agreed with a smile. "I sent Sawyer back to the beach. Kate went with him. Sayid's still out with Michael and Locke looking for Walt, I don't expect them back anytime soon. Shannon's asleep in Sawyer's old bunk, after I changed all the sheets for her. And I'd say they look pretty busy right now," he concluded, nodding towards Charlie and Claire. "I'd say they wouldn't notice if the rescue boats finally arrived."

Boone looked at him. He was fairly sure what Jack was getting at but not sure enough go jumping him. That was never really a good idea in any circumstance. Not that Jack would mind, Boone thought, he seemed quite open to being jumped. He seemed rather like he was inviting it.

Jack glanced over at Charlie and Claire one more time before settling his eyes on Boone. "I think we might be interruption free," he observed. Boone nodded. Jack nodded back. "I'm gonna be in the pantry," he said, getting to his feet and exiting the room.

Okay, that was an invitation. That was so an invitation, right? Under normal circumstances Boone had never thought he was bad at reading the signs but with Jack it was different. Boone wasn't sure that Jack knew what he wanted and so figuring it out before Jack had even figured it out was fairly hard work. But Boone got the distinct impression that Jack knew what he wanted this time and what he wanted was to have some fun in the pantry. Boone was so okay with that.

He grabbed his crutches and made his way down the hall. When he got to the pantry Jack was already laying on the cushions, looking up at him.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"I'm on crutches?" Boone replied, not meaning to make it sound like a question.

"Well come here and maybe I'll forgive you," Jack said.

"Okay," Boone replied, giving him a smile that Jack returned in an instant.

Boone eased himself onto the cushions and then moved down so that he was laying next to Jack who shifted to lay on his side so they were facing each other.

"Is this the part where you call my bluff?" Boone asked.

"Yeah, something like that," Jack replied, leaning in to kiss Boone.

Boone shifted in a little closer to that their bodies were pressed together and angled his head to deepen the kiss, pulling at Jack to keep him close. One of Jack's hands found it's way to Boone's ass so Boone guessed the unspoken hands above the waist rule had gone out the window. But then after the other night it would have done. Then Jack rolled them both so that he was on top and Boone started thinking that he should take some of the initiative. Not that he minded this at all, but Jack seemed okay to push things a little further, he did bring up sex again. Not that Boone believed for a minute that he meant full sex, not yet, but he certainly meant orgasms.

Boone's hands found their way inside Jack's T-shirt and ran up his chest, feeling the slight prickling of sweat that meant Jack was starting to get hot and bothered, just the way Boone wanted him. But then Jack pulled away and Boone looked at him in confusion before he pulled his shirt off fully, leaning back in to kiss Boone again. As he did so he pulled Boone's own shirt up and then pulled away from the kiss just long enough to pull it over his head before he was right back with him again, flesh pressing against flesh.

Boone let his hands wander over the newly available skin and felt himself melting as Jack did the same, their mouths still plastered together, tongues caught in a mind-blowing rhythm. But none of it was quite enough and Boone decided to try for some below the waist action again. He went for Jack's fly at the exact moment that Jack apparently decided to go for Boone's fly, their hands colliding in the general area of their groins. They pulled away slightly and looked at each other. Jack gave Boone a smile and then shifted slightly, allowing them both easy access.

Jeans and underwear were shed and hands went into the mix, touching and teasing and stroking until they fell into a rhythm, hands and hips moving in unison, their mouths once again finding each other. And Boone let himself relax, let himself drift off, let himself just feel. And it felt amazing. Jack was really good at this and Boone couldn't wait until they got onto the better stuff. He couldn't wait until they'd done everything just so that it was out of the way as much as anything else. Because already this felt so much different from the first time, and it was so much different. Jack didn't have to worry so much because he knew he could do it and Boone didn't have to worry so much because he knew that Jack knew that he could do it and he knew that Jack was okay with doing it.

As the touches and the movement continued, the kisses became more distracted and they settled for closeness and sporadic grazes of lips whenever they could. Boone could hear Jack's breath start to hitch and that alone was getting him closer himself. The speed increased between them as they came to some kind of unspoken agreement and they both had to try harder to stay quiet. Everyone in the hatch was otherwise engaged at present but neither of them really wanted to take the risk that they could be heard from the other side of that door.

Boone watched as Jack bit down on his lip and thrust into Boone's hand, practically doing all the work for him, setting a new pace before giving everything over and losing himself in the moment.

He let his head drop down onto Boone's shoulder and his hand stilled for a moment while he collected his breath and then he was right back in the rhythm but now everything felt even more fantastic, the sensations warmer and smoother and Boone found himself biting back moans. Jack switched his technique slightly and as Boone fell fully over the edge he managed to wonder how the hell Jack could be so good at this. Boone shuddered and held onto Jack for all he was worth, never wanting to let go.

Jack leaned in and kissed Boone again, long and deep and sleepy, before rolling off him but still keeping the physical contact. Boone took a minute to catch his breath before turning to face him.

"Are you sure you're straight?" he asked.

Jack gave him an amused smile. "No."

Boone smiled back at him. "I meant pre-island," he explained. "It's just you're really good at that."

Jack gave him another smile. "Just following your lead," he shrugged.

"Thank you," Boone replied.

"Shut up," Jack said but he was still smiling. He started to close his eyes but then opened them again. "We can't go to sleep," he said. "It's the middle of the day. See how does this work now? I'm sleepy."

Boone looked at him. "Have you seriously never had sex in the middle of the day before?" he asked. "Not even in college? Not even on your honeymoon?"

"I was too busy studying at college," Jack said. "I barely had time for sex, full stop. But, yeah, on my honeymoon I guess."

"Wow, very adventurous of you," Boone said sarcastically, earning him a playful punch to the arm.

"We're not all sex fiends," Jack replied.

"I'm not a sex fiend," Boone argued.

"So how many?" Jack asked.

"How many what?" Boone queried.

"People have you slept with?" Jack finished.

Boone dodged his eyes. "I don't know."

"Yes you do," Jack contended. "Everyone knows."

"Maybe some of us don't bother to count," Boone replied.

"Yeah, you probably can't count that high," Jack mused.

"I'm not a slut," Boone insisted, looking at Jack again who was clearly trying to hide a smile, and not very successfully.

"All right, how many?" Jack asked.

"How many people have you slept with?" Boone countered.

"Five," Jack replied. "You?"

"Five?" Boone asked.

"You?" Jack repeated.

"What were their names?" Boone asked.

"Answer the question," Jack insisted.

"Eight or nine," Boone replied.

Jack looked at him. "What do you mean eight or nine?"

"Well, there was this one time in college that I was really drunk and I can't quite remember if we did it or not so I never know whether to count her," Boone explained.

"I knew you were a slut," Jack smiled.

"I'm not a slut," Boone insisted. "I just racked a few up in college, that's all. I had some crappy relationships towards the beginning of my college life and then I kind of cut a little loose at the end. I had a roommate who knew where all the cool parties were."

"So you were Party Boone?" Jack asked, looking amused again.

Boone gave him a look. "What do you think?" he asked. "I did all my lectures in the week and then went to a party on Friday night where sometimes I'd hook with a girl, or a boy, and then Saturday morning was pretty much a write off but Saturday afternoon and Sunday I caught up with my studies."

Jack looked at him. "Yeah, I should have done that," he said. "I didn't go to nearly enough parties in college. The ones I did go to I was dragged to and I always used to sneak out early so I could get some work done."

"Wow, you're a total geek," Boone observed with an air of joking. "I'm surprised you ever got laid."

Jack gave him a look. "You seem to think I'm okay."

Boone shrugged. "You'll do."

Jack shook his head a little. "Come on, we have to get up."

"Why?" Boone asked.

"Because we have to get up," Jack said, shifting away from Boone and sitting up.

"Right, you probably have some homework to do," Boone agreed, sounding earnest.

Jack picked up a cushion and threw it at Boone before getting up. 


	47. Chapter 47

"It's after dark, right?"

Jack looked up from changing Shannon's dressing to look into her eyes.

"I mean, I know I'm pretty much sat in a box and I have no idea what's happening outside but going on the time, it's gotta be dark out by now," she continued.

"I'm sure they're on their way back," Jack told her, turning his attention back to the dressing.

"No you're not," Shannon said.

Jack looked at her again. "Sayid made you a promise."

"He can't keep his promise if he's dead," Shannon said and Jack could see tears start to well up in her eyes.

"Shannon, I'm sure he's just..."

"I shouldn't have let him go," she went on. "I just felt bad about Walt. I want them to find him."

"I know, Shannon, it's okay," Jack told her.

Shannon turned to look at him. "Did I ever tell you what I was doing out in the jungle, Jack?" she asked. "When I got shot." Jack shook his head, concentrating on the wound again. "I saw him," Shannon said. "I saw Walt."

Jack looked up at her again. "In the jungle?"

"Well, yeah, but before that too," she explained. "The night you opened the hatch, I saw him then. And then again the other night, in the tent, I saw him, he was there. And then I wanted to find him so I took Vincent and I got him to lead me and we wound up out in the middle of the jungle. And then I saw him again. And he told me to be quiet. But I went after him and then I got shot." She looked at Jack. "I think he was trying to warn me."

"Wait, if you saw Walt out in the jungle then how can he be communicating through the computer?" Jack asked.

"God, I don't know, maybe he got away and they found him again," Shannon replied.

Jack nodded.

"You don't believe me," Shannon said.

"Shannon..."

"You don't, do you?" Shannon asked. "Sayid saw him too. Ask Sayid, you think he's crazy as well?"

"Shannon, I don't think anyone's crazy." Jack told her.

"He was there," she stated. "I saw him."

"Okay," Jack said.

"You don't believe anything," Shannon said. "You didn't believe Boone when he told you about that radio transmission."

"He told you about that?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, he told me, and I believed him," Shannon said. "And if I tell him about Walt he'll believe me."

"You haven't told him yet?" Jack asked.

Shannon just looked at him. Jack nodded and finished reapplying the dressing.

"It's healing nicely," Jack told her.

"Do you believe in God?" Shannon asked him.

Jack looked at her, unsure where the question was coming from. "No," he replied.

"What's that like?" she asked.

"I don't know," he replied, still trying to work out where this was coming from. And trying to work out what the answer was supposed to be. That was like asking someone what it was like to have two legs. It didn't feel like anything, it just was.

The outside door to the hatch opened and faint voices could be heard down the hall.

"Sayid?" Shannon called.

Sayid came through and gave Shannon a smile.

"Any luck?" Jack asked.

Sayid shook his head sadly. "Michael wants to go back out."

"Now?" Jack asked. Sayid nodded. "Well I hope Locke's talking him out of it." Sayid just looked at him and Jack sighed. "Right, of course," Jack muttered, getting to his feet.

"Hey, am I done?" Shannon asked, looking at her dressing. "I don't wanna, like, come apart or anything."

"You're fine, Shannon, I was finished anyway," Jack told her. "Just try not to move too much, keep hydrated, you'll be fine."

Shannon nodded and Jack headed out of the room. Michael was in the lab talking to Hurley and Jin, Locke off in the corner looking like a Bond villain or something.

"Did you hear any beeping?" Michael asked.

"Dude, I don't know what you're going on about," Hurley told him, looking increasingly confused.

"Beeping," Michael said. "Did you hear beeping?"

"You mean the timer?" Hurley asked.

"No, not the timer," Michael replied. "A different beeping."

"A different beeping," Hurley repeated.

"Right," Michael agreed.

"No, I don't think so, dude," Hurley replied, shaking his head. Michael looked as though he were about to punch him.

"Walt?" Jin asked.

Michael turned to face him. "Right," he said. "Walt." He motioned the computer screen. "Walt. Writing. Words."

Jin looked at the computer. "Numbers."

"No, not numbers, writing," Michael said, speaking loud like it would make the slightest bit of difference. "Message."

"Walt, numbers," Jin said, miming typing on the keyboard.

"No, man, no numbers," Michael said, shaking his head. "Forget the stupid numbers. The screen," he said tapping on the glass.

Jin looked at him and said something in Korean. Michael sighed and turned back to Hurley.

"Look, did anything out of the ordinary happen while you were in here?" he asked. "Anything with the computer?"

"So, let me get this straight," Hurley began. "You spoke to someone on the computer of death who claimed they were Walt and you just believed them? Dude, that could have been anybody."

"It was Walt," Michael insisted, getting closer to Hurley than was necessary and giving him an 'I'm going to turn you into pulp' look.

"Okay, all right, let's just everyone calm down," Jack cut in.

Michael ignored him and continued staring daggers right into Hurley's face.

"Michael," Jack said. Michael reluctantly turned to face him. "You can't go back out tonight."

"I have to find him, Jack," Michael said. "We're going to try in the other direction, see what we come up with."

"It's pitch black, you're going to go wandering into the jungle?" Jack asked. "You need to rest."

"Don't tell me what I need, man," Michael warned him.

"You're going to make yourself sick. You're not going to be any use to him then," Jack told him.

"I'm not going to be any use to him when he's dead," Michael said. "We can't waste anymore time."

"Michael..."

"Do you know what it's like to lose a child?" Michael asked him.

Jack felt like the air had been sucked out of him and Michael must have noticed the change because there was a flicker of guilt across his rage.

"You're not the only person that ever lost someone," Jack told him. "You have a chance to get him back. Not everyone gets that chance. Don't blow it. You need rest. You can go back out at first light."

Michael seemed to calm down a bit. "I can't sleep," he said. "Not when I know he's out there. With them."

Jack nodded. "I can give you something."

"Man, I don't wanna be knocked out, what if he needs me?" Michael asked.

"It's okay," Jack told him, keeping his voice soothing. "It'll just be for a few hours. You'll feel better. And we can wake you if we need you." Michael sagged a little. "You can help him by getting some rest and being on top form tomorrow for when you go back out there."

Michael nodded. "Okay."

Jack led him out of the room and gave him a couple of pills, instructing him not to move until morning. He got him settled and then headed back to the lab where everyone had disappeared. He turned around to leave the room and saw Boone in the doorway. He came towards him.

"Where'd everyone go?" Jack asked.

"I think they went back to the beach," Boone said.

"Isn't someone supposed to be on duty?" Jack asked.

Boone shrugged. "I guess we are," he replied. "Locke said he was coming back."

"Oh, good," Jack said sarcastically, taking a seat and glancing at the timer. Still 21 minutes.

Boone came over and sat beside him. "Who did you lose?" he asked.

Jack looked at him. "What?"

"You said you lost someone," Boone explained.

Jack shook his head. "I never said that."

"Okay, fine, I read between the lines," Boone said. "So who did you lose?"

Jack didn't reply, he just stared at Boone's collar, zoning out and contemplating snagging a couple of pills for himself.

"Were you talking about your dad?" Boone asked.

Jack looked at him, almost forgetting they were having a conversation. "No, not my dad," he replied.

"Further back then," Boone considered.

"Boone, stop, it's none of your business. If I want to tell you something, I'll tell you," Jack stated.

Boone looked wounded and Jack had to look away. But there were certain things that he wasn't up for talking about and that baby was one of them. He'd never talked about the baby. He didn't talk about it with Sarah. He didn't talk about it with his father. He didn't talk about it with a shrink like it was suggested that he did. And he sure as hell wasn't about to start talking about it now. It was stupid, inconsequential. It wasn't even a real person. It wasn't like losing her impacted on the world. Jack sighed. Her.

"But you never tell me anything," Boone pointed out.

Jack looked up at him again. "I'll get round to it."

Boone nodded and looked away. "You just, you shouldn't keep everything inside," he said. "You'll go insane."

"You never kept a secret?" Jack asked him.

Boone looked at him again. "I kept a lot of secrets," he replied. "It never ended well."

Jack nodded and sighed. He closed his eyes and then opened them again, focusing on Boone. "You know that feeling you get, when you're tired and just so worn by everything and all you wanna do is go home. But then you realise you don't have a home. Or, you don't have the home that you're homesick for. That place that you dream of when you want to collapse and get taken care of, that place where you can always go, it doesn't exist. You grew up and you don't have it anymore. And then you sit there and you think, did it ever really exist? Was it real? Because I can take the longing for something I lost but when I'm longing to get back to something I never had..."

Boone nodded. "I know what you mean."

Jack looked at him. "You do?"

"Yeah, I do."

Jack smiled at him. "I feel homesick."

"Me too," Boone agreed. "But when you feel homesick, you have to make your own home. That's the best way to stop yourself feeling homesick again."

"You make home be in the present and not in the past," Jack realised.

"Well, yeah," Boone said. "If you don't then you're gonna be homesick the rest of your life."

"This island is insane," Jack said. "I don't know if I can make it my home."

"You want a home, Jack, you're desperate for it," Boone told him. "You were the one who wanted to dig in after only being here a matter of days. You're looking for something but you don't know what it is."

"So how am I supposed to know when I find it?" Jack asked.

Boone shrugged. "You just kind of wake up one morning and you don't feel homesick anymore."

"Isn't that cheating?" Jack asked.

"You can't cheat, Jack," Boone said. "There aren't any rules."

Jack nodded. "I'm going to tell you everything," he said. "And then you're gonna wonder why I'm so homesick."

Boone smiled at him and shook his head. "I get it."

"If I didn't have you, I think I'd have gone crazy," Jack said.

"I don't think that's true," Boone told him.

Jack smiled a little. "That's only because you don't know what I'm like without you," he said. "And you're not gonna find out so you'll just have to take my word for it."

Boone smiled at him. "I can do that." 


	48. Chapter 48

"Where's Jack?"

Boone turned around to see Shannon standing in the doorway.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, getting ready to go over to her. Not that he'd be a right lot of help right now.

"No, I'm fine," Shannon replied, waving him off. "I just wondered."

"He's at the caves," Boone replied. "Didn't he say you were supposed to rest?"

"I rested," she replied.

"You shouldn't be walking around," Boone warned. "If you pop your stitches, he's gonna be pissed."

"You speaking from experience?" she asked.

"I didn't pop my stitches," Boone replied.

"You didn't follow doctor's orders either, did you?" she smiled, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I was okay and he kept telling me I had to stay in bed," Boone said. "I wanted to do something useful."

"That's how I feel," Shannon said. "Except for the useful part."

"Right," he said, shaking his head a little.

"So do you wanna get some air?" Shannon asked him.

"Shannon, I don't think it's a good idea for us to go out, we're both injured, what if something happens?"

Shannon rolled her eyes. "What's gonna happen? I'm not talking about a trek, I just mean like literally sit outside."

Boone looked at her. "Just sit outside?"

"You're such a doofus, you know that?" Shannon stated.

"Is it entirely necessary for you to insult me every chance you get?" Boone asked her.

"Not entirely," she replied, giving him a smirk. "It's fun though."

"If we're just going to sit outside I guess that would be okay," Boone said, reaching for his crutches.

"You sure know how to live, don't you?" Shannon poked. "Who's on button pushing duty?"

"It's Steve and that new girl, Libby," Boone told her.

Shannon's face changed in an instant. "Ana-Lucia's friend?"

"I don't know that they're friends," Boone said. "She seems kind of nice. She's a psychoanalyst."

"Oh goody, maybe we can all talk about our feelings," Shannon gushed before giving Boone a killer look. "She can get bent."

"Look, I'm all for the Ana-Lucia hating, but I don't think Libby's like her," Boone argued.

"Whatever, you ready?"

"Lead the way," Boone instructed.

They exited the hatch and sat down on a fallen tree a little away. Boone took a deep breath and smiled. It'd been a while since he'd breathed fresh air and felt the sun on his face. It was nice. It made him feel warm in a lot of ways.

"So what's the deal with Jack?" Shannon asked.

Boone turned to look at her. "What?"

"He has more mood swings than me," she pointed out.

"I think he just... He gets stressed," Boone replied.

"Yeah?" she asked. "Well can you relax him? Cos he's getting on my nerves."

"He never talks about anything," Boone said.

"I didn't mean you should talk to him, I meant something far more fun," Shannon told him.

Boone gave her a look. "Of course, what else do you think about," he quipped.

"Seriously though, how is your lack-of-sex-life?" she asked.

"Not as lacking as it was," Boone told her. "We do some stuff now."

"What stuff?" she asked.

"Jesus, Shan, maybe I don't want to tell you every detail," Boone replied.

Shannon rolled her eyes. "Fine, be a prude," she sighed. "I wasn't talking details, I was talking positions."

"Positions are details," Boone countered.

"But you're having orgasms one way or another?" Shannon pressed.

"Can we talk about something else?" Boone requested.

"You told me about the problem, I'm just taking an interest," Shannon replied.

"Yeah, well, don't," Boone told her. "We're doing fine." He paused. "Except for that whole communication thing."

"Does he not do it how you like?" Shannon asked.

"For God's sake, Shannon, do you just have a one track mind?" Boone asked, trying to resist the urge to poke her in her stupid bullet wound. But if he did she'd probably just kick him in the shin. She always won at those games. One-upmanship was second nature to Shannon. Or maybe first.

"Sorry, it's just... I told you about me and Sayid and then I got shot and we haven't been able to do it again," she explained.

"Well I wasn't talking about sex," Boone told her. "I mean that he doesn't talk to me. He doesn't tell me anything about his life. Like when he was drunk the other night..."

"Wait, hold up, Jack was drunk?" Shannon interrupted.

"Well, yeah, a little," Boone replied.

"Where did he get alcohol? Is there like a stash in the hatch?" Shannon asked.

Boone shook his head. "It was the last of the miniatures from the plane."

Shannon gaped at him. "Jack?" she asked. "Christ, if anyone else did that he would throw the biggest hissy fit."

"Tell me about it," Boone replied. "So, anyway, Jack was kind of drunk and he was talking about his marriage and how something happened with him and his wife and they stopped having sex and I asked him what happened and he wouldn't tell me. He said he wasn't drunk enough."

Shannon shrugged. "Maybe they just stopped doing it for each other," she suggested. "Jack's kind of gay, apparently."

"He wasn't gay then," Boone said. "He's not gay now."

"Will you stop with that, it's getting really annoying," Shannon said. "He's dating you and, pretty as you are, you're definitely a guy."

"Anyway, it wasn't just that they weren't into each other anymore, there was something about the way he talked about it. He was upset about something. And he definitely said 'something happened'," Boone stated.

"God can you overanalyse stuff," Shannon complained. "Maybe you should go in there and talk to talk to Libby the psycho-what's-it-called."

"Psychoanalyst," Boone provided. "And why are you not getting this?"

"Getting what, Boone?" Shannon asked.

"Why this is a problem," Boone replied. "I just want him to talk to me. To tell me stuff. I want to know all about him and he's giving me nothing."

"Yeah, and he won't even have sex with you," Shannon stated. "He sounds like a sucky boyfriend."

"He's not a sucky boyfriend," Boone insisted.

"Then you don't have a problem," Shannon stated.

Boone sighed. "I just wish he'd stop keeping secrets."

"I don't think he's keeping secrets," Shannon told him. "Maybe he just doesn't talk about himself all that much."

"But I ask him direct questions and he refuses to answer them," Boone stated. "That's keeping secrets."

"Maybe," Shannon conceded. "Do you want me to talk to him for you? I can make him feel about two inches tall."

"Yeah, I know you can," Boone said dryly. "But it's okay. He'll come round."

Shannon nodded. "Yeah."

"So how are you and Sayid?" he asked.

"Good," Shannon said. "He treats me like a princess but not in that way that encourages me to be a total spoilt brat."

Boone smiled at her. "That's good," he said. "I didn't like you as a spoilt brat."

"Oh, I'm still a spoilt brat," she smiled. "For now. Baby steps."

Boone nodded. "Baby steps."

"This a jail break or something?"

They both turned around to see Jack standing behind them, hands on his hips but a smile playing on his lips.

"Hi, Doctor," Shannon chimed sweetly. "Just getting some fresh air, good for the recovery."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Jack allowed, coming towards them.

"What, no lectures? No doctorly advice? No disapproving looks?" Shannon asked. "You're slipping, Jack."

Jack shrugged. "When I'm beat, I'm beat." He turned his attention to Boone. "Hey."

Boone smiled at him. "Hey. You're in a good mood."

Jack nodded a little. "Guess I am."

"Should I be jealous?" Boone asked.

"Of my good mood?"

"Of whatever put you in a good mood," Boone explained.

Jack shook his head. "It's a nice day. Everyone seems okay. Except Walt obviously but there's a limited amount we can do about that." He looked down and smiled a little to himself. "I was checking on the baby. He's really healthy. Which is pretty amazing when you look around at where we are."

"Yeah, I guess it is," Boone agreed. Not that he envied Claire for a second. Or Charlie for that matter.

Jack took his pack off and sat down next to Boone. The three of them sat in silence for a moment enjoying the sun and the scenery.

"Hey, Jack?" Shannon asked.

"Yeah?"

"What base have you got to with Boone?" she asked.

Boone looked at her. "Shut the hell up, Shannon."

"Well you won't tell me," she replied.

Boone could gladly punch her right now, never mind that whole thing about never hitting girls. She knew that Jack was clearly having a few issues with the whole sex-with-a-man thing and then she asked him that. Bitch.

But then he dared to turn to Jack only to find him doing that little giggle that he didn't do nearly enough.

"You know what, Shannon?" he replied. "If you want to find out, you'll just have to listen at the door like anyone else." 


	49. Chapter 49

Jack watched Michael, Locke and Sayid gear up for the third day in a row and he wondered if he should offer his assistance. But that probably wasn't a good idea, he had patients here to look after. Not that either Boone or Shannon were in critical condition anymore but he figured he shouldn't wander off too far. Plus he didn't really see this search being all that fruitful. Jack was standing by his initial reaction, the hatches weren't easy to find and it was like searching for a needle in a haystack. But Jack didn't have any better ideas to offer them so he figured this was preferable than nothing. 

He sighed and headed the other way, going into the lab. Eko was sat behind the computer, stoically staring at the timer. Jack glanced at the timer and then back to Eko who wasn't even acknowledging the fact that he'd entered the room. He was just about to turn around and leave when Eko spoke.

"This place is very strange."

Jack turned back to face him and saw him slowly looking around every inch of the room from where he sat.

"Yeah," Jack agreed somewhat warily. "Strange."

"You do not know what the timer connects to?" Eko asked.

Jack shook his head, finding his gaze back on the timer. "Sayid started to look into it but he's been out of the way the past few days."

"Looking for the boy," Eko stated.

"Yeah," Jack nodded. He turned back to Eko. "You know about these others, right? You've seen them?"

"I have," Eko allowed.

"So is there anything you can tell us that might help us get Walt back?" Jack asked.

"If they don't want to be found then you won't find them," Eko said simply. "I think your friends are wasting their time and putting themselves in danger."

Jack moved closer to him. "What do you mean?"

"Your man, Mr. Locke, he is a tracker, yes?" Eko asked.

"Yeah," Jack agreed.

"He won't be any use to you with this," Eko explained. "_They_ don't leave tracks. You won't find them that way."

"So how will we find them?" Jack asked.

"You'll find them when they sneak up behind you and hit you over the head with a rock," Eko replied calmly.

Jack looked at him. And carried on looking. In fact he was probably gaping but he couldn't think of a thing to say.

"This isn't the right way to find your missing friend," Eko told him.

Jack nodded. "What is the right way?"

"I'm afraid I cannot help you there," Eko replied.

He turned his gaze back to the timer so Jack guessed the conversation was over. He gave Eko one last curious look and headed back out to the hall where he saw Shannon walking towards him. He gave her a look.

"You know, I wish just one person would listen to my medical advice," he said. "I do have a degree. I'm qualified."

"Yeah, blah blah," Shannon replied. "Can I have a shower? I'm seriously starting to smell and that is so not a good look on me."

"No, Shannon, you have stitches, you have to keep them dry," Jack told her, trying not to get irritated.

"But you keep washing them," Shannon pointed out.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "But you can't get them soaked. A gentle wipe with some clean water is fine but if you go in the shower you're increasing your risk of infection and your risk of them coming out. Plus, getting the wound soaked can encourage scarring."

Shannon looked annoyed. "Whatever," she said, trying to look like she didn't care and almost succeeding.

"Now please go lay down, or at least sit down, before you give me a heart attack," Jack pleaded.

"Fine," Shannon said, heading back to the bedroom.

Jack followed her into the room.

"I told her," Boone said from where he sat, not looking up from his book.

"Didn't do any good, did it?" Jack asked.

Boone looked up and smirked at him. "It never does any good."

"I'm still here y'know," Shannon complained, getting back into the bunk and making a big deal of sighing loudly.

"How could we forget," Jack replied. "How are the stitches feeling?"

"Like they need a shower," Shannon replied. Jack gave her a look. "I don't know, they feel fine, I guess."

"You in any pain?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, but I can deal," Shannon replied.

Jack nodded and turned his attention to Boone. "How's the leg?"

Boone looked up from his book, rather unimpressed. "It's fine, go back to worrying about her."

"I just need to keep a close eye on everything," Jack told him.

"If there was something wrong with it I'd tell you," Boone replied.

"Would you?" Jack asked. Boone gave him a look. "Fine, okay."

Boone put his book down and reached for his crutches. "Come on, let's give the princess some alone time."

"You're gonna leave me on my own?" Shannon complained. "I am so bored."

Boone picked up a book and threw it into the bunk. She didn't even bother to look at it before tossing it on the floor.

"Yeah, like I'm gonna start reading now," she sneered. "Good one, bonehead."

"Yeah, it's probably got too many words for you, hasn't it?" Boone replied. "You need a nice Peter and Jane book."

"Get bent," Shannon called out, getting settled in for a sulk.

Boone rolled his eyes at Jack and led the way out of the room. They went through to the sofa, now sans-cushions but still reasonably comfortable, and sat down.

"Have you talked to that Eko guy?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, freaks me out," Boone replied. "He's like Locke to the power of ten. Seems like he'd kill you in a heart beat for no good reason."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, he has that vibe, doesn't he?"

Boone looked at him. "Are you one of those guys that thinks the word 'groovy' is still cool?"

Jack looked at him. "Do you think I'm old?"

"No," Boone replied, looking away.

"You think I'm old," Jack stated.

"Oh, shut up," Boone dismissed. "I think you're old_er_, not old. Jesus, don't go having a mid-life crisis on me."

Jack was tempted to say something else but he knew it was a stupid path to pursue so he shut up. He was older though. Quite a bit. And also straight, or so he thought. So why exactly was he dating a 22-year-old guy?

"I didn't lose my dad but I lost my step dad," Boone said, apparently out of nowhere. "Shannon's dad," he explained. "He died a couple of years ago. I went back for the funeral, I was living out east then. New York. But he never really felt like my dad, he always just felt like my mom's husband, y'know. I guess it never really affected me all that much. I was more upset for Shannon than anything."

Jack looked at him. "Why are you telling me this?"

Boone shrugged. "I dunno."

"Am I supposed to tell you about my dead father now?" Jack asked.

"If you want," Boone replied.

"What if I don't want?"

"Have you always been like this?"

"Like what?" Jack asked. "What am I like?"

"So unwilling to talk about anything," Boone explained.

"Why do I have to talk about everything? Why do people have to analyse every little feeling that they have?" Jack fumed. "Why can't I just tell you my father is dead and we can just get on with our lives. Why do you want to know about him?"

Boone just looked at him for a second. "When Sarah filed for divorce, did she cite lack of communication as one of her reasons?"

Jack could have swung for someone. Not Boone, he didn't want to hit Boone, but if Sawyer was handy he'd probably hit him. He just glared at Boone, trying to warn him off with his eyes. He's overstepped a boundary, Sarah was none of his business.

Boone nodded. "Right."

Jack just continued to glare at him. "Don't ask about her. Our divorce is nothing to do with you."

"Is there anything in your life I am allowed to ask about, Jack?"

Jack sighed and looked down. "I told you about my dad. He drank. I killed him. You heard that story."

"So tell me another story," Boone requested, his voice much softer now. "Just tell me something."

"My tattoos," Jack said. "I erm..." He looked at the ink on his arm and then back down at his lap. "When I was sixteen, my dad was at work and I sneaked into his study and I went to the liquor cabinet. I took out a bottle of whiskey cos my friend was having a party and I knew I'd be the coolest kid there if I took it. So I go and I take the whiskey and I'm heading into the hall when my dad comes through the door, he's finished early, which never happened. So I'm there with this bottle of whiskey and he's looking at me like he's going to kill me. I know I should stop and explain and hand it back but I figure I can outrun him, I can just get to Nathan Rochester's house with this bottle of whiskey and this awesome story and I'd deal with the consequences the next day. So I start running out back and he's right behind me and I look to see how close he is and I trip going out the patio door. I drop the bottle which smashes and then I fall onto it and a piece of glass slices into my left bicep. He drags me up, hits me around the head and takes me to the hospital where I have to have twenty-one stitches. It healed nicely and the scar was, you couldn't even really see it, not unless you were looking. But I knew it was there. I could see it everyday. And I hated it cos it reminded me that I'd never win against him, I'd never get one over on him. So, when I was twenty-one, I'd been living away from home for three years, I'd been acing everything at college, and I still couldn't get him to be proud of me. So I figured screw him. I went to a tattoo parlour and I got them to put a tattoo over the stupid scar simply because I knew my father would never approve of it. I mean, if he was going to look down on me I may as well give him a reason and get rid of that stupid reminder of his omnipresence at the same time."

Jack sighed heavily. He'd never told anyone that story before. He'd never explained to anyone why he got the tattoos, he thought it would cheapen their impact if he let go of that secret. But it didn't. Somehow it gave them more impact, it made them mean more. And Jack wasn't sure if that was because he'd shared or because he'd shared with Boone.

"Did you ever regret getting the tattoos?" Boone asked him.

Jack shook his head. "No."

"Was your dad pissed?"

Jack smiled a little. "Yeah. He really was."

"Then I guess you did the right thing," Boone shrugged. "I like them, anyway," he added and reached out with his hand, tracing them with a finger.

Jack closed his eyes and tried not to shiver at the touch. "Sawyer told me my dad was proud of me."

Boone stopped. "How does Sawyer know?"

Jack opened his eyes and looked at Boone. "He met him a bar in Sydney," he replied. "Go figure." He smiled. "Apparently he was shooting his mouth off about me. He must have been really drunk."

Boone smiled at him. "Look at you, of course he'd be proud."

Jack looked down again. "I don't know that I turned out the way he hoped."

"He pushed you, right?" Boone asked. "Always told you you could do better?"

Jack nodded.

"Then he's proud. He had a goal for you and he's proud," Boone told him. "My mom never pushed me. She never took an interest in anything I did. She didn't really care what I did with my life so long as I didn't embarrass her. People like her can't be proud."

Jack looked at him. "She did a good job with you."

Boone smiled. "Don't go giving her all the credit."

Jack smiled back at him. "Do you think that parents can ever get it right?"

"Probably not," Boone replied. "There's so many ways to slip up, you gotta hit one of them."

Jack nodded. "Maybe," He wouldn't mind having the chance to find out though.


	50. Chapter 50

"Do you know any of the constellations?" Boone asked, looking up at the stars from where he and Jack lay in a clearing, a small fire burning near by. "I don't know any. I think I used to. I had all those star charts and things. But when I look up now I just see a mess of little lights. I don't recognise any."

Jack shook his head. "I don't any constellations."

"I don't really get why people made the constellations," Boone said. "You know, why they drew little lines between the stars. I don't get it. They look pretty like they are. Why do people have to claim everything and turn it into something?" He shrugged. "I guess some people don't like wonder."

"Boone?"

Boone turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

"Shut up," Jack said, a smile in his voice.

Boone gave him a smile and looked back at the stars. "Was I getting existential again?"

"Something like that," Jack replied. "Come on, we better head back."

"No, let's stay," Boone said.

"Boone, it could be dangerous out here," Jack stated.

"Could not be," Boone countered.

"It's dark," Jack pointed out. "I keep telling people to be back by dark, I can't go staying out all night."

"It's not like there's a curfew, Jack," Boone stated, trying to resist the urge to roll his eyes but not quite succeeding.

"We shouldn't even be out here," Jack said. "What if Shannon needed anything?"

"Rose and Bernard were looking after her, she'll be fine," Boone insisted. "In fact it's them you should worry about, she's probably killed them."

"I need to catch up with Michael, see if they had any luck," Jack continued. "And if they did I'm going to have to check Walt out."

"You're just anti-fun, aren't you?" Boone commented.

Jack looked at him. "Have you been taking sulking lessons from Shannon?"

"I'm not sulking," Boone replied, pointedly refusing to look at him. Which was immature but it seemed to be working.

"Quit pouting," Jack told him.

Boone tried to hide his smile and concentrate on pouting more. Jack shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Definitely taking lessons from Shannon," Jack said. "Fine, we can stay a little longer. But if we get eaten or kidnapped then expect some 'I told you so's."

Boone turned to smile at him. "You'd rather be out here with me than in that stupid hatch with them anyway."

Jack smiled at him. "Yeah, you're right," he said. "But now we have to think of something to do to entertain ourselves," he added, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow.

"What did you have in mind?" Boone asked innocently, again trying to hide the smile.

Jack pretended to think about it. "Poker?"

"We don't have any cards," Boone pointed out.

"Damn," Jack said. "I was just about to raise the stakes to strip poker."

Boone smiled at him. "There are easier ways to get me naked."

"Yeah?" Jack asked. "What would they be?"

"I'm sure you could work it out," Boone said.

"Don't I get a hint?" Jack asked, leaning over him.

Boone smiled and shook his head. "Trial and error," he said. "You gotta work for it."

"You just said this was the easier way," Jack pointed out.

Boone shrugged. "Changed my mind."

Jack shook his head, a half smile on his lips, trying to work out if he was enamoured or frustrated. Actually Boone kind of wished it was both. Then Jack licked his lips and Boone mirrored the motion and then Jack was kissing him.

Boone loved the way Jack kissed him. It was so gentle and so strong at the same time. Jack was a gentleman and Boone couldn't really say he'd ever been with a gentleman before. Not that he was all giving him flowers and chocolates and crap like that. Actually that would be kind of creepy. But he looked after Boone and he cared for Boone and Boone knew that a lot of that was probably down to the doctor in him but he knew there was something else there too. Jack was a nice guy. A bona fide nice guy. And, okay, he wasn't perfect, but Boone wasn't looking for perfect. Perfection would just make Boone feel even worse about himself in comparison. Having a slightly flawed doctor boyfriend was better than having an out and out hero doctor boyfriend. Which he was fairly sure was quite selfish on his part but he didn't mean it that way. Jack's imperfections were just as special to Boone as the so many things that were right about the man.

And he was strong. Not just physically strong but emotionally strong, mentally strong. He had passion. The way he kissed Boone he could tell that it was about more than just kissing, it was about giving something to each other and taking something from each other. It was about telling Boone everything that he couldn't say in words. Boone knew that Jack was no good on the communication front but when they were kissing, when they were together like this, Boone could feel everything that Jack wanted to say but just didn't know how. He could feel the warmth and the longing and the need and the want. He could feel the love. At least he thought it was love. But Boone was still smitten so it was quite possible he was getting ahead of himself. But Jack did almost say it that time.

Then Jack suddenly pulled away, his head shooting up and Boone felt cold and breathless. He opened his eyes and looked at Jack who was scanning the jungle around them.

"Did you hear something?" Jack asked.

Boone just looked at him, still a little dazed. "What?"

"Hear something? Did you hear something?" Jack asked, his eyes moving over the shadows where the light from the fire and the moon didn't quite reach.

"What are you talking about?" Boone asked.

"I heard something," Jack explained. "It could be them. The others. Or a polar bear."

"Or someone from the camp," Boone suggested. He looked at Jack who was still looking around. "I didn't hear anything."

Jack finally looked back down at him. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You might have missed it."

Boone gave him a look. "You shouldn't just stop when you're kissing someone like that. It's very rude."

"It could have been a polar bear," Jack said, not even sounding convinced himself anymore. "Or the others. It could have been the others."

"Could have been," Boone said. "But I think they'd have got us by now."

Jack took one more look around before turning his attention fully back to Boone. "Right, yeah, sorry."

"That's okay," Boone said. "Make it up me."

Jack smiled. "Okay then."

He leaned back in and Boone pulled him down further, increasing the connection between their bodies. He let his hands wander over Jack's torso as Jack leaned into his touch and deepened the kiss, encouraging Boone to open his mouth wider which Boone was more than happy to go with.

But then suddenly he pulled away again and Boone started staring serious daggers at him. Jack opened his mouth to speak.

"No, I didn't hear anything," Boone pre-empted.

Jack looked at him. "I swear I heard something." He looked around again. "Maybe we should get out of here, this isn't a good idea."

"You have no sense of adventure," Boone told him.

Jack looked back down at him. "I had sex in the middle of the day."

"Firstly, that wasn't sex, and secondly, you can't use that to claim you're exciting for the rest of your life."

"Can't I at least use it to the end of the week?" Jack asked.

Boone smiled and was about to say something when he heard a twig breaking nearby. Jack looked at him.

"Okay, I heard that one," Boone admitted.

"Come on, let's just go back to the hatch," Jack said, getting to his feet and helping Boone up.

Back at the hatch, Michael, Sayid and Locke had just gotten back. Jack gave them a questioning look but Michael just shook his head. Jack went to check on Shannon, Sayid hot on his heels, and Michael went through to the lab.

"Have you found anything to go on while you're out there?" Boone asked Locke.

Locke shook his head. "Nothing concrete but I believe we're narrowing it down."

"So you don't have a clue," Boone concluded.

"Sometimes faith pays off, Boone," Locke told him. "Faith and perseverance."

"Let me guess. The island will tell you what to do, right? Give you a sign, lead the way."

"I believe that if we trust and if we persist then the path will reveal itself to us," Locke said.

Boone nodded. "I wish I believed that like you do."

"What do you believe, Boone?"

Boone shrugged. "I don't believe much of anything, John."

"Everyone believes in something," Locke told him. "Even disbelief is a belief in something. Sceptics thing they've got it figured out, they think they're not going to buy into the whole belief hoopla but what they don't realise is that believing something isn't true is just as strong a crux as believing something is true." He looked at Boone, a long, meaningful look. "What do you believe, Boone?"

Boone thought about it. What did he believe? He didn't believe they were going to be stuck on this island forever but he also didn't believe they were going to get rescued. He didn't believe in the supernatural but he also didn't believe that all the coincidences on this island were just that.

"I want to believe in second chances," Boone said. "But I don't know if I do."

Locke nodded. "Second chances," he repeated. "I believe in second chances."

Boone looked at him. "You do?"

"I told you about my legs, Boone," Locke said. "I told you what the island gave me. So you just have to think, what did the island give you? What was your second chance?"

"I'm not dead," he offered. "I mean, really, I should have died twice. I should have died in the crash and I should have died in the Beechcraft."

Locke nodded. "But we all should have died," he said. "What else did the island give you?"

Boone suddenly became aware of Jack's presence down the hall, keeping a respectful distance but clearly also keeping an eye out for Boone. Which was a vast improvement from when he used to threaten Locke with bodily harm when he spoke to Boone.

"Shannon's okay?" Boone asked.

Jack nodded. "Fine," he said. He seemed to consider the pair of them for another moment. "I'm going to bed."

Boone nodded. "I won't be long."

"Okay," Jack said, giving one last look of warning at Locke before exiting.

Locke turned his attention directly back to Boone. "You believe in something, Boone, everyone does. Some people just don't know what they believe in till it comes down to the wire."

"Everyday you make choices that you're not even aware of and they make up your life," Boone said. "Is that what beliefs are like?"

Locke nodded, looking proud. "I guess there are, yes."

Boone nodded. "It's funny how stuff that you have no awareness of set's the whole course of your life. What's the point of even making decisions when everything keeps happening around you anyway?"

"Belief isn't enough, Boone," Locke told him. "Blind faith is dangerous, it needs to be steered. Faith and perseverance."

Boone nodded again. Things were still a little muggy in his mind but he figured he got the gist of it.

"Anyway, it's getting late, I think it's time to turn in," Locke said. "Sleep well," he added and Boone swore he saw a veiled smile.

"Yeah, night," Boone said as he watched him turn tail and leave. He shook his head a little and headed to join Jack. 


	51. Chapter 51

"I know where you can find Walt," Shannon announced, coming out into the hall as the group were about to set off. They all turned to look at her.

"Shannon," Sayid said. "I thought you were sleeping."

"Was," Shannon nodded. "Crazy ass dream woke me up."

Jack gave her a wary look. He had a feeling this wasn't going to span out well. "Dream?" he asked. "About Walt?"

Shannon nodded again and then turned to Michael. "I know where he is. I can take you there."

"Shannon, slow down," Jack instructed her. "Firstly, what makes you think that anything in that dream was real?"

Shannon turned to face him and gave him a killer look. "It was real, Jack," she insisted, voice so full of conviction that Jack almost felt tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Almost. "And I don't have to explain myself to you. I know you won't believe me."

"Well, secondly, you're not going anywhere," Jack said. "That wound still needs to be rested and kept clean, you are not going to go trekking through the jungle on a wild goose chase, okay?"

"I'm fine, I can do it," Shannon insisted.

"I'll be the judge of that," Jack replied.

"Look, Jack," Shannon began. "You may think that you're king of the island, and I know you have the whole God complex going on, but you are not the boss of me. I can go wherever I want and I can do whatever I want."

"Shannon, perhaps you should listen to Jack," Sayid insisted.

"Oh don't you start," Shannon spat.

"I'm just saying that..."

"At least God gave people free will," Shannon stated, turning her attention back to Jack.

"Did you go to Sunday school or something?" Jack asked. "What is with all the God crap?"

Shannon turned to Michael again. "Do you want me to show you?"

"Yeah," Michael replied, though Jack noted that he was also looking a little wary.

Shannon nodded. "So let's go."

"Shannon, how many times, you're not going anywhere," Jack told her.

Shannon glanced at him and then turned back to Michael. "Come on, we better go while it's fresh in my head."

Michael nodded and the two of them headed for the exit, Locke predictably a step behind. Jack sighed and shook his head.

"Don't worry, I'll stay close to her," Sayid told him. "I won't let her get into danger."

Jack looked at him. "I'd like to see you try and stop her."

Sayid gave him a half smile and then headed towards the others. Jack watched them exit and then sagged against the wall.

"You look stressed," Boone commented, coming down the hall.

"Did you hear that?" Jack asked, still not quite believing it himself. Boone nodded. "A dream? Seriously, what the hell?"

Boone shrugged. "I told you about the dream that Locke had," he stated. "About the Beechcraft. That was real."

Jack just looked at him. Boone had told him about the dream but Jack had never quite believed it. He told himself that Locke had already found the Beechcraft, that he just had to get Boone there. But Boone also said Locke knew the name of his nanny when he was a kid and Jack couldn't quite work that one out. Maybe Locke had asked Shannon.

"You need to relax," Boone told him.

"Relax?" Jack asked incredulously. "I think I'm a little passed relaxation here, Boone. And your sister is infuriating."

"Tell me about it," Boone said. "Twelve years, remember?"

"If I have to put up with her for twelve years I think I might have to kill her," Jack stated. "If her own stupidity doesn't get her killed first."

"My votes on the stupidity thing," Boone said. "And I don't think you'd last twelve years with Shan."

Jack sighed. "No, I don't either."

"So about that relaxation," Boone said.

"I need to head down the beach, give Sawyer his meds," Jack said somewhat blindly.

"He can wait can't he?" Boone asked. "It's not like his arm's gonna fall off."

"You never know with this place," Jack commented.

Boone gave him a look and closed the gap between them so there was only a couple of inches between their bodies. "I'm telling you, you need to relax."

"Boone, now is really not the time," Jack said, mentally beating himself as he did so.

Boone looked like he was about to say something but instead leaned in and kissed Jack. And Jack wanted to stop him and tell him there was work to be done and worrying to be done but instead he kissed him back and pulled him closer. In his mind he knew that this was the wrong thing, he knew that this was the wrong time, but it felt so right that he had to go with it.

Boone pulled away suddenly and Jack felt like he'd just jolted back down to earth. He opened his eyes and gave Boone a questioning look.

"Weren't you the one who said it was rude to do that?" Jack asked.

"I'm not stopping," Boone said. "I'm just pausing."

Jack nodded and tried to connect their lips again but Boone dodged him and shook his head.

"Not here," he said.

Jack gave him a look. "Boone, not now, it's highly unprofessional..."

"It's not unprofessional," Boone cut in. "Despite what you may think, you're not on duty." Jack just looked at him. "You need to relax."

"There are other ways to relax, Boone."

"Yeah, but they're boring," Boone said, giving him a total 'come to bed' look that Jack was finding it very hard to fight against.

"Okay," he said, somewhat reluctantly.

Boone smiled and headed to the pantry, knowing damn well Jack was following him. So they laid down and they started kissing but Jack couldn't get all the stupid thoughts out of his head, all the worries, worrying about everybody out there, worrying about himself. Boone pushed him back and rolled on top of him and it occurred to Jack that Boone never really did that, he never took the lead. But then Boone's hands went under Jack's shirt and Jack closed his eyes and tried to just enjoy it.

Boone pulled Jack's shirt over his head and then left his mouth and started moving downwards, leaving wet kisses down his neck and torso. He reached Jack's waistband and his hand went for the button when Jack found himself reaching down and grabbing his hands.

"Don't," Jack said.

Boone looked up at him in confusion. "What? Why?"

Jack shook his head. "Just... Don't."

"Why don't you want me to?" Boone asked.

"Because I don't understand why someone would want to do that," Jack said.

Boone gave him an incredulous look. "You don't get that, huh?"

"I get sex," Jack told him. "But I don't get the one way crap. I don't get why'd you want to do that. Why you'd wanna make it all about me. Cos I... I don't wanna do it back. And I think you know that. I can give you a handjob but that's a pitiful payback for a blowjob. So I don't get it."

Boone looked at him. "I'm not doing it for the payback," he said. "I don't want you to do anything in return."

"So why are you doing it?" Jack asked. "What's the point?"

Boone looked confused. "You're kind of the point."

Jack looked at him. He shook his head. "Come here." Boone moved back up Jack's body and looked at him. "I'm sorry," Jack said. "I'm sorry I'm not a better person."

"Are you kidding?" Boone asked. "You're like the best person I know."

"Don't say that," Jack pleaded. "Please don't put me on a pedestal, I don't deserve it. I'm far from perfect. I'm a long, long way from perfect."

"You're better than I'll ever be," Boone told him.

"I don't think that's true," Jack said. "You're filled with good intentions."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," Boone said. "My mother used to tell me that."

"Your mother sounds like a bitch," Jack told him.

Boone smiled. "She's not like the antichrist or anything," he said. "I don't think. I don't know, maybe she is."

Jack pulled Boone down into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around him. He held him close and felt his warm breath against his neck and the rise and fall of his chest against his own. And then he started to cry. He didn't mean to but once that first tear had fallen he found it impossible to stop.

Boone shifted slightly so that he could look at Jack. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I can't do it anymore," Jack said. "This can't be our lives. This stupid island, this hatch, that button. The monster, the jungle, the others, it's all too much. I can't do it. We can't live like this. I can't spend the rest of my life here, I'm gonna go crazy. This can't be it. But if anyone was ever looking for us then they've given up by now, it's been too long. They're not coming. No one's gonna come. And we can't leave, look at the raft. And the radio tower, that's been repeating the same message for sixteen years, no one ever came for her. There's nothing we can do. This is it. And I can't handle that."

"We're gonna be okay, Jack."

"What about the baby?" Jack asked. "What about Aaron? You can't bring a baby up here, it's not right."

"There's a way out of this, Jack," Boone told him. "We're gonna find it."

Jack shook his head. "I don't believe you."

Boone gave him a look that was something like acceptance and then rested his head back down again. Jack held onto him tightly and tried to stop the tears, tried to stop the bad thoughts. He shouldn't be thinking like this. He definitely shouldn't be talking about it. His hand found it's way to Boone's hair and he gently stroked his fingers through it, playing with the strands. Boone sighed against his neck and Jack realised that he could quite happily exist on this island if he was just allowed to stay in this moment in time forever.

"I love you."

It was quiet, a whisper really, and for a second Jack wasn't sure if he'd said it out loud or not. But then Boone's breath hitched as he inhaled and Jack knew he'd heard. And that didn't frighten him as much as he thought it would.

"I love you too."

Jack closed his eyes and tried to will the moment not to end. 


	52. Chapter 52

Nobody was talking about what happened in the jungle. They came back with Walt but they also came back covered in cuts, bruises, mud and blood. But nobody seemed willing to tell the story yet so Boone watched as Jack and Kate, who just happened to conveniently pop by, cleaned them up and gave them the once over.

No one was seriously hurt. In fact the amount of blood covering their clothes nowhere near matched the ratio of small cuts and grazes covering them. So the blood wasn't theirs, Boone concluded. The blood probably belonged to the others.

Walt wasn't talking. Walt hadn't said a single word since he'd come back. He didn't look that bad, he had some blood on him but no injuries. He had sat down and not moved, not even looked around, just stared into space. Jack said he was in shock, he just needed some rest, needed to feel safe. Michael was sitting over him while he slept, watching his every unconscious twitch like he'd placed the boy under a microscope. Boone could hardly blame him.

"They seem okay, all things considered," Kate said as she walked up to Boone, wiping her hands on a rag.

"What's all things considered?" Boone asked. "We have no idea what happened."

"I don't know," Kate shrugged. "I think we won though."

"What does that even mean?" Boone asked. "If we killed other humans then I don't really think we're winners."

Kate looked at him, something resembling guilt passing over her features. "Sometimes it's a case of you or them. Sometimes you have to do things you don't like in an act of self-preservation."

She sounded like she was talking from experience but Boone figured she was trying to justify her fugitive roots more than what happened in the jungle. Whatever that was. He'd get it out of Shannon later.

"Anyway, I'm gonna get cleaned up properly," she said, giving Boone a little smile before walking past him.

When Jack had finally assured himself that everyone was doing okay he went to join Boone in the other room, sitting silently down next to him on the sofa and idly biting at his thumb nail. Boone turned to look at him.

"You okay?"

Jack looked at him but didn't answer straight away, he just stared at Boone. "Yeah," he said finally, and not at all convincingly.

"Everyone's all right," Boone pointed out, though he wasn't so sure of that fact himself.

"Physically," Jack agreed.

Boone nodded. "You know what happened yet?"

Jack shook his head. "I'll wait until tomorrow, then I'll try and get it out of them."

"Right," Boone said. "Cos communication's important."

"Please don't start with me right now," Jack requested.

"I wasn't starting," Boone said. "It was an observation."

"Sure it was," Jack muttered, turning away again.

Boone looked at him. "Why do you keep acting like this?"

"Because I'm stuck on the island from hell," Jack stated, turning back to look at him.

"I'm stuck there too," Boone pointed out. "I don't take it out on you." Jack sighed and closed his eyes. "And I offered to help you relax," Boone added.

Jack looked at him again. "You offered me sexual favours, Boone," he stated. "Yeah, that's great, that's just what I need."

"I don't have a whole lot else to offer you," Boone stated.

"If you really think that's true then why are you even bothering with me?" Jack asked. "I think it's pretty clear that I don't put out."

"What's your issue with sex?" Boone asked him.

"I don't have an issue with sex," Jack defended.

"You totally do," Boone stated. "You're having major issues with it." Jack just looked at him. "Just tell me."

"Why does everything has to be about sex?" Jack asked.

Boone shook his head. "It doesn't. But you're making a big deal out of stuff that isn't a big deal."

"No, Boone, that would be you," Jack retorted. "You brought it up."

"Do you know what? Never mind. It doesn't matter," Boone dismissed.

They sat in silence for a minute and Boone wondered if he was being foolish pursuing the issue. He knew that Jack was new to the whole same sex relationship thing but he had a feeling Jack's views on sex reached a lot further back. By the sounds of it he hadn't had many girlfriends and he hadn't been so interested in dating. That could have been because he was a repressed closet case his whole life but Boone didn't think that was likely. Jack wasn't acting like this was a liberating experience. In fact Jack seemed to be trying to hold onto his old life with everything he had. So either he was still in denial or he simply wasn't into guys. Boone sighed. He hoped Jack fell somewhere in-between those two categories.

"I meant what I told you last night," Jack said.

"I meant it too," Boone replied.

"I'm just making some adjustments," Jack continued. "The problem's with me, not you."

"That's what I just said, isn't it?" Boone pointed out.

Jack looked at him and almost smiled. "I guess in a way you did," he admitted. "But don't try and generalise stuff, it's complicated."

Boone nodded. "Okay," he agreed. "I'm not trying to rush you, I don't care how long it takes. I guess I just figured you were more into it, that's all."

"I'm into it," Jack told him. "And I'm open to it. But the timing's totally off right now. There's too much going on, I can't even think straight, I can't..." He shook his head in frustration.

"Jack, it's okay, I said it's okay," Boone reminded him. "You're gonna give yourself an aneurysm, you know that?"

Jack smiled a little but it was a tired smile. "I just need things to calm down around here. Everything seemed to be going okay and then there was the Beechcraft thing, the hatch, Desmond and his stupid execute button, the raft people came back, Shannon got shot, the tail end survivors, Walt being taken, some battle with the others that I'm not privy to..."

"Yeah, it's been quite eventful," Boone agreed. "I guess we just have to see what's round the corner."

"That's the part I'm dreading," Jack admitted.

"At least you can do stuff and be useful," Boone commented. "I'm stuck hobbling around this stupid hatch."

"I'm starting to wish I was a little less useful," Jack said. "Then maybe I could get some peace." He smiled a little to himself. "Do you know how excited I was when I thought Libby was a doctor?" He shook his head. "She's got some medical knowledge, she can assist, but it's always going to come down to me. And I'm a spinal surgeon. It's been years since I've done general medicine."

"You seem to be doing okay," Boone told him.

"I guess it comes back to you," Jack admitted. "I guess it never really leaves you."

"I can't imagine having a job like that," Boone said. "Your profession is like 'hero'."

"Boone, how many times? I'm not a hero," Jack insisted.

"You know what I mean," Boone replied.

"If my father wasn't a doctor I don't think it would ever have occurred to me," Jack admitted. "It wasn't like it was my life dream, it was just expected of me."

"Do you ever regret it?" Boone asked. "Do you ever wish you did something else?"

Jack looked thoughtful. "I don't know what else I would do."

Boone nodded. He understood that all too well. He didn't have a clue what he'd be doing if his mother hadn't offered him the position in her company. He never really had a choice in the matter, or at least he never felt like he had one. And even though part of him wanted to stay in New York, not just for himself but for Shannon, he never seriously entertained the notion for a minute. You didn't refuse Sabrina Carlyle. Boone knew better than that.

"I have really bad bedside manner," Jack said. "And I don't like talking to patients. I don't like talking to people all that much at all. I used to concentrate on the treatment, I used to block the patient out, I didn't like thinking of them as real people. Sarah was the first one I really saw as a person. That was my dad's fault."

Boone nodded. He never knew what to say when Jack brought Sarah up. When Boone asked about her he tended to get mad but he still kept bringing her up on his own.

"I don't like weddings," Boone said. "I especially don't like rich people's weddings. It's amazing how someone with so much money can make such a special occasion so tacky."

Jack smiled and nodded his head. "I got married in Hawaii," he said. "I don't think it was tacky. I didn't really have anything to do with it quite honestly. I just showed up."

"At least you showed up," Boone commented, hoping he wasn't pushing his luck.

Jack nodded again. "Yeah, I showed up," he agreed. "I sometimes think she wished I didn't though."

Boone looked at him. "Do you ever wish you didn't?"

"I guess you regret everything at least once, right?" Jack shrugged.

"I guess," Boone admitted.

Jack turned to face him. "Who was the love of your life? The one that everyone's always gonna be compared to."

"Her name was Sapphire," Boone said, his head suddenly swimming with long dormant memories.

"You break up with her or did she break up with you?" Jack asked.

"She broke up with me," Boone replied.

"You ever regret it?" Jack asked.

"Her breaking up with me?" Boone asked. "I didn't really get a whole lot of say in the matter."

Jack gave him a look. "The relationship," he stated. "Do you ever regret the relationship? Do you regret getting that close to someone?"

"You regret everything at least once, right?" 


	53. Chapter 53

Jack stared at the floor and tried not to think about anything because there was altogether far too much to think about and he didn't want his mind on any one of them right now. So he stared at a dark spot on the floor that resembled some kind of oil stain and tried to see a picture in it like those Rorschach inkblot tests. He thought he saw a rabbit. He wondered what that meant for him psychologically. 

"Workin' hard, Doc."

Jack tried not to cringe when he heard the all too familiar southern drawl. He looked up to see Sawyer smirking at him. He then found himself looking behind Sawyer.

"Where's Kate?" he asked. "Isn't she usually obediently following behind you?" Jack found himself wondering why that came out so bitter.

"Took off yesterday, haven't seen her since," Sawyer replied.

"She ran off?" Jack asked. "What did you do to her?"

"Didn't do nothin'," Sawyer replied. "You know Freckles, she ain't happy 'less she's runnin'." He glanced around the room. "She here?" Jack shook his head. "So where's _your_ little girlfriend?" Sawyer asked. "Isn't he usually obediently _hoppin'_ behind you."

"Talking to Shannon," Jack replied.

"There's something about the way those two are with each other, gives me the creeps," Sawyer said. "You know what I mean?"

Jack sighed. "Did you want something, Sawyer?"

"Came for my pills," Sawyer replied.

"You're not due for another hour, I was gonna walk down," Jack told him.

"Well maybe I fancied the walk myself," Sawyer said.

"I haven't seen her since yesterday," Jack reported.

"I ain't lookin' for Kate," Sawyer replied, getting irritated.

"Kate?"

Sawyer fixed him with a glare. "Freckles," he corrected, but Jack could tell his heart wasn't in it. Sawyer shook his head and sat next to Jack on the couch. "You know the Latino heroine wannabe, right?"

"I don't think she wants to be a heroine," Jack replied.

"You know her, right?" Sawyer pressed, an edge to his voice that was actually amusing Jack.

"Not really," Jack replied. "I met her in the airport, once, briefly. Since we got here I've barely seen her. I've been stuck in here and she daren't come near the place."

"Figures," Sawyer muttered. "You want her to come by?"

"I don't really care either way to be honest," Jack replied. "I don't mind her company but it's not like I'm gonna go out in the jungle looking for her." He looked at Sawyer. "Why do you ask?"

"Just askin'," Sawyer replied, looking away.

"Yeah, why?" Jack prompted. "I reckon you know her better than I do, you're the one that went trekking through the jungle with her."

"Yeah, but in case you're forgettin' I had a slight case of sepsis then," Sawyer pointed out.

"That you did," Jack agreed.

"And the girl ain't exactly a good hostess," Sawyer continued.

"So why are we talking about her?" Jack asked.

"I've stopped," Sawyer insisted.

Jack looked at him. "You got a little love triangle going on with you, Freckles and Latino heroine wannabe?"

Sawyer turned to glare at him. "Ain't nothin' going on," he insisted. "And why don't you mind your own business?"

Jack shrugged. "You brought it up."

Sawyer looked away again and Jack couldn't help but smirk at his predicament. Partly because he could easily see it being him in that predicament. Kate and Ana-Lucia had both shown interest in him. He considered rubbing that in Sawyer's face, telling him he was just second choice for both of them, but it was stupid and immature and he didn't have the energy.

"You gonna give me those pills?" Sawyer asked.

Jack turned to face him. "I told you, you're not due. You're using them properly, I'm not having you wasting our only medicine."

"Yeah, fine, whatever," Sawyer muttered, throwing up a hand. "You want an excuse to stay in my sweet company, you just keep it up. Just know that I don't swing that way though."

"Don't you?" Jack asked before he could stop himself.

Sawyer turned to look at him sharply. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno, nothing," Jack dismissed, shaking his head.

"Ain't nothing, tell me what you meant," Sawyer insisted.

Jack sighed. "I'm not saying you're gay," he explained. "I just get the impression that you take it where you can get it."

"Well I don't take it there," Sawyer maintained.

"Fine," Jack said. "I didn't mean anything by it, just a passing observation."

"Ain't no observation, observations are based on fact," Sawyer said.

"Didn't mean to hit a nerve, Sawyer," Jack said, finding himself getting amused again. "You know what they say about people protesting too much."

Sawyer clearly caught the smirk in Jack's voice and leaned back on the sofa, shaking his head a little. "Ain't never done that," he said, voice quieter and calmer now.

Jack nodded, finding himself slouching back too. "I ain't never done that either."

Sawyer turned to face him with a curious look. "You ain't?"

Jack shook his head, wondering exactly why he was having this conversation with Sawyer. "I ain't."

"And therein lies the problem?" Sawyer asked.

"There's no problem," Jack dismissed.

"Except that you like the boy but you don't like the sex," Sawyer guessed far too accurately for Jack's liking.

Jack sighed. "Sex is... It's never been on the top of my priorities list. There's always been something more important."

"Well that ain't the way to keep pretty boy sweet, now, is it?" Sawyer drawled but Jack couldn't help but notice the edge was missing from his voice, and that actually made him more uncomfortable if such a thing were possible. He was talking about sex with Sawyer, how much more uncomfortable could it get? And yet he kept on talking.

"It's not him it's just..."

"That you're a stuck-up prude?" Sawyer ventured. Jack gave him a look. "Just relax, sex is sex, you get in the moment and it happens. If you like them all the better."

That was actually some pretty good advice. Rather simplified advice but fairly accurate none the less. Your body knew what to do, knew what it wanted, you just had to free your mind up enough to go with it. Sex genuinely wasn't something that Jack spent all that much time thinking about, his libido just wasn't as active as the rest of him, never had been. But he couldn't deny that he did want Boone, he just had to get a couple of things straight in his head first.

"So can I get my pills now so I can get the hell outta this soap opera you're runnin' down here?" Sawyer asked.

Jack sighed. "Sure," he said, getting to his feet. He went over to his medical supplies, took out the pills and went back over to Sawyer, grabbing a bottle of water along the way. He handed them to Sawyer who swallowed them and stood up.

"Now if you'll excuse me, Doc, I'm gonna get back to my tent," he announced.

"Who are you hoping to find when you get there?" Jack asked.

Sawyer shrugged. "Whichever one of them's got less inhibitions."

Jack smiled and nodded. "Of course."

"Later," Sawyer called with a wave of his hand as he retreated down the hall.

Jack shook his head a little and headed to the lab where he left Boone and Shannon but when he got there he found Shannon on her own.

"Where's Boone?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking," Shannon responded sarcastically. Jack gave her a look. "Bathroom," she provided.

Jack nodded and wandered over, sitting in the seat beside her. "You guys been talking about yesterday?"

"I thought Locke already told you about that," Shannon said.

"I don't trust Locke," Jack stated.

"And you trust me?" she asked, looking amused.

Jack sat back in the chair and found his gaze automatically going to the timer.

"Don't break his heart," Shannon said suddenly.

Jack looked at her. "Locke?"

Shannon gave him a disbelieving look. "Are you kidding? I'm talking about Boone you tool."

"Oh," Jack said, shaking his head. He really needed to start getting more sleep. "I'm not gonna break his heart."

"He's a mess when he gets his heart broken," Shannon stated. "Not so that you'd notice all that much, he hides it well, he hides everything well. But he gets broken on the inside. Don't do that to him."

"Shannon, I'm not going to," he told her.

Shannon looked at him for a beat. "Okay," she said finally.

"Okay?"

"I just get the impression that you don't want this as much as he does," Shannon said. "And I don't mean that as an insult to you. I just don't think you're a relationship kind of guy. You can take it or leave it. He can't."

Jack nodded. "I know."

"And you have to tell him about your wife cos it's driving him insane," she added.

That was true, he really did have to be honest about his relationship with Sarah, he had to tell Boone everything. He had to tell him about the baby. He'd never told anyone that story before, he didn't know how it would go. But he told Boone about his tattoos and that went okay so he guessed he could give it a shot.

"And don't think that just cos I'm a girl I can't punch you," Shannon said. "Or, y'know, I'll just get Sayid to do it."

Jack smiled at her. "I'll watch my back."

Shannon shook her head. "Watch Boone," she instructed.

Jack looked at her. "I do."

Boone came back into the room and Shannon stood up. "Well, I'll leave you guys to it," she said. She turned to Jack. "Just remember, Sayid was in the army, military training."

Jack gave her a look. "I'll bear that in mind."


	54. Chapter 54

"What was that all about?" Boone asked, watching Shannon's retreating form.

Jack shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, his eyes also on Shannon's back.

Boone looked at him curiously, going over to sit down. "You guys were talking about me, weren't you?"

"No," Jack said, turning to face Boone.

"Yeah you were," he insisted. "What did she say?"

"She's just looking out for you," Jack told him.

"Really?" Boone asked. That didn't sound like Shannon.

"Despite what you might think she's actually quite fond of you," Jack smiled, taking in his reaction.

"I'm not saying she hates me or anything," Boone said. "But that doesn't mean she cares what happens to me either."

"She cares," Jack told him. "So has she told you about yesterday?"

"A little," Boone replied. "Not much. She doesn't want to go into details, started spouting crap about trauma again. Typical Shannon. She just said that they found their base, which was a hatch like this, but they weren't willing to part with Walt easily. Then she said something about hand-to-hand combat, hence all the blood."

Jack nodded. "That's pretty much the story Locke told me," he agreed. "Except that he added fun details about how they weren't working alone and their friends will probably hunt us down and kill us. Other than that..."

"Oh goody, more drama," Boone commented.

"Yep," Jack replied, looking distant.

"You okay?" Boone asked him.

Jack turned to look at him and shook his head a little. "I'm fine."

Boone looked at him. "You don't look fine."

"I'm just... thinking about something," Jack said. "I want to tell you a story."

"A story?" Boone asked. "What kind of story?"

Jack looked like he was about to say something but then turned away instead, sighing. He tapped his foot nervously on the floor, looking deep in thought. Boone wanted to ask him what he was thinking but he was fairly sure he wasn't going to get an answer.

"It's a story about some people called Jack and Sarah," Jack finally said, concentrating on some point far off.

Boone looked at him. This was clearly some kind of transference thing, some way for Jack to distance himself from the situation. But if it meant that Boone was finally going to get some answers then he could go with it.

"Okay," he said. "So what did, erm, Jack and Sarah do?"

"Well, Jack was a doctor. He was a good doctor but he was a bad person. He treated his patients like crap, he was blunt and unsupportive to them. And then one day Sarah comes in. She has multiple crushed vertebrae. Jack lays it out for her and tells her there's every chance that she's never gonna walk again and he doesn't even care about the look on her face when he says it. And then Jack's dad, who's also a doctor and makes a living out of eavesdropping on his son, gives him a talk about hope. He says Jack should try handing some out. So Jack goes to operate on Sarah and she says how she knows she won't dance at her wedding, she doesn't hope for anything else anymore. And it gets to Jack, and that's never really happened before. So he finds himself making her a promise. He tells her that he's going to fix her. And even as he says it he knows that he can't do it, he knows that it would be a miracle. But he's said it and it's out there and now all he can do is try."

Jack stops, the memories clearly getting to him.

"But he does fix her, right?" Boone prompted.

Jack nodded. "He fixed her," he agreed. "He didn't think he had though. He went to tell her that he'd failed, that she was never gonna be able to walk again. But when he tells her she points out that she can wiggle her toes. And then Jack and Sarah start crying like a couple of girls and they look into each others eyes and they just know, they know they're going to be together, they know they have no choice. Something happened without them even noticing it and now everything's changed."

Jack paused again, that far off look in his eyes. Boone couldn't help but notice that he seemed to be stuck somewhere between happy and sad. He obviously loved Sarah so the memories of getting together were obviously happy ones but at the same something bad had clearly happened and it was tainting all the other memories. Boone understood that feeling all too well.

"They got married a little over a year later, which was sadly the longest relationship Jack had ever had. But before they got married they talked about things a lot, they talked about what they wanted. And they both wanted kids. So they decided they were gonna start trying on their wedding night, they wanted to get pregnant straight away." Jack paused again looking uncomfortable. "And they did, pretty much. She got pregnant somewhere in those first two months, and they were both over the moon."

Boone looked at him. "You have a kid?"

Jack shook his head sadly and Boone could guess where this story was going.

"So Sarah was eight and a half months pregnant, she only had six weeks to go, and she was sat at home, enjoying her maternity leave." Jack paused again, looking uncomfortable. "Her feet are all swollen so she kicks off her pumps and sits back, watching TV and trying to get comfortable. Then the doorbell rings and she gets up and trips on the pumps and lands hard on her stomach. And she starts bleeding. And she doesn't stop."

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath, clearly trying not to cry. And Boone was actually having a similar problem. Poor Jack. Boone couldn't imagine what that must be like. He knew there was something that Jack was hiding from him, he knew something else happened that caused the break-up of their marriage, but he never imagined this.

Jack opened his eyes again and continued. "After that Jack and Sarah kind of fell apart. Jack turned into a real asshole. He stopped talking, he stopped communicating, he was barely even around anymore, he only went home to sleep after working double shifts at the hospital so that he didn't have to think. And he stopped treating the patients like real people, he stopped treating anyone like they were real people. And then one day he went home and Sarah presented him with divorce papers. And he wasn't surprised, he couldn't even pretend to be surprised, he was actually just wondering what took her so long. They fought over the house, just for the sake of fighting over it really, just because it was the most they'd communicated in months. But Sarah got it so Jack moved out and they've never spoken since."

"I'm sorry," Boone said, for lack of anything better to say.

Jack shook his head. "Don't be sorry. I'm sorry."

Boone looked at him. "Why are you sorry?"

Jack looked at him for the first time since starting the story. "Because, about six or seven months after his divorce, Jack gets in a plane crash and he winds up on this crazy island." Boone smiled at him. "And on this island, he meets a guy. And Jack's never been into guys but he's into this guy. And he starts a relationship with this guy but he does it all wrong. The beginning of the relationship with this guy is like the end of his marriage to Sarah. He doesn't communicate, he doesn't share, he shuts the guy out. Which is really unfair because he loves the guy, he really does, but he's just scared because he feels like some stupid teenager around him and he doesn't know what that means. So he throws himself into his work as island doctor and he makes fifty million excuses not to be intimate with him. And he's sorry. He's sorry he's such a jerk. He's gonna try harder."

Boone smiled at him. "Well the guy loves him too," he told him. "And he doesn't think he's being jerk. And he's more than willing to wait as long as it takes."

Jack smiled back at him. "Thank you."

Boone shrugged. "I'm glad you told me that story," he said. "Answers a lot of questions."

Jack nodded. "Well, I think you were due some answers." He sighed and closed his eyes again, rubbing them with the heels of his hands. He then let his arms drop down and crossed them over his stomach. He glanced at Boone. "I don't have issues with sex," he said. "I like it when I'm having it, it's just not top of my to do list."

Boone nodded. "Okay," he said. "I don't mind, Jack."

"You should."

Boone shook his head. "I don't."

Jack nodded. "Baby steps."

Boone smiled at him and nodded. "Baby steps," he agreed. 


	55. Chapter 55

Jack stood in the doorway and scanned the room. "Why are there so many people in here? I'm gonna start throwing people out soon."

"I'll gladly leave," Shannon volunteered.

"Okay, you're out," Jack told her. "Take Sayid with you."

Shannon looked at him. "What? But what about my stitches?"

"They're fine," Jack assured her. "I go down to the beach everyday to give Sawyer his meds, I'll just call in on you while I'm down there."

"So I can really leave?" she asked, sounding excited.

"You can really leave," Jack told her. He scanned the room. "Next on my list is those two," he said, gesturing towards Locke and Eko.

"Play nice, Jack," Boone warned him.

"I don't trust either of them and I don't want them here," Jack said.

"You gonna go over there and tell them that?" Boone asked. "Cos they look kind of like they'd kill you in your sleep if you did."

"Don't worry, you'll protect him won't you, Boone?" Shannon asked.

"Boone?" Jack asked, giving her a look. "Sleeps like a log, he wouldn't know I was gone 'til morning. Mid morning."

"I'm not that bad," Boone protested.

"You are and you know it," Jack told him, turning back to the room. "Okay, I think Walt should stay around for a while, he still hasn't said a single word. He nods, he shakes his head, he shrugs, he gets the point across, he's just not willing to talk."

"Kid seems like he's had a bit of a rough time," Shannon commented.

Jack nodded. "I don't envy him, that's for sure." He sighed. "So that's Michael and Walt that can stay."

"What about Kate?" Shannon asked. "She keeps skulking around here."

"She's hiding from Sawyer," Jack replied. "Can't say I blame her."

"What did he do?" Shannon asked.

"I don't know," Jack said, shaking his head. "I bet it wasn't very gentlemanly."

"That's for damn sure," Shannon agreed. "So, you gonna throw her out?"

"I'll have a word with her, see if I can drop some hints," Jack replied.

"You're so spineless, aren't you supposed to be leader hero guy?" Shannon commented. "Go lead, kick their asses out."

"Shannon, he's not spineless," Boone defended.

"Oh shut up you stupid love struck puppy, what the hell do you know? You're hardly impartial," Shannon bit back.

"All right, calm down everyone," Jack said. "This isn't my place, I can't just throw people out, Shannon. I also can't leave so I'd just appreciate a little bit of privacy."

Shannon smirked at him. "Why? What do you wanna do?"

"I just don't want to feel like I'm running the island version of the Hilton down here," Jack replied. "And why the hell are there four people in the lab? Shifts are for two people only, I don't see where it says 'bring all your friends.'"

"Yeah, but what do you specifically want to do?" Shannon pressed, looking very proud of herself behind that suggestive look.

"Okay, Shannon, you're officially the first person I'm throwing out, pack your bags," Jack told her. "And tell Sayid."

"Okay, doctor, whatever you say," Shannon replied, still giving him that look. "I hope you and Boone have fun tonight when you're done with your hissy fit."

"I'm not having a hissy fit, Shannon," Jack informed her.

"Stop saying stuff back, she shuts up," Boone advised him.

"Yeah, you keep looking out for him, Boone," Shannon smiled. "It's so sweet," she added in a baby voice, turning and making her way towards her things.

Jack turned to face Boone. "Seriously, twelve years and you've never killed her?"

Boone shrugged. "She wasn't always like that."

"She was worse?" Jack ventured.

Boone smiled and shook his head. "She could be the worst kind of spoilt brat when we were growing up, don't get me wrong. What Shannon wanted, Shannon got, one way or another. But she had a gentle side too. She could actually be pretty sweet. Not to me or anything, not really. She made it her mission in life to make me suffer I think. She switched constantly between making my life a misery and trying to make me blush. She was very good at doing both."

"She still is," Jack commented.

"She's losing her touch," Boone said, giving him a little smile that made Jack melt a bit inside. "Seriously though, why are you having what is not a hissy fit?"

Jack shook his head. "It's not a hissy fit."

"That's what I said," Boone pointed out.

Jack took a step closer to him. "Maybe I just want you to myself."

Boone smiled again but it was almost a shy smile, like when you pay someone a compliment they're not expecting. "So you're just gonna throw everyone out and have your way with me?"

Jack found himself smiling then. "I was gonna make it sound more romantic than that but sure."

"So you were gonna sweet talk me?" Boone asked.

"Something like that," Jack agreed.

"How would that go?"

Jack was about to tell him that now really wasn't the time but Boone gave him big puppy dog eyes and pressed his oh-so-kissable lips into a very hard to resist pout and Jack was powerless to argue. He took another step towards Boone so that they were both out of the doorway.

"Okay, let's see," he began, looking thoughtful. "Well, you're very good-looking."

"How so?" Boone asked.

Jack gave him a look but Boone played it back with an all too angelic look of his own and Jack sighed. "Your eyes, your eyes are just gorgeous, they're so intense, I could just stare at your eyes all day," he stated. "And your cheekbones are to die for. And when you get all flushy like that, when your cheeks are all rosy, I love when that happens," he said, enjoying the way Boone was blushing more as he spoke. "And your lips..." Jack stared at Boone's lips, struggling to form some kind of coherent thoughts, let alone convert them to speech. "Your lips are just begging to be kissed all the time. Every time I look at you you're just taunting me, it's drives me crazy. They're just perfect kissing lips. They just make me wanna..."

"Okay, I'm outta here," Shannon announced, coming into the hall, Sayid in tow and carrying all the bags, Shannon having insisted that he bring all her stuff to the hatch in the first place.

Boone made an exasperated noise. "Oh my God, are you kidding me Shannon?" he exploded. "How do you do it? You've been doing it to me my whole life. Do you have a crystal ball? A sixth sense or something?"

Shannon just looked at him. "What the hell are you going on about, bonehead?"

Boone sighed. "Just get out of here."

"Hey, Jack, do you wanna check my wound again before I leave?" Shannon asked. "Just to make sure I'm not gonna die on the way back or anything."

"You're not gonna die, Shannon," Jack told her wearily.

"More's the pity," Boone muttered.

"Oh please, I bet you kept vigil at my bedside when I was unconscious," Shannon scoffed.

"Maybe I would have done if I could get anywhere near it," Boone replied, throwing a look in Sayid's direction and Jack could tell this wasn't going to end well but he so wasn't about to get involved.

"Yeah, well, ditto for when a plane fell on you," Shannon spat back, throwing a look at Jack.

"Just go back to your love tent, Shannon," Boone told her.

"Why? Do you wanna get in the pantry?" Shannon asked.

"Shannon, perhaps it is time we should go," Sayid suggested gently. Jack thought he was a very brave man.

"Shut up, Sayid, you don't get the game," Shannon told him. "One of us has to back down first. One of us meaning Boone."

"Oh grow up, Shannon," Boone complained.

"You give?" Shannon asked, giving him a knowing look.

"No," Boone shot back.

Jack and Sayid exchanged a tiresome look. This wasn't exactly the way Jack was planning on spending his day. Not that he really had any plans until this evening, not with this many people in the hatch. Last time it was different, there were only a couple of people there and they weren't about to bother them. Jack definitely didn't want any interruptions so if he couldn't get rid of the majority of people then he'd just have to wait until they at least settled down for the night. Judging by how long it was taking to get rid of just Shannon, who actually wanted to leave, he was thinking the second option was the most likely.

"Fine," Shannon said. "Did you ever tell Jack about that vacation we took in Florida when I was eleven and you were thirteen?"

"Shut up, Shannon," Boone said. "You can't win by threatening me with embarrassing stories, that's not how it works. You're losing your touch, just like I said."

Shannon turned her attention to Jack. "We were on the beach and there was all these scantily clad girls around, bikinis and to die for bodies everywhere."

"Shannon, shut up," Boone said again.

Shannon didn't take her eyes off Jack. "So Boone's lying on his stomach and I wanna go play in the water but he won't come. In fact he doesn't move all day, he just lays there. So it's time to go and he still won't get up, says he wants to stay just a few more minutes. So his mother..." Shannon trails off and starts laughing.

"Shannon, it's not even a good story, just shut up," Boone told her.

"So, Sabrina..." Shannon pauses to laugh again. "She gets really pissed with him and she drags him to his feet and, well, I think you can guess why he was on his stomach all that time. Plus, his back was all sunburnt, really bad, couldn't sleep on his back for weeks, could barely wear a shirt without being in agony."

She started to laugh again and Jack couldn't help but find it amusing too, if only because he could relate far too clearly. Blood went where it wanted to and that age and you were pretty much powerless to stop it. Luckily Jack had never been caught in such a predicament by his mother but he'd had his fair share of inconvenient arousal for sure.

"I hate you," Boone told her, but his tone was rather more casual than the words he was expressing.

"You give?" she asked again, smirking at him.

"Fine, whatever, just get out of here," he surrendered.

She gave him a triumphant look. "Catch you later, loser," she said, leading the way out, Sayid following after her whilst exchanging another look with Jack.

Jack turned his attention back to Boone. "Cute story."

Boone smiled a little. "Yeah," he said quietly. He sighed and then looked at Jack again, seeming more focused. "So, erm, what was it my lips made you wanna...?" 


	56. Chapter 56

Boone could tell something was different by the way Jack was kissing him. Well, actually, he could tell before that, he could tell in the way Jack had been acting all day. In the way he'd been acting since his little story about 'Jack and Sarah' anyway. So Boone had a feeling that things were going to happen. Something had shifted and the consequences were about to show.

He had a fairly good idea where this was going. It wasn't going to be sex yet, he could tell that much. Jack would have been acting differently if it was sex, it seemed to be a big deal for him. Plus there were preparations to be made that Boone was sure wouldn't have passed Jack by but at the same time he was sure Jack hadn't made them yet because he'd barely been out of Boone's sight all day. So it was oral. Boone was fairly sure it was oral. Which Boone was so very okay with. Baby steps and all that.

Jack pulled him in closer and kissed him deeper, bringing their bodies into full and complete contact and Boone thought that really enough time had passed. They'd both been laying on their sides, for some reason that was slightly beyond Boone, and his arm, for one, had started to go numb. He put his weight onto Jack and tried to push him onto his back but Jack countered the move and they wound up back where they'd started. Boone tried again with the same response and pulled away from Jack, giving him a questioning look.

"Don't you want to?" he asked.

Jack nodded. "I want to," he said. "But I'm going first. Or your going first. I'm doing you first."

Boone looked at him. "What?"

Jack shook his head a little. "Just lay on your back."

Boone just continued to look at him. "What?" he finally managed.

"Are you deaf as well as stupid? I said lay on your back," Jack repeated.

"But don't you wanna..."

Jack cut him off by pushing him onto his back and landing on top of his, kissing him again. After a moment he pulled away and pulled Boone's shirt over his head. Boone grabbed at Jack's shirt and Jack helped him pull it off before leaning down and kissing him again, pressing their bare torsos together.

Jack pulled away again after a minute and looked at Boone. "I've never done this before so I might suck," he said. "Apologies in advance."

Boone smiled at him. "Shut up," he replied. "And that's why I was gonna do it first. You know, so you could..."

"Take notes?" Jack asked. "I don't think that's what I'd be doing. Anyway, I've had blowjobs before, I know the basic mechanics of it. I'll struggle through. Just, you know, feel free to tell me if I'm completely off base."

"I'm sure you'll do okay," Boone told him. "If you're sure?"

Jack nodded. "Always preferred going first anyway," he said. "I don't like having to do anything after I've had an orgasm, too hard to focus."

Boone smiled at him again. "Right."

"Okay, I'm gonna give it a go now," Jack said.

"You can stop anytime you want," Boone told him.

"That's just rude," Jack replied, giving him a smile.

Boone smiled back and Jack gave him another kiss on the lips before moving across to his jaw line and leaving a trail of kisses down his neck. He moved his way slowly down Boone's body, using his lips and tongue and occasionally grazing his teeth across Boone's flesh and Boone was getting entirely lost under it, his entire body tingling and wanting. He tried to subtly hint that perhaps Jack could go a little faster but Jack was having none of it, keeping his teasing pace unfaltering.

He eventually reached Boone's waistband and slowly undid the fastening, pulling his jeans and boxers down in one go. Boone couldn't tell if he was being nervous or still just teasing him anymore. He looked down and saw Jack repositioning himself and then leaning down and giving him a couple of experimental licks. Boone lay back and closed his eyes, concentrating on every little feeling and using all his willpower to not thrust up because Jack really wouldn't appreciate that right now.

Jack continued with little licks, and touches and kisses, clearly still trying to find his bearings which was absolutely fine by Boone because it felt amazing, even if certain parts of his body were starting to get slightly impatient. But then Jack lowed himself down and took Boone in his mouth and Boone had to seriously stifle a moan.

Jack worked slowly at first and Boone could tell that he wasn't overly sure of what he was doing. As he got more into it he increased his speed and as his confidence increased with it he started throwing in little tricks with his tongue and Boone was starting to wonder how he could be so good at this. But giving a blowjob to someone wasn't really all that hard, especially if you were a man, and Jack seemed to be learning that lesson quickly.

Boone could feel himself getting closer and he was also finding it harder to be quiet. His hips were fighting for some movement the nearer he got and he was concentrating so much on keeping still that he almost forgot that he really better warn Jack that things were gonna be over soon because he probably wouldn't appreciate it if Boone didn't give him time to get out the way. He reached down and tapped Jack on the head, getting his attention, and he moved away as Boone let himself go.

Boone laid back, eyes closed and satisfied smile plastered across his face. Jack kissed his way back up Boone's body and then kissed him deep and slow. He pulled away and Boone found himself smiling again, eyes staying closed.

"You okay?" Jack asked, leaning down and placing a kiss on his neck.

"Uh-huh," Boone managed. "Just give me a sec, okay, just, one sec..."

He heard Jack laugh a little. "That's why I like to give first," he said as he leant down and placed some more kisses on his neck.

"You're not helping," Boone complained, shrugging him off. He rolled Jack onto his back, following the movement with his own body. "We're switching next time."

Jack smiled at him. "Okay."

Boone kissed him again, his hands going down and undoing his pants. He moved back a little, ridding Jack of his remaining clothing and then went back to kissing Jack, running his hands over his chest and stomach but always stopping short of reaching his crotch. He could feel Jack's anticipation rising and then he reached down and took him in his hand. Jack's moan went right into his mouth and Boone could feel the vibration right through both of their bodies.

He worked Jack with his hand, never stopping kissing him the whole time, until he knew Jack was at the point of begging and then he gave Jack's tongue one more swipe with his own before shifting quickly down Jack's body.

"Watch the leg," Jack managed to get out before Boone took him in his mouth and Boone was actually rather impressed that he managed to form such a coherent thought, let alone actually communicate it.

Boone got to work using different strokes and swipes, quickly committing to memory what noises Jack made in response to each move and repeating the best ones over again until he could tell he had Jack right on the edge. He stroked the sensitive skin of Jack's inner thigh with his fingers while he stepped up the work with his mouth and soon Jack was tapping him on the head but Boone was really okay with staying where he was, he had a well trained gag reflex. He was sure he could teach Jack the same talent given enough time.

Boone climbed back up Jack's body and kissed him again, sweet little intimate kisses. He pulled away and shifted most of his weight off Jack, laying beside him and resting his head on his chest.

"You need to watch your leg," Jack muttered sleepily.

Boone shot him a look. "Will you shut up about the goddamned leg," he requested.

Jack gave him a slow smile, his eyes closing. "Okay."

"How can you even think to worry about that in the middle of sex?" Boone asked.

Jack shrugged. "Doctor thing," he mumbled and Boone could tell he was well on his way to passing out. "Used to worry about Sarah's back when we had sex," he offered. "Crushed vertebrae," he muttered.

Boone considered being jealous that Jack was bringing up Sarah during the afterglow, it was rather rude of him, but he was fairly sure he wasn't exactly comparing them or anything. That and the fact that he was practically unconscious.

"I bet she was a wildcat in bed, right?" Boone asked, trying to keep the smirk out of his voice.

"Shut the hell up," Jack said affectionately.

Boone smiled fully. "Just wondered if you were gonna start telling me secrets."

"Talk in my sleep," Jack said. "Not asleep yet."

"You talk in your sleep?" Boone asked. "I've never heard you."

"You wouldn't," Jack replied. "You never hear anything when you're asleep."

"What do you talk about?" Boone asked.

Jack shrugged. "I dunno," he said. "I'm asleep."

"Maybe I'll listen out for it then," Boone said, closing his own eyes and knowing damn well he was gonna be out 'til morning. "Night."

"Goodnight," Jack slurred.

Boone smiled to himself and felt the warmth of Jack's body mix with his own as they relaxed and melted into each other, falling into sleep. 


	57. Chapter 57

Jack knew that the sex was inevitable. Well, inevitable was probably the wrong word. He knew it was going to happen though and he knew it was going to be soon. He'd been putting it off. If things were straightforward then Jack probably would have gotten it over with by now. If it was Kate or Ana-Lucia or any girl come to that fact. But it wasn't, it was Boone, and Jack wasn't entirely sure how that worked.

Okay, so Jack had a general idea. A very vague idea. And he was sure Boone would help him out if he just asked but, well, he didn't really want to ask. Which he knew was ridiculously stupid and proud of him but asking for help would undoubtedly ruin the mood somewhat. He was sure he could work it out.

But first he needed a couple of things. Primarily, a location. He wasn't having sex in the hatch, he'd made his mind up about that. He knew that he'd done everything else in the hatch but he'd always been slightly on edge about it. You could always hear people walking around or talking or that stupid goddamn alarm beeping and Jack really didn't want any distractions. So he'd made his mind up to go back to the caves. Which in some respects actually seemed like a stupid idea because in a lot of ways they were less private, there was no door on a cave for one thing. But at least at night people went to sleep and the area was relatively clear and quiet. There were no button pushers on duty all through the night and if Charlie started that record player up at 2 am one more time Jack might actually have to kill him.

So the caves was probably the best plan of action, no one would bother him there. But he still needed certain things to make the experience more comfortable. The first thing was some sheets, the ground in the cave wasn't exactly the cleanest place around. A bit of padding wouldn't hurt either. He headed over to the closet and took out some linen, putting it into his pack.

"You going somewhere?"

Jack turned around to see Hurley looking at him.

"Heading back to the caves," Jack explained, moving over to his medical supplies. From the little knowledge he had on gay sex he knew that some kind of lubricant was fairly important and he figured he must have something he could use as a substitute in his medical kit.

"So you're moving back there?" Hurley asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Jack replied, still rifling through his things.

"Oh, that's cool," Hurley said. "I actually got a shelter set up at the beach now. Yeah, a lot of people have. I think most people have moved back there now."

Jack looked up at him. "Really?"

"Yeah," Hurley replied. "Guess the whole doctor deal was the big draw for most of them. Now that you're here they figure they may as well stick together. Setting up a little community there, you could say."

Jack nodded. That sounded quite nice. But it also meant they definitely wouldn't be getting disturbed at the caves. "Hey, in that case, don't mention that I'm going back to the caves, okay?"

Hurley looked slightly puzzled. "Erm, okay."

Jack gave him a nod and carried on riffling through his things.

"Hey, you looking for something in there?" Hurley asked.

Jack carried on looking but there really wasn't anything that was gonna help his cause. He sighed and stood up.

"Hey, dude, you okay? You're looking a little stressed," Hurley observed.

"I'm fine, Hurley," Jack said. He put a bottle of water into his pack and closed it up, putting it on.

"So, you're going now?" Hurley asked, following him as he went out to the hall.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I just figured you'd be taking Boone with you is all," Hurley replied.

"I'm gonna come back for him a little later," Jack explained. He spun around to face Hurley. "Hey, if he wakes up can you tell him that? That I'm coming back?"

"Sure, dude," Hurley replied.

"Okay, thanks," Jack replied, turning to leave again. He stopped and spun back round. "And tell him that I love him."

Hurley looked a little uncomfortable. "Erm, okay."

"No, wait, don't tell him that, that's gonna sound weird," Jack said.

"All right," Hurley said, still giving him a strange look.

"No, tell him," Jack said. He turned to go again but then turned back.

"Just go, dude," Hurley instructed.

"Right," Jack said, nodding his head. "I shouldn't be long."

Jack knew exactly where his first stop was going to be. If he didn't have anything useful in his supplies then there was only one other person worth trying. Sawyer. Jack really wasn't looking forward to that conversation. He might have talked to Sawyer the other day but somehow talking about having sex with Sawyer was worse than talking about not having it. And asking for help with said sex, well, that was just something Jack wasn't willing to do.

When he got to the beach Sawyer was laid on the sand with Kate a little away from his shelter, both of them looking out at the ocean. Jack guessed the two of them had patched up whatever lover's tiff they'd had that had made Kate resume following Jack around for a while. But while Sawyer was busy with Kate then maybe Jack could just help himself to some supplies.

He kept an eye on Sawyer as he went into the tent and then went straight to the suitcases, opening the first one up. He started looking through it's contents when he heard a voice behind him.

"Hey!" Sawyer rushed in, Kate closely on his heels like she was always closely on someone's heels. "What do you think you're doin', Doc?"

"I came to change your bandages," Jack replied, continuing his search through the suitcase.

"Well they ain't in there," Sawyer said.

"I'm looking for something," Jack said.

"And what might that be?" Sawyer asked.

"Medical supplies," Jack told him. "Wanted to make sure you're not holding out on me."

"You're suddenly doin' this now?" Sawyer asked him. "Why didn't you do it when I was on the damn raft?"

"Just shut up, Sawyer," Jack replied.

"Jack, I don't think there's anything in there," Kate offered. "Sawyer gave us all the alcohol, I don't see why he'd be holding out on anything else."

"He gave you the alcohol when you asked, did you ask for medical supplies?" Jack asked.

"Well..."

"Well, no," Jack replied, continuing his search.

"Now looky here, Doc," Sawyer began.

"You two kiss and make up?" Jack asked, turning to face them.

"What are you talking about?" Kate asked, looking a little uncomfortable.

"You know, after he slept with Ana-Lucia," Jack said.

"Oh come on, now you're just makin' shit up," Sawyer complained. Kate looked at him warily. "Freckles, you know that ain't true."

"You're disgusting," Kate spat at him before turning around and leaving.

"Freckles," Sawyer called after her but she was gone. Sawyer sat down heavily by Jack and glared at him, but Jack noted that he really didn't look as upset as he'd expect. "Now why'd you have to go and do that for?" he asked. "You know that ain't true."

"I don't," Jack countered. "You could be doing anything with anyone for all I know."

"I ain't doin' nothin' with no one," Sawyer replied. "And I ain't gonna the way you're out to ruin my chances. It's not like you want her for yourself anymore."

Jack shrugged and opened the second suitcase, starting a search through it.

"What are you really lookin' for, Doc?" Sawyer asked, watching him.

"Medical supplies," Jack replied.

"No you ain't," Sawyer insisted. "You were lookin' for somethin' so important you would have done it while I was gone. You're lookin' for somethin' else."

"I'm looking for medical supplies, Sawyer," Jack repeated.

A smile came over Sawyer's face. "You're lookin' for lube."

Jack gave him a look. "No I'm not."

"Yeah you are," Sawyer taunted.

Jack shook his head and went back to looking through the suitcase.

"Aloe," Sawyer said.

Jack looked at him. "What?"

"Aloe," Sawyer repeated. "That plant with the stupid slimy stuff in the leaves."

Of course, why didn't Jack think of that? Natural, plenty of it, seemed as good a plan as any. But if he left now he'd be admitting to Sawyer that not only was he right but also that he'd helped him out. So Jack turned back to the suitcase and continued half-heartedly looking through it. Sawyer smiled even wider at that so Jack didn't know why he didn't just admit it and get out of the damn tent.

"You gonna change my bandage when you've finished pretending to look for somethin'?" Sawyer asked.

Jack turned to glare at him, finally deciding to give in. "I didn't bring any bandages," he said.

Sawyer chuckled a little at that. "So you just came to find a sex aid and you weren't gonna give me nothin' in return?" he asked.

"If you choose which girl you want I'll put in a good word for you," Jack offered.

"Thanks, Doc, but I don't need a matchmaker," Sawyer replied, leaning back.

Jack nodded. "Come by the hatch later, I'll change that bandage for you."

"Alrighty then," Sawyer replied. Jack got to his feet and went to leave. "Hey, Doc," Sawyer called. Jack turned back to face him. Sawyer picked up a book from next to his makeshift bed and held it up to Jack. "You can give this back to the kid," he said. "I'm done readin' it now."

Jack smiled at him. "Thanks."

"I'm done with it," Sawyer shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah," Jack replied, giving him a look. He put the book in his pack and carried along his way.

He figured the best place to find aloe would be Sun's garden. He just hoped that someone was still tending to it. When he got there he found Claire working on it.

"Hey," he offered.

Claire looked up and gave him a smile. "Oh, hi, Jack," she said.

"This place looks good," Jack said.

"Well, yeah, a few of us have been working on it," Claire replied. "We figured we should keep it going, you know." Jack nodded. "Jin spends a lot of time here."

"So, do you have any aloe here?" Jack asked.

"Aloe?" Claire asked. "Erm, no, I think Sun kept that up by the caves. She kept it separate cos that was for medical use not eating."

"Right," Jack said.

"You got a rash or something?" Claire asked.

"No, I'm fine," Jack replied. "It's nothing, just wondering."

"Oh, okay," Claire replied, turning back to what she was doing. "Well I don't know if she had some she was growing up there or if she just knew of some nearby but I'd say that was your best bet."

"Okay, thanks Claire," Jack replied. "Keep up the good work, I'll see you later."

Jack found that Sun had been growing some aloe in the area of the caves that she and Jin had shared, along with a few other herbal remedies like the eucalyptus for Shannon's asthma. The area was pretty clear now, though, so Jack guessed that Jin had moved to the beach. In fact Hurley was right, Jack noted, there weren't all that many people in the caves at all. It seemed the community had shifted elsewhere. Which seemed foolish to Jack considering the water was right here but he decided he wouldn't bring it up until tomorrow, he wanted some peace tonight.

He went to his old cave and found it just how he'd left it. Since taking Boone to the hatch he'd only come back once to round up his medical supplies and make sure everything was in one place. He set up some kind of makeshift bed with the linen he had and found a home for his aloe plant, praising Sun for being so organised as to start potting plants. He also managed to construct a makeshift door flap out of some tarp that was lying around the area.

Jack sat back and surveyed the area. Pretty homey considering the situation. Now all that was missing was Boone. 


	58. Chapter 58

Boone looked up as Jack came through to the lab and gave him a smile. 

"You have fun tonight, Doc," Sawyer called on his way out.

Boone looked at Jack. "What's he talking about?"

Jack shook his head. "Nothing." He sat down next to Boone. "How's the leg?"

Boone gave him a look. "How many times do I have to say it, Jack? I know you're thorough but Jesus."

Jack looked irritated. "I mean are you up for a walk?"

"Walk?" Boone asked. "Where do you wanna go?"

"I thought we could go back to the caves," Jack suggested.

"Why?" Boone asked. "I like it here."

"You _like_ it here?" Jack asked.

"It's preferable to a cave," Boone replied.

Jack sighed, looking a little put off. "Look, I thought maybe we could get a little privacy, that's all."

"Privacy?" Boone asked.

"There's just, there's always someone here," Jack explained. "And I really hate this place," he added.

Boone looked at him. He looked like a nervous schoolboy trying to ask someone on a date. Which was strange. But he was obviously trying to ask something that he wasn't prepared to say out loud.

"Are you talking about sex?" Boone asked. "Like proper sex?"

Jack looked at him. He was about to say something and then changed his mind. "Do you think you can make the walk?" he asked.

"For sex I could," Boone replied.

"I'm serious," Jack said.

"So am I," Boone told him.

"Boone, just..." Jack closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Sorry," Boone said in a small voice.

Jack smiled and opened his eyes. "Just be quiet, okay? Locke's still lurking around here somewhere."

Boone smiled at him. "Okay."

"Do you think you can get there?" Jack asked him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Boone told him.

"Okay, good," Jack said, standing up. "Let's get your stuff."

Getting a straight answer out of Jack might be impossible most of the time but Boone was fairly sure he knew what was going on. And Jack didn't seem particularly comfortable about it. Boone told himself it was probably just nerves on Jack's part, he was just a little nervous. Which was understandable he guessed. But Jack hadn't said anything in over ten minutes and he'd barely looked at Boone unless it was to check he was being careful with his leg.

"Let's take a break," Jack said, stopping and taking his pack off. He sat down on a rock and took out a bottle of water, taking a sip. He looked at Boone. "Sit down, we're resting for your benefit."

Boone moved over and sat down next to Jack. "You okay?"

Jack looked at him. "Me? Yeah, I'm fine." He offered the water bottle to Boone who took a drink.

"You know we don't have to, right?" Boone asked him.

"I want to," Jack told him.

"Well, yeah, I'm not saying you don't _want_ to," Boone said. "But it doesn't mean that you're ready. There's a natural progression of things but that doesn't mean you have to move right on to the next thing. You can take some time if you want, I don't mind."

"I'm ready," Jack insisted. "And you're ruining it."

"Ruining what?" Boone asked, giving him a puzzled look.

"You're supposed to come back to the cave with me and marvel at how considerate and romantic I am," Jack told him.

"You haven't spoken to me in ten minutes," Boone stated. "How is that considerate and romantic?"

Jack smiled. "Sorry. I was thinking."

"Second thoughts thinking?" Boone asked. "Cos that's totally okay."

"Stop trying to let me off the hook," Jack said. "Didn't work when a plane fell on you, it's not gonna work now."

Boone smiled at him. "So what were you thinking about?"

"You," Jack replied simply.

"Me?" Boone asked.

"You," Jack nodded.

Boone looked at him. "What about me?"

"I could tell you," Jack said. "But I'd rather just show you later."

Boone smiled. "So you really wanna do it?"

"Do you always think everything to death like this?" Jack asked. "Can't you just go with it?"

"No, I don't go with it very well," Boone told him. "I like to know what I'm doing."

"You're doing me," Jack stated. Boone looked at him, unsure what to say. "See this is why I don't talk about sex, people look at me like that. Some people just shouldn't talk about sex."

Boone smiled. "I think you should definitely talk about sex."

"Maybe later," Jack said. "You ready?" Boone nodded and handed the water bottle back to Jack. "If I go too fast, tell me."

"I'm okay," Boone told him.

"I know you are," Jack replied. "But if I go too fast, tell me. And if you need to take a break, tell me."

"Will do, captain," Boone responded.

"And don't smart mouth me when I'm trying to care," Jack told him.

"Sorry, Jack," Boone said, giving him his best puppy dog face.

"Let's just go you emotional blackmailer," Jack said.

Thankfully Jack wasn't quite so obsessive about the stops on the way back as he was on the way there so they made pretty good time. When they got back to the caves the first thing that hit Boone was the lack of people. It wasn't empty or anything but he definitely remembered it being more populated than this.

"Lot of people have moved to the beach," Jack explained. "It's like a little village down there."

"That's kinda cool," Boone said. "Shannon said she had a tent down there."

"Yeah, she told me all about," Jack replied. "A lot. I have to go down there and give her and Sawyer their meds actually."

"You have to go now?" Boone asked him.

"In a minute, yeah," Jack replied. "I won't be long."

"Okay," Boone said.

"But first, I want to show you my cave," Jack said. "Our cave."

Boone smiled at him. "Our cave?"

"I'm not making you a tent," Jack said.

"I don't want a stupid tent," Boone told him, a smile in his voice.

"Good," Jack replied. "Come on."

Jack led him over to the cave that Boone hadn't been in since their first sexual experience together. Boone smiled to himself. He'd almost forgotten what they'd been doing the night before the stupid Beechcraft incident. Thinking back that was the only time Boone had ever been in Jack's cave. After the accident he spent all his time in the makeshift infirmary before moving to the hatch.

As soon as they reached the cave Boone noticed that things were different. Firstly, Jack had put some tarp over the cave entrance, forming a curtain to stop people from seeing in, which was a nice touch and also rather a smart move. Jack moved the tarp to one side to let Boone go inside. Jack must have taken some bedding from the hatch and he'd set up a nice little sleeping area which was looking very inviting to Boone right now. He made his way inside and sat down on the covers, closely followed by Jack.

"Oh," Boone said.

Jack looked at him. "Oh, what?"

"Oh, you really are considerate and romantic."

Jack smiled at him. "I try," he shrugged.

"Thank you," Boone said. "This is really nice."

"It's just a cave with a few sheets and a tarp," Jack commented.

"It's great," Boone asserted. "I love it." He looked around. "I bet this is better than Shannon's tent." He turned back to Jack who was smiling at him. "Thank you."

"You already said that."

"I know," Boone replied. "But it's worthy of repeating."

He touched the side of Jack's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Jack responded, leaning his body into Boone's and wrapping his arms around him. As they got more into it Boone leant himself back, pulling Jack down with him. Jack pulled away.

"Okay, two things," Jack said. "Number one, you seriously have to be careful with that leg."

"If you don't shut up about the leg I'm going to prove to you how okay it is by kicking your ass with it," Boone told him.

"And number two, I really have to go to the beach now," Jack told him. Boone pouted. "I know, I don't want to. But Sawyer's expecting me and if I don't go down with them he's gonna come up here looking for them and I really don't want him sticking his head round that tarp."

"Yeah, okay, you can go," Boone told him, letting go. "But you better be quick."

"I'll run all the way," Jack promised.

Boone smiled at him. "Oh, and check out Shannon's tent and tell me how lame it is."

"Will do," Jack said, getting to his feet.

Boone laid on his back and looked at the ceiling of the cave as something clicked in his head. He look back at Jack. "Hey, Jack."

"Yeah," Jack replied, sorting out his pack.

"Did you tell Sawyer we were having sex tonight?"

"No, I didn't tell him," Jack replied.

"Cos he seems to know," Boone continued. "He said 'have fun tonight' or something. And he made it sound suggestive. And I know Sawyer makes 'hello' sound suggestive but he sounded like he knew."

"I didn't tell him," Jack repeated and Boone noticed that he was avoiding his gaze.

"You didn't tell him, but, what?" Boone asked.

Jack looked up a little guiltily. "He might have guessed."

"How did he guess?" Boone asked. "You must have said something."

"I don't know, he just did," Jack replied, putting his pack on. "Look, I won't be long okay? I'll be right back."

"Okay," Boone replied.

Jack leaned down and kissed Boone again and Boone could tell how much he really didn't want to leave. But if anyone understood a sense of duty it was Boone so he wasn't going to ask him to stay. Also this was a medical thing. And then there was the added fact that Sawyer might come wandering by. And knowing Boone's luck he'd bring Shannon with him. He pulled away.

"You should go."

Jack nodded. "Hold that thought, okay?"

"It's been there since the day I met you, I think it'll hold another hour," Boone told him.

Jack smiled. "The day we crashed or the day we spoke by the campfire?"

"Definitely the day we crashed," Boone admitted.

Jack smiled at him again and Boone couldn't help smiling back. "In that case I'll be less than an hour."

He gave Boone one last kiss before heading out of the cave. Boone looked back up at the ceiling and smiled to himself. Considerate and romantic. And also very hot. Boone could definitely do worse.


	59. Chapter 59

Jack felt like a teenager. He had butterflies in his stomach and his heart felt like it was about to beat right out of his chest. The last time he remembered truly feeling like this was when he really was a teenager and he was heading over to Kara Jansen's house because her parents were out of town until the next day. Seventeen-years-old and they'd been dating for nearly five months and it was finally going to happen. And Jack had never been so terrified. But that went okay. It was slightly awkward and messy and uncomfortable but really okay. 

But Jack wasn't seventeen anymore. In fact seventeen felt like a million years ago, another life. Which, Jack guessed, in a lot of ways, it was. And yet Jack _felt_ seventeen and he really didn't like that. He hated not feeling capable about his talents, he hated second guessing himself. He kept telling himself that he could do this, that it was no big deal, that when it came down to it his instincts would kick in. But the stupid doctor part of his brain was telling him that his instincts wouldn't kick in because he didn't have any instincts for this. Regular sex sure but this wasn't regular sex and it wasn't in the name of procreation and so there was nothing pre-programmed in his brain to tell him how things worked.

Jack figured he could use the doctor thing to his advantage too though. He knew how the human body worked, inside and out, so that gave him a slight head start on things. And he knew how to give a prostate exam which he guessed was fairly similar to the first stages of sex - lubricant, fingers, he could do that. And he knew exactly where the prostate was which he bet was a bonus during anal sex. So Jack could do this. Jack could absolutely do this. He just wished he didn't feel so nervous right now.

When he got back to the cave he found Boone lying on his back on the makeshift bed and reading his recently recovered copy of Watership Down. He put it down as Jack entered and gave him a smile.

"Hey," he offered.

"You really like that book," Jack commented.

Boone shrugged. "Reminds me of being little."

Jack nodded. "I don't think I want to be reminded of being little."

Boone smiled and rolled onto his side. "So you all freed up now?"

"Yep," Jack said. "I think I'm officially off duty for the day. Not that I'll ever actually be off duty again for the rest of my life the way things are going but I think I'm all out of chores for now. Yeah, I think I'm free."

Jack knew full well he was rambling on like an idiot and judging by the little smile on Boone's face, he'd picked up on it too. Jack sighed and looked down.

"Don't you hate anticipation?"

"Hate it?" Boone asked.

"I hate it. It makes you too conscious of everything. It makes you try and plot a route from A to B when you should just let it happen," Jack said.

"Anticipation's good," Boone said. "It's a scientific fact that things are better after anticipating it than if it just happens out of the blue."

Jack looked at him. "Scientific fact?"

Boone shrugged. "Something like that," he said. "But anticipation's good. Like when you know something's gonna happen but you just don't know when and everything feels really charged, there's an edge to everything, a nice edge, and when it finally happens it's all heightened because you're so ready for it, y'know."

Jack smiled at him. "Just gives me butterflies."

"Butterflies are good," Boone conceded.

"Not when you feel like you're gonna throw up for an hour straight," Jack shook his head.

"Please don't throw up on me," Boone requested.

"I'll try not to," Jack told him.

Boone smiled at him and Jack got up and moved over to the bed. Boone shifted over and Jack laid down next to him.

"Look, we don't have to do anything here, Jack," Boone told him. Jack opened his mouth to speak but got cut off. "Yeah, I know, you want to, blah blah." Jack gave him a look. "I'm just saying, anticipation and butterflies aside, let's just see where it goes. It doesn't have to go there."

Jack had to wonder where Boone got off being so understanding about everything. It was incredibly sweet, yes, but it also made it impossible to be able to tell what Boone actually wanted, if Boone wanted anything at all, he was always so willing to give up his own wants and needs to please other people.

Jack put his hand on Boone's hip and leaned forward, kissing him softly on the lips. Boone responded and tried to deepen the kiss but Jack stayed in control and kept the kisses sweet and innocent. There was no button and no people, just him and Boone, and he was intent on making this last as long as he could. But he soon found himself getting impatient and when Boone's tongue ran over his lips he found himself opening his mouth regardless of what his brain was saying. As Boone's tongue met with his he started to feel himself seriously going and he knew that from here on in his brain was going to have very little say in what happened.

He gently rolled Boone onto his back, following him down, as he felt Boone's hands starting to wander and was also vaguely aware of his own hands doing the same thing. He put both his hands under Boone's shirt and felt the smooth skin under his fingertips, and then under his palms as he pressed down for more contact. He could feel the slightly raised areas of fresh scars on his torso that he barely even noticed anymore, he'd spent so much time obsessing over them, but for some reason they were registering right now and he was starting to wonder why.

He broke the kiss and pulled the shirt over Boone's head. Boone tried to pull him back down again but Jack found himself tracing his fingers over the scars, mesmerised by them.

"Yeah, I know, they look kinda horrible," Boone said, watching Jack's fingers.

"I think they're amazing," Jack told him. Boone looked up at him. "You nearly died, Boone. You have no idea how close you came."

Boone shrugged and smiled a little but he looked unsettled. "You saved me."

Jack stared at the angry red lines. They'd fade over time but they'd never fully go away, they'd always be there as a reminder. Jack wasn't all that sure what they were a reminder of though. Jack knew that on some level they were a reminder of his work, proof that he really had saved Boone, that he really had come close and Jack really had brought him back. But Jack didn't really like that idea, he didn't really want to take all the credit. He was a doctor, he did what he had to do and he would have done it for anybody whether he loved them or not. He didn't really want to be a hero anymore, he'd played that role before and it didn't end well. When you were put on a pedestal you tended to, sooner or later, fall off it.

He leaned down and kissed the lines that criss-crossed over Boone's chest, following each one from beginning to end and then skipping to the next and then, just to be thorough, kissing the whole area over and over and over. He felt Boone relax underneath him and he started making little pleased noises that Jack really couldn't get enough of. Boone's hand went to rest softly on the back of Jack's neck which sent shocks up and down his spine.

Boone started to pull Jack back up, lightly but insistently, and Jack shifted as he moved, repositioning himself between Boone's thighs which just highlighted how hard they both were. Boone pulled Jack's shirt over his head before Jack leant back down and connected their mouths again, no pretence of taking it soft and slow and gentle anymore as they pressed their mouths and tongues together with everything they had.

Jack thrust down against Boone and found himself flashing back to the time that Boone came to visit him in his cave and they wound up doing just this. As they ground into each other Jack could feel that this wasn't going to be enough, he needed more, and he was absolutely ready for it if he could just work out what he was doing.

First things first, he needed to get rid of the remaining clothes. Without breaking the kiss he managed to get his hands to Boone's waistband and start work on the fastenings, Boone quickly joining him and working on Jack's own pants. As they got them undone Jack moved away and quickly rid them of their remaining items of clothing before resuming his former position and claiming Boone's mouth once again. Without the layers of denim acting as a barrier between them, Jack's senses went into overdrive and he could feel every little thing in the best possible way. And as they started grinding into each other once again, their mouths locked together and moving against each other with lips and tongues and teeth, Jack knew they had to move things onto the next stage pretty soon or it was all going to be over before they even got a chance.

He pulled away from Boone and rested his forehead against his, catching his breath and trying to slow his heartbeat to some kind of sensible rate because right now he felt like he might have a heart attack before he ever found out if he could really do this or not.

"Jack?"

"Don't," Jack said, not opening his eyes.

"No, I'm totally on board," Boone told him. "I was just wondering, do you have anything. Cos you know, well, I don't know if you know but you need something to..." He stopped and watched as Jack pushed himself up and knelt in-between his thighs, reaching out and grabbing the aloe plant. "What you gonna do with that?" Boone asked.

Jack smiled at him and snapped off one of the leaves, squeezing the cool gel onto his fingers, making sure he had them coated.

"Oh," Boone said. "So you do know."

"I got a general idea," Jack said, hoping he sounded at least partly confident.

"I like that plant," Boone said.

Jack smiled at him again. "You okay?" he asked.

Boone nodded and shifted a little, opening his legs a little wider to allow Jack access.

"Okay," Jack said. "Okay. Just, stop me if I hurt you."

"You're not gonna hurt me, Jack," Boone told him.

"I'll go slow," Jack said.

"Do something," Boone requested. "Unless you don't want to," he quickly added. "Total no pressure deal."

"It's funny how when someone says 'no pressure' you always feel immediately pressured," Jack mused. "I guess there's something in that reverse psychology stuff."

"You're making small talk," Boone observed.

"Sorry," Jack said.

"I think it's kinda cute," Boone told him.

"But you want me to get on with it now, right?"

Boone opened his mouth to say something but stopped as Jack eased a finger inside him, being slow and careful and just a little timid. Boone closed his eyes and then opened them again and settled them on Jack with a look that Jack didn't ever think he'd produced on someone before. And Jack worried that this was all going to feel a little clinical, what with his obsessing over prostate exams for the better part of the day, but there was no way in hell this could feel anything other than sexual. The look in Boone's eyes and the feel of him around Jack's finger, it was all the furthest thing from clinical that Jack could imagine. It was absolutely passion and longing and love.

Jack knew that Boone wasn't new to this and he could take it faster if he wanted and he could actually feel Boone getting a little impatient under his touch but he really wanted to take his time over this for both their benefits. So he carried on with what he was doing until he himself couldn't stand it anymore and then he slid in another finger, seeing his end goal all too clearly and trying to just pace himself.

And so he spent a long time preparing Boone, far longer than was necessary he was sure, but he really wanted to make sure everything was set-up properly, so to speak, before things got fully underway. Boone said that Jack wasn't going to hurt him and Jack really hoped that was true but he wanted to make sure it was true. When he was satisfied that Boone was sufficiently ready he slid out his fingers and leaned down, kissing him again. He pulled away after a moment and looked at him.

"Okay?"

"I was okay ten minutes ago, Jack," Boone assured him. "I'm good."

Jack nodded. "Okay." He leaned in and gave him a last kiss. "Stop me if I hurt you."

"You said that bit already," Boone told him.

"Just promise me," Jack requested.

"Do you seriously think I wouldn't let you know?" Boone asked. Jack looked at him and Boone rolled his eyes a little. "I'll let you know."

Jack nodded again and sighed, moving back and positioning himself. He snapped off another leaf of aloe and coated himself, just to be on the safe side. He looked at Boone for final confirmation and then shifted carefully forward, trying to keep a slow but steady movement until he was fully in. He closed his eyes against the sensation but then forced himself to open them to look at Boone who was biting his lip and looking breathless and completely irresistible.

"You okay?" Jack asked him. Boone smiled and nodded. "Does it hurt?"

"I'm okay, Jack," Boone told him, sounding a little irritated. "You okay?"

Jack nodded. "I'm pretty great."

Boone smiled at him again. "Okay then."

"Okay," Jack repeated.

And then he started to move. Just barely at first, slowly making little thrusts, ignoring what his hormones were yelling at him and concentrating on being cautious and making sure everything was ready before he started really going for it.

It felt different, Jack noted. Really different. Somehow he thought it would feel more similar than this but this was like nothing he'd ever felt before. Not in a bad way, but it still took him a little bit of adjustment. But once he got up the confidence to really start moving and his thrusts got deeper and a little faster then he started to melt into the sensations and really appreciate them. And this was better. Better than Kara Jansen and Gillian Foster and Lauren McKindley and Tammy Kazinski and Sarah Shepherd. This was something else completely. Everything was heightened, every felt so close and tense and good. And if someone had told Jack that it could be like this then he would have been doing it years ago. But he had a suspicion that it was more to do with the fact that it was Boone than with the act itself but either way Jack never wanted to be doing anything else.

Jack leaned down further towards Boone as he continued moving inside of him and then he took Boone in his free hand, using his other hand to support himself, and then everything started to slip out of focus as they started moving together, all touching and feeling and kisses whenever they could get close enough to each other. And then Jack remembered the prostate that he'd been so obsessed with earlier and shifted his angle slightly, hoping he could transfer this from the chart as easily as a medical procedure. It took him a few strokes and slight adjustments and then he felt it and he knew Boone felt it too from the way he made this noise that was between a sigh and a moan and it was officially Jack's favourite noise ever.

Jack knew it wasn't going to last very long. He knew it the second he started but right now he felt so close that it hurt. And he didn't want to come, not yet, he wanted to make it last, he didn't ever want to stop. But his body wasn't giving him much say in the matter as everything stepped up a gear and started to take itself out of his control. His movements became more instinctual as he got closer and he realised that, despite his earlier doctorly musings, that this really did feel like the most natural thing in the world, whether it was or not. And with that realisation he felt himself truly going over the edge and losing everything into Boone.

He tried not to stop the movement of his hand because he could feel that Boone was close but he'd also lost most of the control over his own body so he knew his strokes were erratic and messy but he managed to get Boone there anyway, arching his back and muttering something under his breath that could have been Jack's name.

Jack withdrew carefully and shifted to lay beside Boone, throwing an arm over him. They remained in silence as they both caught their breath and just generally took a minute to come down from the experience.

"That was okay, right?" Jack asked.

"Jack, you know I wanted to," Boone replied.

"No, not that sort of okay, not permission okay," Jack said. "I mean was it..."

"Good?" Boone asked, smirking at him. Jack rolled his eyes. "It was very good," Boone replied. "Very very good. It was fantastic."

Jack let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. "Yeah, it was, wasn't it?" he smiled, with no small amount of pride. Not that it was all down to him, there were undeniably two people there, but he quite liked the way he got through it anyway. No major freak outs, so that was a bonus.

"Don't worry, Jack, it's another one in the win column for you," Boone told him.

"I didn't realise you could win with sex," Jack said.

"Oh, everybody wins with sex," Boone smiled, closing his eyes.

"I'm not great at everything," Jack told him.

"Don't," Boone warned.

"Don't what?" Jack asked, looking at him.

Boone didn't bother to open his eyes. "Don't turn this into some excuse to evaluate your life," he replied. "Just go to sleep, okay?"

Jack smiled. "I thought you were the one with the over thinking things."

"I think we could both do with letting go a little more," Boone allowed.

"Letting go," Jack mused out loud. "I'm not great with letting go."

"So hold onto me," Boone said. "But close your eyes."

Jack shifted a little closer to Boone who turned onto his side and moved into Jack's touch, lining his back up with Jack's front. Jack pulled him close and then reached for the edge of one of the sheets, pulling it up over them. He closed his eyes and let everything slip away as the warmth from Boone's body slipped into his own and their chests rose and fell together.

"Love you," Jack mumbled, quickly losing his grip on consciousness.

"Love you," Boone repeated and Jack was sure he heard a smile in his voice.


End file.
